Asarotica

by Asa Akira

  I hope he’s here.

  Knock, knock.

  I hope she’s not.

  Some time passed, I’m not sure how much. I waited. I always waited. What could I say? I was addicted.

  I heard the clicking of locks, and then he opened the door, somehow still looking handsome at God-knows-what hour. Sometimes I couldn’t believe he was a real human being. Adjusting his black robe, he didn’t seem fazed to see me standing there absolutely disheveled—like this was just another Tuesday night for him. Tilting his head, his dark eyes rolled over me slowly. He held my gaze for what seemed like an eternity.

  “Come in.” He moved to the side, motioning for me to enter. “It’s late.”

  I dipped into his apartment and threw my purse on the dining room table. I turned around and looked at him. I knew he could see the desperation in my eyes. His arms were crossed, face expressionless.

  “What did you get yourself into this time, Audrey?” He moved towards me, reigniting the violent butterflies. He brought his body an inch from mine. My skin instantly heated up from his vicinity. My mind raced.

  Finally.

  He ran his fingers along my waist and glided behind me. Placing both hands on my shoulders, he leaned forward to whisper in my ear. “You always run here to escape.” His breath sent shivers down my whole body. “You’re always running.” He chuckled, lips still lingering at my ear. I closed my eyes and let his pure existence wash over me.

  Without warning, he gripped my throat from behind and wrapped my torso in his other arm, grabbing both my breasts. He pulled me so tightly against him it startled me.

  “I needed you,” I gasped.

  I imagined a dark smile spreading across his face. He ran off lust, like he was some kind of machine, fondling me, nuzzling my hair and taking a deep breath through his nose. His breath on my skin made my pussy ache. He pressed his mouth to my neck. “I know you only come here when you’ve been bad.” He loved having the upper hand. “Have you been bad?” He nipped my ear just enough for the sting to heat me up even more.

  “Y-Yes.” I loved the way he made me shake. The way I felt like a ridiculous little girl. There wasn’t a rule on Earth that I obeyed unless he was in the room. It felt good. So good. “It was just another job, b-but it all went wrong,” I stammered as his hand glided down my stomach and beneath my pants.

  He played with my panties for a moment and then slid past them.

  “Mmhmm … Mmhmm …” He nodded as he listened to my explanation. I squirmed. The chill of his fingertips resting on my clit made me lose focus. He bit my ear again.

  Shaking, I tried to continue my point. “There was a new guy there, one I’d never met before. He was a rat, Michael. He fucked it all up. I ran. I-I had to. I don’t know what happened to our crew but I got the hell out of there.”

  My nefarious night life came as no surprise to him.

  “S-So … I ran here. To you.” I dropped my head, knowing full well how much he savored proof of my obsession.

  He whirled me around and pushed me against the wall. He grabbed my neck forcefully this time and turned my cheek towards him, inspecting my lack of resistance for whatever he chose to do with me. “You can lay with me tonight, but you won’t be rewarded for waking me up at this hour.” He pressed his lips hard against mine. “As much as I would love to take out some frustrations on you.” He moaned into my mouth then pulled back quickly and walked off. “Get undressed.” He threw his hand up as he walked into his bedroom and waved for me to follow. “I’m tired.”

  I couldn’t say I was in love, as much as I could say I was addicted to that man. I knew he wasn’t mine. I knew he didn’t love me. Michael wasn’t the kind of man to give me emotion. That wasn’t what I needed. He gave me something else. He tapped into something I didn’t know existed. Somehow he dug past my wild spirit and found a secret desire to be controlled. A desire of mine that was hidden in the deepest, darkest corners of my mind. Places I was too frightened to go. The obsession wasn’t healthy, and I knew it. But that didn’t mean I wouldn’t have given my left leg for just one more night next to him.

  Tomorrow morning when I awoke, he would be gone. I never asked where he went; I already knew. He would be with her, with the woman in his life who was there long before I came into the picture. The one who didn’t let him explore the darkness he so desperately needed to unleash on me. I didn’t ask questions—I grew tired of that after the jealously wore off. You can only be jealous of someone for having something you want. I didn’t want Michael the way she had him.

