Get Rocked

by Tabatha Vargo

  Finn continued to stare back at me like I was a different person. His eyes moved across my face like I was a puzzle he was trying to figure out. The hurt in his eyes burned me and I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. I could see the gears in his head working, and I waited for smoke to come from his ears.

  I couldn’t take his scrutiny anymore. I needed him gone so I could breathe and have time to think things through. My life was about to take another massive shift, and I didn’t know if I could handle that right now.

  “We’ll talk about it more tomorrow. I really need to get him to bed,” I said as I grabbed the knob on the door.

  Finn was suspiciously quiet, and I was starting to worry. He opened his mouth to say something but stopped to swallow. Again, he reached out and fingered a piece of my hair.

  “You know, I used to dream about having a family with you,” he said sadly. My heart broke when a salty tear slid down his cheek. My fingers ached to capture it and smooth it away. “But now I can see that you already have a family of your own. I’m so happy for you, Faith. I only wish I hadn’t been stupid enough to let you go.”

  I had to tell him. I couldn’t do this to him anymore. He needed to know the truth. I opened my mouth to tell him to come in, but his face froze and turned three different colors before settling on a ghostly white. He was staring just beyond my shoulder as if the answers to all of life’s great mysteries resided in my living room.

  I didn’t have to look back to know who he was staring at. I knew and I could only imagine the thoughts that were exploding his mind.

  “Mommy, I broke my dinosaur mask,” Jimmy said behind me with a sniffle.

  When I turned around, he was standing there without his mask, wearing a big frown. His blue eyes popped and in that moment, he’d never look more like his daddy.

  I turned back around quickly and looked at Finn. He looked back at me with tears in his eyes.

  “Faith? Is there anything you need to tell me?”

  And then I broke down in tears. There was no going back. I had to fess up and have faith in Finn.

  I missed her. It had been weeks since she walked out of my life again, and I wanted her back. I didn’t care about anything else. I wanted Faith. I wanted a life with her. Nothing else mattered. I’d be a tied-down puss if it meant having her with me every day the way she should’ve been years before.

  We played three shows and every show I played, all I could think about was getting back to California and talking to Faith. We needed to fix things. I didn’t know what she meant when she said, “Something like that,” but I needed to know what hell was going on and where we stood.

  When I got back to the condo, I wasted no time calling Mrs. Cooper at the temp agency. She’d called and left me a voicemail telling me that we’d have to find a new maid since Faith had quit. I figured she would.

  I wasn’t sure how I managed it, but somehow I talked Mrs. Cooper into giving me Faith’s address. I knew it was weird just popping up at her place unannounced, but a man in love did crazy things.

  By the time I could leave, it was already dark out. Once I typed her address into my GPS, I was on my way. As I drove, I slowly made my way into the rough parts of town. It wasn’t anything new for me to be in the ghetto, but Faith had no business living in a place like that. If anything, I felt more comfortable in the rough parts. I was raised in the places like that. Faith, not so much.

  I pulled up to a broken-down apartment building. Broken blinds hung in windows and dead plants littered the concrete stairs and paths to the apartment doors. Little kids ran around outside in diapers while their moms sat on cell phones and yelled at them from across the yard. It was way past any kids’ bedtime. It was crazy to see them running around outside in the dark.

  The pool in the center of the courtyard was green with fast food trash and beer cans floating in the center. And the smell was a mix of raw sewage and unwashed ass. The place was a real shithole, and I was angry that Faith was living in such a place. She deserved so much more than this, and if I could, I was going to give her more—so much more.

  When I found her apartment number, I tapped on the front door and waited. I heard someone fumbling with the blinds and then nothing. After a minute, I tapped again. It was then that the front door opened. Faith was standing there more beautiful than she’d ever been. Her long hair was wet from her shower and she had on the cutest pink-and-blue pajamas.

  She was everything I ever wanted in my life, and I was there to make her mine, but something about her was off. She seemed nervous about something and that made me nervous.

  When her son came out in a big blue dinosaur mask, I could hardly believe my eyes. Everything made sense in that moment. The crazy job, the no longer living with her father, everything. My heart broke in that moment as well when I realized that everything I wanted to do with Faith she’d already done with another man.

  I wanted her to have my son. I wanted to buy a house together and do the whole domesticated thing. I wanted that more than anything, and my chance was gone. I was never going to get what I wanted, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to take it.

  My entire life shifted when I saw her son without his mask. The boy looked familiar, like I’d seen him so many times in my dreams, but I was positive this was the first time I’d seen the child. He reached over and grabbed Faith’s hand and hid behind her hip. He stared up at me shyly before disappearing behind her completely.

  I looked back up at Faith. Her face was covered in shock; her eyes wide as if I’d just caught her doing something wrong. She reached over and sheltered the boy by her side. Again, he peeked around at me and then his eyes caught mine. Baby blue irises stared back at me. Familiar eyes—eyes I’d seen every day for my entire life… my eyes.

  “Finn, meet your son,” Faith said with tears in her eyes.

