Prairie Song

by Cheryl Anne Porter

  She twisted, fighting his hold on her. “No. I won’t. You know what he did. What else could it be?”

  Suddenly, Cole stilled. Something was different, something in the air, maybe. Or was it something between them? Whatever it was, Kate could sense it. She abandoned her futile struggling in favor of staring at him through the haze of her hair that had fallen across her face. Never before had she seen an expression like the one now on Cole’s face. Murderous. Hating. Vengeful.

  As swiftly as he’d grabbed her a moment ago, he now released her and stepped back. Kate thought sure she’d lost, that he would pull out his gun and shoot her. But his next words proved her wrong … and scared her even more. “I’ll kill him,” Cole said quietly. “I promise you that, Kate. With my bare hands, I’ll kill him. That bastard son of a bitch won’t live long enough to see the sun rise tomorrow.”

  And then, he turned away and stalked off, the underbrush rustling and snapping under his every step. Kate froze in position, her eyes wide, her knees locked against the heavy weakness invading her bones. She watched his retreating figure and knew she couldn’t let him do that. Anything could happen. He could get himself killed instead. And if he succeeded in killing Mr. Talmidge—and she thought he would—he’d have to make his getaway and live the life of an outlaw or he’d be caught and hanged for murder. All on her account. But the worst aspect, to her, of each of those possibilities, was that she’d never see him again.

  Which told her another truth about herself, one she was now ready to admit. She had to see him. Every day of her life. And so she chased after him, finally catching up to him and falling in beside him. She all but skipped along in her effort to keep pace with him. She thought about tugging on him, trying to get him to stop. But instantly discarded that idea. Because as purposeful as his every step was—and fueled as each one was by an awful anger—he’d only shrug her off. So Kate employed her only weapons—her thoughts and her words—instead, carefully chosen words that hopefully would influence him. “You can’t do this, Cole. Think of the children. What would they do without you?”

  “They’ll have you.” His tone of voice matched the terseness of his words.

  “Me? I’m not so sure. I think Mr. Talmidge’s family—and especially his wife—would make sure I was dead too. And in trying to get me, they just might get the kids too. That’s why I said that Joey, Willy, and Lydia can’t be with me.” He didn’t say a word. Kate exhaled sharply. “Cole, are you listening to me?”

  “I am. And I think that’s pretty far-fetched, what you’re saying.”

  “No it isn’t. It’s about as far-fetched as your sitting around the campfire only a bit ago with me and reasoning out loud about the Talmidges and me—and being right about it all.”

  “That may be, but I’ve got to do what I think is right.”

  “Well, what is right, Cole? Tell me that.”

  But he didn’t. In the face of his silence, Kate focused her attention on the tangled fallen branches that littered the ground and threatened to trip her … and the approaching silvered edge of the stand of trees that sheltered them now. She realized they were heading toward the hills where the fancy people slept. Where the elegant gentlemen and ladies—especially one who looked just like her—resided for the night.

  “You’re asking me what’s right, Kate? You have to ask that?”

  His explosive words, coupled with his abrupt tone of voice, split the still night air like a knife’s slashing arc, and made Kate jump in surprise. But she was ready with her answer. “I do. I have to ask. Because I’m the one who was wronged, Cole. Not you.”

  Finally, he stopped. Kate did the same, her heart pounding. “That may be. But you’re my wife now—”

  “No, Cole, you’re not going to use that. Not for murder. Sharing the same last name is only part of our business arrangement. And nothing more.”

  He shook his head. “Maybe it was at first, Kate. But not now.”

  Kate’s throat all but closed. What was he saying? “No. You don’t—”

  “But I do. And so do you. Are you going to stand there and tell me any different? I see how you look at me, Kate. I watch you.”

  Kate wasn’t even sure the covering darkness could hide the heated blush warming her cheeks. “I watch you because … I don’t have anybody else to look at.”

  Cole made a derisive sound, one that put the lie to her words. “Don’t play games with me. We’re both adults, Kate. I watch you. And you watch me. There’s a reason for that. And I think you know what it is.”

