Many a Tear has to Fall

by Joan Jonker

  ‘Only ’cos I had to know whether the boys had to take presents, that’s all. And I wasn’t in the house more than five minutes,’ Nellie said. ‘Anyway, they don’t have to take presents, just Christmas cards. There’s about ten children going, so yer’ll need to write cards to each of them, Jack.’

  ‘But how will I know their names, Mam? I’ll have to put who they’re to.’

  ‘Next door’s going to write them down for me and pass the list in.’

  ‘Her name’s Mrs Richardson, Mam, and she’s very nice.’ Jack’s hopes had never been higher. ‘I hope yer don’t fall out with her.’

  ‘Of course yer mam won’t fall out with her, why should she?’ Joe asked. ‘Yer don’t fall out with anyone when they’re being sociable with yer.’

  Willy had a wicked glint in his eyes. ‘Our Jack’s got his eye on Tess.’

  His face the colour of beetroot, Jack kicked his brother under the table. ‘Don’t act daft, she’s not thirteen yet.’

  Nellie gave them all another surprise when she said, ‘She’s a nice kid. Not cheeky or forward, just a nice kid.’

  It was rare to hear laughter around their table, but Joe chuckled loudly before saying, ‘She’ll grow up, and two years’ difference in age doesn’t mean a thing. I’m two years older than yer mam and it’s never done us no harm.’

  ‘Don’t you start, Dad,’ Jack said. ‘Or I won’t go to the flippin’ party.’ It was an empty threat, because nothing would keep him away.

  Ann waited two days before taking the list of names to Nellie. She wasn’t asked in, but she got something she thought she’d never see, a half-smile on her neighbour’s face. ‘As I said, there’s ten names, but I forgot Jack and Willy won’t want one for each other, so there’s only eight cards to write out.’

  ‘Do they write a card each, or put both their names on the one?’

  ‘Oh, both names on each card, otherwise it would run too expensive. And by the way, the party will be across the road at Mrs Hanrahan’s. We’ll be popping over to make sure they’re all right, and you’d be welcome to do the same.’ Ann smiled, thinking she’d gone far enough for one day. ‘I’ll see you, Nellie, ta-ra.’

  ‘D’yer think yer’ve made any progress with Nellie?’ Lizzie asked as she sat facing Ann across the table. It was a Saturday afternoon and they had the house to themselves. George had taken Tess into Liverpool to help her buy her presents, and Maddy was at work, so they could talk in peace and quiet. ‘I’ve said hello every time I’ve seen her, and although she nods, that’s all I get. Mind you, I never even got a nod off her before.’

  ‘I get a bit more than a nod, I get a smile and we pass the time of day. But at this rate we’ll be years trying to break down the barrier.’ Ann tilted her head. ‘There’s one thing I would like to do, and that’s go the whole hog. But to do that I’d have to tell Bridie and Dolly what we know about Nellie. And George’s brother and his wife, ’cos they’re coming too. But it would mean breaking my promise to Theresa, and if she happened to find out she’d never trust me again.’

  ‘She’d never find out, queen, ’cos yer can trust Bridie and Dolly not to breathe a word. Neither of them are gossip-mongers, they never stand jangling with the neighbours, as yer well know. I’d trust them, but yer have to make yer own mind up about that, ’cos you’re the one who’ll have it on yer conscience.’ Lizzie was too curious to leave it at that. ‘What did yer mean by going the whole hog?’

  ‘It’s a bit devious, and it might not work, but this is what I’ve been lying in bed at night thinking about.’ Ann explained the plan she had in her mind, and when she’d finished Lizzie’s head was nodding and she had a smile on her face.

  ‘That’s well worth a try, queen, and it could well work. But yer’d have to let Bridie and Dolly know or it would spoil the whole thing. And ay, that’s not devious, it’s clever! Me now, I can be real devious, but not you, ever.’

  ‘I wonder if Dolly and Bridie are in now? If I keep putting it off I’ll never do it.’

  ‘They do their shopping Saturday morning so they should be in. D’yer want me to give them a knock, queen, and find out?’

  ‘If you would, please, and I’ll put the kettle on while I’m waiting.’

  It was Christmas Eve, and the room looked very festive, with paper decorations criss-crossed from wall to wall, bunches of coloured balloons brightening up each corner, and the tree festooned with silver balls and tinsel. The only thing Ann had to do now was hang some presents from its branches. But before finishing it off, she had a job to do first.

  ‘I’d better get it over with now because my nerves are getting worse by the minute.’ She crossed two fingers. ‘Wish me luck.’

  ‘You’ll be all right, love,’ George said. ‘I’ve got every faith in you.’

  Tess gave her mother a hug. ‘You’ve tried hard, Mam, and I love you for it.’

  ‘And I love you, Theresa.’ Ann took a deep breath. ‘Here goes.’

