Many a Tear has to Fall

by Joan Jonker

  ‘Holy smoke, will yer give yer mouth a rest?’ Billy said. ‘We’ve had this since she went for the interview and she’s driving us all nuts.’

  ‘I bet you were the same when you started work, son,’ George said. ‘I know I was.’

  A knock on the door had Tess racing to answer it. When she saw James Cobden and Billy Cartwright there was disappointment in her voice. ‘Oh, it’s you. Come on in.’

  The boys had their best clothes on and their hair sleeked back. And the presents they passed over were nicely wrapped, showing a woman’s touch. The girls couldn’t open the gifts quick enough, and tore at the paper. They gave a shriek of delight when they saw the small cases containing comb and mirror. ‘Oh, thank you, they’re lovely!’ Much to the boys’ embarrassment, Tess gave them both a hug, while Maddy blushed and said to her mother, ‘Look, Mam, aren’t they nice?’

  ‘Don’t forget your manners, Madelaine. Do the boys know your cousins?’

  ‘Ooh, sorry!’ Maddy waved a hand. ‘Billy and Joyce, meet James and Billy.’

  Her cousin was quick to correct her. ‘I get Bill now off the men in work and me mates.’ His voice was still breaking and went from high to gruff. ‘There’s only me mam and our Joyce call me Billy, and I’m fed up telling them I’m a working man now, not a schoolboy.’

  Tess was on tenterhooks. ‘Mam, can I go and knock for the boys next door?’

  ‘Certainly not, Theresa! They’ll be here when they’re ready, unless something’s cropped up and they can’t come.’ The words were no sooner out of her mouth than the knocker sounded. ‘There you are, I told you they’d come when they were ready.’

  But her daughter didn’t hear, she was already opening the door. ‘I thought you weren’t coming, you’re late.’

  ‘It’s his fault.’ Jack pulled a face as he jerked his head towards his brother. ‘He spilt tea on his shirt and me mam made him get changed.’

  ‘Well, you’re here now, so I forgive you. Come on in.’

  The brothers looked so shy and uncomfortable, George took pity on them. He approached them with his hand outstretched. ‘I haven’t had the pleasure. You must be Jack, and you’re Willy.’ He shook their hands before quickly reeling off the names of the other guests. ‘And this is my wife, Mrs Richardson.’

  Ann smiled. ‘I’m glad you could come. Now, it’s going to be a tight squeeze at the table but I’m sure you’ll manage. Make yourselves at home and tuck into the food while I put the kettle on. For those who don’t want tea, there’s lemonade.’

  Willy tugged on his brother’s jacket, saying, ‘Shall we give them now?’

  Jack was wishing the ground would open and swallow him up. They’d lived in the street for over five years now, and this was the first neighbour’s house they’d been in, and the first time in company. He nodded to his brother and they both reached into their pockets and brought out small packages that had been nicely wrapped but were now crumpled. Their faces the colour of beetroot, they handed a package to each of the sisters, Jack to Tess, and Willy to Maddy. And in unison, their voices cracked, they said, ‘Happy birthday.’

  Not for a moment had Ann expected the boys to bring presents, and she sat down on the arm of the couch and looked on with interest. She was as surprised as her daughters when the wrapping was opened to reveal pretty scarves in voile, patterned with dainty flowers on a white background. The flowers were a different colour on each of the scarves, so there’d be no mix-up over which belonged to whom.

  ‘Oh, they’re beautiful,’ Maddy said, fingering the soft material. ‘I was going to say you shouldn’t have bothered, but I’m glad you did because they’re lovely. Thank you very much.’

  But words weren’t enough for Tess, she had to hug each of the brothers. ‘It’s a lovely present, and I’m going to take it with me on holiday. I can wear it on my head when the sun gets too hot, then I won’t feel dizzy.’ She held the scarf out for her cousin’s inspection. ‘Isn’t it lovely, Joyce?’

  ‘It certainly is!’ Joyce said, full of envy. ‘I’ll invite you to my birthday party if yer promise to buy one of them for me.’

  ‘You’re not having a birthday party!’ Bill said. ‘Yer told me mam yer’d rather have new clothes for the holiday.’

  His sister tutted. ‘Ye’re a proper spoilsport you are! I was only kidding, soft lad!’

