The Curse of Fogsham Farm

by Jennifer Gray

  Pudding

  Duck

  Vampire option

  (Professor) Rooster blood

  ‘Has anyone checked on the prisoners recently?’ he asked.

  ‘I did,’ the leader of the Pigeon-Poo Gang replied. ‘They’re as snug as a slug in my mug.’

  ‘Good work.’ Thaddeus E. Fox was glad the pigeons were keeping a close watch. Not that there was any possibility of the prisoners escaping, he thought, but it was just possible that Rooster’s chickens might work out what was happening and come looking for him. One of them was clever – the tall one with the glasses. The others were just plain dumb, especially the little fat one with the wrestling moves. Thaddeus curled his lip. Let them come, he thought. They wouldn’t get the better of him again, that was for sure.

  Just then he heard a noise in the corridor outside. He pricked up his ears.

  PITTER PATTER PITTER PATTER.

  It was the sound of running feet. Chicken feet, if he wasn’t very much mistaken. Maybe it was Professor Rooster’s squad! His eyes gleamed at the thought. He fancied a little snack before dinner.

  Thaddeus E. Fox got out of his chair and dried his paws on the rug. Putting his finger to his lips to warn the other villains to be quiet he padded to the kitchen door and threw it open.

  He jumped.

  The sight that met his eyes was vile. Three members of the countess’s new zombie army stood before him. One was tall with glasses and a scarf, one was medium sized with feathery boots and a backpack, and one was small and plump with red cheeks. All of them had rotten teeth. Their eyeballs dangled down their cheeks. Boils erupted from between their green feathers and their toes were covered in corns. Thaddeus E. Fox couldn’t decide which was worse: the goo dripping from their noses, the horrible scar tattoos on their legs or the blood gushing from their mouths. He had never seen anything so disgusting in his life.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ he asked.

  The zombie chickens looked at one another. ‘The countess sent us,’ the small one shrieked.

  Thaddeus put his paws to his ears.

  ‘What for?’ he demanded.

  ‘To check on the prisoners,’ the zombie chicken screamed.

  ‘We’ve just done that,’ Thaddeus E. Fox grumbled. ‘Go back and tell the countess they’re fine.’

  The zombies didn’t budge.

  ‘I said, push off,’ Thaddeus growled. The sight of the three chickens was making him feel sick. He hoped they weren’t planning to come to the feast. It would put him off his food. ‘Well, what are you waiting for?’

  The three chickens looked at one another.

  ‘Garlic,’ the tall one grunted.

  ‘What about it?’ asked Thaddeus.

  ‘We need to make sure the rooster hasn’t eaten any,’ it said.

  ‘Vampire’s orders,’ groaned the one with feathery boots.

  ‘Oh, all right, then!’ Thaddeus couldn’t bear to look at them any more. ‘Rooster’s in the dungeon next door with the duck. Hurry up, though.’

  He went back into the kitchen and slammed the door.

  ‘What was all that about?’ Tiny Tony Tiddles demanded.

  ‘Nothing,’ Thaddeus settled back in his chair and closed his eyes. He decided to forget about the zombies and have a nap. Very soon he was fast asleep.

  Amy, Boo and Ruth hurried along the corridor.

  ‘Phew!’ Amy hissed. ‘That was close. I thought he wasn’t going to let us past. Good thinking about the garlic, Ruth!’

  ‘Thanks!’

  ‘Here it is,’ Boo said.

  They had reached the dungeon. The three chickens pushed at the heavy door with all their might.

  CRRRREEEAAAAKKKK!

  They tiptoed in.

  Inside the dungeon it was very dark. At first Amy couldn’t make anything out. Then, as her eyes got used to the gloom, she saw the professor huddled in a corner with James Pond. Professor Rooster was resting his wing against his head. He looked to be deep in thought. James Pond appeared to be asleep. They were both chained to the wall by the ankles.

  ‘Professor Rooster!’ Amy squawked.

  Professor Rooster looked astonished to see her. Suddenly she felt a bit shy. She’d never actually met Professor Rooster in the flesh before. She’d only ever seen him on the laptop. It was a bit like meeting a film star or a head teacher or some other important grown-up. And she was still worried he might be cross with her. She didn’t know what to say.

  Boo and Ruth stepped forward.

  ‘Hello, Professor,’ said Ruth awkwardly.

  ‘Hello!’ said Boo.

  Professor Rooster opened his beak to reply when James Pond woke up.

