I decided I wanted to take James to where Dad and I would go as I thought it would be a nice place to go and I have built the confidence to finally go there. The fact that I can take James with me makes me feel a whole lot better. I don’t think I can remember the last time I went there with my Dad, I mean it was a while before he died. We stopped going that far because I could see that he was getting restless, so ever since then we have only managed to get as far as the decking. I haven’t had a cry for a while so I think by going there, it will just help me come to terms with it more. I can see that it has bothered me a lot and it happened so suddenly and just a week after I have finally left school, it has just left me even more undecided. I have been singing again and it makes me feel special, like it heals whatever loss I feel for my Dad as it makes me feel like he is still here in some way. I was out the shower after about 10 minutes but I lingered in the bathroom a bit longer just gathering my thoughts. I had also planned something else for James, I hope he likes it. I think I have decided on what I want to be but just don’t feel ready to go for it yet.
Once we were out of the house I locked up and headed off in a new direction with James. On the walk down I could see him eyeing up the guitar on my back, he knew he was in for a treat. Well hopefully it would be a treat for him. We spoke a little about how things are getting on, a few times we were silent and I couldn’t help but gaze upon the waves, they were so fresh, I could hear the cheers and excitement from all the surfers out on the water. I loved surfing; it gave me that sense of freedom, like I owned the waves. Thinking about surfing just reminds me of Zeke, I haven’t spoke to him since the incident he had with James. After I calmed down and me and James were finally talking again after my little incident he explained what happened and well James was right. Zeke has no right to be Jealous and had no right to act like that to James. Anyway I wasn’t going to let myself get upset within my moments of weakness. If only I could get on the waves, I just want to get to the person I was before, well obviously not completely the same but I want to do the thing that made me happy before. James broke the silence after a while and started up a conversation. Believe it or not, the topic was surfing. See I always thought Zeke loved surfing but James! Don’t even get me started, he knows just about everything. He talks about the surf board being a human and criticising me for using the wrong wax on my type of board. The funny thing was it reminded me of all the funny memories I had of my Dad. The talk reminded me of Saturday’s letter, the one Dad left for me. It was perfect really; he knew I loved surfing on Saturday’s early in the morning as the waves are always perfect. I didn’t realise how far me and James had walked until I took a look around, we were here. Surprisingly I didn’t feel upset, I felt good. I felt great actually; all the funny things, me and my Dad have done here. The memory of me and Dad falling asleep here made me laugh aloud. I realised I was getting a funny look from James now. Around me was a huge pile of rocks which signalled the end of our beach and around the corner of the rocks is another part of our LA beach.
I found two large rocks for me and James to sit. I placed my guitar case on the floor and un-zipped it to get out my guitar. “Every Friday me and my Dad would walk down here and find seats just like and just talk, we would talk for hours and laugh. We’d make some of the decisions here as well. We found it so easy to relax, it’s so calm here and no one comes down this far as, as you can see after a while the sand sort of stops and the rocks begin. But we’d also sing, this is where many of my Dad’s unnecessary stories were told. There are just so many funny memories here and I love the idea of having more” I looked over at James and smiled. “so do I get to hear you play that guitar or did it want some fresh air too?” he was just mocking me know, one because he has never seen me play guitar and two he’s probably jealous that he cannot play. “You get you hear me play, but I wanted you to hear something I wrote. I have had a lot of feelings running through my head and I thought why not turn them into a song so I wrote a song and I wanna hear what you have to say” “lets hear it” I took a deep breath and got the guitar in place and made myself comfortable. I began to play the intro for the song and finally began to sing:
See now the days go by
And there is not one day
That I don’t think about you
You have been there all my life
And now gone from me
You see its getting harder
For me to be without you
Just because you’re gone from me
Doesn’t mean I am no longer
Apart of you
You were there one day
And then gone the next
Every little girl needs that guy
To have around and to hold
I mean what in life are we supposed to do
Give up on all our dreams and
Just let life pull us through
There will be days when we are stuck
But I know you’ll be right next to me
Right next to me
It took some time for me to realise
That everything has changed
If only we could turn back time
And change what has been done
Make our life what we want it to be
I would keep you safe
And make sure you stay with me
But then I know that one day
It will be your turn to go
But why did it have to be now
Just because you’re gone from me
Doesn’t mean I am no longer
Apart of you
You were there one day
And then gone the next
Every little girl needs that guy
To have around and to hold
I mean what in life are we supposed to do
Give up on all our dreams and
Just let life pull us through
There will be days when we are stuck
But I know you’ll be right next to me
Right next to me
There is no turning back
There is no turning round
I know I can’t change the past
Or what’s been done
I can only change
What I am going to do
With you by my side
Right next to me
