“I think we should go in and get dry now don’t you think?” I turned to James and said. “Yeah I would have to agree with you about that, its getting kinda cold. And I’m not so manly when it comes to the cold” he and I just laughed at his ‘manly’ comment. We both helped each other up from the water and made our way out of the sea. I collected the shoes and socks while James picked up the guitar. As we walked up to the house it was silent between us. It wasn’t one of those awkward silences between us but it was allowing us to think.
We reached the house and stayed on the decking. I didn’t realise how uncomfortable I was because of my jeans, they were just sticking to my legs. James took his top off before he went into the house; his trousers weren’t as wet as he was wearing 3 quarter lengths. He went in to the house first and came back out with a 2 towels and a dressing gown. He handed me one of the towels and the dressing gown. I placed the stuff on the floor apart from the towel. I wrapped the towel around me and took off my jeans and my top so that I was left in my underwear. Luckily my towel was one of the huge ones so that it covered my body. How embarrassing would that be if James saw me getting changed? I think I would just have to die and be brought back again. I left all my clothes on the railing so that they could dry out. James just had his towel wrapped around his waist with his body left open. I didn’t realise how well built James was, he had a visible 6 pack. His body was literally to die for. As I continued to watch his body I completely forgot what I was suppose to be doing, James turned and walked back into the house with the guitar on his back. I had to smile to myself because I would get to see James for a very long time seeing as he now lives with me.
James
Well once we were back in the house and changed out of our soaking wet clothes, we went and sat down on the sofa. Instead of Sami being on one sofa and me on the other, we ended up sitting together. Sami sat next to me with her legs up and her body leaning on mine. I wasn’t sure on whether to have my arm on her or not but I soon decided against that and just put my arm on her waist when she was comfortable. While I was going through the channels trying to find us something to watch, Sami was just cracking up beside me while she was telling me about one of her funny moments while she was surfing. “I’m telling you it was the funniest thing. I was trying to act all cool on the board by going backwards I completely forgot that the wave I was headed for was massive, so as I was going backwards the wave knocked me straight off the board. It was so embarrassing but yet so hilariously funny at the same time” she kept looking up at me to see if I was even processing, all I could do was smile. This girl was really coming out of her shell. Every since I have been around her I have never seen her so relaxed. “Well maybe when we go surfing together you can show me how stupid you can be” I couldn’t help but give her a cocky grin, I mean I wouldn’t object to seeing her fall of the surf board. It should be fun I mean I can just imagine how competitive she will be. “Ha-ha you make me laugh, the only one who will be acting stupid is you, and you can’t match my levels” she was cracking herself up beside me, but I proved my point she is very competitive. I eventually found us a film to watch, I don’t know whether it’s funny or not but it’s called The Proposal, the actors in the film is Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock. “I love this film, its epic” Sami said after I clicked it. “What’s it about?” I asked her. “Basically, this women’s about to be shipped back to Canada and she has to try and find a way to stay in the country so she gets her secretary to be her fiancé and that, so they go to his place up in Alaska, and they start to fall in love and that but its just so funny when they do. Plus Ryan Reynolds is very sexy” she started to fan her self at his name. “Not as sexy as me” I gave her a little wink. “Of course not” there she goes again. She is laughing again. So I simple began to tickle her, I did not expect her reaction; she literally jumped up of the sofa and screeched. That made me hysterical; her face was bright red as if she has just been burnt by the sun. “Fine, fine you’re sexier than Ryan Reynolds, please don’t tickle me” she was still giggling but was trying to be serious at the same time. “Deal”. She came and sat back where she was again and we both began to sit and watch the film. I turned and faced her; I wanted one last answer before we watched the film. “Sami, would you like to go out to dinner with me sometime?” I looked at her and waited to see what she said. As I looked at her I could see a little smile on her face. “I’d like that” she replied.
Unconditional
James
Okay so little over a week ago me and Sami shared our first kiss on the beach in the sea. During the kiss I felt something I have never felt before, I was over whelmed which passion, not just my passion but hers. I never expected her to kiss me back in the way she did, I didn’t feel that she felt the same way I did but she did. At one point I thought I was making a mistake I mean after we kissed and that, we sort of carried on as normal except for the really close part. I thought it would all back fire in my face and blow up, earlier that night Sami asked me to move in with her permanently and I felt that she might tell me that I have to leave. But then later on that night I asked her if she would like to go out to dinner with me, like you would normally do on a date and she said yes. So then we went on that dinner date and let me say this it was amazing, she was amazing. We just sat and talked and ate, we talked about things we have never talked about in the house; stuff that we didn’t feel the need to share around one another. We also began talking about where she gets her inspiration from when she writes songs, she told me that there are little things she looks at and thinks about and if she starts off on that topic she can turn it into something in minutes. We even spoke about my singing and me playing guitar, I have been playing guitar since I was 6; my parents thought it would be much better than learning to play piano like most of the kids at my school. Sami was very surprised at the fact that a guy like me could actually sing but hey it’s very stereo-typical these days. I mean seriously what is wrong with singing, has no-one been listening to Usher or Ed Sheeran. I found myself singing a lot more often when I was around Cole, I mean he used to sing and write songs when he was around me, sometimes he would get me to join in when he played the guitar. I used to love the fact that I got to listen to all the new stuff he came up with me, sometimes he would just play a made up tune and then begin to make up some lyrics to go along with the beat; it was actually amazing.