  She sounded a million miles away, as if she were speaking through another universe. My mind fumbled over her words as I tried to figure out what she was saying. Nothing was registering. My eyes were glued to the boy who was staring back at me.

  He had on thermal pajamas. His caramel-colored hair was a mess, as if he’d been running his fingers through it. He was tiny, so tiny that I could lift him with one hand and hold him in one arm. He was a stranger to me, but he was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my life.

  My mind was buzzing and I felt dizzy. I couldn’t remember ever feeling so dizzy. I was staring at the woman I loved and my son, and while I knew I should’ve been angry beyond words that I hadn’t been there from the start, I couldn’t help but feel so much happiness that my heart burned, about to burst.

  “My son?” I squeaked.

  I reached out and grabbed the doorframe to keep myself from falling. A piece of jagged wood cut into my palm, but I felt nothing but the love that was filling my heart at a rapid pace.

  My son stared up at me and then looked at Faith like he didn’t understand what was happening. I longed to pick him up and hold him close to me. I wanted nothing more than to squeeze him and never let him go.

  “Yes. I didn’t want you to find out this way, but there’s no going back now. I’m sorry, Finn. I hope you can forgive me.”

  I looked at her different now. She wasn’t just the girl I loved anymore; she was the mother of my child. Mother, a sainted creature who’d breathed life into the world, who’d breathed life into my son.

  I closed my eyes and imagined what she must’ve looked like during her pregnancy. I envisioned her with a white flowing dress, her stomach protruding and full of life. Her hair catching the wind as she softly caressed her stomach and spoke sweetly to my baby within.

  A heated tear leaked out of the corner of my eye and rolled down my cheek. Another followed close behind, and I knew I’d never be able to stop them.

  “Jimmy, baby, please go in our room. Mommy will be there in a bit to tuck you in, okay?”

  I smiled down at my son as he took off across the living room and down the hallway. His tiny
feet smacked against the floor and warmed my heart.

  “Finn, I know what you’re thinking, but please don’t freak out on me. I was going to tell you. I just didn’t know how. He’s all I have. The only thing I live for. Please don’t try to take him away from me.”

  I stared back at her in confusion. I’d just gotten used to the fact that I had a child. Nothing she said was making it through my thick brain fog. I stared longingly toward the door the boy had run through.

  “He’s beautiful,” I whispered.

  She smiled softly and took my hand. It warmed my palm, so I linked our fingers together. When she pulled, I allowed her to guide me into her apartment. The door squeaked closed behind us before clicking into place.

  My knees gave up finally from the shock, so I sat on her couch as she locked the front door and put the chain up.

  “Of course he’s beautiful. He’s ours.” She smiled over her shoulder at me. I slid over when she took a seat beside me. “So what now?” she asked nervously.

  I looked down at her hands and noticed she was wringing them so hard that her fingers were turning purple. Reaching out, I laid my hand on top of hers to make her stop.

  “What do you mean what now?”

  She looked up and her brown eyes connected with mine. There was so much fear in there that I wanted to pull her into my arms and smooth it away.

  “Well, now that you know, we need to get Jimmy used to you. I know you’re going to want to see him, but I think we should get him used to the idea of you before we start with any kind of visitation. That is, if you want it.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and then sighed. “But most importantly, Finn, there’s to be no drinking and drugs around him. Promise me.”

  My heart sang when she called him Jimmy. I wanted to kiss her for naming my son after me, but at the same time, I didn’t comprehend what she was saying. Visitation? Drugs and drinking? None of that mattered to me.

  “I’m done with drugs and drinking,” I said sternly.

  And I was. I had a son—an impressionable son that I wanted to shield from everything bad in the world.

  “And as far as visitation goes, that won’t be necessary.”

  Fear filled her eyes again and I could see her breathing change as she started to panic. She twisted her fingers again, making the purple shade return. Again, I laid my hand over her fingers to make her stop.

  “Why? Are you going to try to take him?” she asked with wide eyes.

  “No. Because once I buy a house, y’all are coming home with me.”

  And they were. I wouldn’t have it any other way. The woman I loved and my son were not going to live in some shitty apartment. He was going to have anything he wanted, and she was never going to scrub another toilet again.

  “What? But, Finn, we don’t even—”

  I stopped her with my finger. Her warm breath tickled my palm, and I smiled down at her.

  “You’re coming home with me. I love you and I love Jimmy. You’re my family and I want to take care of you. Let me take care of you, Faith. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

  A tear slid down her cheek as she shook her head yes, and I captured it with my thumb.

  “Yes,” she whispered against my finger.

  I moved in slowly and replaced my finger with my lips. She threw her arms around my neck and kissed me back. I’d never been so happy. Everything I wanted was in my grasp, and I was determined to never let it slip away again.

  I pulled back and rested my forehead against hers. Reaching in my pocket, I pulled out her cross. It warmed my palm as usual, and the blunt tips dug into my skin. I held her hand and opened her fingers. Setting the tiny cross in her palm, I closed her fingers around it and gently squeezed.