  I wanted him exactly the way I had him. In the dark of the night, when I needed parts of me explored that I feared to do so myself.

  As expected, I woke up alone. I rolled over and reached for my cell phone, my tired eyes and smeared makeup making it hard to focus on the time. I rubbed my eyes and waited for them to adjust to the bright screen.

  Holy shit, it’s late.

  I threw the covers off and stumbled around the room, picking up my clothes and getting dressed. After quickly splashing cold water on my face, I took a moment to look in the mirror. I stared at the black choker I never took off. Michael bought it for me. He said I always had to wear it, and of course I obeyed. Five years now, he’d been my fix, and I had yet to understand how he infected my mind. I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror; I was a mess. I tried to give myself a pep talk. I had bigger things to worry about right now.

  Remember the goal.

  I stared myself down in the mirror. You don’t want to be stuck in this fucking city forever.

  It was always back to business when he wasn’t around, when he wasn’t hypnotizing me. Last night was a major loss. My gaze shifted downwards to the running water. I tried, but couldn’t stop the tears. You were so close! I punched the counter. Blood dripped from my knuckle. Shit. I winced at the pain radiating through my hand. I splashed more water on my face, grabbed my purse, and ran out the door.

  “Afternoon, Miss Audrey.” The doorman nodded as I headed out.

  Once I got to my car, I noticed a parking ticket tucked neatly under my windshield wiper. I grabbed it and slumped behind the wheel. Goddamn it. I tossed the bright yellow paper into my purse and sped off. There was no traffic heading back over the bridge, which was nice, but at this hour, in this direction, it was to be expected. Not many people headed to that side of the city, and for good reason. Although I had lived there my whole life, I held no loyalty to those streets. I hated them just as much as I hated the life of crime they forced me into. I wasn’t as stupid as some of my counterparts, though. I saved every bit of money I could, from whatever jobs we pulled here and there. That was the goal—Get. The. Hell. Out.

  Remember the goal.

  I sighed my mantra as I rolled down the windows, letting the wind in. All I wanted was to escape that place. Ever since I was a little girl, I fantasized of walking out onto a balcony somewhere and being met by a warm beach breeze. Palm trees swayed in my mind while I dreamed of peace, quiet, and a new slate. I lost myself along my drive daydreaming.

  Remember the goal.

  I was jolted back to reality when I pulled in front of my excuse for a home and was met by Tyler. He was there last night, and he ran up to my car as soon he saw me pull up.

  “Audrey, Jesus Christ! I’m glad you’re okay.” He leaned through my open window.

  “What happened? I bailed as soon as things went south.” I ran both hands through my hair, sighing. “Are you okay?” He knew I asked because he had the money on him before shit hit the fan. He knew I knew. I was in business mode; I never had time for games. Leaning against the steering wheel, I looked up at Tyler sternly and waited for an explanation.

  “Hey, h-hey, I know what you’re thinking. Look, Josh and I got out of there together and bailed to his cousin’s house for a few hours,” he stammered. I made him nervous. “Our cuts are safe. At least us three got lucky. I’m not sure what happened to the others, but that’s why I’ve been waiting outside your place a
ll day.”

  Standing outside my place looking like a shady idiot, was more like it.

  “I don’t want any bad blood between us. You know I got you.” Tyler slid his hand into his hoodie and pulled out a thick envelope. He dropped it quickly into the car and I shoved it in my purse.

  I smiled up at him. “Damn, we actually caught a break for once.” I’d known him the longest out of everyone with whom we did business, but it wasn’t like I really trusted anyone. “I appreciate you looking out. You have no idea how much I needed it.”

  He smiled and shrugged. “You know I always got your back, Audrey.”

  His words stung. Not because I cared much at all for him, but because I knew how he felt about me. Tyler had no idea of my plans to skip town once I saved up enough money. Personally, I think he was stuck in this delusion that we’d fall in love one day and enjoy a life of crime together, a real modern-day Bonnie and Clyde.