I will never be lonely
Just because you’re gone from me
Doesn’t mean I am no longer
Apart of you
You were there one day
And then gone the next
Every little girl needs that guy
To have around and to hold
I mean what in life are we supposed to do
Give up on all our dreams and
Just let life pull us through
There will be days when we are stuck
But I know you’ll be right next to me
Right next to me
The look I got from James when I opened my eyes and looked at him, he just made me laugh so hard. He looked as if he was in the state in which he was on the verge of breaking. “That was beautiful Sami, your Dad would be so proud of you. I am proud of you. You have serious talent but you don’t see it.” “Thank you, you really thought it was that good?” “Of course I thought it was good, Sami it was brilliant. You wrote that and made the sound up too?” “Yeah it was easy I guess, once I had the lyrics done all I had to do was fiddle around with some strings and the sound was sorted” I couldn’t help the big smile creeping on to my face. “That is amazing you know that”. For a moment our eyes met and I didn’t want move, I didn’t want to break this moment. There it was again, that warm feeling inside that I get whenever he touches me, when I see him. He finds a way to make me feel better, he makes me feel all warm inside, l
ike I’m a little girl again, having a crush for the first time. Dad is a smart man I’ll gives him that. A moment passed when I remembered what I was going to ask James tonight. Since now seemed like the best time I broke the glance me and James shared and began to talk again. Whether it was going to come out right or not I don’t know. “James there was something I also wanted to talk to you about” “Yeah, go ahead” he looked at me and waited for my response. “okay well urm, well I had this thought that urm well since you are kind of living at mine and you still pay the bills for your apartment I was just thinking that maybe you wanted to sell the apartment and come and stay at the house permanently. I mean the room you’re staying in can be yours or you can have my old room once I move in to my Dad’s old room, I don’t mind. There is space and I would love your company. Well I mean you don’t have to, you can go back home if you like I don’t mind it was just a suggestion really. I just thought that I would ask you because I feel bad you’re paying for a place you don’t stay at and I don’t know if you were planning on going back anytime soon. You know what it was an urm silly idea, forget I said anything” I am such a douche that came out all wrong and I just made myself look like a freak. Well done Sami. I ended up covering my face with my hand so I could hide the embarrassment. I felt James’s hands on my hands and I could feel him pulling them away from my face. Once my face was fully uncovered I opened my eyes to see just how close James was to me. “I’d love to, well that is if the offers still on the table?” I nodded in response. I gave him a little smile as well; the truth is I am feeling to do a happy dance for some reason. I don’t feel so embarrassed now but I am so glad he said yes because now I don’t have to imagine him leaving any time soon.
Me and James passed the rest of the time by taking and messing around, I played him a little more of the stuff I had but none of the stuff is really finished so It was just the odd bits here and there. To my surprise James also played guitar. It was nice to see someone else play guitar. They way he sat all poised on the rock with the guitar in hand. He started to play Ed Sheeran small bump. At this point it gets me thinking that if he did this in public he would have most of the girls swooning for him. Thought made me a bit uncomfortable as I soon realised how jealous that made me feel. I side stepped that thought and remained focus on James. He was unique is his own way but perfect in another. He reminds me so much of my Dad, not in looks but in personality. My Dad would do anything for anyone, no questions asked. He made people feel welcome and wanted and never let anyone down if he could help it. My Dad was my savour along with many others who’d agree. There was just so much in James that resembled my Dad. As long as I have James here, I’ll never feel like I lost my Dad. The truth is I haven’t. My Dad being gone has made me realise that his physical body isn’t still here but his presence is. He’s always here, around me, where I am. That fact is he has always been here without me even realising. He’s in everything I do, my breath, my heart and my mind. He’s there in my memories and my photos and I have finally come to terms that he hasn’t gone far. The thing that him and James share in common which is their best quality is that they bring out the best in me even when I am at my lowest and very few people can do that.
The point is I’m glad we came on this walk today because I don’t think I would have been able to realise this.
James
Playing guitar was the most romantic thing I think I have ever done, it felt so right singing in front of her. The funny thing is she’s literally the only person who has ever heard me sing, I normally sing to my shower head but that’s about it. I m not as talented as Sami but I like to sing when I am doing things. See I never thought I would have so much in common with Sami; she isn’t your usual type of girl. She is different, she stands out. As I sang I could tell her mind was drifting, not in a bad way but she was thinking. It then hit me, I remember how I felt when Cole sang to me, that’s why I thought about playing to her, it was because Cole did it for me and I completely forgot. He helped me, it gave me time to think and relax. There was a smile on her face as she watched me. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her, as I played our eyes never lost its focus. There was something there, I could feel it. As I neared the end of song I played the last final notes and just looked at her.
