Prairie Song

by Cheryl Anne Porter

  She couldn’t believe it. The very man sent to kill her was now her best chance for staying alive. Because she now shared his last name. She was his wife. That had to mean something to him, didn’t it? That fact alone had to make him care just a little bit, didn’t it? But even if he didn’t, and he found out the entire truth and did walk away, and then Mr. Talmidge sent someone else after her, wouldn’t he be inclined to prevent another gunman from killing her, a Youngblood?

  All her thinking gave Kate no answers, only more questions and a sick headache. The truth was, she couldn’t predict Cole Youngblood’s responses. Nor could she believe, with any degree of certainty, that he’d give her a chance to explain all the complexities of the situation before he simply pulled the trigger and silenced her. So, truly sick and weak now, her thoughts tumbling around until they were finally ordered, Kate clutched harder at Cole’s shirt. A whimper of fear and aching, for her body, her child, her very life, escaped her.

  Cole immediately sat her up, brushing her hair back from her face with one hand as he steadied her with his other. “Kate? You all right?”

  She looked at him and smiled, a sad smile. As her gaze roved over his face, as she stalled her answer, Kate thought of last night, in the wagon. She’d made the decision to sacrifice another woman’s children to keep her own child safe. She’d meant only that she wouldn’t run away, that she’d stay with Cole for her own safety. But that decision, in turn, put the three children he loved in harm’s way … when the bullets began inevitably to fly.

  And now, today, for having decided to risk such a horrible thing, she’d almost lost her own child. In Kate’s mind the two things were connected. Her bleeding was a warning. She knew that. So here she sat with no choices and the awful question … what would happen to her, to her unborn child, if she persisted in her plan? Would she win her safety for now, only to lose it altogether in the end? Would her life be forfeit for trying to do the right thing, protect an innocent life … but at the expense of three other innocent lives?

  She sighed. There was nothing else she could do. Her course was charted. Her life set on its path. Everything she’d done, everything that had been done to her, the very choices she’d made, had all brought her to this place, this moment, and this man. So, slowly and still smiling at Cole Youngblood, her husband in the eyes of the law, Kate shook her head. And said, “No. I’m not all right. None of us is, Cole. None of us.”

  Cole pulled back, staring at her. “What are you talking about, Kate? ‘None of us is’? Are you feverish?” He pushed her hair aside to feel her forehead.

  Kate tugged his hand down with hers to her lap and held it there, tightly, in both of hers, wanting him instead to listen to her. “I don’t have a fever, Cole. I’m not sick. Not like you think.”

  His eyes narrowing, he looked from her face to their joined hands, and back to her face. “Then what’s wrong?”

  Kate bit at her bottom lip, fought back a sob, and said, “Before the land run takes place, Cole … one of us will be dead.”

  Chapter Ten

  Cole pulled back, tugging his hands free of hers. Kate could only watch him, could only feel sorry for him as worry lines creased his forehead. “What the hell are you talking about, one of us will be dead?”

  Kate exhaled her breath, felt terrible … but more in her heart than in her body. “Exactly that. One of us, Cole. Me or you. I can’t say it any plainer than that. And I don’t even know how I know. But I do. One of us will be dead. Before April 22. We’ll never make the land run.”

  Cole’s black eyes darted as he searched her face. Suddenly, he jumped up and stood over her, his hands fisted at his sides. Through gritted teeth, his voice no more than a low growl, his black eyes sparking fire, Cole warned, “The hell you say. That’s the biggest bunch of horse shit I ever heard in my life. You take back those words right now.”

  Kate shrank back, bracing herself with her hands behind her on the bedding. She’d not seen him lose control before. And she didn’t like it now. She was only thankful that he hadn’t strapped on his six-shooter. But why had she said such an awful thing, anyway? The words had been out before she even knew she was thinking them. Much less believing them. But now she realized that she did know, and she did believe. “You wouldn’t be saying that if you didn’t think it was true, too.” She waited a moment, giving him a chance to protest. He said nothing. His silence verified Kate’s fears. “You know it’s true, don’t you?”