  Ridiculous.

  I snatched my purse and got out of the car, making sure to lock it behind me. I gave Tyler a nod as I headed up the steps to my place. “I’ll see you around. I got some shit to take care of.”

  He shot me a quick smile and headed down the street. I shimmied through the broken front door to my building. Once I got into my apartment, I instantly hit the locks, plopping onto the mattress on the floor before taking the envelope out of my purse. I held it to my chest. Closing my eyes, I finally exhaled a huge sigh of relief. Every envelope brought me closer to escape. I jumped up and headed to the bathroom. Running my fingers along the sides of the mirror, I wiggled it off the wall the way I had so many times before. Behind it was the black duffel bag where I held all my dreams. I counted what Tyler had given me, then tossed it in the bag and quickly replaced the mirror. I headed back to the mattress in a daze.

  Holy shit. I fell to my stomach on the bed and rested my face in my hands. You fucking did it. Tears began to pour. I had been working nonstop in that hell with my head down for five straight years. I did, and had done to me, unspeakable things. Finally, I had enough to escape. Enough to run away forever. I hadn’t felt high like that since …

  Well, since Michael.

  Shit. Michael. I was always so focused on the end game that I never thought about what would happen when our deal was over. When I was ready to disappear. We would feed each other’s needs until the time came. I never thought about when it would actually come. I knew I only needed him to numb the pain from my everyday life, but I wouldn’t need that where I was going. I had to run this last bit and never have to run again. I wasn’t too prideful to admit that I was afraid to live a life without him.

  Remember the goal.

  I sat on the money for a few days while I got things in order. Packing my life up in that little car, I tried to figure out when to talk to Michael. The idea of cutting ties with him made me nauseated and cold. Can I trust myself on my own? Is disappearing really going to save me? It was such uncharted territory, my head spun. I recalled what it felt like to be in his presence, to feel his touch. My body ached. I closed my eyes and thought of his smell and his stern eyes. Drunk off his memory, I lay on the bed and caressed my body. My pussy was looking for any and every recollection of him. I lost myself in my mind for a while when a single thought violently shot me back to reality.

  What if the next time is the last time?

  I jumped up and looked out the window at the stars. Quickly I headed out the door, and drove off.

  * * *

  “Come.”

  He beckoned me sternly. I walked into his room as he lay on the bed, the moonlight hitting his solid body in an image of absolute perfection. My pussy dripped at the sight. “Undress. Come lay.” He threw his hands behind his head as he waited for me to join him.

  I slid onto the sheets and cuddled against his warm body. He wrapped his arms around me and held me for a moment. There was power but a new sense of intimacy behind his actions. It made me unsure and excited.

  “Is this our last night together?” I whispered, my head on his chest as I stared off into the darkness.

  “Yes.” He held me and closed his eyes. “It is.” The words made me hold onto the moment even tighter. I didn’t know what to think.

  I nestled into Michael’s chest. I felt powerful being cradled by his strong body. It was as if we had both let our guards down for a moment. It felt like we were just two bodies waiting to see what the darkness of night had in store for us.

  No plan. No deal. Just us.

  He slowly ran his fingernails across my bare back. The sensation made my nipples perk up. I felt my heart rate increase just a touch. There was nothing left to the imagination with our naked bodies lying intertwined. My sense of uncertainty dissipated and was replaced with sexual ache. I sat up and let Michael nuzzle my neck, his sleepy yawn giving me shivers.

  My yearning increased and he took to it slowly, creeping his lips down my neck. It seemed the saltiness of my skin left him thirsty for more. He moved his mouth down my body, kissing my collarbone gently and grazing me with his teeth. I was trying to hold back, but let out a gasp, squirming in an attempt to hide my goosebumps. Michael always loved it when I squirmed. He danced his fingertips from my knee up to my inner thigh, not giving me the satisfaction I was burning for yet. He ran his fingers lightly over my pussy lips, through the wisps of my bush, and up my belly.