  Kate’s chin rose a prideful notch. “That may be true, Cole Youngblood … about me watching you. But I figure I’ve got good reason, you being who you are. But still, there’s nothing between us—not what’s between a husband and wife who, well, who … love each other. We don’t have that.”

  “You mean I haven’t touched you yet, like a man does a woman?”

  Acute embarrassment—and a dose of lingering fear—had Kate looking everywhere but at him. “No. I mean, yes. You haven’t. Not that I want you to, mind you.”

  Cole chuckled. “It’s okay. I’m not going to try. I just didn’t know you wanted me to.”

  Kate gasped, her gaze locked with his. “I never said I did.”

  He held up a hand, cautioning her, calming her. “It’s okay. We’re talking about me. Trust me”—his gaze slipped appreciatively over her, warming her—“it hasn’t been because I haven’t wanted to.” Then he looked into her eyes. “But just when in hell have I had a chance, Kate? We’ve been on the move for days with three kids. And then there’s been your sickness and your bleeding. How many reasons do I need? There’s no privacy. We’ve only known each other about a week. All of that. But beyond that, I wasn’t even sure you wanted me to touch you. I don’t figure that some piece of paper gives me the right. I’m not that kind of man. Because, like I said earlier, I’d never hurt you.”

  Kate could only stare at this man standing in front of her. He’d probably said close to everything she’d ever want to hear him say. And at the worst possible moment, too. But she’d be darned if she was going to miss this opportunity not to use his words against him—in an effort to keep him alive now, so they could someday explore these feelings between them. “I appreciate everything you just said,” she began. “I truly do. Your words mean a lot to me. Especially the ones about how you’d never hurt me. Because I figure that, right now, the only thing you could do to hurt me is to kill Edgar Talmidge.”

  Cole stiffened, his chin came up, his expression became granite. He looked at her as if she were horse droppings on his boot heel. “Are you telling me—after what that man did to you—you have warm feelings for him?”

  Stung to the core, Kate’s words burst out of her. “Dear God! No. The only thing I feel for him is hatred. And there’s nothing I’d like better than to kill him myself.”

  “Then why—”

  “Because it’s wrong, Cole. Just like what you do for a living. It’s wrong. If you kill him, or if I kill him, it’ll just set off a chain of other killings. A man with that much money and all that family? Why, there’s no telling where it would all wind up and who would be dead. Too many innocent people, I’m afraid. You have to understand that when I escaped that house in New York, I made an important decision, Cole. And that was to go on living. For my baby. I chose to put it all behind me and to face each new day as it came. Because I couldn’t do it for myself. And I still can’t.”

  He put a hand out to her. It was meant no doubt as a sympathetic gesture, but Kate flinched. She felt too fragile right now to be touched. He lowered his hand. “Kate, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

  She nodded, sniffed back her gathering emotion. “I know you didn’t. But it’s okay now. I’m all right. And that’s thanks to you, Cole.”

  “Like hell it is.” He turned away, facing the beckoning hills shining just beyond the trees. His forbidding stance—hands to his waist, a knee bent, his shoulders squared—spoke volumes. Kate saw right
through his pose, right through to the good man underneath, the one struggling to do the right thing by everyone, including her.

  “You have trouble accepting yourself as a good man, don’t you?” The words were out before she could stop them, before she even knew she was thinking them.

  “No. I don’t have any trouble with that, Kate. Because I know I’m not a good man. You just said so yourself not five minutes ago.” He threw the words back over his shoulder.

  Kate thought back and realized he meant her comment about how he made his living. “I didn’t say you weren’t a good man, Cole. I said what you do for a living is wrong.”

  “It’s the same thing for a man, Kate. What he does to earn his keep is who he is.”

  “Maybe so. But you’re still a good man, Cole. In fact, you’re much better than most. Look at everything you’ve done for your sister and her kids. And look at what you’ve done for me—”

  He jerked back around to face her. “What I’ve done for you? How can you stand there and say that? I’ve put you through hell, Kate, because of who I am. How long have you known that I had the contract on your life?”