  She was expecting Nellie or one of the boys to open the door and was taken aback when she saw Joe. ‘Is Nellie in, please?’

  ‘Yes, come on in.’ Ann wasn’t to know it, but he too would like to build bridges and was heartened when he saw her. ‘Nellie’s in the kitchen.’ He stuck out his hand. ‘I’m Joe, by the way.’

  ‘Yes, I know, and I’m glad to meet you, Joe. I’m Ann Richardson.’

  The two boys were wide-eyed. Nobody ever came to their house. But Jack pulled himself together and said, ‘Hello, Mrs Richardson.’

  Nellie came in from the kitchen, and the expression on her face could have been surprise, shock or dismay. ‘Did yer want me?’

  ‘I want to ask a favour of you, Nellie. Remember I told you we would be popping over the road during the party to check on the children? Well, I was wondering if you and your husband would take a turn, save me being on edge all the time. It’s only to make sure they’re not pulling the wallpaper off the walls, or playing catch-as-catch-can with Bridie’s best ornaments. Not that they’re likely to be doing either, they’re well-behaved, sensible kids. But you know how mothers worry.’

  ‘We’ll be glad to do it,’ Joe said, his voice booming. ‘Won’t we, Nellie?’

  His wife wasn’t so keen. ‘We’d only have to look in, wouldn’t we? I mean, we wouldn’t have to stay?’

  ‘No, of course not! I’ll be helping Bridie with the sandwiches and setting the table, and I’ll stay until the guests arrive at seven. So if you and Joe could pop over about eight, that would be a help. We’ll manage after that.’

  ‘We’ll be happy to.’ Joe followed Ann to the door, and when she stepped down on to the pavement, their eyes met and he said, ‘Thank you, I’m beholden to yer.’

  ‘If our children can be friends, Joe, I don’t see why we can’t.’ Ann waved goodbye and reached her doorstep to find George by the open door. ‘Did you think I’d been kidnapped?’

  ‘No, love, I just felt like a breath of fresh air.’

  Ann shivered as she crossed to the fire. ‘Breath of fresh air! It’s freezing!’

  ‘It was a joke, love! I was keeping watch so I could rescue you if need be.’

  ‘Actually it went a lot better than I’d dared hope.’ Ann held her hands out to the flames, and when she felt warmed through, she sat at the table and recounted every word that had been said. ‘I might not even have got over the doorstep if Mr Bingham hadn’t opened the door. He was more than friendly and I believe it’s through him we’ll get to Nellie.’

  ‘“If our children can be friends, I don’t see why we can’t.”’ George reached for her hand. ‘I think that sums it up beautifully.’

  ‘That was a lovely thing to say, Mam,’ Tess said. ‘And very kind as well.’

  ‘Let’s just hope that Boxing Day’s plan goes as well as tonight’s. We can only wait and see.’

  ‘Come on, love, it’s eight o’clock, let’s go over.’ Joe eyed his wife’s new dress. ‘Yer look lovely, Nellie, I could fall for yer all over again
.’

  ‘Never mind that, Joe Bingham, just remember we’re just popping our heads in, we’re not stopping.’

  ‘Seeing as our two sons are there, I think we can at least say hello to everyone. Otherwise we might embarrass the boys.’ He cupped her elbow. ‘I don’t know what ye’re so nervous about, they’re only kids and hardly likely to eat yer.’

  The youngsters hadn’t been told the whole story, just that the Binghams would be showing their faces to see if all was well, so there was no surprise when they turned up. No surprise for them, but a big one for Nellie. For Tess left her chair like a spring and put her arms around the little woman’s waist. ‘Oh, I’m glad you came, Mrs Nellie.’ The woman’s body bent backwards and her arms were raised so as not to come into contact with the girl holding her close. To six of the children around the table it meant nothing, but to Maddy, and Joe Bingham and his sons, it meant a great deal. This was the biggest test ever, and from the look of almost horror on her face, Nellie wasn’t ready for it.

  It was only a matter of seconds, but it seemed as though time stood still for Joe Bingham. He’d been hoping against hope that this Christmas was going to be a turning point. The Richardsons offering friendship was a way forward. But it wasn’t to be, for his wife couldn’t even bear to touch the young girl. Then, as he watched, his wife looked at the head resting on her breast, and slowly her hands came down to touch it and stroke the mousy hair. Then she was holding the thin body close. To her husband and two boys it was a miracle, the best present anyone could have given them.

  There was a catch in Nellie’s voice when she said, ‘Go and sit down, pet, before the others scoff the lot.’

  Just then Ann came in, missing the emotional scene by seconds. She waved a bottle of lemonade in the air. ‘Mrs Hanrahan was afraid she hadn’t got enough lemonade in for you, so I’ve brought this to make sure.’