  At the sight of the three chickens James Pond recoiled. ‘Aaarrrrrrggghgghhhh!’ he screamed. He scrambled to his feet, opened his wings and started flapping. ‘Go away!’ he yelled. ‘I’ve told you everything I know.’

  ‘What’s the matter?’ Amy said crossly. ‘Can’t he see we’re here to rescue him?’

  ‘I don’t think he can, Amy,’ said Professor Rooster. ‘He thinks you’re zombies.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Amy. She had forgotten all about their disguise, she was so overawed at meeting the professor.

  ‘Poor James has had rather a rough time of it with Granny Wishbone and Ichabod, I’m afraid.’ The professor grasped James Pond’s wings. ‘It’s all right, James,’ he said calmly, ‘they’re not really zombies!’

  ‘They’re not?’ James Pond stopped flapping.

  ‘No, it’s Amy, Boo and Ruth,’ the professor explained patiently. ‘They didn’t mean to frighten you.’

  ‘Yeah, sorry about that,’ said Amy.

  ‘I’m glad the Zombie Kit came in useful.’ Professor Rooster examined them carefully. ‘You look eggsactly like the real thing,’ he said approvingly. ‘Absolutely hideous; quite revolting, in fact.’

  ‘Thanks!’ Amy said.

  ‘Amy did the make-up,’ said Boo.

  Amy blushed with pride. She felt her cheeks glow red under the green foundation.

  ‘We even scared Thaddeus E. Fox!’ Amy said. She told Professor Rooster what had happened.

  ‘Well done, all of you.’ The professor nodded. ‘We’d better get out of here, before Fox realises he’s been tricked.’

  James Pond strained at the iron manacles. ‘It’s no good!’ he quacked, collapsing back on the floor. ‘We’re trapped!’

  ‘No you’re not.’ Ruth reached into the Emergency Chicken Pack and drew out the Mite Blaster Grease squirt. ‘Stay still.’ She squirted the grease onto James Pond’s ankles. ‘Now try,’ she said.

  James Pond pulled and struggled. ‘I can’t!’ he said.

  ‘I’ll help you.’ Amy grasped James Pond under the wingpits and heaved. SCHLOOP! SCHLOOP! James Pond’s big webbed feet shot out of the manacles.

  ‘Would you like some, Professor?’ Ruth asked.

  ‘Just a little, please.’

  Ruth gave another squirt with the grease canister.

  The professor wriggled his toes through the rings.

  ‘Let’s go back to the farm and help Rossiter organise the reinforcements before the villains raid the sleeping coop,’ Amy hissed. She crept towards the door.

  ‘Huh-hum,’ the professor coughed. ‘Aren’t you forgetting there’s something else you have to do first, Amy?’

  Amy stopped mid-creep and turned round. The professor hadn’t budged. She regarded him blankly. ‘What’s that?’ she asked.

  The professor looked her straight in the eye. His voice was steely. ‘You have to complete the mission.’

  Outside, in the grounds of Bloodsucker Hall, the three chickens waved goodbye to Professor Rooster and James Pond. The chickens watched as the two birds made their way through the gates and across the fields towards Fogsham Farm. It was they who were going to help Rossiter Brown organise the reinforcements, not Amy, Boo and Ruth.

  Amy let out a heavy sigh. ‘I knew Professor Rooster would be cross,’ she said.
/>   ‘He didn’t actually say he was cross,’ Ruth said.

  ‘He didn’t have to,’ Amy said gloomily. Grown-ups were good at making you feel small and silly without actually saying anything at all. And right now she felt very small and silly indeed.

  ‘At least he’s given us another chance,’ Boo said. ‘Maybe if we do it right this time he’ll forgive us for not telling the truth.’

  ‘Maybe,’ said Amy, brightening a little. ‘Let’s get it over with then. Did you remember the Vampire Slayer, Ruth?’

  Ruth nodded. ‘It’s in the Emergency Chicken Pack. With the teaspoons.’

  Amy peeked out of their hiding place in the long grass. She checked to make sure the Pigeon-Poo Gang weren’t watching them. ‘All clear,’ she said. ‘Thaddeus and his fellow villains must still be in the kitchen preparing for the raid on the chicken sheds.’

  They scuttled over to the grave and began to dig. After a little while they heard a familiar DWANG. Amy brushed away the last of the soil from the coffin.

  The three chickens stared down at it.

  ‘I still don’t want to do it,’ Boo said in a small voice.

