Vanity Fair (Barnes & Noble Classics Series)

by William Makepeace Thackeray

  ‘What can you want with a shepherd‘s dog?‘ the lively little Southdown continued.

  ‘I mean a moral shepherd‘s dog,‘ said Becky, laughing, and looking up at Lord Steyne.

  ‘What the devil‘s that?‘ said his lordship.

  ‘A dog to keep the wolves off me,‘ Rebecca continued. ‘A companion.‘

  ‘Dear little innocent lamb, you want one,‘ said the marquis; and his jaw thrust out, and he began to grin hideously, his little eyes leering towards Rebecca.

  The great Lord of Steyne was standing by the fire sipping coffee.21 The fire crackled and blazed pleasantly. There was a score of candles sparkling round the mantelpiece, in all sorts of quaint sconces, of gilt and bronze and porcelain. They lighted up Rebecca‘s figure to admiration, as she sat on a sofa covered with a pattern of gaudy flowers. She was in a pink dress, that looked as fresh as a rose; her dazzling white arms and shoulders were half covered with a thin hazy scarf through which they sparkled; her hair hung in curls round her neck; one of her little feet peeped out from the fresh crisp folds of the silk: the prettiest little foot in the prettiest little sandal in the finest silk stocking in the world.

  The candles lighted up Lord Steyne‘s shining bald head, which was fringed with red hair. He had thick bushy eyebrows, with little twinkling bloodshot eyes, surrounded by a thousand wrinkles. His jaw was under-hung, and when he laughed, two white buck-teeth protruded themselves and glistened savagely in the midst of the grin. He had been dining with royal personages, and wore his garter and ribbon.lc A short man was his lordship, broad-chested, and bow-legged, but proud of the fineness of his foot and ankle, and always caressing his garter-knee.

  ‘And so the Shepherd is not enough,‘ said he, ‘to defend his lambkin?‘

  ‘The Shepherd is too fond of playing at cards and going to his clubs,‘ answered Becky, laughing.

  ‘Gad, what a debauched Corydon!‘ said my lord—‘what a mouth for a pipe!‘

  ‘I take your three to two,‘ here said Rawdon, at the card-table.

  ‘Hark at Meliboeus,‘ld snarled the noble marquis; ‘he‘s pastorally occupied too: he‘s shearing a Southdown. What an innocent mutton, hey? Damme, what a snowy fleece!‘

  Rebecca‘s eyes shot out gleams of scornful humour. ‘My lord,‘ she said, ‘you are a knight of the Order.‘le He had the collar round his neck, indeed—a gift of the restored princes of Spain.

  Lord Steyne in early life had been notorious for his daring and his success at play. He had sat up two days and two nights with Mr. Fox at hazard. He had won money of the most august personages of the realm: he had won his marquisate, it was said, at the gaming-table; but he did not like an allusion to those bygone fredaines.lf Rebecca saw the scowl gathering over his heavy brow.

  She rose up from her sofa, and went and took his coffee-cup out of his hand with a little curtsy. ‘Yes,‘ she said, ‘I must get a watch-dog. But he won‘t bark at you.‘ And, going into the other drawing-room, she sat down to the piano, and began to sing little French songs in such a charming, thrilling voice, that the mollified nobleman speedily followed her into that chamber, and might be seen nodding his head and bowing time over her.

  Rawdon and his friend meanwhile played écarté until they had enough. The colonel won; but, say that he won ever so much and often, nights like these, which occurred many times in the week—his wife having all the talk and all the admiration, and he sitting silent without the circle, not comprehending a word of the jokes, the allusions, the mystical language within—must have been rather wearisome to the ex-dragoon.

  ‘How is Mrs. Crawley‘s husband?‘ Lord Steyne used to say to him by way of a good day when they met: and indeed that was now his avocation in life. He was Colonel Crawley no more. He was Mrs. Crawley‘s husband.

  About the little Rawdon, if nothing has been said all this while, it is because he is hidden upstairs in a garret somewhere, or has crawled below into the kitchen for companionship. His mother scarcely ever took notice of him. He passed the days with his French bonne as long as that domestic remained in Mr. Crawley‘s family, and when the Frenchwoman went away, the little fellow, howling in the loneliness of the night, had compassion taken on him by a housemaid, who took him out of his solitary nursery into her bed in the garret hard by, and comforted him.