  His face contorted with anger, reddening as if he’d been sunburned. “Like hell it is. I wouldn’t kill a woman.”

  His words slapped her across her face. Kate stilled, could feel her own heart beating in her chest. There it was, what she needed to know. How he felt about killing a woman. Obviously, it ate at him. Good. “I never said you’d kill me, Cole. I never even said it would be me who would die. All I said was one of us would be dead. I never said how. Or by whose hand.”

  Breathing hard, his chest rising and falling, his sweat staining his shirt, Cole stared at her. Then, slowly, his hardened expression crumpled. He dragged a hand over his face, covering his eyes, rubbing them hard. “Son of a bitch,” he muttered. Then he stood there, staring at her, a world of agony reflecting in his eyes. He inhaled sharply … and slowly exhaled. “I can’t stand here. I have to go get Lydia. She wants her nap.”

  He turned away from Kate, but only to jerk back around and lean over her to grab his Stetson from off the bed. In his nearness, his gaze locked with hers. “I have to get out of here, Kate.”

  “I know.” Her words were no more than a whisper. Knowing as she did the source of his torment, Kate lowered her gaze, saw his throat working. Guilt was eating at him. Kate surprised herself with the realization that she wanted to reach out and stroke his muscle-corded neck, wanted to reassure him, to tell him he didn’t have to do this. He didn’t have to kill her. But she couldn’t say that. Because she didn’t know if it was true. Maybe he did have to kill her. Or maybe she had to kill him.

  That startling thought momentarily flared, lighting her eyes. Instantly she looked down, hiding the truth from him as he again straightened up and towered over her. To her surprise, he spoke again, drawing her gaze his way. “I guess you know, because of this morning—what happened to you—that I won’t be moving down early with the others. To the border.”

  Kate frowned. How could he talk to her of the land run? Hadn’t she just told him they’d never make it? Then it occurred to her. Choices. Perhaps he was talking about choices. Not an end, but another path. That was it. There was always another choice, another road. Didn’t a different choice mean a different life? Wasn’t she living proof of that?

  She searched his face, tried to see why he was still standing here now, his hat in his hand, when he’d just said he had to get out of here, away from her. Could he mean if they went together, nothing could or would happen to either of them? Kate fervently hoped those were his thoughts. But still, she proceeded slowly, not wanting him to reject anything out of hand without first listening to her. All she knew was … if he wasn’t closing any doors, then neither was she.

  “Yes, I know,” she finally answered him, drawing his attention away from the crease in his hat’s crown that he’d been worrying, as if it were of utmost importance that he do so. It occurred to Kate then that he simply didn’t want to leave her presence. If that were true, then there was hope. If he wanted to be around her, then she was safe. Still, until she could fathom his thoughts, which he kept close to his chest, like a winning poker hand, she had to be careful. “I thank you for staying. I know it caused you to miss a chance at a front-line starting position for the land run. A chance you wanted for me.”

  He nodded. Kate’s heart thumped, steadily picking up its pace. She chanced a smile. “Life sure is strange, Cole. I mean, here you are, ready to make the run for me. And here I am, keeping you from doing it.”

  Cole’s expression, and his stance, relaxed. Suddenly they were having a civil conversation. “I
never meant to place any blame, Kate. Especially on you. Not today, not with everything you’re going through. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying we lost this opportunity.”

  She clung to his words. This opportunity. Not the only opportunity. Just this one. And we. He’d said we missed an opportunity. They were thinking alike. Like a wildfire, the spark of hope flared in Kate’s heart, and fueled her words. “We can still make up the lost time, Cole. I’ll be fine now. I just know I will.”

  Doubt flared in his eyes, sharpening his frown. “Well, I hope you will, Kate. But you don’t know that.”

  Stubbornness had her saying, “I will too be fine. And I do know it.”

  He held up a hand in an appeasing gesture. “All right. You will. I’m not going to argue the point with you. But that doesn’t change the fact—”

  “Yes it does. We can still make the land run.” Kate sat forward on the bed. “We can do it. Together.”

