Get Rocked

by Tabatha Vargo

  I rode in the passenger’s side of Stephen’s mom’s car, thinking about whether or not I was in love with Finn. Was it even possible to love someone in a month? What would I do once he didn’t come to the church to work anymore? Would I just forget about him? Could I? I knew I didn’t want to. I wanted him. Even if I didn’t understand what it meant to want someone, I wanted him.

  I contemplated pulling out my hair when Stephen bought us movie tickets to yet another G-rated movie. In the back of my mind, I begged for something dirty and R-rated. I thought about asking Stephen to take me to a bad movie just so I could at least get a laugh from of his appalled facial expression. Geez, he was such a stick in the mud. More than ever, I longed for Finn’s flirty ways and bad-boy looks.

  An hour into the movie, I got up to go to the bathroom. I didn’t really need to go, but a girl can only look at so many cartoon characters before her eyes start to blur. I stepped into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. Something was different. I was different.

  I washed my hands, dried them, and then ran my fingers through my hair to get it to lie down. When I’d killed enough time, I opened the door to leave the bathroom. I gasped when I found Finn standing there in the doorway, looking back at me. He pushed through and pulled me into the large stall in the back of the room.

  Part of me was nervous, and the other part was so happy that something exciting was happening. Leave it to Finn to make things feel more alive. My hand felt small in his. The warmth from his fingers dissolved into mine and worked its way up my arm.

  Once we were in the stall, he locked the door behind us and pushed me up against it. It didn’t hurt and I was disgusted by the fact that I liked it. I enjoyed him taking over me—I enjoyed being manhandled. It was refreshing after dealing with Stephen and his shy, passive ways.

  He placed a hand against the door on each side of my head, trapping me between them. Stormy blue eyes took me in—anger in his brows. Reaching up, I gripped his arm and took a deep breath. His eyes left mine and dipped down to my mouth. The anger on his face melted away and his face softened.

  “I didn’t mean to scare you,” he slurred.

  “What are you doing here?” I whispered.

  Removing his hand from the door, he caressed my cheek with his thumb. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel of him.

  “I needed to see you.”

  He wasn’t talking right—his eyes not focusing well. There was a strange smell to him that stung my nose and made my eyes water. I could only assume it was alcohol.

  “Have you been drinking?” I asked as I pressed against his chest to make him back up.

  “That’s right. Push me away. Do you know I’ve been pushed away my entire life? There was always someone giving me away like I was nothing.”

  He was talking out of his head and I was getting a little nervous.

  “What are you talking about, Finn?” I reached down for the lock on the door just in case he wasn’t the guy I thought he was and he pulled something crazy.

  “My mom calls me Jimmy Finn. She’s the only person who calls me that. I think that’s funny since she’s the only person who’s ever wanted me. Foster home after foster home and the one woman who gives me a new name keeps me.”

  He was finally starting to make sense.

  “You’re adopted?” I asked.

  He nodded his head with sad eyes. I’d once heard that kids were treated badly in foster homes. Amanda told me a story about a kid who’d been accidently killed by the parents and they never reported it so they could keep collecting money from the state.

  I reached up and pushed his hair from his forehead. He closed his eyes and pressed his face into my palm. It was such a sweet thing for him to do. I ran my thumb across his cheek over and over again, enjoying the feel of his soft facial hair.

  “I didn’t know that about you,” I said.

  He opened his eyes and looked down at me. His blue irises glowed under the florescent lights of the red-and-black tiled bathroom.

  “There’s a lot that you don’t know about me.”

  I opened my mouth to say something, but the bathroom door cracked open, stopping me.

  “Faith?” Stephen called into the room.

  No way would someone like him come into the ladies restroom. Instead, I could hear him standing outside the door. The noise from the theater lobby spilled into the bathroom and echoed off of the walls.

  I moved to open the door, but Finn stopped me and held his finger against his lips, telling me to be quiet.

