When the day of the funeral came let’s just say things took a turn for the worse. Up until the funeral Sami has been quiet and calm and hasn’t had any out burst since the day after Cole died. She has kept her feelings inside and just got on with it, she hasn’t shown any emotion what so ever throughout the days. But when it came to the funeral, everything she must have been feeling came out all at once. We got to the church early and made sure everything was set up according to plan. We had the chat with the priest and confirmed the order of things. She was fine then but it was after her speech she started to change. I mean she sang her Dads favourite song beautifully; no one in the room could take their eyes of her. Every note she sang was perfect and the song had so much emotion behind it. It was a true pleasure to watch her sing. I guess Cole was right about how well she can sing; it was when she sat back down after wards she was different. She looked fragile once more and looked so breakable. She started to cry not long after that, she wasn’t crying so it was noticeable but if you were close enough you could she the glimmer of the tears. She didn’t want people to be all over her which I think would have made things much worse. It was when we got outside and we started to bury Cole that Sami cracked. I don’t think anyone anticipated what happened next. Sami’s last word before she left the ceremony was “I’m sorry, I can’t do this”. She was gone after that, she took off running. It reminded me of what happened down at the hospital. I had no clue on whether to follow her of not. I decided that it would be good for her to get some space and besides I now had the duty of explaining why she has gone so abruptly seeing as I have been living with her. I know people on the outside looking in think that it’s a strange thing for a guy 2 years older than Sami to be looking after her but the truth is, Cole asked me to look after Sami and I will do just that. She’s my responsibility now and I don’t care I am happy to say ill look out for her.
I did finally get everything sorted at the church before I made my way home; an hour had passed since she ran so maybe she would be home when I get back. The drive was no longer than 20 minutes to get back home, well Sami’s house. I had no way of knowing if she was home or not so I just hoped for the best and made my way to the front door. Soon as I got into ear shot of the house, I heard it. I heard things smashing and being thrown about. I got in to the house as quickly as possible and made my way to her room. I took a deep breath and opened the door; I got ready to duck just in case anything came my way. I found her on the floor surrounded by all her belongings. There was broken glass from frames here and there. Books and DVD’s were all over the place along with various other things. I wasn’t shocked to be honest; I thought that this would turn out at this stage. Its not uncommon for people to grieve like this so it was expected but the thing I’m not to sure on is how to approach her. As long as she is not hurt is all I’m concerned about but if she is going to smash things who am I to stop her if its how she will deal with it but if it gets too far well I will have to come up with something that will benefit her.
When she looked up and saw me she said “Leave me alone” with a firm voice, she just looked at me blankly showing no emotion yet her voice said it all. “Sami, please calm down, everything’s going to be okay” I said in reply. All I want to do is make her feel safe. I took one step closer to making sure I minded my step. I didn’t want to step on anything. “No, everything’s not going to be okay, how can you say that? You don’t know me. You don’t know what I was like from before all this. Everything in my life seemed perfect; I mean I had all the family I could ever ask for but now, now that has been taken away from me. My Dad didn’t deserve to die, you don’t know what it was like to have my Dad around 24/7. You weren’t here to see how close we were. He was all I had. We left my mum 5 years ago; she’s gone and no longer part of my life. So who do I have now? You can’t help me. You don’t even want too be here, you only here because my Dad asked you to be here and you didn’t want to disappoint a dying man” soon as those words were said her face filled with regret. Those words really hurt. She doesn’t know the half of it. I owe Cole big time, and I would do anything to help him. The way he went on about his little angel anyone would have said yes. Sami doesn’t realise I want to be here to help, I could of told Cole its too much of a big challenge and I didn’t want to take responsibility just in case it goes all wrong. I didn’t say that, I said yes because I wanted to do what’s best for his little angel, I was honoured for that fact he asked me to look after his little angel and I will never regret my decision in saying yes to help. Despite what Sami thinks, I am here to stay. Those words really hurt me and I don’t think now was the right time to talk to her. She apologised but all I simple said was “Don’t worry about it” I didn’t mean for it to sound so snarky or anything and it didn’t help the situation when I walked away but I just couldn’t face her. For the first time in about a year or so it happened again. I saw it; I saw it happen all over again as if I was there back in that car. I zoned out to what Sami was saying after I started to walk out. I knew I would have to pay for walking out but that was later this is now.