  Kate’s mouth dried. She was about to test these warm feelings he said he had for her. “Only since the night before we came here, when I read the telegraph. But before that, on the day I met you and you told me your name, I’ve suspected you might be the man he hired. I knew you did some … work for Mr. Talmidge. So I suspected you were the one.”

  “Good God, Kate, why didn’t you get away from me then? Why’d you stay?”

  She made a gesture of helplessness. “I had no choices left, Cole. Remember? No money, no protection. No food. No place to sleep. Only that stupid little box I was sitting on. And with a baby to think about—and those drunks coming out of the saloon—I had to go with you. And then, I—well, I hoped … as time went on … that you might come to care about me some. And then if you did find out who I was, you might not be able to pull the trigger.”

  He didn’t say anything. But he looked at her sidelong. “Well, I’d say your plan worked.”

  Kate exhaled cautiously. “You’re thinking I used you, aren’t you?”

  He nodded, his tall Stetson only adding emphasis to his gesture. “Yep. You did. But that’s okay. I used you, too. Neither one of us is blameless.”

  Kate felt a wretchedness seize her, one that wouldn’t allow her to meet his gaze. Again she looked down. “I know. Only the children are innocent. Your sister’s. And my baby. They didn’t do anything wrong.”

  Cole’s expression changed, softened somehow. “Is that how you can love it, Kate … because of its innocence?”

  Through the shiny haze of sudden tears, Kate stared at him as his sincerely worded question filled her mind. “Yes,” she finally got out. “This child I carry did no wrong. She’s mine. Just like your sister’s kids are yours now and it doesn’t matter how you got them.” Then a sudden smile of realization found its way to her face and eased the emotion of the moment for her. “And now, I suppose, since I’m their aunt, they’re mine, too.”

  Cole returned her smile with one of his own. “I expect that’s true. And I guess each of those kids, including your baby, need us to be the best people we know how to be.”

  The man was a continual surprise to her. He was so genuinely good. All Kate could do was stare into his dark eyes—so hard to see in this dim light—and wish he’d hold her. For just a moment. “Yes, they do,” she said, a remaining vestige of caution and uncertainty keeping her response short. She couldn’t afford to misinterpret his intentions at this point, when so many lives, including his own, literally hung in the balance.

  Then Cole exhaled his breath in a huff and scrubbed his hand tiredly over his face. “All right, Kate. You win. For now. I can’t promise what tomorrow will bring. Or what I may be called upon to do if it turns out that the woman the boys and I saw is Mrs. Talmidge. I will tell you this—if it is her, and Mr. Talmidge is here, too, and they make a move—I’ll put an end to the whole sorry affair. And I’ll do it in one heartbeat. With no regrets. I want you to know that.”

  Kate nodded, wringing her fingers together nervously. “I understand.”

  “Good.” His black eyes bored into hers, telling her he meant every word. “But for tonight, you win.” He stepped over to her and took her elbow … turning her in the direction of the wagons and the kids. “There’s just one more thing, Kate.”

  They broke out of the creek-hugging stand of oaks just then. Kate looked up at Cole, so strong and tall and handsome in the stark moonlight, as he stood there silhouetted against the backdrop of the plains behind him. The very sight of him made her heart all but skip a beat. “And what’s that?”

  “Do you think…” he began, frowning scarily but still managing to look endearingly unsure of himself. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to—or even if you can’t—but do you think that just for tonight, just once, I might hold my wife in my arms while I sleep?”

  * * *

  Kate had never thought, after Mr. Talmidge’s mistreatment of her, that she’d ever again be able to lie down with a man. And yet, she had. For here she was … in Cole Youngblood’s arms.

  And here the day was. One dawning full of pinks and yellows and promises. A wondrously bright and warm morning, the day before the land run. Curled up on her side, atop Cole’s bedroll on the ground, with a warm quilt that covered them both, Kate lay there with her eyes open, still blinking sleepily, thinking this a miracle. Because Cole Youngblood snored softly at her back. His arm was draped over her from behind and held her to him, against the warm, muscled wall of his chest. She could feel his body’s heat, even through his shirt. Yes, he’d remained fully dressed, down to his boots. All he’d removed was his gun and his Stetson, both of which rested at his head.