  He pulled back. “Together? Like hell, Kate. We’re not going anywhere. And I can’t leave you here with the kids. Anything could happen. With most everyone else gone on ahead to find a good starting point, well, you’re practically alone here. I can’t risk it.”

  “Yes you can. I mean, no you can’t.” Now he was getting her all confused. Kate took a deep breath and tried again … quietly, calmly. “If we don’t join the others today, Cole, then I might not get my land.” She allowed a moment for that to sink in before she added, “You promised me.”

  Cole looked away, shaking his head. His jaw worked. Then he again sought her gaze. “I know that, Kate. I did. I promised. But look at you. Neither one of us counted on this. So it can’t be helped.”

  Kate’s stubbornness firmed her lips. “Yes it can. The run itself isn’t for four more days. And I’m not bleeding anymore.”

  “I don’t care. You’re not making the trip. Especially when all we’d be doing was seeking a better starting position from which to wait.”

  Seeing that this tactic wasn’t working, Kate abandoned her point for the moment, focusing instead on another possibility. “All right. But promise me this … if I continue to do better, you’ll go on ahead and wait with the others at the border. Even tomorrow or the next day, you could catch up pretty easily on that roan of yours.”

  He shook his head. “I could. But I’ll make no such promise. You might start bleeding five minutes after I ride off. Besides, there are others here to consider, besides yourself. There’re three little kids who can’t fend for themselves. What if something happens to you, Kate? What about them, here alone? Then what?”

  Kate’s hands fisted around her covers. She’d been selfish even to think of being left alone here with small children in her care. “You’re right. We can’t put them at risk. I shouldn’t even have said it.” She tried a smile and a bit of fun at her own expense. “Even though I do suspect that Joey, Willy, and Lydia know a sight more about seeing after themselves than I do.”

  But apparently Cole wasn’t ready yet to forgive her. “Yes, they can fend for themselves, get a meal together, bathe themselves, chores such as that. But they can’t protect themselves. They need an adult around.”

  One, like herself, who didn’t know how to shoot a gun or ride a horse? Kate sobered. “All right. Fine. I’m being selfish. Perhaps I am. But that’s because I have to, if I’m going to have any kind of a life ahead of me. I surely don’t see anyone else on the horizon and wanting to look after me and my baby. Or am I wrong, Cole? Are you applying for the job?”

  His expression hardened. “You know I can’t. You wouldn’t want or need someone like me, Kate.”

  Her chin came up. She fought the sudden tears that threatened to spill over. Alone again. She must get used to it. Even if this was her husband—in name only—telling her so. “Well, then,” she said, her voice purposely strident to hide her disillusionment. “It seems we have two choices. No one goes. Or we all go.”

  Apparent surprise stiffened his stance. “No, Kate, those aren’t the choices. In fact, there are no choices. And no decisions to be made. Because no one is going. We can’t. And you need to face it.”

  “Well, I won’t. I can’t. Because we can go. We can do this.” Kate tensed, drawing her knees up and leaning over them in her agitation. “I won’t hear of anything else, Cole. I won’t. It’s my land. I want it. And I’m going to get it.”

  “Dammit, Kate. You—”

  “Stop it! Please.” He just didn’t understand. But maybe that was her fault. Sudden emotion overtook her. Sobs tore at her throat, tightened her chest. “Don’t you see, Cole? This land run isn’t some selfish thing I want to do—at my expense or yours. And certainly not at my baby’s or your sister’s kids’. I have to do it, Cole. I don’t have any choice. I’m alone. Just me and this child. Do I have to bleed to death right in front of you before you know it? Look at me. I have nowhere else to go. Nowhere. This is it for me. Right here. This land run.”

  She took a ragged breath, fought for control. Noting the intent expression on Cole’s face, she rushed on. “I can’t let my dream, my hope, die. Any more than I can stand the thought of my baby dying. Please, Cole, I’m begging you. Help me.”

