I Heart You, Archie de Souza

by Chrissie Keighery

  I actually did know that. I just thought it might be different now that we’re going out together.

  ‘Maybe because Edi isn’t a stalker?’ Olympia says under her breath and now she’s really done it. Eliza’s eyes go so narrow that they almost don’t exist. I seriously can’t help myself. I just burst out laughing.

  ‘Hey, Edi. What’s so funny?’ I turn around and Archie’s there.

  ‘Oh, it’s nothing. Just something Limps said,’ I say.

  ‘Ah, I just finished a soccer match and … I thought I’d come to the tree for the rest of … um … and you’re here!’ He sounds happy to see me and I can’t resist giving Eliza a last glance. He doesn’t even say hello to her.

  ‘That’s okay, Archie,’ I say. ‘I just thought you might be here.’ Archie looks a bit confused, and, to be honest, I don’t think that meeting up with me at lunchtime was high on his list. But it will be now.

  It’s kind of satisfying when Eliza slips away without another word. There are only a few minutes until the bell goes, but if whatever was going on between me and Eliza was a competition, I’ve won. Well, I’ve won the first round anyway, which is weird because I actually haven’t said a word to her.

  One thing’s for sure. I haven’t heard the last of Eliza.

  At lunchtime the next day, I scope out the tree from the slopes next to the basketball courts rather than heading down there. I’m with the caravan crew and Leo. It’s pretty cool how Leo hangs out with us half the time. I wish someone else would. I can see the bench girls hanging around near the tree, but no Archie.

  ‘Is Archie playing soccer?’ I ask Leo. He takes an Oreo from Hazel’s lunchbox and she slaps him on the wrist.

  ‘You’ve had three,’ Hazel protests, ‘show me what you’ve got to swap with.’

  Leo laughs. ‘You can have my carrot,’ he offers, and gets another slap. He still hasn’t answered me. Sometimes, it’s like the two of them are in their own little universe.

  ‘Is Archie playing soccer?’ I ask again.

  ‘Yeah,’ Leo replies and now the two of them are taking alternate bites of the carrot. ‘You won’t get him off the soccer field, Edi. Especially not with the grand final coming up. He’s in training.’

  ‘Oh, that’s cool,’ I say, trying to make it sound casual. But I can’t help feeling annoyed. I’ve barely seen him since Sunday.

  ‘You know,’ Leo continues, his mouth full of carrot, ‘he trains right near your house on Tuesday arvos.’

  I think about that all afternoon. I need to see him. Straight after school, I text Mum.

  Can I have friend over for dinner 2nite? He’s helping me with maths.

  I know she’ll go for it. I’m not allowed to do social stuff on a school night but anything to do with school work will get her in. As soon as she replies yes, I text Archie.

  Drop into my place for dinner after training?

  He’s quick to respond.

  Yep. Cool x I love how he’s added a kiss. I run my finger over it. And even though I’m worried Mum and Dad will be weird, I’m so excited.

  I’ll finally get to see my boyfriend.

  I try not to race to the door when I hear a knock. That would make my parents suss.

  ‘Hey, Edi.’ There must be a shower at Archie’s training ground. His dark hair is damp and kind of slicked back. He’s wearing a green T-shirt that’s almost the colour of his eyes, and he looks cute in his black skinny jeans. Maybe he’s put on aftershave, or it might just be deodorant, but he smells amazing. It’s hard to keep my distance.

  ‘Hey, you,’ I say. I wish I had time to explain that he has to pretend to be here to help me with maths, but Mum’s already calling us to the table. The food is in the centre of the table, so we can just help ourselves. We all sit down.

  ‘It’s kind of you to help Edi with maths,’ Mum says. ‘Edi tells me you’re a year ahead. So I guess you did what she’s up to last year?’

  I answer quickly so Archie will get it. ‘Yes, it’s really nice of you, Archie,’ I say.

  ‘We’d be happy to pay you for your time,’ Dad pipes up. ‘We were thinking of getting Edi a tutor anyway. So, what were your results?’

  Seriously, it’s like an interview. Archie doesn’t know what to say. ‘Um, well … there’s no need …’

  ‘Archie topped the year,’ I say. I actually don’t know anything about how Archie does in maths, so it could be the truth.

