Vanity Fair (Barnes & Noble Classics Series)

by William Makepeace Thackeray

  And in her commerce with the great our dear friend showed the same frankness which distinguished her transactions with the lowly in station. On one occasion, when out at a very fine house, Rebecca was (perhaps rather ostentatiously) holding a conversation in the French language with a celebrated tenor singer of that nation, while the Lady Grizzel Macbeth looked over her shoulder scowling at the pair.

  ‘How very well you speak French,‘ Lady Grizzel said, who herself spoke the tongue in an Edinburgh accent most remarkable to hear.

  ‘I ought to know it,‘ Becky modestly said, casting down her eyes. ‘I taught it in a school, and my mother was a Frenchwoman.‘

  Lady Grizzel was won by her humility, and was mollified towards the little woman. She deplored the fatal levelling tendencies of the age, which admitted persons of all classes into the society of their superiors; but her ladyship owned, that this one at least was well-behaved, and never forgot her place in life. She was a very good woman: good to the poor: stupid, blameless, unsuspicious.—It is not her ladyship‘s fault that she fancies herself better than you and me. The skirts of her ancestors‘ garments have been kissed for centuries: it is a thousand years, they say, since the tartans of the head of the family were embraced by the defunct Duncan‘s lords and councillors, when the great ancestor of the house became King of Scotland.

  Lady Steyne, after the music scene, succumbed before Becky, and per haps was not disinclined to her. The younger ladies of the House of Gaunt were also compelled into submission. Once or twice they set people at her, but they failed. The brilliant Lady Stunnington tried a passage of arms with her, but was routed with great slaughter by the intrepid little Becky. When attacked sometimes, Becky had a knack of adopting a demure in génue air, under which she was most dangerous. She said the wickedest things with the most simple unaffected air when in this mood, and would take care artlessly to apologize for her blunders, so that all the world should know that she had made them.

  Mr. Wagg, the celebrated wit, and a led captain and trencherman of my Lord Steyne, was caused by the ladies to charge her; and the worthy fellow, leering at his patronesses, and giving them a wink, as much as to say, ‘Now look out for sport,‘ one evening began an assault upon Becky, who was unsuspiciously eating her dinner. The little woman, attacked on a sudden, but never without arms, lighted up in an instant, parried and riposted with a home-thrust, which made Wagg‘s face tingle with shame, then she returned to her soup with the most perfect calm and a quiet smile on her face. Wagg‘s great patron, who gave him dinners and lent him a little money sometimes, and whose election, newspaper, and other jobs Wagg did gave the luckless fellow such a savage glance with the eye as almost made him sink under the table, and burst into tears. He looked piteously at my lord, who never spoke to him during dinner, and at the ladies, who disowned him. At last Becky herself took compassion upon him, and tried to engage him in talk. He was not asked to dinner again for six weeks; and Fiche, my lord‘s confidential man, to whom Wagg naturally paid a good deal of court, was instructed to tell him that if he ever dared to say a rude thing to Mrs. Crawley again, or make her the butt of his stupid jokes, Milor would put every one of his notes of hand into his lawyer‘s hands, and sell him up without mercy. Wagg wept before Fiche, and implored his dear friend to intercede for him. He wrote a poem in favour of Mrs. R. C., which appeared in the very next number of the Harumscarum Magazine, which he conducted. He implored her goodwill at parties where he met her. He cringed and coaxed Rawdon at the club. He was allowed to come back to Gaunt House after a while. Becky was always good to him, always amused, never angry.

  His lordship‘s vizier and chief confidential servant (with a seat in Parliament and at the dinner-table), Mr. Wenham, was much more prudent in his behaviour and opinions than Mr. Wagg. However much he might be disposed to hate all parvenues (Mr. Wenham himself was a stanch old True Blue Tory, and his father a small coal-merchant in the North of England), this aide de camp of the marquis never showed any sort of hostility to the new favourite; but pursued her with stealthy kindnesses, and a sly and deferential politeness, which somehow made Becky more uneasy than other people‘s overt hostilities.

