This she had not realized. His lack of means had been an issue with Victor, but she had loved Simon regardless.
“It made no difference to me that you had no title or lands. I was nineteen and other than you, and later Paul, no one had ever shown interest in seriously courting me. When months went by without a letter, I assumed you would be like the handful of others who had shown interest then quickly disappeared.”
“You did not trust me, Rowena. You had no faith that I would keep my promise.” He sighed. “And even now you have little respect for me. To think that I would compromise you and use you—in my sister’s own home—solely for my carnal pleasure. It burns knowing you could think so ill of me…”
“I am sorry, Simon. I—”
He held up a hand to silence her. “I am willing to believe that you did not receive any of my missives. What I am unwilling to believe is that you have any true affection for me. You were led away so easily by the careless words of others without even giving me a penny’s worth of faith.”
“And you,” Rowena countered, “you did not come and claim me when you returned to England after selling your commission. You stood by and let me marry your best friend.”
Simon jumped up from where he was sitting at the edge of the desk. “I did come to you. Your brother refused me entrance. Later that day, when I saw Paul and he insisted that yours was a match of love and passion, I could not deny my own friend his happiness. You said earlier today that I did not choose you, but that is entirely untrue, isn’t it Rowena? It is you who did not choose me.”
“But, Simon, it was not my fault. I wanted to be with you.” She pleaded with him to understand. If it had not been for Paul’s deception, she would have married him as soon as he’d returned.
He came over to her chair and placed his arms at either side, effectively caging her in. She gasped and took in the heady scent of him, a warm, raw scent mixed with the barest hint of soap. The air crackled between them and she forced herself to deny the urge to reach up and touch him.
He leaned down further, several inches from her face. “I have loved you for eight years, Rowena Sharpe. I have waited for you since Paul’s death, hoping that you might be able to open your heart to love again.” He looked into her eyes, his mouth twisted. “But I find I have waited to no purpose. Because I cannot marry a woman who does not even trust me.”
“That is not true, Simon. I care for you.”
Gently, he ran the rough pads of his fingers over her temples. “How can I believe that, Rowena? Tell me how can I believe that?”
She did not immediately respond. He was right to challenge her. A tear slid down her face.
For too long, she’d believed only the worst of Simon. She’d let her brother and Paul erode the love between them. Their courtship had crumbled under her insecurities and Paul’s lies.
Simon stood and left the study without another word. Rowena sat for a moment, tears running down her face. She quickly wiped them away and joined the others in the dining room.
She hardly said a word through dinner. Alice and Delphine valiantly tried to keep the conversation pleasant. Simon would only speak to his sister unless someone asked a direct question. Rowena waited, hoping for his gaze to linger upon her, but as far as she could tell, it did not.
A heaviness settled over her chest. Simon would not forgive her. And, this time, Rowena did not blame him.
Chapter Four
Rowena could not believe what she was doing. After the debacle at dinner, every attempt to gain Simon’s attention had failed. He’d ignored her all evening, no matter how she endeavored to draw him into conversation.
So, she’d decided drastic measures were in order. Measures that involved completely exposing her heart and body to him. Not her brightest plan, but she hoped it would be effective.
After dinner and card games with Alice and Delphine, she’d gone up to bed a little early. Impatiently, she’d stripped down to her chemise and removed all of her jewelry, save for the comb. Molly had given her an odd look but did not say anything when she stepped out into the hallway to sneak into Simon’s room.
Looking down, Rowena pulled on her shift so that more of her cleavage was revealed. Then she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. She’d never snuck into a man’s bed. Not even Paul’s.
Her heart beat erratically. At any moment, he could open the door.
The day had turned out so poorly. If only she’d accepted Simon when he had come to her this afternoon. If only she had kissed him and told him how much she’d missed him, how she still dreamed of him sometimes. Perhaps if she had revealed her heart then, they might have sorted everything out sooner and avoided this impasse. She was determined to remedy her mistake.
When she heard footfalls in the hallway, her heart froze. She clutched her breast and closed her eyes, willing herself to be strong. Pull yourself together. You have to win Simon back, no matter what it takes, she told herself. Opening her eyes, she pasted on a seductive smile. No need to show how nervous she truly felt.
The lock clicked and the door knob turned. A large, shadowy figure entered. The room was so dark, that the light from the candles in the hallway spilled around him, leaving his face obscured. She could imagine him as a Gothic hero, up to some secret assignation.
Simon walked forward and she pulled back the covers, revealing her bare thighs and a nearly sheer chemise. The cool air brushed her legs, but she felt tingly and warm under his gaze.
“Rowena.” She could not discern whether his voice was gruff from anger or desire.
“Simon.” She blushed, despite herself. “I have been waiting for you.”
“Not as long as I waited for you.”
Her fingers fiddled with the sheet. “Come to bed, my lord.”
“No.”
He was still angry then.
Rowena took a risk. She pulled up her chemise and lifted it over her head. Well, until it caught on the comb. So much for an elegant seduction. She tried to untangle herself.