  ‘Me neither,’ Ruth agreed.

  ‘Neither do I,’ Amy admitted. Then she thought back to the fun they’d had the night before. ‘But one of us has to,’ she whispered, ‘otherwise Fangula and the MOST WANTED Club will kill all our friends at Fogsham Farm.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I’ll do it,’ she said. ‘I’m the one who’s supposed to be brave and I’m the one who got us into all this mess. You two go back to the farm and help the professor.’

  Boo and Ruth shook their heads.

  ‘No,’ Boo said slowly, ‘we’re a team. We’ll all do it.’ She smiled weakly. ‘Maybe it won’t be so bad if we pull the trigger together.’

  ‘And close our eyes,’ Ruth said.

  Amy’s heart swelled with affection for her friends. ‘Thanks,’ she whispered gratefully. She tried to make her voice sound business-like. ‘How long do we have, Ruth?’ she asked.

  ‘There’s about an hour of daylight left,’ Ruth calculated. ‘Unless there’s another storm, of course.’

  The three chickens glanced at the sky. Black clouds were gathering over Bloodsucker Hall.

  The weather was always changing on the moor, Amy reflected. One minute it was sunny, the next minute it was dark, wet and windy. And if it got dark Fangula would pop out of her coffin and the zombies would appear out of the mist, just like Ichabod Comb had the day before. Only this time she, Boo and Ruth would be completely outnumbered by the grizzly grannies.

  She had an idea. ‘Let’s make a circle around the coffin with the garlic from the spare blaster tube. That should hold Fangula for a bit if the storm does come.’

  ‘I’ll do that,’ Boo offered. She uncorked the tube carefully. Then she tiptoed around the grave scattering minced garlic on the ground. The pungent smell wafted towards Amy’s nostrils. She held her nose.

  ‘I’ll assemble the Vampire Slayer.’ Ruth rummaged about in the Emergency Chicken Pack.

  ‘And I’ll open the coffin lid.’ Amy jumped down into the grave. She heaved at the heavy lid and pushed it back on its hinges. Inside the coffin, the Countess Stella von Fangula lay as still as marble.

  Amy climbed back out of the grave. ‘Ready?’ she asked Ruth.

  ‘Er, not quite,’ Ruth said. She was still feeling about in the Emergency Chicken Pack.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ asked Amy.

  ‘I can’t find the pencil!’ Ruth exclaimed. ‘I’m sure it’s in here somewhere.’ She tipped the contents of the pack out onto the ground.

  The three chickens searched through the equipment. There was no sign of the pencil.

  ‘Where can it be?’ Boo frowned.

  Ruth sat back and scratched her head. ‘I remember now!’ she exclaimed. ‘I had it when I was doing those calculations on the back of the invitation. I must have left it in the hospital shed. Shall I go and get it?’

  ‘There isn’t time!’ Amy squawked. Just then there was a clap of thunder from overhead. The storm was upon them. The sky went black. Darkness shrouded the moor.

  ‘What is that horrible smell?’ The countess’s low voice echoed up from the grave. A paw appeared over the side.

  ‘Quick!’ said Amy. ‘We need to get outside the garlic circle.’

  ‘Are you sure about that?’ Boo whispered. From out of the mist came the zombie army, Granny Wishbone at the head.

  Amy froze in panic. She tried to think but her head seemed to be full of straw instead of brains. She wondered if a bit of her earplug from last night was still stuck in there somewhere.

  ‘Let’s try the pepper!’ cried Ruth. ‘That might stop them!’

  The three chickens scrabbled about on the ground searching for the pepper shaker. Amy’s wing touched the round metal cylinder. She grabbed it and drew it towards her. Her eye caught a glimpse of her reflection in the polished surface. She started. She had completely forgotten for the second time that they were disguised as zombies. She’d got so used to Boo and Ruth looking mangled that she hadn’t given it any thought since they escaped from the dungeon. But now when she saw her own hideous reflection Amy had another one of her strokes of chicken genius.

  ‘We’re still in disguise!’ she cried. ‘The zombies will think we’re part of the army. And so will Fangula, if we hurry. Quick, Ruth, help me get the stuff back in the Emergency Chicken Pack.’

  The chickens fumbled about in the dark.

  Fangula’s other paw appeared over the grave. ‘Is that you, Granny Wishbone?’ she said huskily.

  ‘Over here, m’laaadddy!’ Granny Wishbone’s screech echoed across the moor.