  “I believe this belongs to you,” I said with a smile.

  She opened her hand and ran her fingers over the cross.

  “You kept it. I can’t believe you kept it.” She sniffled.

  I tilted up her chin so I could look her in the eye. “I used to hold it every day and imagine it was you. I kept it with me everywhere I went. I really do love you, Faith. I always have and always will.”

  Another tear dripped down her face.

  “I love you, too, Finn. Forever.”

  It’s funny how life works. Sometimes you have to jump hurdles to get the things you want. I’d spent my entire life waiting for Faith to come to me. I’d jumped more hurdles than most, but it was worth it in the end.

  I wanted something to believe in—something that held me to the earth when I thought I’d fly away into the nothing. I had no idea it would be a woman that made me feel that way, but I found happiness in her smile and peace in her eyes. I found comfort in her arms and joy in her kiss. She was mine. I’d looked for it my entire life, but finally, I’d found faith, and it took me a while to realize that I didn’t have faith, Faith had me.

  “Daddy, where do babies come from?” Little Jimmy asked in front of everyone at the table.

  He was so smart and he was constantly asking questions that I never knew how to answer.

  Having Thanksgiving dinner with the entire band and their families on top of my family and Faith’s mom made for a big table full of people. They all looked at me as Jimmy waited for an answer.

  Mom smiled to hide the fact that she wanted to laugh at me. She loved Jimmy so much. She’d never been so happy as she was the day I brought him home to meet her. Her and Rick spent a lot of time spoiling the hell out of him, but he loved his Grandma and Pop Pop.

  Chet burst into laughter and Tiny smacked him on the arm. I gave them both my shut the fuck up face. I looked over to Zeke for a little bit of help, but he and Patience just sat there with their lips glued together to keep from laughing.

  “Babies come from their mommy’s belly,” Faith answered calmly.

  I reached down and grabbed her hand. She was always so calm with Jimmy and always had all the answers. She was the perfect mother and wife. I couldn’t imagine life without her. Of course, in her profession, she had to be patient. She was a part-time medical assistant until she was done with nursing school. Being a nurse was going to be hard work, and she’d be perfect when it came to dealing with some of the crazy people.

  I was happy when she agreed not to work during her pregnancy, but I knew she loved it and more than anything, I wanted her to be happy. The day she walked across the stage and got her high school diploma, her smile had been nothing short of luminous. She never gave up on her dream to graduate and go to college, and I’d never been more proud of her.

  She was so strong and independent and I loved that about her, but I also loved that she knew when to let me take care of her, because I wanted to for the rest of my life.

  I reached down and ran my palm across her protruding stomach. Our first little girl was on her way in two months, and I could hardly wait to meet her. The thought of having a daughter scared the shit out of me. Mostly because I knew there were men like me all over the world. I prayed every night that my little girl never ran into any of them. I had no problem whatsoever choking the life out of anyone who hurt one of my kids.

  Little Jimmy dropped the subject of babies and we all ate dinner. The table chatter buzzed as we filled in our families about road life and the different towns we visited.

  After dinner, we spent time with everyone in the family room before saying our good-byes. I loved the holidays because it meant spending time with family, but I hated to see them go. I was amazed at the amount of love that surrounded me. As a young boy who grew up with no one, I ended up with some of the best people in my life.

  We weren’t the conventional family by any means. I’d been adopted by my mom and together we adopted the rest of the band, but we were closer than most families, and they meant the world to me.

  Later that night, after everyone had gone home and we finally got Jimmy to bed. I snuggled up to my beautiful wife and held her close to me. I would never get enough of her—never. She looked even more beautiful pregnant,
and I couldn’t seem to keep my hands off of her.

  “I have something for you,” she said as she turned in my arms to face me.

  Her stomach pressed into mine and I felt the baby kick against me. My heart warmed and I couldn’t help but smile.

  “Oh, do you?” I flirted back.

  “Yep. Do you want it now or do you want to wait?”

  I loved it when she was playful.

  “I want it now, please.”

  She rolled me onto my back and straddled my lap.

  “Are you sure?” she asked.

  I reached up and cupped her full breasts. Her entire body had filled out, and I loved occupying my hands with every part of her. She was warm—filled with so much sweetness, covered with lovely soft skin.

  “Oh yeah, I’m positive.”

  She leaned down and kissed me, and I lost my hands in her long, soft hair.

  “You can have me on one condition,” she said with a devious smile.

  “Anything,” I said as I nibbled her bottom lip.

  “Say something dirty.”

  I laughed as she used my own words against me, but I wasn’t like Faith used to be. I had no problem whatsoever saying something dirty. So I rolled her onto her back and kissed her hard, and then I spent the rest of the night showing my wife exactly how dirty I could be.

  KEEP READING FOR THE FIRST TWO CHAPTERS OF TABATHA’S NEWEST RELEASE, LITTLE BLACK BOOK, COMING JUNE 30TH.

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  From the bottom of my heart thank you so much for reading! MWAH!

  Tabatha Vargo

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  XOXO!

  Passionate and fleeting