  ‘That’s good,’ Dad says. ‘That’s good. So, do you know what you’d like to do when you leave school, Archie? Maths is definitely one of those subjects that opens doors.’

  Archie swallows a mouthful of steamed vegies. The vegies are okay, but I can’t help thinking of the gnocchi primavera his mum made. And of the way Archie’s parents talked normally, not like they were scoping me out.

  ‘Um, I’m actually … I mean, I’d like to … um … be a professional soccer player,’ he says.

  Dad’s eyebrows raise right up. Dadface. ‘That’s interesting,’ he says. Which means crazy in Dadspeak. ‘And what do your parents think of that?’

  ‘Mum reckons I’ll get there no problem, but Dad thinks I need to spend time working on my head ball. Sometimes I don’t get the positioning right and then it doesn’t come off at the right angle,’ Archie says, and I can tell he has no clue that Dad thinks soccer is not a proper ambition. I need to rescue him. Luckily, he’s almost finished his food.

  ‘We’re going to work in the caravan. All my books are there,’ I say. I always do my homework in the caravan, so Mum and Dad just nod.

  When we get to the caravan, Archie stands in the doorway and looks around. Then he shakes his head. I get the feeling there are a few things he wants to say and he’s not sure what to start with.

  ‘It’s really nice in here, Edi,’ he begins. I already know what’s coming. ‘Um … why did you tell your parents I was tutoring you? I mean … I’m okay with maths but I … er … didn’t top the class or anything. So, if you need help —’

  ‘It’s just easier, Archie,’ I say. I take a deep breath and try to explain. ‘It’s just … my mum and dad aren’t like your mum and dad. I don’t know if they’d be okay with me going out with you.’

  ‘They seem nice,’ Archie says with a shrug. ‘Like, they seem okay, anyway. And my parents really like you. They said so. So, I don’t see why —’

  ‘Don’t worry about it,’ I say. He won’t get it. He won’t get how much pressure my parents put on me. Why would he? His own parents are so warm, they’re like an open fire. Mine are more like an iceberg.

  I sit on my bed and Archie finally follows me in. I pat a spot next to me. He moves aside a couple of cushions and sits too. The cloud picture is above us.

  ‘My parents are really different to yours,’ I say.

  ‘Yeah, maybe,’ he says, ‘but don’t you think it’s better just to try to be … well … honest? I mean, sometimes I think my mum or my dad won’t understand something but then they … kind of do.’

  I tilt my head and look into those green eyes. There are dark flecks in there that I haven’t noticed before. I don’t know if Archie notices something new about me too, or if he’s just got a glimpse of how sad I feel at home these days, but he puts his arms around me and pulls me to him.

  ‘I can’t. I can’t be honest with them.’ I don’t know how to explain it to him. Of course, I talk to Mum and Dad, but they never listen properly. They listen with their ears, not with their hearts. It’s as if everything they don’t understand about me has built up into this big weight that sits on my chest.

  I let my head sink into Archie’s chest and rest there. I melt into him, feeling the beat of his heart on my cheek. It’s like getting lost, but not somewhere bad. It’s like getting lost in paradise.

  We don’t talk.

  We don’t need to.

  I lift up my head so our faces are close together.

  ‘You okay, Edi?’ he asks. Those lips. I kiss them and they kiss back. Our first kiss wa
s perfect, but this one is better. We are so together it’s like this is where I belong. On this cloud. This heart-shaped cloud.

  Quella.

  ‘Edi?’ Archie pulls away from me. ‘Your parents might come in.’

  ‘They won’t,’ I tell him. ‘They wouldn’t interrupt while we’re working.’

  Archie shakes his head. ‘We’re not working,’ he says.

  ‘I know.’ I want to kiss him again but he stands up.

  ‘I better go,’ he says.

  I don’t want him to go, but there doesn’t seem much I can do about it. Besides, it’s getting late. He gives me one more kiss. On the cheek this time.

  When he’s left, I try to take the kiss back to bed. I try to keep that feeling.

  But it disappears.

  I wish I could just cut it out of me, this loneliness.

  I get under the covers and snuggle as though he’s still here. I remind myself there will be more moments like the one we just had. Loads more.

  It’s all right, quella, I tell myself. It’s all right.

  I lie there for about half an hour before I remember I have to get up.