  ‘They’re very pretty, and a nice present,’ Ann said. ‘Did you choose them, Jack?’

  Jack had thought long and hard about this, in case anyone asked. He knew there wasn’t a person in the room who liked his mother, apart from Tess, and he was inclined to say he had bought them himself. But to do that would mean he was ashamed of his mother, and he would never be that. ‘No, my mam bought them. We didn’t know what to get so she said she’d find something she thought they’d like.’

  ‘Then she has very good taste and Theresa must thank her when she sees her.’

  ‘Oh, I will!’ In the mad scramble for chairs, Tess had managed to put herself between Jack and Willy. ‘The very first time I see her.’

  James was in his element sitting next to Maddy. He thought he’d hopped in lucky, not realising the girl had never had any intention of sitting next to anyone else. ‘Me mam said yer served her in the shop on Friday, and she said yer did all right.’

  ‘And why wouldn’t I?’ Maddy’s look of indignation soon turned to a smile. ‘She was easy to serve, your mam. She must shop there very often because she knew where everything was and pointed me in the right direction.’

  Ann and George sat on the couch listening to the chatter. It seemed everyone wanted to talk at the same time, except the Bingham brothers. But with Maddy and Tess drawing them out, with the help of Joyce, they began to relax and join in the laughter. And like the others, they tucked into the food with gusto.

  ‘I think we’re surplus to requirements, love,’ George whispered. ‘Shall we leave them to get on with it and pay Lizzie a visit?’

  Ann looked uncertain. ‘D’you think it wise? Will they be all right?’

  ‘There are four very sensible children sitting at that table, Ann, and they’ll make sure nothing goes wrong.’

  ‘Oh well, if you’re sure.’ Ann got to her feet and had to raise her voice to be heard over the noise. She had never quite realised that eight children could make such a racket. ‘Your father and I are going down to Lizzie’s for an hour. So I’m relying on you to be on your best behaviour. And that means all of you.’

  After loud reassurances, she followed her husband out of the front door. ‘Why did you say there were four sensible children around the table? What’s wrong with the other four?’

  ‘I don’t think any of them would do anything stupid, like throwing jellies and trifles at each other. But Madelaine is very adult for her age, so are Bill, James and Jack. They are more grown up in the head than the others and will keep them in check. So let’s enjoy ourselves at Lizzie’s for an hour while the kids make their own enjoyment.’

  Next door, Nellie and Joe Bingham could hear the shrieks of laughter coming through their wall. ‘I’m glad the boys are making friends, it’s what they need,’ Joe said. ‘And it was good of yer to help them with the presents, love, they were made up with them.’

  ‘Elevenpence ha’penny each those scarves were, ’cos I wasn’t going to buy anything cheap and give the neighbours something to talk about.’

  ‘Nellie, don’t yer think ye’re being unfair to the neighbours? Next door have never done us no harm, and they did invite the boys to their party.’

  Just then they heard Tess’s high-pitched laughter, and Nellie said sadly, ‘Our Enid would have been nearly eleven now, and I miss her as much now as I did the day she died. Never a day goes by that I don’t think of her, and wonder what she’d be like.’

  ‘And yer think I don’t?’ Joe reached for her hand. ‘Just because I’m a man doesn’t mean I’m not crying inside. But for the sake of the boys we have to try and put it behind us. They shouldn’t suffer, or
be made to feel second best, that wouldn’t be fair.’

  ‘I do me best, Joe, I can’t do any more. But there isn’t a mother breathing that wouldn’t feel the same as I do if they’d lost a child. When Enid died, part of me died with her, and I still can’t come to terms with it, even after all these years. Every time I see a mother with a daughter I get jealous and hate her for still having her child when I don’t have mine. Sometimes I feel so bitter I go into a rage, and that’s when I cause trouble and take it out on strangers, who think I’m crazy.’

  ‘I understand that, Nellie, but the boys need your love as much as Enid would have done. All children need to know they are wanted and loved.’

  ‘I do love them, Joe, and I do try to show it. And I am getting better, even though it is slow and yer might not notice.’