“That was so beautiful” she said smiling back at me. “Thanks so are you” I gave her a little wink to show I was making a joke. She laughed, and I mean it wasn’t one of her other laughs; it was a light little laugh as if all the stress has been lifted from her. It was a cute laugh, I liked it. “That’s sooo cheesy” and yet she carried on giggling to herself. “Hey, I saw the opportunity and I decided to take it. Nothing wrong with a little cheesiness every now and again” I just shrugged my shoulders and gave her my o-so innocent look. “You’re impossible you know that” “Yup I know I am, but that’s what makes me, me and I am proud” I gave her my stuck up face. That made her smile even wider. I could see a change in her, there was more to her. Her eyes looked beautiful; they actually looked as if they were shining. There’s just something about her that I cannot get out of my head. She just seems so perfect to me, everyone has there flaws but I don’t care about that stuff, she’s full on amazing.
We headed back the way we came and headed for the sea instead of the house. I carried the guitar back, I didn’t really mind. As we walked I kept taking a glace over at her, I was just so caught up with her that I completely forget everything. I like just thinking about her, being around her makes me feel normal. We got to the beach in no time. The waves were huge still. No one was surfing on the water at this time, suppose that was best considering you can’t really see anything. I placed the guitar down on the sand and took my shoes and socks off along with Sami. I headed down to the sea first and just splashed as I hit the water, Sami wasn’t far behind me before I heard her splashing as well. I could see a huge smile on her face as she entered the water, I couldn’t help myself I mean I’m in the water for crying out loud. I kicked the water in her direction catching her of guard. “I’m going to get you for that” she said as she came running towards me. And she did get me back royally. She drenched the whole side of my back. “Oh so it’s like this is it” she gave me one quick look and turned around and ran in the opposite direction laughing her head off as she went. I gave her a head start before I went after her, when I was in distance of her I caught her again. This time with an even bigger splash, all I could hear was her screaming with laughter. I couldn’t help but laugh, literally her facial expression was just too funny not to laugh. Her hair was drenched after that along with most of her clothes. Lucky for us none of us bought our phones with us. As any other water fight would carry on, ours was just epic; she kept running away after she got me. We retreated to back where our stuff was just so we could see it. “You’re so dead” she shouted before she jumped onto my back, taking me down into the sea. “Your coming down with me sunshine” I replied as we fell into the sea together. The way we landed was like one of those moves you see in movies. Her face was only inches away from mine. Our eyes locked again and this time I completely forgot I was in the sea, all I saw was her. I saw her hesitate as I leaned forward towards her. It was only for a second before she leaned in towards me. And that was all it took before my lips reached hers. The kiss between us was filled with passion from both of us, and a wave of emotion washed over me as I kissed her. I slid my hand around her neck and placed my hand on the small of the neck to deepen the kiss. The feel of her lips on mine was amazing. I couldn’t bring myself to pull away, kissing her makes feel alive. I have never felt so connected with someone like the way I felt with Sami. I could feel her moving closer closing the gap there was between us. As we sat in the sea together, it felt so right. When she pulled away, she didn’t move away she just looked into my eyes and I saw her smile. “Well that was unexpected” she said after she laughed. “Very” I replied. I don’t think I could hide my excitement behind the smile I had on my face. She turned around and fell in
to me, bearing in mind we were still in the water, I blocked out all the water that surrounded us and just sat with her in my arms.
Sami
We kissed. He kissed me back. One minute we were having a great water fight and then we are in the sea making out. Don’t get me wrong I don’t regret kissing him but I never expected that’s how he felt too. When we fell in the water I couldn’t stop myself, at first I hesitated but then I went for it. I felt safe around him, I like having him around me. He’s everything I need and even though I have realised not having my Dad around will be hard but I want him to be around. Kissing him is the best feeling I have gotten in a while, the way he sang to me earlier made me feel special it made me feel important to him. The kiss was filled with passion that I couldn’t help but feel. I mean I have kissed Zeke before and have never felt the way I did when I kissed James. There’s something about James that makes me feel good.
The fact that we was in the sea was totally unexpected, to be honest I found it very romantic. You always see in movies the way that people always have a scene that leads up to that perfect kiss, well tonight felt like I was in a film and I was having my perfect kiss. I want this to go some where between me and James I really do. But what if it doesn’t work out; will I be making the biggest mistake in my life? I mean if I ruin this with him, will it make me regret it? but I also don’t want to look back and say I didn’t go for it and I didn’t listen to my feelings because the truth is every bone in my body is telling me that I should be with James and that it will work out between us.
Just A Daddy's Girl Page 14