I was back to where it all began. I was 17; I guess you could say it was any normal day to begin with but then again all my families Sundays always had a little twist at the end. Me, my mum and my Dad were in the car one afternoon and we was on our way back from one of the auctions. You see my parents loved to buy things, they felt some things have meanings and a new discovery always leads to an adventure. They were funny people my parents but the loved each other which made it even more special to them as they had something in common. While we were on our way back my mum and Dad were talking about their latest purchase. I don’t know why they found it interesting but they did. They asked me to reach in the boot and get it for them. I didn’t see the problem in that so I reached in the back and got it. I wouldn’t say it was a large thing but I wouldn’t exactly say its small either. At first I didn’t have a clue what it was but after my parents told me it was a paper weight I sort of zoned out to all the other details. I didn’t find it interesting that they were buying paper weights. I passed the paper weight to my mum who began studying it again telling and Dad about all the detail she could see. She would occasionally put it in view so my Dad could see it. The last time my Dad looked down he lost focus on the wheel due to a pot hole and was unable to slow down and stop the crash from happening. We were knocked in the side of the car and were sent travelling. The crash killed my parent instantly as they were in the front seat and took most of the hit; they were still when the car finally stopped. Ill never forget the image I had of both of them, you could see the visible head injuries and slight cuts on the arms; you wouldn’t believe they were dead but it was the force that killed them not the cuts and bruises. I remember seeing all the flashing lights heading our way but even I knew it was too late to save their lives. They were gone and I was alone. I remember getting taken to the hospital, where everything took over. I still remember arguing with one of the nurses and that’s when Cole came over, he calmed down the situation. I still remember how that evening turned out, he drove me back to my parent’s house and we called my family and asked which family members I could go and stay with. I ended up going and staying at my uncle’s house, Cole took me there and gave me his number and told me to call him any time. It wasn’t long at all before I was calling him and asking for advice. He was always able to help and I went out with him during the day and we would just talk and I would let all my anger out and I felt good after every rant and rave I had. The nice part was that he didn’t think I was having a go at him he just sat and listened to me and when I was done he would make me feel better.
I came back to reality and found myself walking along the beach, until now I didn’t realise why Sami always went on the beach but the truth is its very calming. I was gazing at the waves and watched how the light from the moon reflected on the water. I do feel really bad about the way I left things with Sami, I didn’t really mean to walk away but I just co
uldn’t face her. It was hard for me to stand there. I wanted to go back and talk to her and explain but I think its best if I just leave her for a while I mean I don’t want to upset her more than I have done already. I want to tell her I know how she feels, I want to tell her I know what its like to loose the people you love and that are close to you. I was only a year younger but I still went through the grieving process. I didn’t go through the phase of smashing and being angry, I went through the denial stage and I guess you could say that was the low point of it all. I blamed myself for the accident; I always told myself that I should have said no to my mum when she asked for it. Cole was the one who helped me realise that things happen for a reason and sometimes that reason is not clear to us, and even though we might not understand at the moment in time it will all become clear to us in the future.
I started to walk back up the beach and headed for the house. It was all quiet around me apart from the rustling of sand at my feet. I looked up at the sky and realised how clear the night was, all the stars were shining at its brightest screaming for attention. I smiled to myself for the first time tonight as I thought that everything will work out for the best. Apart of me is telling me that Cole is one of those stars and is right beside my parents looking down on me and Sami, giving us hope. I finally got to the house and went straight to the kitchen to get myself a drink. I was trying to listen out for Sami but there was nothing. There was no noise coming from her room at all. I started to get a bit worried as it was silent and I really wanted to check if she was okay. I kept the idea at the back of my head and thought that she deserved some space. I thought I would turn in early so I made sure everything was locked and all the lights were off, and then went to my room. I got changed and went and laid down onto of the covers. I faced the ceiling and thought again. I don’t know how to describe how I feel, I mean this might sound really sappy like any old love story but its true I cant help but feel something for Sami. Being close to her gives me butterflies inside. Before the funeral we were getting close and talking to one another, she trusted me and spoke to me about how she felt. I don’t know whether that was just me or what but I felt something. I felt a connection between us. But the same as any tragic love story, I don’t see it working. I mean the timing couldn’t be worse and I’m not sure on what she will make of seeing someone her Dad as asked to help her. I never anticipated that I would have feelings for her and maybe they will go away but there is just something about her that I like, she seems honest and down to earth. Despite her out burst towards me she’s grieving and it’s no different to what I was like with Cole. The next time it happens I know how to deal with it, it won’t affect me. I know that its nothing personal, she’s just needs to let off steam and I am here to listen to her. If she says jump I’m meant to say how high. After a little longer of allowing the thoughts to roam around my head, I started to slowly drifting of to sleep thinking about what it would have been like if I met Sami earlier.