Dinner was great though; it was a new experience. I wasn’t sure on whether to call it a date or what not but I enjoyed the fact she was with me tonight. I can’t help but go back to seeing her smile across her face as we sat and laughed together. Not to mention she looked stunning. She was wearing a nice fitted black dress that reached the floor and her hair was down loose as usual. Her hair was longer than I remembered as it fell just below her waist. She had black eye liner on which made her eyes literally stand out, it was as if her green eyes were aluminous. They shone an emerald green colour. I remembered on the comments Cole said about her eyes when he first described her. He was right her eyes did look truly beautiful. Seeing her this way was remarkable. In movies you always have that one women who draws you attention, Sami was defiantly that woman, I couldn’t help but notice a couple of the gazes she got from many of the men in the room, not to mention some of the women. I was proud to say I was the man accompanying her. As I sat opposite I thought to myself ‘well aren’t I a lucky guy’.
Being around Sami all this time reminds me of Cole so much, they are so a like and yet different. Sami is just so alive and is full of ambition. Another thing we touched upon was family, she told me she basically doesn’t have any family left, well she does but none she talks to. She said Cole was basically her whole family wrapped in one. I didn’t want to ask questions about her mum but it’s got me thinking about her and her mum’s relationship. What if they began speaking again? I mean, wouldn’t the best thing be for her be to call her mum and speak to her and to tell her about the passing of her Dad. I understand
that she’s been away from her mum for a long time but surely her mum would understand, and Sami was only 13 when she chose to leave with her Dad. I don’t question the fact that she loved her Dad but I do question the fact that she doesn’t miss her mum. Growing up without a mum can be difficult, mean who do you go to when you are having problems that your Dad can’t really sort out. Everyone including me knows that even though you don’t talk to your parents you cannot change the fact that they are your parents through blood and there is nothing you can do about that. I don’t want to sound like the shrink that tells people that the only way they will stop feeling the way they do is if they do something about it but I should know I have lost my parents both of them and I know for a fact that they loved me unconditionally even when I was my spoiled self but they both loved me through that good and the bad and I really do think Sami should talk with her mum. I just don’t want to soil her flame.
I don’t know what it makes me and Sami but I hope it is that we are now together. Looking back at this time I have spent with her I can see she is so much more than just a pretty face. There are things I cannot explain in life and having her beside me is one of them. You know the feeling when you feel stronger having that person around and you feel more like yourself. Well being around Sami, doesn’t make me want to hide. She makes me want to be more myself than I have ever been. I see that it is just us together, like what has happened in our lives has bought us to where we are now. And I’m not saying that we are in one of those perfect love films like the one we watched the other day but I believe it’s the beginning of mine and Sami’s story. I don’t know where we will go from here on out but the truth is as long as I am with her, we will be fine.
Sami has helped me pack up everything that was in my old apartment, the one I used to live in before Sami’s house. We managed to get it all packed up and shifted to Sami’s house. We put some of the stuff in the attic and the rest of the stuff in a storage unit. Sami is soon going to start packing up her Dad’s room and boxing all of his stuff up and place it along side my stuff. Sami has decided that she is not throwing anything away of her Dads yet as she wants to keep it. I have a lot of stuff that I want to throw away but Sami said that one day we could go through it and maybe have a car boot sale with all our stuff. We already have the house on the market, and a few people have already been interested in buying back my apartment. It was nice to have everything set in motion.
