by C. E. Glines
“You women do that a lot, process?”
I shrugged. I guess we did. If processing equaled thinking, I was an elite model on the verge of overheating.
I got up to leave but added one more observation. “She’s afraid of hurting you any more than she feels she already has by not being able to shield you from her pain.”
I saw the flash of understanding in his eyes. “Thanks, MacyKat,” he said with tears welling up in his eyes again.
His tears were like a spark to my well fueled reservoir of pain. I turned and left quickly before he could see the tears in my eyes.
Outside their suite, I rapidly searched for the closest private place I could find. It happened to be a small stone balcony at the other end of the hallway. But instead of being open to the outside, it was enclosed with stained glass. It looked sort of like a small chapel.
I stepped in and moved to the side until I would be hidden from the view of anyone that happened to walk down the hallway. Putting my back against the wall, I clasped my hands over my mouth as the first sobs hit. But there was no holding them back this time.
All the emotions I’d been stuffing into those compartments this last week erupted as the hastily built structure crumbled. I slowly slid down the wall as the sobs overtook me. My shields were the next thing to fall. Then everything came down on top of me.
I cried for Kenny and the Colony and the guilt I associated with my failures there. I cried for Olivia and Juarez and the pain they were enduring. I cried for the Macy that was lost. And lastly, I cried for Adam.
I slowly became aware of Adam’s presence. He had wrapped himself around me both inside and out. We were gently swaying to the rhythm he had adopted as he held me.
With my head buried in his chest, I took a shaky breath and rolled my head to the side. “Sorry,” I whispered.
He stopped rocking me and pulled me tighter within the circle of his arms. “I’m sorry,” he whispered gently. “I didn’t realize…” he stopped and cleared his throat. “It was not my intention to hurt you. Nor was it my intention to make you doubt me.”
He buried his face in my hair, as if to hide from the pain and regret of his actions. But I could feel them resonating through our restored bond.
“I know,” I whispered again. I knew he wasn’t intentionally hurting me. Just like I knew my feelings of rejection were stupid. How could you be rejected when you were not even officially with someone?
He stopped stroking my hair and turned my face to look at him. “Nothing you feel for me is stupid or ridiculous.” He pressed kisses to both my tear swollen eyes, and then he swiped his thumb under my nose and wiped it off on his jeans.
That was sweet and gross and so unlike the Adam of earlier today.
He lowered his head and gently kissed my lips. Resting his forehead against mine, he said, “This is new to me. I am not used to being challenged, or argued with, or questioned.” He paused while the truth of his statement hung in the air. Taking a deep breath, he continued. “You stir things in me I didn’t know existed. I am not who I was when you are near, and I’m…”
I could feel his struggle to define what he felt. There were so many emotions swirling around in him, that I couldn’t quantify it either.
“Lost,” he growled. “I’m lost when you are gone. You have completely remade me,” he finished with a snarl.
It was the most Adam had ever admitted about the way he felt about me. It wasn’t a declaration of love, and clearly, he didn’t sound happy about it. Sounded more like, you’re a pain in the butt I don’t know what to do with, but it was honest. I could have taken offense to his categorization of me, but like Juarez, I kind of enjoyed this discombobulated Adam.
“I’m not trying to cause trouble for you,” I said seriously.
He snorted at my choice of words.
“I didn’t even mean to challenge you. I was just being me. Or, the new me. Sometimes I’m not sure if I’m more leopard or human. The strength of what I feel, the…” I ran through the emotions involving Adam. Want, need, they were undeniably present, but it was more than that. I didn’t know how to label what this was between Adam and me.
Adam kissed me again as I searched for the right words, then he pulled back to look into my eyes. “We’ll figure it out together. But regardless of what you feel or how ridiculous you think it is, you have to let me know.”
I couldn’t stop the retort that sprang from my lips. “What, not a mind reader?”
We stayed frozen in place, each silently regarding the other until the laughter overtook us in one giant rush. I much preferred laughing to crying.
“As do I,” he sighed heavily. Pulling me close to him, he proceeded to kiss me thoroughly this time.
You better stop before this leads to something Granny would not approve of.
My comment had the desired effect of putting on the brakes. Adam pulled back in a fit of laughter once again.
“You’re not playing fair, Macy. How am I supposed to woo you with thoughts of Granny in my head?”
Woo me? “First of all, I’m not playing at anything. Secondly, food is an excellent source of wooage.”
“Must be, if you’ve ditched me for Granny,” he said a little too sarcastically.
Silently, hopefully without Adam knowing, I measured his emotions. He really was slightly envious of Granny. Unbelievable, but true.
“Granny,” I said, stressing her name for emphasis, “cannot provide me with everything that I need. She merely provides certain trimmings that I find delightful. Since you are my avenue to Granny, I’d say that makes you more important to me than Granny.”
“Still, that was a low blow, invoking Granny on me,” he said as he pushed off the floor.
“But effective,” I countered. I accepted his hand up and he pulled me to my feet. “Especially considering my virtue is still intact.”