  How the Crawleys got the money which was spent upon the entertainments with which they treated the polite world, was a mystery which gave rise to some conversation at the time, and probably added zest to these lit-tie festivities. Some persons averred that Sir Pitt Crawley gave his brother a handsome allowance: if he did, Becky‘s power over the baronet must have been extraordinary indeed, and his character greatly changed in his advanced age. Other parties hinted that it was Becky‘s habit to levy contributions on all her husband‘s friends: going to this one in tears with an account that there was an execution in the house; falling on her knees to that one, and declaring that the whole family must go to gaol or commit suicide unless such and such a bill could be paid. Lord Southdown, it was said, had been induced to give many hundreds through these pathetic representations. Young Feltham, of the—th Dragoons (and son of the firm of Tiler and Feltham, hatters and army accoutrement-makers), and whom the Crawleys introduced into fashionable life, was also cited as one of Becky‘s victims in the pecuniary way. People declared that she got money from various simply disposed persons, under pretence of getting them confidential appointments under Government. Who knows what stories were or were not told of our dear and innocent friend? Certain it is, that if she had had all the money which she was said to have begged or borrowed or stolen, she might have capitalized and been honest for life, whereas,—but this is advancing matters.

  The truth is that by economy and good management—by a sparing use of ready money and by paying scarcely anybody,—people can manage, for a time at least, to make a great show with very little means: and it is our belief that Becky‘s much-talked-of parties, which were not, after all was said, very numerous, cost this lady very little more than the wax candles which lighted the walls. Stillbrook and Queen‘s Crawley supplied her with game and fruit in abundance. Lord Steyne‘s cellars were at her disposal, and that excellent nobleman‘s famous cooks presided over her little kitchen, or sent by my lord‘s order the rarest delicacies from their own. I protest it is quite shameful in the world to abuse a simple creature, as people of her time abused Becky, and I warn the public against believing one-tenth of the stories against her. If every person is to be banished from society who runs into debt and cannot pay—if we are to be peering into everybody‘s private life, speculating upon their income, and cutting them if we don‘t approve of their expenditure—why, what a howling wilderness and intolerable dwelling Vanity Fair would be! Every man‘s hand would be against his neighbour in this case, my dear sir, and the benefits of civilization would done away with. We should be quarrelling, abusing, avoiding one another. Our houses would become caverns: and we should go in rags because we cared for nobody. Rents would go down. Parties wouldn‘t be given any more. All the tradesmen of the town would be bankrupt. Wine, wax-lights, comestibles, rouge, crinoline petticoats, diamonds, wigs, Louis Quatorze gimcracks, and old china, park hacks and splendid high-stepping carriage horses—all the delights of life, I say,—would go to the deuce, if people did but act upon their silly principles, and avoid those whom they dislike and abuse. Whereas, by a little charity and mutual forbearance, things are made to go on pleasantly enough: we may abuse a man as much as we like, and call him the greatest rascal unhung—but do we wish to hang him therefore? No. We shake hands when we meet. If his cook is good we forgive him, and go and dine with him; and we expect he will do the same by us. Thus trade flourishes—civilization advances: peace is kept; new dresses are wanted for new assemblies every week; and the last year‘s vintage of Lafite will remunerate the honest proprietor who reared it.

  At the time whereof we are writing, though the Great George was on the throne and ladies wore gigotspl and large combs like tortoise-shell shovels in their hair, instead of the simple sleeves and lovely wreaths which are actually in fashion, the manners of the very poli
te world were not, I take it, essentially different from those of the present day: and their amusements pretty similar. To us, from outside gazing over the policemen‘s shoulders at the bewildering beauties as they pass into Court or ball, they may seem beings of unearthly splendour, and in the enjoyment of an exquisite happiness by us unattainable. It is to console some of these dissatisfied beings, that we are narrating our dear Becky‘s struggles, and triumphs, and disappointments, of all of which, indeed, as is the case with all persons of merit, she had her share.

  At this time the amiable amusement of acting charades had come among us from France: and was considerably in vogue in this country, enabling the many ladies amongst us who had beauty to display their charms, and the fewer number who had cleverness, to exhibit their wit. My Lord Steyne was incited by Becky, who perhaps believed herself endowed with both the above qualifications, to give an entertainment at Gaunt House, which should include some of these little dramas—and we must take leave to introduce the reader to this brilliant réunion, and with a melancholy welcome too, for it will be among the very last of the fashionable entertainments to which it will be our fortune to conduct him.