Simon approached her. Apparently she looked ridiculous enough for him to take pity on her. With a soft chuckle, he reached over her to release the comb. He took it in his hands and she pulled off the chemise and threw it on the floor.
A soft smile crossed his lips. “I remember this.” He ran his fingers over the comb, caressing it as he would a lover.
“Yes.”
She’d hoped he would remember that day. The day he’d kissed her passionately and let his hands roam over her breasts. It was the first time he’d touched her intimately. Though she’d remained clothed, it was one of the most erotic experiences she’d ever had. The way he’d teased her nipples taut, then kissed and nipped her bare shoulder with his teeth as he kissed his way to her earlobe.
The memory made her body tense. Her breasts felt heavy and tight, her thighs warm. She looked at him through her lashes. He could set her body aflame with the barest touch.
“Come here,” she commanded softly.
He obeyed this time. When he got close to her, he kissed her forehead and lifted her hair, wrapping and re-pinning it with the comb. Little tendrils hung loose.
She reached over to him and loosened his shirt. His breath was audible, but she continued on. The heat of his body so close to hers sent tendrils of warmth, which fought off the chill in the air. With deft fingers, she unfastened his trousers. She rose to her knees and untied his cravat. She could hear his breaths, but he said nothing. Her fingers slid over his shoulders and into his dinner jacket and she pushed the fabric off. The firm muscles reminded her of his innate strength and the powerful way he’d commanded her body last night.
Leaning in, she took his mouth. He held still at first, and her heart fluttered anxiously at his hesitation, but soon his arms wrapped around her. Gripping the hair near the nape of his neck, she demanded more. His tongue slid within her open mouth, probing its depths and demanding her surrender. It was a gentle domination that she couldn’t resist. She moaned into his lips.
/> Soon his hands were over her naked form, seductively trailing along the hollow of her back and down to her derriere… and lower. His right hand slipped between her thighs to explore her sex. In response, she lightly scored his scalp and spread her legs wider. She couldn’t wait to feel him, needed to take his body into hers and join them once and for all.
She was already wet when he teased her petals open with his thick fingers.
“Mmmmm,” He seemed quite enraptured and took his time stroking her sensitive flesh. The movements were incremental, and the way his breath caught made it feel as if he were touching her for the very first time.
Rowena kissed his jaw. When he delved his fingers deeper inside of her, moving his fingers up and down through her slick pussy, she bit down on his earlobe. A whimper escaped her.
“I could take you.”
“Please. I want you to.”
His finger slid from her folds and she sighed. He pulled slightly back.
“What are you doing in my bed?” he asked.
She hoped he would not press her to leave. Rowena wanted him to keep touching her. Waiting in his bed had built up her anticipation and her desire. However, she owed him an explanation.
****
Simon waited for her to respond. What on earth had brought her to his room at this late hour? Surely she did not think she could seduce him so easily and he would forget about everything.
Still, he had to admit that finding her in his bed was beyond arousing. It was hard to stay focused on his anger when she was spread open for him, dripping with honey and begging for him to take her. Even so, he needed to be sure that she would not run away again or give in to doubt the first time someone spoke ill of him.
“I came to talk with you,” she replied.
He gave her a pointed look. “And talking involves nakedness?”
A blush crept up her cheeks. “You would not speak with me after dinner.”
“So naturally you undressed and draped yourself across my bed.” He was teasing, though she did not seem to realize it.
“Simon, you said that I did not trust you. I—” She put her face in her hands, covering her reddened cheeks. “I, uh, I thought that if I came here and offered myself to you, you would realize that I did not mean what I said earlier. I never thought you would ravish and abuse me in your sister’s house.”
Oh, he’d fully intended to take her this morning. Just with her permission. He was honorable, but even a gentleman would have a hard time saying no to the passionate advances of a woman like Rowena.
Yet passion wasn’t all he wanted from her. He needed to be sure that she loved him and wanted a future with him. As much as he wanted to bury himself inside of her, Simon needed to be sure that the past could finally be overcome.
“I appreciate you saying that. But understand that my feelings are not a toy. Do not come here to tease me and seduce me to your whim. I will not accept such behavior.”
“I am here because I want to be here with you. I will not run off tomorrow as if it never happened. Nor will I accuse you of ravishment.”
“You want me to pleasure you.” He touched the side of her face, let his fingers trace over a soft curl hanging down.
“Yes,” she said. “I want to know what it is to have you inside me.”
The words spurred his cock to jump. He was already hard and ready for her.
Cupping her jaw with both hands, he kissed her and stared into her eyes.
“If I take you now,” he said, “I am not going to let you go.”
She trembled in response. He meant every word. If they consummated their feelings, it meant that she was ready to commit to their relationship no matter what. He would accept nothing less.
“This is not a night’s pleasure for me. If you want me to make love to you, then it has to mean more than just tonight.”
She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him against her and rested her head against his chest and shoulder. Again her soft honey scent teased his senses.
“I have always wanted to be with you, Simon.”