  It’s bin night.

  ‘Edi, you can’t go to school like that,’ Mum says the next morning. She doesn’t raise her voice. Her words are slow and controlled.

  ‘Mum, it’s just eyeliner. Everyone wears eyeliner.’ Dad walks into the kitchen and I sigh loudly. He will be on her side for sure.

  ‘Why do you want to wear eyeliner, Edi?’ he asks.

  ‘Because it looks pretty.’ But I wish I hadn’t even answered because I already know what he’ll say next. It’s not like I haven’t heard it before.

  ‘Being pretty is not an achievement,’ he says.

  Being a tool is, though. It’s a giant achievement.

  This is the bit where Dad pauses for effect. The lecture will continue in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 …

  ‘Working hard and using your intelligence and your natural talents, they are achievements,’ he says, right on cue. Now Mum joins in. The two of them are a unit. As usual.

  ‘You actually have to work harder for people to take you seriously when you’re pretty,’ she says.

  I’ve been hearing stuff like this since I was little. Since people peered into my pram and made loads of exclamations about how beautiful I was.

  I wish Mum and Dad would just stop saying it. If they bothered to get to know me, they’d know I realise being pretty isn’t an achievement. I mean, it was quite nice being ranked number one on the hot list, but it didn’t mean as much to me as it did to some of the other girls, like Limps, for instance. The thing is, I don’t see anything wrong with wearing a tiny bit of eyeliner like I do on the weekends, even if it is against the school rules. I just want to look nice. I don’t care what Nelson and some random boys think. But I’ve got Archie now and I do care about that.

  ‘Your mother and I have to go to work now. You’ll take off the eyeliner before you go to school,’ Dad says, as though it’s settled.

  I nod. There’s no point arguing with my parents. I go to the bathroom and listen for the front door to close.

  But I don’t take off the eyeliner. I put on mascara as well.

  I’m glad Hazel asks me to her place after school. I don’t feel like going home. Mum and Dad will probably both be at work, but I text Mum and tell her I’m going to Hazel’s to do homework just to cover myself in case.

  ‘Are you okay?’ Hazel asks me as we get back to her place. ‘You seem a bit off.’ She’s right. I’ve been a bit off all day.

  ‘I’ve just had a shitty day,’ I say. ‘It started with Mum and Dad telling me off for make-up and it just went downhill from there.’

  ‘Harsh,’ Hazel says. ‘You’ve barely got any on.’

  I shrug. There’s no real way to explain what happened with Mum and Dad this morning. If I told Hazel how Dad says being pretty is not an achievement, it would sound like I think I’m hot.

  ‘They go on and on about breaking school rules,’ I say. ‘Like everybody doesn’t do it.’

  Hazel nods. She always wears eyeliner and mascara. In fact, I reckon she was one of the first girls to do it, probably because she has a cool older sister. Hazel’s interesting like that. She’s really low-key in some ways, but she was also the first one of us to get a boyfriend.

  ‘Nobody even notices except for Mr Chin,’ says Hazel. ‘So, it’s fine unless he spots you.’

  ‘Anyway, why are the teachers allowed and we’re not?’ I say. ‘Like Ms Jensen. She should be banned from wearing it.’

  ‘Totally,’ Hazel agrees. Ms Jensen wears foundation on her face and never takes it down to her neck, so it looks like she’s wearing an orange mask all the time.

  ‘Hi, girls.’ We don’t notice him at first because he’s sort of buried in a beanbag, but it’s Hazel’s mum’s boyfriend.

  ‘Hi, Jason,’ Hazel says. ‘What are you doing? Where did that beanbag come from?’ She gives me a sideways look as if to say, check out what this dude comes up with.

  Jason flips his dreadlocks so they fall down the back of the beanbag. ‘I brought it over from my place, Hazel. To balance the energy in here. You should always have an even number of seats in a lounge room. It’s just basic feng shui.’

  ‘Yeah, just basic,’ Hazel says, pulling me out of the lounge room like she’s rescuing me. I don’t feel like I need rescuing, though. I think it’s nice of him to try to balance the energy, even if it’s a tiny bit freaky. I wish I could get him over to my place to balance the energy there.