  In the silence following her outburst, as Kate sat there, emotionally overwrought, knowing she couldn’t be doing herself or her baby any good with such outbursts, she watched as Cole’s expression changed. He blinked, looked down at his boots, then up at her as he put his Stetson on. “All right, Kate,” he said quietly. “I’ll help you. I’ll do it. But you have to tell me how.”

  Kate’s teary gaze locked with his. She’d done it. She’d gotten through to him. He was going to help her. Finally, she could exhale … and did. “Thank you,” was her breathless response.

  He shook his head, his expression sober, resigned. “No need to thank me, Kate. I’m not doing you any favors. I’m just keeping my end of our bargain.”

  Kate ducked her chin, stared down at her quilt-covered lap. “Still, I’m grateful. I couldn’t do it without you.” Nor could she believe she’d come to this turn. Or that she was saying such a thing … she couldn’t do it without him. Without him? The man whose job it was to kill her?

  “That is so,” he agreed, drawing her attention his way. “You can’t do it without me. But you’re still going to have to tell me how we’re going to do it, Kate. Because I don’t like it one bit. And I don’t want you holding me accountable later on. Or saying I didn’t warn you.”

  “Warn me? What are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about all the rain we’ve had here lately.” He began ticking off his several points on his fingers. “I’m talking about muddy trails. About flooding rivers between us and the border. I’m talking about washed-out bridges. And our passage through the Cherokee country, Kate. They’re not happy about all the wagons passing through their lands. And we’ve already missed the cavalry’s escort because we didn’t leave this morning. But mostly I’m talking about the fact that any attempt—even under perfect conditions—to get down to the border, given your condition, could kill you. Or your baby.”

  Kate winced at his words. “But Cole, I’m not the only woman here in my condition—I mean, expecting a baby. There are others. I’ve seen them. Women big with child. New mothers with nursing infants. And even now, they’re making their way down to the border with their families. Are you telling me they haven’t considered the dangers? That they’ll all be dead before they get there?”

  “Hell, no, Kate, I’m not saying that. I’m saying they’re a sight more healthy right now than you are. I’m saying you’re bleeding. And they’re not.”

  Kate took a deep breath. “That’s true. I can’t argue with you there.” But neither did she have another choice. She either took her chances and made the run to secure a future for herself and her baby, or she stayed behind and languished here until she died. Because once she broke her connection to Cole Youngblood, who hadn’t offered to stay on and help her any, she was right back where she’
d started—alone and penniless and pregnant in the backwoods town of Arkansas City. So there was no sense in arguing. Kate again met Cole’s waiting stare. “You know I don’t have any choice, don’t you?”

  He nodded, his expression one of resignation. “I know.”

  “Well, then,” Kate said, smoothing her covers and trying to sound practical and strong, “the way I see it, and as you said, all we need to discuss is the how of it. How I’m going to travel there.”

  Cole nodded. “There’s only one way that gives you any kind of a chance, Kate. And that’s in the back of the buckboard, because it has a spring-mounted suspension and will be a sight more easy-riding than this contraption.” He gestured to indicate the schooner they were in. “We’ll load the provisions and Mack’s tools and building materials back in here. And just take both wagons.”

  Kate didn’t know what to say. On the one hand, she was excited that Cole was already working on the details of the trip. But on the other hand, his suggestion sounded so slow and cumbersome. She frowned. “We’ll never make it in time like that, Cole.”

  “Sure we will. Most everybody else is traveling down there in wagons like ours. And they only have a few hours’ head start on us. We’ll catch up sooner or later. We can do it.”

  Now it was Kate who wasn’t so sure. “But how will we do that? Who’ll drive the wagons?”

  “Well, who do you think? I’ll drive this wagon since it’s a lot heavier. And Joey can handle the buckboard okay. And I can tie my roan onto the back of one of the wagons.” Then his expression seemed to brighten. “I believe this’ll work just fine, Kate. Besides, my not riding the roan down there will save him for the actual run.”

  Kate hadn’t thought about that. Or any of the other things Cole brought up. Which told her she was safe, and in good hands, with him in charge. Well, in good hands until he found out who she was. Still, Kate smiled. “It sounds like a fine plan, Cole. I’m very grateful to you.”