“It’s just my luck to find a woman who has moral standards,” he said, pulling me close once more.
Wrapping my arms around his waist and looking directly into those big green eyes of his, I flagrantly batted my eyelashes at him. “You must have the most amazing luck,” I teased.
“I do,” he said quietly and then ducked in for another kiss.
CHAPTER 20
ADAM GRABBED MY HAND AND laced his fingers through mine as we left the enclosure.
“So, how did you find me?” I asked him.
“I had this feeling that something was wrong. I finally dropped my shields,” he said, grinning guiltily at me. “I still couldn’t feel you at that point. So I tracked you by smell. But when your shields fell, I could see our bond. I followed it to you.”
“You could physically see it?” I said, pulling him to a standstill.
“I don’t think it was with my natural eyes or hybrid ones for that matter.”
“What did it look like?”
“Streaks of light twisted or braided together.” His free hand traced a spiral through the air. “They just floated in the air. The closer I got to you, the thicker it became.”
“Can you see it now?”
He released my hand and stepped back. Looking down, seemingly at my chest, a slow smile spread across his lips as he nodded. “Your threads are golden.”
He moved his fingers through the air like he was strumming a harp. I felt a fluttering in my core, keeping time with him as he played.
“I can feel it,” I said in awe. Frea-ky. There really was an honest to goodness bond between us. I knew there must be a scientific explanation for it, but I felt like I was in the presence of magic.
“They start right here.” He touched a spot just below my breasts.
I tried really hard to see what he did, but I couldn’t.
“I think the desperation that I had to get to you had something to do with enabling me to see the bond.”
“Maybe,” I nodded. “It seems to me, that we, as this new hybrid species, are still evolving.”
“So it would seem.”
“It really isn’t your fault,” he said as we started down the stairs.
I sighed, but didn’t look at him.
“Macy,” he growled softly. He swung around in front of me, stopping on the stair below me. “The Consortium has been one step ahead of us for a long time. We…I need you. Please trust, that for whatever reason, you have been gifted with a brain for strategy and problem solving unlike anything we’ve seen before.”
Those were hard words to swallow. I wasn’t one who sought praise. I much preferred to remain behind the scenes. Taking the credit for a job well done never really mattered to me. Getting the job done, that was what counted.
“Are you trying to say I am worth what happened to them?” I said, keeping my tone even. The last thing I wanted was to start another argument between us.
He dropped the hand he’d brought up to my face. “Do I wish with everything in me that it hadn’t happened? Yes. If I could have prevented it, I would have. If I could change it, I would. But those were not options given to me. You are not the only one with guilt where they are concerned.”
He turned and paced down the stairs, dropping a shield he’d had in place over his own culpability in the matter and making me realize how selfish and self-centered I’d been.
“I should have known,” I said, jogging to catch up. “I’m sorry.” I slipped my hand back into his.
“Me too,” came his soft reply and he kissed the back of my hand.
“You just always seem so unaffected by it,” I said.
He huffed in response.
“How do you get over the guilt?”
He slowed down as he considered his answer. “Time. As they get better, so do I. I’ve been in leadership long enough to know that I’ll bear the weight of anyone hurt under my command. It’s a responsibility I accept.” He shrugged. “I do the best I can.”
“I guess that’s all anyone can do,” I said.
I thought back over the last week. In every situation I’d faced, I had given it my all. It had almost cost me my life to do so. I paused. Slowly, I repeated the words to myself. It had almost cost me my life. Just like Olivia and Juarez. I didn’t hold them responsible for everything I’d gone through. They had, excluding Pike, done everything they could to see me safely through it. I would have done the same if our roles were reversed.
I looked back up at Adam.
He nodded. “That’s what being part of the team means.”
The huge weight of guilt that had been lodged in my chest suddenly shrunk.
“That’s my girl,” he whispered.
“Do you hear everything I think?”
“Only when you think slowly enough,” he said, picking up the pace again.
I frowned in confusion at him which caused him to laugh.
“When you get going, I only get bits and pieces,” he explained. “You think at ninety miles an hour, Woman.”
“It’s a gift.”
“You better believe it.”
“Starting to.”
“That’s my girl.”
A puzzled look came over my face as strange animal noises came from another suite just ahead of us in the hallway.
“What’s that?” I asked worriedly. It sounded like someone was being tortured.
Adam cleared his throat. “That would be Cedars and Miranda’s suite.”
Completely flustered, I pulled Adam past their suite, adding more speed as the noises got louder. He let me pull him along, but didn’t try to hide the smirk he wore.
“You know,” he began in a drawn out voice, “there’s no call to be ashamed of God’s gift to married folk.”
Really? He was bringing Granny into this?
“I’m not sure that’s what God intended. And anyway, they are not married.”
I didn’t know where I was going, but I just kept pulling a smiling Adam along, and he seemed content to let me. I slowed our march when I was no longer an ear witness to Miranda and Cedars’ antics.