  We go into the kitchen. There are heaps of dishes in the sink. At our place, nothing is left out. Everything is put away in its own spot. Bowls, plates, cups, all separated. Like we are.

  ‘So, what else happened to make your day shitty?’ Hazel asks as we walk back to her room with hot chocolates. Before I can answer, her phone beeps.

  ‘Check this out,’ she says with a giggle. On the screen, there’s a photo of Leo. It looks like he’s in a changing room in a clothes shop. He’s wearing a shirt and tie, and has a really kooky look on his face. ‘He’s shopping with his mum,’ Hazel explains. ‘She’s making him wear a collar and tie to some wedding they’re going to.’

  Hazel sits on her bed and leans against the headboard to text back. I sit on the end of the bed feeling weird. The way she’s always in touch with Leo highlights why my day went from bad to worse.

  ‘How do you do that, Haze?’ I ask.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Like, how do you get Leo to, I don’t know, hang with you? Talk with you and stuff?’

  ‘Like, how did I train him?’ Hazel asks with a giggle.

  ‘Exactly,’ I say. It’s good, talking to Hazel. Out of all the caravan crew, she’s the one who gets things the most. I have to spell everything out with Jess. And Limps always thinks she gets me when she actually doesn’t half the time.

  ‘That’s just how it happens with Leo and me,’ Hazel says. ‘It’s a bit different with Archie, I guess. Like, Leo’s not into sports so he has more time.’

  ‘Archie is obsessed,’ I say and lie back on the bed. ‘I barely even spotted him today. He played soccer all lunch time. Again.’

  Hazel nods. ‘He really likes you, though, Edi,’ she says. ‘Leo reckons he talks about you heaps.’

  ‘Ooh, what does he say?’

  ‘He says … you’re the hottest girl he’s ever met.’

  Being pretty is not an achievement. ‘What else?’ I ask.

  ‘Um … that you’re the hottest girl he’s ever met?’ she says again and we both laugh. But I want more than that. If he knew me better, if we had more time together, I know there would be more between us.

  I just have to make it happen.

  ‘So, you know how Jess and Cam have been flirting all week?’ Hazel says, changing the subject.

  ‘Yeah,’ I say, though, to be honest, I haven’t really noticed.

  ‘Jess says that Cam reckons …’

  I nod as Hazel goes on,
but I’m not really with her. There has to be a way to get to spend some more time with Archie, I think. He’s obviously not going to make time for me at school because of stupid soccer, but …

  ‘She reckons she’s got heaps to talk about when we all get together on Friday. I think Olympia has some stuff going on too. You still good for the caravan meeting?’

  You can come for a cooking lesson anytime, Edi.

  ‘Yep. Sure,’ I say. I feel better. Lots better, actually.

  Because I’ve just thought of a way to spend more time with Archie.

  You come for a cooking lesson anytime, Edi.

  You come for a cooking lesson anytime, Edi.

  I chant it inside my head as I walk over to Archie’s on Thursday afternoon. All I’m doing is taking Archie’s mum up on her offer. And if Archie is there, that will be a bonus.

  I resend the text message I sent to Mum yesterday about doing homework at Hazel’s house. She probably won’t even notice it’s exactly the same one. I’m almost getting used to lying all the time, but I feel a little pang about it as my phone makes the little message sent sound.

  It’s not like I have any other choice, though. Today was even worse than usual. Archie didn’t have soccer training for once, so we ate lunch together. But then Eliza came over to where we were sitting on the slope and said Archie had to go to the library with her to do some work on their project. And he went. That really sucked.

  As I walk up Archie’s driveway, I think about turning back. What if Archie’s mum doesn’t even remember making the offer? That would make me look totally weird.

  I see her through the kitchen window. No turning back now. I take a deep breath and walk to the front door. She’s opened it before I even get there.

  ‘Hello, love,’ she says. She does look surprised to see me, but not bad surprised. ‘Archie is over at his cousin Rio’s awful new flat.’ She pauses, as though considering the state of Rio’s flat. I gather this is the cousin who Archie was helping to move out after we met at the skate park. His mum doesn’t seem very happy with the shift.

  ‘He shouldn’t be much longer. No food over there! Come in.’ She walks down the hallway and I follow. ‘You can wait here while I make dinner. It will be nice to have some girl company,’ she says and the way she says it makes me feel better.