  Stephen called my name into the bathroom once more before the door shut and the room became quiet again.

  “Finn, I can’t stay in here. I have to go back.”

  “Stay.” He swallowed hard and his eyes glistened.

  I’d never seen him this way. He looked vulnerable and it broke my heart. From what I knew of him over the past few weeks we spent together in church, he wasn’t afraid of anything or anyone, but something was scaring him, and I suddenly had the urge to comfort him—to make him smile and bring life into his eyes.

  “What’s wrong, Finn? You can tell me whatever it is.” I ran my fingers through his tousled hair.

  Closing his eyes, he let out a quiet gasp, as if my fingers were the best thing he’d ever know. When he opened his baby blues again, they collided with mine and then something unexpected happened. A single tear wobbled on his lashes before escaping and rushing down his cheek.

  I cupped his cheek and caught his tear with my thumb. “Sweetie, please tell me what’s wrong? Did something happen?”

  Again, he closed his eyes as if he were feeling pleasure before opening them again and showing his pain.

  “Say it again,” he said roughly, as if tears were clogging his throat.

  “Say what?”

  “Call me sweetie.”

  The expression on his face pulled at my heart. I wanted more than anything to make it go away.

  “You’re scaring me, Finn. Whatever it is that’s bothering you, just tell me. Let me try to make it better.”

  He surprised me as he leaned over and rested his head against my shoulder. His breath was hot against my neck and I couldn’t stop the chills that rushed through my body. I was hot and cold all over and the strange pulling sensation in my stomach left me feeling dizzy.

  Sliding his arms around my waist, he molded himself to me. I had to admit, it felt amazing to be held that way. I pressed the back of my head into the door and cupped the back of his head in comfort.

  “I’m sorry I’m scaring you. I’d never do anything to hurt you. I swear I’d never do anything to hurt you, ever. I’ll be okay if you promise to stay. Don’t go with Stephen. Please stay.”

  I melted all over. Finn, the most careless person I knew, was holding me in a manner I wasn’t familiar with and begging me to stay with him as if he cared. I wanted to. I wanted to stay there with him, locked in the theater bathroom. Just the two of us in peace and quiet while the world outside moved on without us, but then I remembered that Stephen was out searching for me. He’d probably already called my dad, freaking out.

  “Finn, I can’t. He’s outside waiting on me. I can’t do that to him.”

  He looked up at me. His eyes still weren’t focusing and briefly I thought maybe the only reason he was acting like this was because he was drinking.

  “Him? Don’t do this to me. Please, Faith, stay.” He pulled away and leaned against the wall. I hadn’t noticed before how badly he was slurring and leaning.

  I’d never seen a drunk person before, other than on TV, but I was positive he was drunk.

  “How did you get here?” I asked.

  He peeked up through his hair, then laid his flushed face against the tile wall. “I drove.”

  “You drove drunk?”

  I couldn’t believe he’d just said that. Who would do such an idiotic thing?

  He chuckled to himself and then finally smiled. His cheeks lifted and his beautiful dimples showed themselves.
Even unsteady on his feet, with unfocused, glazed-over eyes, he was still gorgeous.

  “Baby, I’ve done a lot worse.” His grin became sinister.

  “How are you supposed to get home?”

  No way was I letting him drive home. He’d once made sure I made it home safely, and even if I had to call his mother, I’d make sure he made it home okay, as well.

  “I’m driving. Why are we talking about this? Let’s talk about something more fun. Like, can I kiss you again?”

  I wanted him to. Lord knows I did, but I couldn’t do that. Not when he was drunk and probably had no idea what he was saying. He’d wake up tomorrow and regret it. That’s if he even remembered it. I never wanted to be something someone regretted.

  “I’m calling your mother. I’m not letting you drive home like this.” I turned to open the door and leave.

  He caught my hand and slowly intertwined our fingers. He pulled me into his chest and used his other hand to push my hair from my face.