  A portion of that splendid room, the picture-gallery of Gaunt House, was arranged as the charade theatre. It had been so used when George III was king; and a picture of the Marquis of Gaunt is still extant, with his hair in powder and a pink ribbon, in a Roman shape, as it was called, enacting the part of Cato in Mr. Addison‘s tragedy of that name, performed before Their Royal Highnesses the Prince of Wales, the Bishop of Osnaburgh, and Prince William Henry, then children like the actor. One or two of the old properties were drawn out of the garrets, where they had lain ever since, and furbished up anew for the present festivities.

  Young Bedwin Sands, then an elegant dandy and Eastern traveller, was manager of the revels. An Eastern traveller was somebody in those days, and the adventurous Bedwin, who had published his quarto, and passed some months under the tents in the desert, was a personage of no small importance.—In his volume there were several pictures of Sands in various Oriental costumes; and he travelled about with a black attendant of most unprepossessing appearance, just like another Brian de Bois Guil bert.pm Bedwin, his costumes, and black man, were hailed at Gaunt House as very valuable acquisitions.

  He led off the first charade. A Turkish officer with an immense plume of feathers (the janissaries were supposed to be still in existence, and the tarbooshpn had not as yet displaced the ancient and majestic head-dress of the true believers) was seen couched on a divan, and making believe to puff at a narghile,po in which, however, for the sake of the ladies, only a fragrant pastille was allowed to smoke. The Turkish dignitary yawns and expresses signs of weariness and idleness. He claps his hands and Mesrourpp the Nubian appears, with bare arms, bangles, and yataghans, every Eastern ornament—gaunt, tall, and hideous. He makes a salaam before my lord the Aga.

  A thrill of terror and delight runs through the assembly. The ladies whisper to one another. The black slave was given to Sands Bedwin by an Egyptian pasha in exchange for three dozen of maraschino. He has sewn up ever so many odalisquespq in sacks and tilted them into the Nile.

  ‘Bid the slave-merchant enter,‘ says the Turkish voluptuary, with a wave of his hand. Mesrour conducts the slave-merchant into my lord‘s presence: he brings a veiled female with him. He removes her veil. A thrill of applause bursts through the house. It is Mrs. Winkworth (she was a Miss Ab solom),pr with the beautiful eyes and hair. She is in a gorgeous Oriental costume; the black braided locks are twined with innumerable jewels; her dress is covered over with gold piastres.ps The odious Mahometan expresses himself charmed by her beauty. She falls down on her knees, and entreats him to restore her to the mountains where she was born, and where her Circassian lover is still deploring the absence of his Zuleikah. No entreaties will move the obdurate Hassan. He laughs at the notion of the Circassian bridegroom. Zuleikah covers her face with her hands, and drops down in an attitude of the most beautiful despair. There seems to be no hope for her, when—when the Kislar Aga appears.

  The Kislar Aga brings a letter from the Sultan. Hassan receives and places on his head the dread firman. A ghastly terror seizes him, while on the negro‘s face (it is Mesrour again in another costume) appears a ghastly joy. ‘Mercy! mercy!‘ cries the pasha; while the Kislar Aga, grinning horribly, pulls out—a bowstring.

  The curtain draws just as he is going to use that awful weapon. Hassan from within bawls out, ‘First two syllables‘—and Mrs. Rawdon Crawley, who is going to act in the charade, comes forward and compliments Mrs. Winkworth on the admirable taste and beauty of her costume.

  The second part of the charade takes place. It is still an Eastern scene. Hassan, in another dress, is in an attitude by Zuleikah, who is perfectly reconciled to him. The Kislar Aga has become a peaceful black slave. It is sunrise on the desert, and the Turks turn their heads eastward and bow to the sand. As there are no dromedaries at hand, the band facetiously plays ‘The Camels are coming‘. An enormous Egyptian head figures in the scene. It is a musical one,—and, to the surprise of the Oriental travellers, sings a comic song, composed by Mr. Wagg. The Eastern voyagers go off dancing, like Papageno and the Moorish king, in the Magic Flute.pt ‘Last two syllables‘ roars the head.