I slept a lot longer than I usually would but then again I did go to sleep rather late. I woke up and went to have a shower and get ready for another unexpected day. I was up and out of my room at 10. Sami must still be in her room asleep as there was still silence in the house. I thought if she had a nice sleep she would feel better and maybe come out so we can sort this out. I completely forgot what day it was today, its Friday. It’s been exactly one week since Cole passed away and it was also the first time they have missed a Friday. Well I guess I would be on my own today. I went and took a seat on the sofa and had a flick through the TV channels. I saw that they were running one tree hill from the beginning, after the series ended on Monday.
I was still laid back on the sofa allowing my mind to tune in and out of the TV. I mean what can I focus on; I’m too worried about how Sami is doing. I have a feeling to just knock on the door and ask if she is okay. The day was dragging on and it was still quiet in the house, well apart from the TV of course. I still hadn’t heard a word from Sami’s room. I just really hope she is okay. I looked at her door for a while longer having a debate in my head on whether I should go or not but like any other thought I have had I just put it too the back of my head. I sat back on the sofa and focused back onto the TV. It wasn’t long before the door bell went. I got up and made my way to the door. I was kinda surprised to see that it was Zeke and Leanne. “Hey, is Sami around?” Leanne asked once the door was open. “Urm, no she’s not. Well she’s still in her room and hasn’t been out since last night. When I came home after the funeral I found her smashing her bedroom up and when I went in there to see if she was okay. She like exploded on me” I replied. “Well what did she say?” Zeke cut in, he weren’t being friendly that’s all I’m saying. I looked between them and said “She said that I was only here to look after her because I didn’t want to let a dying man down” “Well, are you here because Cole asked you or are you here because you want to be?” Leanne asked. “I’m here because I want to do what is right for Sami; I want to look after her like Cole looked after me…” Zeke cut in before I could finish. “And how do you know what is best for Sami, you don’t even know her. You think because you have been staying with her that you know what she is like. You don’t know the first thing about her. We have been around for 5 years and here you are thinking you are what is best for Sami. Who do you think you are?” “What is your problem, ever since I meant you last week all you have done is be a jerk to me. Are you here for Sami or are you here to see if I’m still here. Believe it or not I am here to look after Sami. Cole trusted me to look after Sami and be here for her. If he didn’t think I deserved to be here then he would have asked you. So ask yourself this, if Cole didn’t think I was capable of looking after his daughter and helping her like Cole helped me then why didn’t he ask you. Not every ones life is perfect and you need to realise that. I have been working since I was your age. Grow up and be here for Sami and stop doing what your doing or you will find yourself out of Sami’s life as she will look back and wonder where you were when she needed you most”. Leanne was gobsmacked at what she was just listening to, but after a few moments her expression changed and she just looked at Zeke. “I hate to say it Zeke but James is right, we came here to Check on Sami and here you are picking an argument with James when you know full we why Cole asked James. I just want to be here for Sami and I want what’s best for her, we all do, don’t we?” It was quiet again before Zeke spoke. “I will always want what’s best for Sami” he went quiet again. “Sorry James” he added before he turned around and headed for the car. “James, I’m sorry about him really. We only came to see how Sami was, we just wanted to know that she is okay. Its hard seeing her like this. Her Dad has been a big part of her life and to have that taken away from her. Well it hurts to see it happen to her. Listen, could you just get her to give me a call when she finally comes out of her room?” “Yeah sure, and it’s nice to see she has got nice friends to surround her despite the fact Zeke loves to have a dig at me” she smiled and my comment and nodded goodbye. I shut the door once she was down the stairs.
What is Zeke’s problem? The boy needs to see that I am here for Sami, not only because Cole asked me too, I am here for Sami because I want to be here. And even when she starts to come to terms with this, I am still going to be around because I want to be. The sooner he realises that I am not going any where the better. He is so territorial over Sami as if he owns her and I am not allowed to be around her. Fair enough I know that they dated when they were younger and broke up when they were 16 but Cole was right. He does still have feelings for Sami.
The day carried on as it started and yet still no sign or sound from Sami’s room. I just hope she is okay, I mean she hasn’t eaten anything since last night and it’s almost 5 o’clock. She’s 18 now so she’s old enough to make the decision not to eat but I just hope she make’s the right decision and comes out to have something. I decided to leave her and get on with what ever she is doing her room and when she is ready to come out, ill
be here.
Just A Daddy's Girl Page 12