  “Mm,” I moaned softly through my heavy breaths. I felt a deep twinge from my pussy. I couldn’t deny the heat. I could tell Michael was aware of what he was doing to every nerve in my body when I saw a smirk on his face.

  He moved up my belly and outlined the curves of my breasts, pausing in anticipation at my nipples. Back and forth, he caressed beneath each breast. Finally he gave me a bit of relief by drawing circles around my nipples then giving them a soft pinch. I sighed. He cupped my breasts and kneaded them gently. I could tell the frustration welled up in him just as much as it welled up in me. He leaned close and sighed into my ear like he was starving. Michael grabbed me tightly and pulled me close, trying to hold back from pouncing.

  He ran his hand back down between my thighs. I tightened my legs playfully and didn’t allow him entry. I could only hold out for a second. He slid his fingers up and down through my lips; I was already moist from his toying. The tips of his fingers were wet now and he moved up to my clit, pinching it.

  “Oh god,” I panted. His touch was unlike anything else. The pain and pleasure of being played with drove my body insane. His fingers lingered at my hole while he pressed my clit with more force. He drew his teeth and nibbled my neck. I started to groan louder when he quickened his pace on my clit. I could barely think through the pleasure. Please don’t stop. Please don’t stop. Without any warning, he jammed his fingers inside.

  I gasped in surprise and searched for him in the darkness. I couldn’t be without his taste. We locked lips and he quickened the rhythm of his fingers, sliding in and out as I pushed myself into his hand.

  “Yes … Y-Yes!” My orgasm building inside me as he pumped my pussy faster and faster. “Don’t stop!” At that, he slid down the bed and threw my legs over his shoulders, opening me up for him to devour. Fingers still slick with my juices, he furiously pushed them in and out while pressing his mouth on to my clit. I couldn’t help but let out a scream of ecstasy. My orgasm washed over me like a wave of fire. I tightened my legs around his head but that only made him suck harder. My body writhed against his face as I basked in every vibration of my climax. I sank into the sheets and watched Michael lick up my juices.

  “Come here,” I croaked, and grabbed him. I glided my hand down his solid stomach to search for what I wanted. I quickly found it throbbing in my palm. Our tongues danced in manic ecstasy while I stroked him. I could feel all the blood rushing to his cock and without hesitation, I guided him inside me. We both let out a groan the second he filled my soaking cunt. We ground our hips together, and every inch of his shaft hit me.

  My juices spilled out with every thrust an
d another orgasm burned within my core. Michael pulled me in closely, his five o’clock shadow grazing my upper lip. He moved faster and faster, harder and harder until he began to convulse inside me. I could feel the cum right on the edge of bursting out of his cock. We were drunk off each other. He pounded my sopping wet pussy and gripped my body as if it were his very own life force.

  “O-Oh my god,” he growled. His animalistic moans of pleasure awoke something hot and primal inside of me. His body shuddered, about to explode.

  “Cum inside me!” I wailed as I wrapped both my legs around his waist and clawed his back. “I want to be filled with you,” I begged into his ear, about to unleash my own orgasm that I had held onto for too long. My words sent Michael over the edge and my cunt clenched around him. Tears welled in my eyes as he pushed deeper into me than ever before.

  “Yes!” His cock unloaded, his cum hitting the back of my pussy and filling me to the brim. The sensation threw me into a final wave of euphoria that swept over my entire body. My pussy contracted violently with his cock still inside me and I screamed as all my juices saturated us both.

  Out of breath, we both collapsed with my legs still around him. He kissed me passionately as we shook from sensitivity. We had soaked the sheets. Reality steadily came back when Michael slid out and keeled over next to me on the bed. I nestled into his chest.

  We lay there in silence for a while, trying to catch our breath and figure out what would happen next.

  “I will only admit this once,” he said, “but a selfish part of me was hoping you would never reach your goal.”

  It pissed me off that he was so selfish, but I had mostly learned to take his faults in stride, the way he took mine. We were nothing if not honest with each other.

  We were both fucked up.