When I ended up in another dead end enclosure, I let go of Adam’s hand and stopped completely. Turning around, I saw Adam leaning against the entryway with arms crossed over his chest and that familiar smirk painted on his face. Someday, I tell you. Someday.
His half smile widened as he picked up on my thoughts.
“Are you ready to hear about the plan to collect the Colony hybrids?” he asked.
“Yes. Yes, I am,” I said, looking away quickly.
“May I?” He said with his hand extended towards the hallway we’d just vacated.
“By all means,” I said with a wave of my hand.
He resumed the lead and took us back the way we had come.
“You could have told me I was going the wrong way,” I muttered.
“You were so determined to come this way that I thought I’d let you.”
Whatever. Thankfully, we didn’t have to pass Cedars and Miranda again. He brought me to a large suite of rooms that had windows for exterior walls on two sides. The view of the surrounding mountains was breathtaking.
“I’ve already cleaned up, did you want to before we get started?”
A shower would feel nice, but knowing the plan would feel better. “Nah, let’s just get to it.”
He nodded once and then walked to the far side of the room where a large open office area was centered around an equally large desk. He motioned for me to join him, and I walked around the desk to stand behind his chair. On his computer screen, was a map of the area surrounding the Colony.
“Our operative put Kenny and about fifty other hybrids at this location,” he said, indicating a familiar swath of woods. “There’s no way to mount a large scale operation without drawing the notice of the local authorities or the general public. I’m not trying to create a panic.” He looked at me to gauge my reaction.
“Agreed,” I nodded.
“I can get them out in small groups, here and here.” He traced two paths leading from the woods and away from the Colony.
I felt him grow really still inside, and I braced myself for a big however as he swiveled his chair to face me.
“It is not strictly necessary for you to be there.” He lifted a hand to forestall my objection. “I know you want to be there. I also recognize the responsibility you feel for these kids. I don’t understand it, but I know it exists for you.” He placed his hands in his lap and waited for my response.
I softened at the cooperation I felt coming from him. He really was trying not to run alpha over me.
“What is the danger in me being there?” I asked.
He visibly relaxed when he realized I wasn’t fighting him on this. “There is movement at the Colony. Satellite Intel is not showing anything out of the ordinary, which is what I expected. Kenny says that the normal guards were swapped out with people he didn’t recognize. Given the recent string of betrayals, I’m simply not sure who I can trust.”
He picked up a pen and began to tap it against his leg. “I’ll get a better idea of what is happening when I get some eyes I do trust inside the compound. I suspect our team will find something akin to what Kenny found with Crystal.” He stilled the pen. “I don’t want you to witness that, and I don’t want to put you in harm’s way should any of the Consortium’s people still be there.”
He wouldn’t meet my eyes, but I knew what he wanted me to do. I sighed, knowing I couldn’t oblige him. Sliding my hand along his shoulder, I climbed into his lap.
“I appreciate you trying to protect me.”
He immediately tensed at my words.
“Adam, I do. Seeing them like that would be hard, and I certainly don’t want to compromise any of your team because they are trying to protect me.” I stopped and considered whether I really was ready to forgo a trip to the compound. “Are your teams going to sweep the compound for survivors?”
; “Yes.”
“Then, I’m okay with not actually entering the Colony grounds. But I really would like to be in the woods.”
“Only the woods?”
“Yes.”
“And whatever I say goes?”
My reply this time was a little more hesitant. “Yeess.”
He dropped his head forward in frustration. “Macy, I have to be able to trust you to follow orders. You aren’t trained in anything—”
I placed my hand over his mouth to silence him and received the single eyebrow raise as my reward. I gave a quick kiss to the offending brow.
“I understand that you are the boss in this operation. However, I do feel the need to remind you of the propensity for circumstances to crop up that I have no control over and can merely respond to as I see fit.”
He gripped my hand covering his mouth, his eyes narrowing as he removed it. “That would be reason number one for you not being there.”
“You can’t keep me in a box or locked away somewhere. It’d be like trying to beat the buzzards off of road kill.”
“You’re telling me, that no matter what, trouble follows you?”
“Like Cedars follows Miranda.”
He rubbed his hand across his eyes. “God, help me,” he muttered.
I chuckled at his sincere plea while I patted his back. “There, there, Big Guy. It’s all in a day’s work.”
“Feels more like a lifetime,” he mumbled.
Having settled the fact that I was going, my mind turned to the Consortium. “How long before we leave?”
“Couple hours. Have you eaten yet?”
“No,” I said absently. I slid off Adam’s lap and walked over to a large dry erase board positioned perpendicular to the desk. I picked up the marker and turned to Adam. “May I?”
He had the phone to his ear, but paused to answer me. “Certainly. Got something on your mind?”
“Just thinking.”
I wrote Consortium in black in the center of the board. Then I drew an arrow slanted downward and off to the left. I wrote the word Pike at the end of the arrow. From there, I drew another arrow and wrote Julia.