  “I have her car. Will you drive me home, Faith? I need you.”

  Those three words did me in. I didn’t want to say no to him. He needed me and I’d be there for him the way he had been for me. Even if he didn’t know he was helping me, he was. He brought color to my life and I’d always be grateful for that.

  “Give me your keys.” I reached out my hand and waited as he dug through his jeans pocket.

  I’d only ever driven a car once. My dad let me drive home from the grocery store and I’d hated it. I wasn’t very good at it and every time a car came up behind me, I freaked out, but I had to do what I had to do.

  We snuck out of the movie theater, careful not to run into Stephen or ever worse, my dad. I’m sure he’d been called by now. I was already thinking of things to say to my father when he freaked out on me. Not to mention poor Stephen. I felt awful for doing this to him, but he’d never understand. He was like a younger version of my father. They had no idea what it meant to be alive.

  Finn leaned against me through the parking lot to his mother’s Jeep. I opened the passenger’s side and helped him get in. Once I was inside, I felt like I was too high off of the ground. It was much different than being in my dad’s Taurus. I rolled down my window and slowly pulled out of the parking space.

  I was more nervous about the fact that Finn watched me like a hawk from the darkness of his side of the car while I drove than I was about driving. I tried to remember how to get to Finn’s house, but I’d only been there once and I had to keep asking him which way.

  Nothing looked familiar to me and I kept waiting for his neighborhood to come up, but there was nothing but woods. I was starting to worry that Finn was drunker than I thought. I continued to drive as thoughts kept coming to me. Like, how was I going to get home? I thought about all the trouble I was going to be in when I finally did get home and how badly I was going to get it.

  “Take a left here,” Finn said from the darkness.

  I took a left onto a dark road and continued to drive until finally I came to a clearing. There were woods behind me and in front of me was the ocean. The smell of saltwater engulfed the car as the waves rushed toward the shore that was practically in front of us. A long dock stretched out over the water and in the distance, I could see boats with lights on them. The Cooper River Bridge was the backdrop. It was lit up with light-blue lights as cars drove across it and into the black star-filled sky.

  “It’s beautiful,” I said in awe.

  I’d never seen a place more beautiful in my life. Not that I’d been many places.

  I turned when I felt Finn’s fingers in my hair. He was sitting beside me and pulling softly at my fingers on the steering wheel.

  “Then it’s perfect for you,” he whispered in my ear.

  My body went up in flames. I was burning and it felt so wonderful.

  He captured my face in his hands and turned me to face him. Even in the darkness, I could see his light eyes as they skimmed my face and then landed on my lips.

  “Can I please kiss you again?” He ran his thumb across my bottom lip as he asked.

  I nodded my answer and closed my eyes. His soft lips landed on mine and I absorbed everything I could. The feel of his breath, the taste of him, and the way his tongue moved softly over my lip. I didn’t want to miss a single second. Tiny noises traveled from his lips and rushed down my body, landing in the bottom of my spine.

  When he broke the kiss, he pressed his forehead against mine and we both took a much needed breath.

  “I have a tiny problem,” he said as his lips brushed mine.

  “What?”

  I sounded like a different person. My voice was deeper, like that of an experienced woman. One kiss—that’s all it took—and I was blooming under his heat like a ripened flower.

  “I never thought I’d say this, but I think I might be falling in love with you.”

  He opened his eyes and looked deep into mine as he waited for my reaction. He was drunk. Only a drunk man could think he was in love with me. Me? The boring pastor’s daughter who never went anywhere or did anything exciting, but then again, wasn’t I here alone with him in the middle of nowhere? Hadn’t I run out on a date without telling anyone?

  “That’s the alcohol talking,” I stated.

  He blinked at me and then shook his head. “No. That’s my heart talking. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I’m sorry if that freaks you out.”

  In that moment, everything changed. I was his and I didn’t care who said I couldn’t be. I didn’t care about anything else. I just wanted to be with him and soak up every moment that was offered to us.