  ‘Grab what you can!’ Amy’s wing closed around the handle of the magnifying glass.

  ‘I’ve got the pepper shaker,’ Boo cried.

  ‘And I’ve got the grease squirt!’ shouted Ruth.

  They jumped outside the circle of garlic. The gooey grannie chicken zombies were approaching fast. It was amazing what speed they got up with those Zimmer frames, Amy thought.

  GRUNT!

  GROAN!

  MOAN!

  ‘Act like zombies!’ Amy hissed.

  ‘Whoooaaaa!’ Ruth staggered about.

  ‘Oooaaaaahhhhh!’ Boo sighed.

  ‘Eeerrrrggggh!’ Amy bumped into Ichabod Comb. A bit of zombie goo dripped off his head onto her beak. She shook it off.

  ‘I’ll go in with the pepper,’ Boo said, clutching the shaker.

  ‘No, Boo, wait!’ Amy protested.

  ‘I’ll be fine,’ Boo whispered back. ‘Don’t worry.’ She somersaulted over the heads of the zombies. A blast of pepper shot out of the shaker.

  ‘Aa-aa-shoo!’ The grannies started sneezing.

  Boo did a graceful back flip. A trail of pepper blew behind her like the smoke from an aeroplane.

  ‘Aaaaaa-aaaa-shoooooo! Aaaaaa-aaaa-shoooooo!

  Aaaaaa-aaaa-shoooooo!’ The zombies sneezed and sneezed.

  ‘Take cover!’ Amy shouted.

  Globs of zombie goo rained down on Amy and Ruth.

  ‘What’s going on?’ The countess emerged from the grave. She screwed up her nose. ‘Garlic!’ she spat.

  ‘We’re under attack, m’lady!’ Granny Wishbone screeched. ‘Help!’

  ‘Give me a minute!’ the countess answered tetchily. She paced about, trying to find a way through the garlic circle.

  ‘It’s holding her!’ Ruth whispered.

  SPLAT.

  SPLUT. SPLUT.

  SPLAT!

  ‘What’s that?’ Amy said.

  ‘Rain,’ replied Ruth.

  SPLAT.

  SPLUT. SPLUT.

  SPLAT!

  The countess had picked a spot in the garlic circle where the water was collecting into a little stream. She put a paw in it and began to wade across.

  ‘Oh no!’ Amy watched in horror. ‘The rain is washing away the garlic!’

  The countess padded towards Amy and Rut
h.

  ‘Act like zombies!’ Amy urged.

  The two chickens lurched to and fro.

  The countess came on slowly, never taking her eyes off them.

  ‘It’s not working!’ Ruth said.

  ‘Keep lurching!’

  SPLAT!

  A thick drop of rain landed on Amy’s cheek. She wiped it away with her wing. Green make-up came with it. Suddenly Amy understood why Fangula wasn’t falling for their zombie act.

  ‘It’s the rain!’ she whispered. ‘It’s washing off our disguise.’

  Just then Boo landed beside them. ‘The pepper’s all gone,’ she said.

  ‘Now what?’ Ruth squawked. They were sandwiched between Fangula and the remains of her gruesome army.

  ‘Think, Ruth!’ Amy swallowed. ‘Is there any other way to kill a vampire apart from with a wooden stake?’

  ‘I believe you can burn them,’ Ruth said.

  ‘But how can we do that when it’s pouring with rain?’ Boo sobbed.

  Just then a ray of sun penetrated the thick cloud.

  Von Fangula stopped. She held her front paw up to her eyes. ‘Aarrrggghhhh!’ she screamed. ‘Sunlight!’ She staggered backwards.

  The sun disappeared behind another cloud. The countess shook her head and crept forward again.

  ‘I know!’ Ruth said suddenly. ‘Amy, where’s the magnifying glass?’

  Amy produced it. ‘How’s that going to help?’

  ‘If the sun comes out again, we can use it to make a fire! The lens concentrates the sun’s rays. If we aim it at Fangula she might sizzle up.’

  Amy looked at the sky. The clouds were moving rapidly. Any minute now and there would be another shaft of sunlight. The question was, would it be soon enough? Fangula was only metres away from them.

  ‘The three little chickies who visited me last time,’ the countess purred. ‘How nice of you to come back.’ She prepared to pounce.

  ‘You guys run for it,’ Amy shouted. She tried to hold up the magnifying glass but her wing was trembling so much she found she couldn’t.

  ‘No,’ said Boo. ‘We’ll do it together.’