  And true to his word, he’d only held her all through the night. He’d not touched her in any untoward or even husbandly way. Kate recalled now how tender and understanding he’d been of her, despite the desire that flared in his eyes, as she’d shyly removed her shoes and had crawled, fully dressed herself, onto his bedroll with him. After some initial awkwardness—mostly on her part—they’d settled into this position while the moon still rode the night’s sky. And apparently they’d been so tired that neither one of them had moved.

  If only every day would dawn so full of contentment and excitement. For the first time in many years, perhaps since her mother and father had been killed, leaving her a frightened orphan who’d eventually found herself scratching at the Talmidge mansion’s back door begging for work, Kate felt safe and happy. She felt she could truly relax, could even look forward to the future.

  Because all things now seemed possible … with Cole at her back, with his support. She was beginning to see that life she’d always wanted. Only now instead of just her and her baby, she pictured it with Joey, Willy, and Lydia. And yes, Kitty, too. And Cole. A family.

  Kate frowned, hoping she wasn’t jumping the gun. Because Cole had as much as said, last night, that.… That he what? Kate’s frown deepened. What had he said? Only that he cared about her. He’d never said he’d give up his way of life and settle down with her and the kids. In fact, he’d said they were better off with her. Not with his cousin. Or with him. Kate’s rosy picture of the future slipped away like a scudding cloud. In its place loomed a grim and gray reality. What would a man like Cole do without his gun and his wandering ways? Could he be happy in one place with a wife and kids? How would he make his living? He certainly wasn’t a farmer.

  Well, no matter what it might be, could she ask him to try? Did she have that right? Breathing in the strong, clean scent of the morning air, Kate’s attention shifted. All around her, she heard the stirrings of awakening campers. All too soon she and her “family” would be up and doing the same things. But for now, Kate relished the quiet and took herself to task for the wayward nature of her thoughts. Was she thinking of asking Cole Youngblood to settle down? Why, she didn’t even want h
im to, did she? She slumped back into his arms, felt his solidness at her back. Yes, she wanted him to. She wanted him to stay with her. Forever.

  This past night had only proven it to her. She’d slept quietly and soundly in a man’s arms. But did that mean she was ready to have a loving relationship with a man? In the marriage bed? Kate gave those questions due consideration. She imagined Cole’s hands on her … his mouth, his tenderness, the words he might say. And instead of fear and revulsion, she found herself warming up, her breathing quickening. That was all she needed to know. If she was even thinking such a thing, it must mean she was healing—in her heart and in her mind, where it counted. And she knew something else … she had one man to thank for that. Cole Youngblood.

  It was a miracle, one she wanted to share with him … when the time was right. Maybe after the land run. Maybe while he was building their cabin. And they were all helping. And Kitty was running around and getting in the way. Kate grinned, even chuckled … There she went again, picturing that happy little family—

  “What’s so funny?”

  Kate froze. The husky voice at her back, the warm breath in her ear, the arm tightening around her middle … that was Cole Youngblood, her husband. He was awakening … and kissing at her ear as his hand splayed over her belly and rubbed slowly in circles. Kate’s insides tingled. But despite her only moments-old vision of a loving physical relationship with this man, she panicked, jerking away and struggling to sit up. “Um, nothing,” she said too brightly, as she peered at him over her shoulder. “I guess I was just … dreaming, is all. Did I wake you?”

  Cole withdrew his hands from her and shifted on the bedroll, bending an elbow and supporting his head with his hand. From there, he looked her up and down … and smiled and said nothing.

  Practically beside herself, Kate put her hands to her hair, then to her bodice, her skirt, and back to her hair. “I must look a fright, with my hair all mussed and my clothes—”

  Cole captured her wrist and her gaze. “You’re beautiful, Kate. Just beautiful. And I’ve never said that to another woman.”