  He squeezed her hand. How he worried about her too! She was as thin as a rake and a bag of nerves. There was little to see of the girl he’d married. The girl who had attracted him because she was loving, full of life and always had a smile on her pretty face. He sighed. ‘We’ll get there, love, just give it time. Yer know I’ve cut down a lot on me drinking, and I don’t go out every night now. That’s because I don’t want to let the boys down by coming home plastered and picking fights with anyone in the street who gets in me way. So I’m trying as well, and if we hang in together, love, we’ll get there in the end.’ He hung his head, not wanting to meet her eyes when he said, ‘D’yer remember what I used to call our little girl? Smiler, ’cos she always had a big smile on her face. Well I bet right now she’s looking down from heaven and wondering why her mam and dad never have a smile on their faces any more. It probably makes her feel sad. So I think, for her sake as well as the boys’, we should both make an extra effort, don’t you? Then all our children will be happy.’

  His words brought tears, as he’d known they would. But better to get them out than keep them locked inside building up the longing, sadness and anger in her heart.

  Tess wanted to knock next door on the Monday to thank Mrs Bingham for the scarves, but she’d been warned by her mother that she mustn’t make a nuisance of herself. The boys had been thanked for the presents, and that was enough. But it wasn’t enough for the young girl, who kept Jack’s secret alive in her heart. She wanted to get close to the woman to comfort her and share her grief.

  Maddy had gone down to the shop after tea, as she’d been doing for the last week, working from half past five until eight o’clock. So Tess was alone playing outside the house with her skipping rope. She was hoping Mrs Bingham would put in an appearance, because her mother couldn’t shout at her if she just spoke to the woman in the street. That wasn’t being a nuisance. And the girl’s wishes bore fruit when the door opened and Nellie stepped down on to the pavement.

  Tess waited until she came abreast then fell into step beside her. ‘I want to thank you for the beautiful scarf, Mrs Bingham, I really love it.’

  ‘I’m glad yer liked it,’ Nellie grunted, not slowing her pace. ‘I’m in a hurry to get to the shop before it closes.’

  ‘I’ll walk with you, to keep you company.’

  Tess had laid a hand on the woman’s arm and Nellie pulled away as though she’d been burned with a red-hot poker. ‘I’d rather go on me own.’ She hurried away leaving Tess feeling sad and hurt, but without resentment in her heart. It was going to take a long time for Mrs Bingham to like her, but the day would come, she was sure. So the young girl walked back the short distance to her home and knocked on the door. There was no pleasure playing out now, she’d go in and listen to the wireless with her mam and dad.

  Nellie, meanwhile, had entered the corner shop to be confronted by Maddy. She would have walked out, but if she did there’d be no tea for their breakfast because all the other shops were closed. ‘A quarter of loose tea, please.’

  ‘I’d like to thank you for the lovely scarf, Mrs Bingham,’ Maddy said. ‘I’m really pleased with it.’

  ‘So yer sister said. Now can yer serve me, ’cos the family are gasping for a drink of tea.’

  As she walked to the drawer where the pre-weighed bags of tea were kept, Maddy wondered what it would take to make this woman, if not friendly, then at least polite. It wasn’t surprising that no one in the street spoke to her; she certainly gave them no encouragement. ‘Thruppence, Mrs Bingham, please.’ Maddy passed the tea over and held out her hand for the money. ‘Thank you.’ Then, as the little woman turned to walk away, Maddy thought of her sister’s persistence with their difficult neighbour, and wondered if Tess had a point when she said the woman couldn’t help the way she was. So as Nellie put her hand on the door, the girl called, ‘Ta-ra, Mrs Bingham.’

  She didn’t get an answer, but contented herself with saying that at least she’d tried. And before she had any more time to dwell on the subject, Mrs Lizzie was standing in front of her. And her beaming face was in stark contrast to the woman she’d just served.

  ‘Won’t be long now, eh, queen? Five days from now we’ll be in Welsh Wales!’ Lizzie rubbed her hands together in glee. ‘I can’t wait, me bag’s packed already! My feller said I’m like a child the way I’m going on about it.’

  ‘I’m excited myself, Mrs Lizzie. I’m dying to see Mrs Gwen and Mr Mered again, and the chickens. And all our friends at the farm too! You’ll love them, I know you will.’