He wanted to believe her. Could she truly love him? Perhaps he needed to give her another chance.
“You need to be sure.”
A tear welled in her eye. “Simon, I was wrong.” She lowered her head and pressed her forehead to his chest. “I thought so ill of you before. I let Paul manipulate my insecurities and prey upon my vulnerability. And, silly me, I trusted that my brother would actually care more for my happiness than his political ambitions.”
He wiped her eyes, then kissed her lips gently.
She continued, “I put my faith in the wrong people when I should have kept my faith in you. I am sorry. I am so very sorry.”
Simon embraced her. He breathed in her hair and kissed her head.
“I realized today that I betrayed you, not the other way around.” She sniffled. “I was the one who kept my heart from you. Though I thought I was protecting myself, I think I was so afraid of losing you, and the one true happiness I’d ever known, that I too easily believed it was never real in the first place.”
How often had he wondered the same thing? If their passion and tenderness had actually been real? He wanted to believe it. He’d come back to England because he needed to believe it.
Rowena looped her arms around his neck and pulled him onto the bed with her. He fell atop of her and her eyes widened in surprise from his sudden, heavy weight. When he started to lift up, she wrapped her arms and legs around him, pinning him to her body.
He stilled. “I want—”
She put her finger to his lips. “Show me.”
He kissed her hungrily. His hands found her breasts and he teased her nipples with his thumbs, swirling them around the tips as he rubbed his cock up and down her slit. He couldn’t get enough of the luscious mounds in his hands. They begged for him to worship them and he loved the way her body responded to his thorough manipulation.
With a moan, she arched her back, giving him better access. Soon her nipples were tight little beads. His pace increased as he rocked his straining cock against her. Need lanced through him. He wanted to fuck her, to take everything she willingly offered and more. There was no going back.
She surprised him by gripping his buttocks, driving him harder as he teased her cunt. His trousers were wet from her slick arousal.
He shifted and bent down so that he could run his tongue over her. The taste of her slightly salty skin made him want more, so he licked a trail up from her stomach to the soft mounds of her breasts. He feasted on one and then the other.
Her breath caught. “Please.”
Though he wanted to plunge inside of her and make her cry out over and over as he’d fantasized about many times, he forced himself to slow down. This was their first time and he would not rush. Kissing her fiercely, he lifted her arms and held her wrists above her head.
She undulated her hips. They enticed him, but he had other plans for her first.
He continued to kiss and massage her tender, soft breasts. Simon loved the feel of them against his cheeks, the way her nipples tightened in his mouth or when he blew on them.
“Keep your wrists high,” he commanded her.
“I need you, Simon,” she replied, moving her hands to cup his face.
With a barely audible groan, he took her lips. He couldn’t get enough of kissing her.
Then, he lifted her hands again and placed the wrists back together. He reached over for his cravat and tied her hands, making sure the knot was loose enough for her to move or to undo if she became uncomfortable.
“I am not done exploring your body,” he said with a wide smile.
He let his finger slide across her supple skin, across her jaw, down to the hollow of her throat, across her delicious mounds, down to her soft stomach and thighs. It would be easy to lose himself in the pleasure of exploring her from head to toe.
Rowena moved restlessly under his perusal. She was begging for it.
With a pinc
h to her thigh, he said, “My, you are impatient.”
“Well, I’ve had many years of anticipation.”
“Is this what you want?” he asked, teasing her petals open with his fingers. He rubbed his finger over her clit.
“Yes.” She shook her head back and forth. “No. More.”
He obeyed, sliding his fingers lower. With three fingers, he inched his way inside of her. Her channel was snug and gripped him firmly. Using her juices, he stretched his fingers inside of her. The thought of that heat clamping around his cock almost tempted him to forgo his seduction and fuck her senseless. Almost.
She arched her back and lightly struggled against the bond.
“Hmmm?”
The look she gave him when her eyelids flew open made him chuckle. She seemed determined to rush him, to make him sink inside her. This wanton side of her was new to him, but he liked it.
“Maybe you need a little release, darling.” Bending down, he placed light kisses across her stomach and thighs.
His fingers held her swollen pussy lips apart. With a wicked glance to her, he smiled and lowered his tongue to her slit. Licking her from bottom to top, he loved the way she rotated her hips, enthralling him. He paused a second to rest over her clit, then teased the hood with his tongue.
She cried out loudly.
“You shall wake the house. Quiet down.” He grinned over her sex. In fact, her enjoyment was a heady rush, as enticing as a warm mouth over his cock. Something he would definitely have to try with her later.
“Be glad my hands are tied.” There was no heat to her voice, but he looked up to see a wicked grin.
“Oh, I am,” he replied before continuing on his mission. With slow swirls, he laved her tender spot. He alternated between pressing firmly and brushing over it in quick, light strokes.
Her arousal was rising. The scent of her desire increased, as did her struggles.
“Please. Please. Must you force me to beg you?” She no longer sounded like herself, her voice raspy and low.
Lady Northam's Wicked Surrender Page 5