  I slid my arms around his neck and he smiled down at me.

  “I’m not freaked out, but I guess I have a problem, too,” I said.

  He leaned down and pressed his smiling lips against mine. “And what’s that? Anything I can help with?”

  “Maybe. It seems my heart wants to talk, too.”

  “Oh really? And what does your heart have to say?”

  I sat quietly and tilted my head as if I were listening to something. “I’m falling for you, too.”

  The moment the words left my lips, his face lit up. The car no longer felt like a dark and scary place. It was light and peaceful. As if someone had just lifted tons off of our shoulders.

  He leaned in and kissed me again. This time pushing a little farther and drawing noises from me. My body rebelled against everything my father had ever taught me, and I didn’t care. If God didn’t want me to have that moment, then I wouldn’t have been there. My heart wouldn’t have been so full of love for Finn.

  “We need to slow down,” he said against my lips.

  “Why? Did I do something wrong?”

  “God, no. You’re doing everything just right.”

  I went back in and kissed him harder. I wasn’t sure what was happening to me, but I couldn’t get enough of him. I pressed my body against his in ways that didn’t make any sense to me and silently cursed my restrictive skirt for not allowing me to move my legs the way they begged to move. I didn’t understand any of it. I just knew it felt nice and I wanted to keep doing it. He chuckled against my lips and pulled away.

  “I don’t want to push you into anything. When you’re ready, and if you decide you want me that way, I’ll be here. I’ll wait.” He grinned.

  I paused at the look in his eyes. I’d only known Finn for a few weeks, yet somehow he had wrapped himself around me so tightly—metaphorically and literally.

  “You’d wait for me?”

  The concept seemed foreign. I was nothing—a pastel blob on the face of the earth. Meanwhile, he was bright—a star that illuminated my existence. I was drawn to him and I didn’t know if I’d ever want to pull myself away.

  His thumb caressed my cheek and lips. He looked down at them as if he wanted to kiss me again and then licked his.

  “I’d wait forever for you.”

  And just like that, we were together. I was his and he was min
e. I didn’t think twice about Stephen or my dad, and when Finn asked me to spend the night with him in his mom’s Jeep, I did just that. I fell asleep in his arms with the sounds of the waves as our background noise and his fingers in my hair.

  When I woke up, my arms were wrapped around Faith and her face was buried in my chest. I was blanketed in her warmth and covered in her long, flowing hair. I ran my hand up her back and a tiny noise sounded from her moist lips.

  I looked down at her flushed cheeks and smiled. Her mouth was open and she snored softly when she breathed in. It was best moment of my life. I’d slept better lying on the bench seat in the back of my mom’s Jeep than I had anywhere else in my life, and I’d slept in a lot of places.

  I watched her sleep until the sun was fully shining into the windows. The seagulls outside seemed to get louder the brighter the sun grew. My leg was falling asleep, but I didn’t move. I didn’t want to wake her. The moment was too sweet to ruin.

  When she finally woke, she leaned back and looked up at me with a sleepy smile. Her long hair lay across my arm. The soft scent of roses and fresh powder filled my senses as I bent my head down and gave her a tiny kiss.

  “Good morning, beautiful,” I said as I let my thumb explore her creamy cheek.

  I couldn’t stop touching her. It was as if I needed reassurance that she was really there with me. It wasn’t that I wasn’t used to girls being with me; it was that I wasn’t used to girls like Faith. She was perfection, far too perfect for a screw-up like me, and I knew in my heart that I didn’t deserve her, but I couldn’t help myself.

  I couldn’t even think about the fact that my head was pounding. I had a tiny hangover and I felt a little embarrassed about my behavior the night before, but screw it. A drunk man tells no tales, and I’d been up front and honest with Faith, which was exactly what she deserved. At least I got it off my chest and at least she didn’t turn me away like she probably should have.