  Rebecca, my Lord Steyne, and one or two more were in the drawing-room taking tea after the Opera, when this shouting was heard overhead. ‘It‘s my cherub crying for his nurse,‘ she said. She did not offer to move to go and see the child. ‘Don‘t agitate your feelings by going to look for him,‘ said Lord Steyne, sardonically. ‘Bah!‘ replied the other, with a sort of blush, ‘he‘ll cry himself to sleep;‘ and they fell to talking about the Opera.

  Rawdon had stolen off though, to look after his son and heir; and came back to the company when he found that honest Dolly was consoling the child. The colonel‘s dressing-room was in those upper regions. He used to see the boy there in private. They had interviews together every morning when he shaved; Rawdon minor sitting on a box by his father‘s side and watching the operation with never-ceasing pleasure. He and the sire were great friends. The father would bring him sweetmeats from the dessert, and hide them in a certain old epaulet box, where the child went to seek them, and laughed with joy on discovering the treasure: laughed, but not too loud: for mamma was below asleep and must not be disturbed. She did not go to rest till very late, and seldom rose till after noon.

  Rawdon bought the boy plenty of picture-books, and crammed his nursery with toys. Its walls were covered with pictures pasted up by the father‘s own hand, and purchased by him for ready money. When he was off duty with Mrs. Rawdon in the Park, he would sit up here, passing hours with the boy; who rode on his chest, who pulled his great moustachios as if they were driving-reins, and spent days with him in indefatigable gambols. The room was a low room, and once, when the child was not five years old his father, who was tossing him wildly up in his arms, hit the poor little chap‘s skull so violently against the ceiling, that he almost dropped the child, so terrified was he at the disaster.

  Rawdon minor had made up his face for a tremendous howl—the severity of the blow indeed authorized that indulgence: but just as he was going to begin, the father interposed.

  ‘For God‘s sake, Rawdy, don‘t wake mamma,‘ he cried. And the child looking in a very hard and piteous way at his father, bit his lips, clenched his hands, and didn‘t cry a bit. Rawdon told that story at the clubs, at the mess, to everybody in town. ‘By Gad, sir,‘ he explained to the public in general, ‘what a good plucked onelg that boy of mine is—what a trump he is! I half sent his head through the ceiling, by Gad, and he wouldn‘t cry for fear of disturbing his mother.‘

  Sometimes—once or twice in a week—that lady visited the upper regions in which the child lived. She came in like a vivified figure out of the Magasin des Modeslh—blandly smiling in the most beautiful new clothes and little gloves and boots. Wonderful scarfs, laces, and jewels glittered about her. She had always a new bonnet on: and flowers bloomed perpetually in it: or else magnificent curling ostrich feathers, soft and snowy as camellias. She nodded twice or thrice patronizingly to the little boy, who looked up from his dinner or from the pictures of soldiers he was painting. When she left the room an odour of rose, or some other magical fragrance lingered about the nursery. She was an unearthly being in his eyes, superior to his father—to all the world: to be worshipped and admired at a distance. To drive with that lady in the carriage was an awful rite: he sat up in the back seat, and did not dare to speak: he gazed with all his eyes at the beautifully-dressed princess opposite to him. Gentlemen on splendid prancing horses came up, and smiled and talked with her. How her eyes beamed upon all of them! Her hand used to quiver and wave gracefully as they passed. When he went out with her he had his new red dress on. His old brown holland was good enough when he stayed at home. Sometimes, when she was away, and Dolly his maid was making his bed, he came into his mother‘s room. It was
as the abode of a fairy to him—a mystic chamber of splendour and delights. There in the wardrobe hung those wonderful robes—pink and blue, and many-tinted. There was the jewel-case, silver-clasped: and the wondrous bronze hand on the dressing-table, glistening all over with a hundred rings. There was the cheval-glass, that miracle of art, in which he could just see his own wondering head, and the reflection of Dolly (queerly distorted, and as if up in the ceiling), plumping and patting the pillows of the bed. O thou poor lonely little benighted boy! Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children; and here was one who was worshipping a stone!

  Now Rawdon Crawley, rascal as the colonel was, had certain manly tendencies of affection in his heart, and could love a child and a woman still. For Rawdon minor he had a great secret tenderness then, which did not escape Rebecca, though she did not talk about it to her husband. It did not annoy her: she was too good-natured. It only increased her scorn for him. He felt somehow ashamed of this paternal softness, and hid it from his wife—only indulging in it when alone with the boy.