  The three grown-ups didn’t stay long for fear of putting a damper on the kids’ party. And outside, Nellie was quick to cross the road to her own house. But Ann was out to stop her putting the key in the lock. She knew there’d be faces watching them from her front window, faces of people wanting to make Nellie and her husband welcome. ‘Why don’t you come next door for a drink? There’s only a few neighbours there, nothing exciting.’

  ‘That would be nice,’ Joe said. ‘Better than sitting on our own twiddling our thumbs.’

  ‘No, Joe, I’ve got a bit of a headache. But it’s nice of Mrs Richardson to ask.’

  ‘Oh come on, Nellie, it’s Christmas, for heaven’s sake! A time of celebration and getting together with family and friends.’ He put his arm around his wife’s back and steered her away from her front door. ‘We won’t stay long if yer’re not feeling well.’

  Ann didn’t bother making proper introductions, seeing as the Binghams had lived in the street for over five years and probably knew everyone’s names anyway. It was only Ken and Milly who needed a proper hand-shaking introduction. They were greeted with warmth and friendliness, but none of it was overdone. Everyone had agreed beforehand to act natural and not allow their heartfelt sympathy to show. Tess’s secret would be safe with them.

  ‘You and Joe sit on the couch, Nellie,’ Ann said. ‘I’ll sit on George’s knee. That’s something I haven’t done much of since we were courting.’

  ‘We won’t be staying long, we don’t want to interrupt yer party.’ Nellie was looking very uncomfortable and it was plain she didn’t want to be there.

  ‘Ye’re not interrupting the party,’ Ken said, ‘’cos it hasn’t started yet. Half an hour we’ve been here and not one of us has had a drink!’

  ‘Take no notice of my brother,’ George said. ‘If he hasn’t got a glass in his hand he thinks there’s something missing. Paddy is in the kitchen now seeing to the drinks. Is it a sherry for you, Nellie, and a pint for Joe?’ He passed on without giving Nellie time to shake her head.

  ‘Sounds good, George.’ Joe felt as though he’d been given a new lease of life. There were few men in the room he hadn’t picked a fight with at one time or another, but now he and Nellie were being treated as friends. ‘And the wife’s partial to a glass of sherry.’

  Half an hour later, Nellie was more relaxed and was answering when spoken to. She could hear Joe laughing at something one of the men had said and the sound struck a chord. She didn’t give him much to laugh about these days, or Jack and Willy. Hadn’t done for the last five years in fact. Had she been right to make them suffer so much, and for so long?

  ‘Here, let me fill yer glass, Nellie me darlin’,’ Paddy said. ‘Sure, I wouldn’t like yer to be the only sober person in the room.’

  ‘Certainly not,’ Dolly said. ‘I’ll be singing me party piece soon, and yer have to be drunk to put up with it.’

  Lizzie was in the kitchen helping to fill the glasses. ‘D’yer want another sherry, Ann, or d’yer fancy a milk stout?’

  ‘It’s immaterial, Lizzie.’

  Lizzie came through with a glass in each hand and walked across to the couch. She gave a gentle kick on Nellie’s foot, and when the woman looked up she handed her a glass and gave her a huge wink before turning to Ann. ‘I didn’t know yer could make clothes, queen, yer never mentioned it. A bleedin’ dark horse, that’s what yer are.’

  ‘What are you on about, Lizzie? I can’t make clothes!’

  ‘Then what are yer buying material for, queen?’

  ‘Who’s buying material?’

  ‘You are, yer’ve just said!’

  ‘I never said any such thing, Lizzie, you must have been hearing things.’

  At this, Lizzie got on her high horse. Shoulders back and bosom hitched high, she circled around Ann like a boxer circles his opponent. She looked so comical there were smiles on all the faces, including Nellie’s. ‘Are yer telling me I’m going daft in me old age, queen? ’Cos if yer are, I’d have to take exception to that and clock yer one.’

  ‘I never said you were going daft, I said you must have been hearing things.’ Ann had learned a lot since she came to live in this small house, about good neighbours and friends, about love, and also how to enjoy life. And she was really enjoying this little spat with her best mate. Pushing her nose close, she said, ‘I didn’t say I was buying material, you soft nit, I said it was immaterial whether I had a sherry or a milk stout.’

  ‘And what does that mean when it’s bleedin’ well out?’

  ‘It means it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t make any difference.’

  Many eyes were on Nellie, as she edged forward on the couch. There was a grin on her face as Lizzie hitched her bosom higher and snarled at Ann. ‘Yer mean we’ve been arguing about something that means sweet bugger-all?’

  In for a penny, in for a pound, Ann thought, before swearing for the first time in her life. But it was in a good cause. ‘Sweet bugger-all, sunshine, sweet bugger-all.’

  There were roars of laughter, the loudest being Nellie’s. And looking at her now, it seemed her headache had miraculously disappeared, along with the burden of sadness she and Joe had carried for such a long time.