  The last act opens. It is a Grecian tent this time. A tall and stalwart man reposes on a couch there. Above him hang his helmet and shield. There is no need for them now. Ilium is down. Iphigenia is slain. Cassandra is a prisoner in his outer halls. The king of men (it is Colonel Crawley, who, indeed, has no notion about the a sack of Ilium or the conquest of Cassandra), the anax andrôn,pu is asleep in his chamber at Argos. A lamp casts the broad shadow of the sleeping warrior flickering on the wall—the sword and shield of Troy glitter in its light. The band plays the awful music of Don Juan, before the statue enters.pv

  Aegisthus steals in pale and on tiptoe. What is that ghastly face looking out balefully after him from behind the arras? He raises his dagger to strike the sleeper, who turns in his bed, and opens his broad chest as if for the blow. He cannot strike the noble slumbering chieftain. Clytemnestra glides swiftly into the room like an apparition—her arms are bare and white,—her tawny hair floats down her shoulders,—her face is deadly pale,—and her eyes are lighted up with a smile so ghastly, that people quake as they look at her.

  A tremor ran through the room. ‘Good God!‘ somebody said, ‘it‘s Mrs. Rawdon Crawley.‘

  Scornfully she snatches the dagger out of Aegisthus‘s hand, and advances to the bed. You see it shining over her head in the glimmer of the lamp, and—and the lamp goes out, with a groan, and all is dark.

  The darkness and the scene frightened people. Rebecca performed the part so well, and with such ghastly truth, that the spectators were all dumb, until, with a burst, all the lamps of the hall blazed out again, when everybody began to shout applause. ‘Brava! brava!‘ old Steyne‘s strident voice was heard roaring over all the rest. ‘By—, she‘d do it too,‘ he said between his teeth. The performers were called by the whole house, which sounded, with cries of ‘Manager! Clytemnestra!‘ AGAMEMNON could not be got to show in his classical tunic, but stood in the background with Aegisthus and others of the performers of the little play. Mr. Bedwin Sands led on Zuleikah and Clytemnestra. A great personage insisted upon being presented to the charming Clytemnestra. ‘Heigh ha? Run him through the body. Marry somebody else, hey?‘ was the apposite remark made by His Royal Highness.

  THE TRIUMPH OF CLYTEMNESTRA

  ‘Mrs. Rawdon Crawley was quite killing in the part,‘ said Lord Steyne. Becky laughed; gay, and saucy looking, and swept the prettiest little curtsy ever seen.

  Servants brought in salvers covered with numerous cool dainties, and the performers disappeared, to get ready for the second charade-tableau.

  The three syllables of this charade were to be depicted in pantomime, and the performance took place in the following wise:—

  First syllable. Colonel Rawdon
Crawley, C.B., with slouched hat and a staff, a great coat, and a lantern borrowed from the stables, passed across the stage bawling out, as if warning the inhabitants of the hour. In the lower window are seen two bagmen playing apparently at the game of cribbage, over which they yawn much. To them enters one looking like Boots (the Honourable G. Ringwood), which character the young gentleman performed to perfection, and divests them of their lowering covering; and presently Chambermaid (the Right Honourable Lord Southdown) with two candlesticks, and a warming-pan. She ascends to the upper apartment, and warms the bed. She uses the warming-pan as a weapon wherewith she wards off the attention of the bagmen. She exits. They put on their nightcaps, and pull down the blinds. Boots comes out and closes the shutters of the ground-floor chamber. You hear him bolting and chaining the door within. All the lights go out. The music plays ‘Dormez, dormez, chers Amours.‘pw A voice from behind the curtain says, ‘First syllable.‘

  Second syllable. The lamps are lighted up all of a sudden. The music plays the old air from John of Paris, ‘Ah, quel plaisir d‘etre en voyage!‘px It is the same scene. Between the first and second floors of the house represented, you behold a sign on which the Steyne arms are painted. All the bells are ringing all over the house. In the lower apartment you see a man with a long slip of paper presenting it to another, who shakes his fist, threatens and vows that it is monstrous. ‘Ostler, bring round my gig,‘ cries another at the door. He chucks Chambermaid (the Right Honourable Lord Southdown) under the chin; she seems to deplore his absence, as Calypso did that of that other eminent traveller, Ulysses. Boots (the Honourable G. Ringwood) passes with a wooden box, containing silver flagons, and cries ‘Pots‘ with such exquisite humour and naturalness, that the whole house rings with applause, and a bouquet is thrown to him. Crack, crack, crack, go the whips. Landlord, chambermaid, waiter rush to the door; but just as some distinguished guest is arriving, the curtains close, and the invisible theatrical manager cries out, ‘Second syllable.‘