When I agreed to help Cole look after Sami one of the reasons was because I wanted to find myself and fine something that makes me happy. Well I have figured out what I want to do, its not really an ambitious job but its something I would like to do, I would like to become a surfing instructor, fair enough this job will not always be around but the truth is I have a whole life ahead of me to go work in an office and that but I want to be able to do this stuff while I am young and I do believe that I would be a great instructor. Also I would quite enjoy that because I would be able to turn around and say to Sami that I am now the instructor, I think that would settle many of the disagreements we have had on surfing itself. I really do think it’s about time I just let myself do what I wanted to do, I mean I am a smart kid and I did everything early, I got my degrees early and you have to be very smart to do that. So by doing this I am letting myself be my age and not acting older beyond my years because all I want to do now is take life slow. And hopefully from now on Sami will be in my life for a very long time
Sami
What can I say that I have achieved in the past couple of months, well I can say that I have managed to come to terms with the fact that my Dad has passed away and I am finally getting used to the fact that he is no longer around to be next to me and be around me. At first I thought it would be difficult, I still don’t go out on Fridays, not that I don’t want to but its nice to spend that night in. with James around its nice as I we both stay in and watch movies, I mean its not like it’s the same as what me and my Dad used to do but its nice to have him there. I even like it when me and James go for walks. I don’t think I can forget the last walk we went on. I mean that’s an achievement within itself, I took James to the place where me and Dad use to walk to. At first I didn’t want to take him as it was mine and my Dads place to go but the truth is I wanted to show him how me and my Dad were close and what we used to do. Having James around gave me an unexpected feeling. I mean I like having James around and I don’t know what I would do if he was not near me. When he was there at the end of the beach something changed within me that made how I felt clear. At first my head was covered by the death of my Dad and I was unable to see what was in front of me. Someone was there to pick up the pieces and someone was there to bring out the best in me just like my Dad did. James opened up to me too. I mean I sang James a song that I recently wrote. Okay I know it shouts helpless romantic but the truth was the song was about many things. I was confused when I wrote it but I was also on the verge to understanding. But James most of all helped me understand, it was when he was playing the song to me that made me feel different. I was seeing him differently, I was seeing everything differently. I don’t know what made me feel different but I am glad it happened.
When I kissed James I felt happy, I felt safe I mean I felt like I was being given my own solider. Okay, I know it sounds very cheesy but every girl needs a guy to be their shoulder to cry on and their punch bag. James is my punch bag, not literally though. But having him around makes me feel better and I can’t describe what that means. When he asked me out to dinner I couldn’t help but scream inside I mean he is perfect and he doesn’t see it. He is different from everyone I have dated before. Well that is if you can call it dating, we kind of live together so some would say were just getting dressed up for dinner but anyway. What I mean is my feelings have changed, it’s like now that he’s here I do not want him to go. I feel that I like him more than a lot as if there is something there that I cannot let go of.
I know that with-in himself he is trying to understand me and I remember back at one of our conversations at dinner was family. The truth is I have been thinking a lot about family lately and well I don’t know what to do. When I was younger I never did see any of my Dad’s family apart from his grandma but she died when I was about 5 or 6. I don’t remember much about her but Dad always told me that she was the only one that ever supported him. I never met my Dads mum or Dad and to be honest with you I am glad, I don’t think I would have been able to handle the way they are. I also only met a few family members from my mum’s side. It’s weird thinking about my mum honestly; I don’t know what to make of her. It was a difficult choice I made when I left with my Dad and I don’t think it helped when I left her that note, I remember it telling her that I didn’t want to speak to her again and that it would be best if she didn’t contact me. What surprised me was when I found out about Dad he left me that envelope with loads of letters in along with a post-it full of numbers and hers was on there. I don’t know what to think, I mean Dad is not here for me to ask him if he told her about him dying or whether she had no clue. Deep inside I can’t help but think the best thing for me to do is call her up and speak to her. No matter how hard I try and think against it, I know that my mum and Dad loved me unconditionally. But why can’t I bring myself to call her. What am I supposed to say? I mean I haven’t spoke to her in years. I’m more afraid for the fact that maybe she will reject me; the same way I rejected her.
I was a teenager then; I didn’t know how to feel. I didn’t want all of my emotions to get in the way again so I closed up all I felt for my mum and blocked it out, I didn’t want think about her back then. I didn’t like the idea of having my mum and Dad around they were always arguing and I suppose I felt that if I still kept in contact with mum, well I thought that she would ruin it. I thought that maybe she would turn everything around and try her hardest to convince me to come back and live with her again. I didn’t want to feel guilty even thought looking back now I do feel guilty, I regret
leaving things the way they were because now it makes it even more difficult to make that one call that I know I have to make.
Over the past few days I have started to gain confidence, but then it all goes again as I pick up the phone. What more can I do? I want to be able to speak to her and talk to her. The truth is I did want my mother around but I don’t want to make up on wasted time, I just want to know that were are on solid ground and I want to know that even though what we went through together has changed I want to know whether or not she is still my mother or she is just the woman who gave birth to me.
“James” I shouted from the living room. “Yeah, 2 seconds, I’m coming” I heard him reply back as he came out of the kitchen. I didn’t realise how much I was shaking until I saw James enter the room. “What’s up, you okay?” he looked at me with his caring blue eyes. He was my soldier and I would never forget it. “Everything’s fine, but will you sit me with me while I do something?” “Of course” he gave a smile and took my hand and squeezed it tight. Yup he was my soldier alright, fighting my battles beside me. I picked up my phone from the side of the table and dialled the number on the piece of paper. I looked over at James one last time and I pressed the call button, he gave me a reassuring look that I was doing the right thing. It gave me the confidence I needed for what I was about to do. As the phone rang someone picked up after about 4 rings, I took a deep breath, here we go.
“Hello, Helen Myers Speaking”
“Hey, Mum it’s me”
Just A Daddy's Girl Page 15