  He used to take him out of mornings, when they would go to the stables together and to the Park. Little Lord Southdown, the best-natured of men, who would make you a present of the hat from his head, and whose main occupation in life was to buy knick-knacks that he might give them away afterwards, bought the little chap a pony not much bigger than a large rat, the donor said, and on this little black Shetland pygmy young Rawdon‘s great father was pleased to mount the boy, and to walk by his side in the Park. It pleased him to see his old quarters, and his old fellow guardsmen at Knightsbridge: he had begun to think of his bachelorhood with something like regret. The old troopers were glad to recognize their ancient officer, and dandle the little colonel. Colonel Crawley found dining at mess and with his brother-officers very pleasant. ‘Hang it, I ain‘t clever enough for her—I know it. She won‘t miss me;‘ he used to say: and he was right: his wife did not miss him.

  Rebecca was fond of her husband. She was always perfectly good-humoured and kind to him. She did not even show her scorn much for him; perhaps she liked him the better for being a fool. He was her upper servant and maître d‘hôtel.li He went on her errands: obeyed her orders without question: drove in the carriage in the ring with her without repining ; took her to the opera-box; solaced himself at his club during the performance, and came punctually back to fetch her when due. He would have liked her to be a little fonder of the boy: but even to that he reconciled himself. ‘Hang it, you know she‘s so clever,‘ he said, ‘and I‘m not literary and that, you know.‘ For, as we have said before, it requires no great wisdom to be able to win at cards and billiards, and Rawdon made no pretensions to any other sort of skill.

  When the companion came, his domestic duties became very light. His wife encouraged him to dine abroad: she would let him off duty at the Opera. ‘Don‘t stay and stupefy yourself at home to-night, my dear;‘ she would say. ‘Some men are coming who will only bore you. I would not ask them, but you know it‘s for your good, and now I have a sheep-dog, I need not be afraid to be alone.‘

  GEORGY MAKES ACQUAINTANCE WITH A WATERLOO MAN

  ‘A sheep-dog—a companion! Becky Sharp with a companion! Isn‘t it good fun?‘ thought Mrs. Crawley to herself. The notion tickled hugely her sense of humour.

  One Sunday morning, as Rawdon Crawley, his little son, and the pony, were taking their accustomed walk in the Park, they passed by an old acquaintance of the colonel‘s, Corporal Clink, of the regiment, who was in conversation with a friend, an old gentleman, who held a boy in his arms about the age of little Rawdon. This other youngster had seized hold of the Waterloo medal which the corporal wore, and was examining it with delight.

  ‘Good morning, your honour,‘ said Clink, in reply to the ‘How-do, Clink?‘ of the colonel. ‘This ‘ere young gentleman is about the little colonel‘s age, sir,‘ continued the corporal.

  ‘His father was a Waterloo man, too,‘ said the old gentleman who carried the boy. ‘Wasn‘t he, Georgy?‘

  ‘Yes,‘ said Georgy. He and the little chap on the pony were looking at each other with all their might—solemnly scanning each other as children do.

  ‘In a line regiment,‘ Clink said, with a patronizing air.

  ‘He was a captain in the—th Regiment,‘ said the old gentleman, rather pompously. ‘Captain George Osborne, sir—perhaps you knew him. He died the death of a hero, sir, fighting against the Corsican tyrant.‘

  Colonel Crawley blushed quite red. ‘I knew him very well, sir,‘ he said, ‘and his wife, his dear little wife, sir—how is she?‘

  ‘She is my daughter, sir,‘ said the old gentleman, pulling down the boy, and taking out a card with great solemnity, which he handed to the colonel. On it was written—

  ‘Mr. Sedley, Sole Agent for the Black Diamond and Anti-Cinder Coal Association, Bunker‘s Wharf, Thames Street, and Anna-Maria Cottages, Fulham Road West.‘

  Little Georgy went up and looked at the Shetland pony.

  ‘Should you like to have a ride?‘ said Rawdon minor from the saddle.

  ‘Yes,‘ said Georgy. The colonel, who had been looking at him with some interest, took up the child and put him on the pony behind Rawdon minor.

  ‘Take hold of him, Georgy,‘ he said, ‘take my little boy round the waist—his name is Rawdon.‘ And both the children began to laugh.

  ‘You won‘t see a prettier pair, I think, this summer‘s day, sir,‘ said the good-natured corporal; and the colonel, the corporal, and old Mr. Sedley with his umbrella, walked by the side of the children.