  ‘If I don’t, I’ll ask for me bleedin’ money back,’ Lizzie said jokingly. ‘Ay, d’yer think I’ll click with one of the farmers?’

  Maddy giggled at the thought. ‘I’ll tell your husband if you do. I mean, I wouldn’t mind the coal man, or the milk man, ’cos that would be like keeping it in the family. But a Welsh farmer, well, that’s different.’

  ‘What’s this about a Welsh farmer?’ Bert had come up behind Maddy and she nearly jumped out of her skin. ‘Is Lizzie leading yer astray, girl?’

  ‘Oh, ye’re there, are yer?’ Lizzie pulled tongues at him. ‘I was just saying, I’ve packed all me long evening dresses in case I meet a rich, handsome farmer. Always be prepared, that’s what I say.’

  ‘I see yer point, Lizzie, a long evening dress would go down very well on a farm. Especially mucking out the pig sty.’

  ‘Yer know, Bert, whatever romance yer’ve got is in yer backside. I don’t see meself mucking out the bleedin’ pig sty, I see meself sitting on a horse, overseeing things, if yer know what I mean, like. Lady of the manor, no less.’

  ‘I don’t know about my romance being in me backside, but I do know that’s where your brains are. Lady of the manor, riding a blinking horse, and I don’t think! The horse would take one look at you and bolt, never to be seen again.’

  ‘Bert, yer weren’t invited to join in this conversation, so will yer scarper and leave me and Maddy with our dreams? Go and make some other customer miserable.’

  Before he left, Bert whispered loudly in Maddy’s ear, ‘Yer must be suckers for punishment, taking this one on holiday with yer. I’d have thought yer’d have been glad to be rid of her for a week.’

  Lizzie was ready for him. ‘Ay, well yer know what thought did, don’t yer? Followed a muck cart and thought it was a wedding. And the silly bugger even got a cob on ’cos he hadn’t been invited.’

  When Maddy’s clear laughter filled the air, Bert looked across at his wife and they smiled at each other. The looks they exchanged said how nice it was to have a young one in the shop, because there wasn’t a customer who didn’t have a smile on their face.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  ‘In the name of God, where have all the people come from?’ Lizzie glared at a woman who had elbowed her out of the way. The station platform was crowded, with hardly enough room to turn. ‘I’ve never seen so many in me life, even on the beach at New Brighton.’

  George nodded in agreement. ‘I’ll never understand why every factory has to close down the same two weeks. If they staggered them, it wouldn’t be so bad.’

  ‘We’ll be lucky to get seats on the train when it comes in,
’ Ann said. ‘There’ll be a mad scramble to get on.’

  ‘I think it would be a good idea if the girls and I leave you and Lizzie with the cases while we fight our way on. We’d stand more chance without having to lug the cases, and we might be lucky in grabbing a few seats. The girls could sit on them while I come for you and the luggage. We might not get one each, but we could take turns in sitting. I don’t fancy standing all the way.’

  ‘That’s a good idea, Dad,’ Maddy said. ‘We’re quick and can slip in between the people easy, can’t we, Tess?’

  ‘Oh yes, we can duck and dive.’ Tess’s face was flushed with excitement. She didn’t care if she had to sit on the floor as long as the train took her to Wales. But her mam and Mrs Lizzie couldn’t sit on the floor, that wouldn’t be ladylike. ‘I bet we get some seats for you.’

  But Lizzie was having none of that. George was far too polite to push people out of the way, while she wasn’t. ‘Sod off, George, I’d stand more chance than any of yer.’ She bent her arms so her elbows were sticking out. ‘No one would get past them.’

  Just then the train chugged in and there was a massive surge. Lizzie told the girls to grab hold of the back of her dress and to hang on tight and not let anyone push her out of the way. George picked up the small bag which held their underwear, and told Ann, ‘You stay put, love, until I come for you.’ With that, he quickly pushed himself forward until he was behind Tess and they were at the edge of the platform waiting for the passengers alighting from the train to fight their way through the heaving throng.

  ‘If this is what a bleedin’ holiday is, then yer can keep it.’ Lizzie fell into one of the seats. ‘I’ll stay at home in future.’ She waved the girls into seats in the narrow compartment. ‘Sit down quick before someone nabs them.’