  CHAPTER XXXVIII

  A Family in a Very Small Way

  We must suppose little George Osborne has ridden from Knightsbridge towards Fulham, and will stop and make inquiries at that village regarding some friends whom we have left there. How is Mrs. Amelia after the storm of Waterloo ? Is she living and thriving? What has come of Major Dobbin, whose cab was always hankering about her premises? and are there any news of the collector of Boggley Wollah? The facts concerning the latter are briefly these:—

  Our worthy fat friend Joseph Sedley returned to India not long after his escape from Brussels. Either his furlough was up, or he dreaded to meet any witnesses of his Waterloo flight. However it might be, he went back to his duties in Bengal, very soon after Napoleon had taken up his residence at St. Helena, where Jos saw the ex-Emperor. lj To hear Mr. Sedley talk on board ship you would have supposed that it was not the first time he and the Corsican had met, and that the civilian had bearded the French general at Mount St. John. He had a thousand anecdotes about the famous battles; he knew the position of every regiment, and the loss which each had incurred. He did not deny that he had been concerned in those victories—that he had been with the army, and carried dispatches for the Duke of Wellington. And he described what the duke did and said on every conceivable moment of the day of Waterloo, with such an accurate knowledge of his grace‘s sentiments and proceedings, that it was clear he must have been by the conqueror‘s side throughout the day; though, as a non-combatant, his name was not mentioned in the public documents relative to the battle. Perhaps he actually worked himself up to believe that he had been engaged with the army; certain it is that he made a prodigious sensation for some time at Calcutta, and was called Waterloo Sedley during the whole of his subsequent stay in Bengal.

  The bills which Jos had given for the purchase of those unlucky horses were paid without question by him and his agents. He never was heard to allude to the bargain, and nobody knows for a certainty what became of the horses, or how he got rid of them, or of Isidor, his Belgian servant, who sold a grey horse, very like the one which Jos rode, at Valenciennes some time during the autumn of 1815.

  Jos‘s London agents had orders to pay one hundred and twenty pounds yearly to his parents at Fulham. It was the chief support of the old couple; for Mr. Sedley‘s speculations in life subsequent to his bankruptcy did not by any means retrieve the broken old gentleman‘s fortune. He tried to be
a wine-merchant, a coal-merchant, a commission-lottery agent, &c. &c. He sent round prospectuses to his friends whenever he took a new trade, and ordered a new brass plate for the door, and talked pompously about making his fortune still. But Fortune never came back to the feeble and stricken old man. One by one his friends dropped off, and were weary of buying dear coals and bad wine from him; and there was only his wife in all the world who fancied, when he tottered off to the City of a morning, that he was still doing any business there. At evening he crawled slowly back; and he used to go of nights to a little club at a tavern, where he disposed of the finances of the nation. It was wonderful to hear him talk about millions, and agios,lk and discounts, and what Rothschild was doing, and Baring Brothers.ll He talked of such vast sums that the gentlemen of the club (the apothecary, the undertaker, the great carpenter and builder, the parish clerk, who was allowed to come stealthily, and Mr. Clapp, our old acquaintance) respected the old gentleman. ‘I was better off once, sir,‘ he did not fail to tell everybody who ‘used the room‘.‘My son, sir, is at this minute chief magistrate of Ramgunge in the Presidency of Bengal, and touching his four thousand rupees per mensem.lm My daughter might be a colonel‘s lady if she liked. I might draw upon my son, the first magistrate, sir, for two thousand pound to-morrow, and Alexander would cash my bill, down sir, down on the counter, sir. But the Sedleys were always a proud family.‘ You and I, my dear reader, may drop into this condition one day: for have not many of our friends attained it? Our luck may fail: our powers forsake us: our place on the boards be taken by better and younger mimes—the chance of life roll away and leave us shattered and stranded. Then men will walk across the road when they meet you—or, worse still, hold you out a couple of fingers and patronize you in a pitying way—then you will know, as soon as your back is turned, that your friend begins with a ‘Poor devil, what imprudences he has committed, what chances that chap has thrown away!‘ Well, well—a carriage and three thousand a year is not the summit of the reward nor the end of God‘s judgement of men. If quacks prosper as often as they go to the wall—if zanies succeed and knaves arrive at fortune, and, vice versa, sharing ill luck and prosperity for all the world like the ablest and most honest amongst us—I say, brother, the gifts and pleasures of Vanity Fair cannot be held of any great account, and that it is probable... but we are wandering out of the domain of the story.