Finding Strength (The Searchers Book 5)

by Ripley Proserpina

  They were on the cusp of something, she and Apollo. Some secret or event that got to the heart of who Apollo was.

  Nora glanced at the other guys. They studied their friend, but it was clear that whatever he was about to say, they knew about.

  32

  Apollo

  19 years old

  Apollo stood in front of the run-down Victorian and doubled checked the address on his phone. He eyed the rickety scaffolding and the broken windows on the third floor. This was the place? It didn’t even look habitable.

  He walked down the street a few feet. There were cars in the driveway.

  As a college student with limited funds, he was used to seeing shitty apartments. So given the price of rent, he shouldn’t have been surprised that the place looked one step from being condemned. But he didn’t have a lot of options. Brownington had stuck him in a suite this semester with three strangers, and he couldn’t take it. Yeah, it’d be more expensive to live off campus, but he wouldn’t be inhaling second-hand pot smoke or kept up until four in the morning because his roommates were busy playing video games. As far as he could tell, they went to class maybe once a week.

  Apollo didn’t give a shit what they did or didn’t do.

  Until it affected him.

  And if he couldn’t sleep, and he couldn’t study, he could lose his scholarship. And if he he was high, he couldn’t study, and then he was fucked.

  So he didn’t care what it said about him that the roommate-wanted ad said, “Quiet. No drugs.”

  If that made him a senior citizen, so fucking what.

  The guy who owned the house was Seok Jheon, and he’d told Apollo to come at noon. He was a few minutes early, but rather than lurk outside, he went around back like Seok had said to do and knocked on the door.

  When no one came, he knocked again and stepped back, studying the yard and windows. The door creaked open, and he fixed a smile on his face.

  A guy with long black hair gave him a tight smile. “Apollo?” he asked.

  “Yes.” He held out his hand. “Seok?”

  “I’m Matisse.” The guy shook his hand and dropped it before opening the door wider. “One of the roommates. Come in.”

  He walked inside, studying the interior. The door opened into the kitchen, and it was much nicer than he expected, though clearly being renovated. There were new appliances, but no countertops. and in the center of the room was a collapsible card table.

  “There are four of us who live here,” Matisse said. “There’s Cai. Ryan who goes to Brownington. Pre-law. I sometimes go to school, depending on my mood, and Seok’s an architect. He said you go to Brownington, too?”

  He led him through what Apollo thought must have been a dining room. It was hard to tell since there were no walls. “Yes,” he answered. “I’m a sports medicine and PT major. I’m on a five-year track to graduate with my master’s in physical therapy.”

  “Seok!” Matisse yelled as they came into a more open area. There was an old couch against one wall and floor to ceiling bookshelves on the other. There was a fire crackling in an old fireplace, and he narrowed his eyes at it. Nothing he’d seen so far made him certain that the place wouldn’t go up in flames. Hopefully they’d had the chimney cleaned.

  “It won’t burn down,” a softly accented voice said. “Or collapse, if that’s what you’re worried about. The house is sturdy. All that’s left is cosmetic stuff.”

  Apollo internally grimaced as he turned to face the speaker. A man with bleached blonde hair and pale skin met his gaze. “I’m Seok.”

  “Nice to meet you,” Apollo replied.

  “Sit down.” He gestured toward the couch. Matisse was sprawled in a lawn chair, long legs splayed in front of him. “It’s just Matisse and me. Ryan has class, and Cai is working.”

  “There’s four of you?”

  “Yep,” Matisse said. “But five is the limit. We could push six if we had to but that bedroom is tiny. Seok has the third floor, it used to be its own apartment, but he’s making it into an office and—”

  “Thanks, Matisse,” Seok interrupted. “We’re looking for a fifth roommate. Rent is split five ways, as is electric and heat. If you want internet, we’ll split that. Water, trash, yard work is all included in rent. So, why aren’t you living on campus? You’re only a sophomore, right?”

  Apollo dragged his hand across the back of his head. “Yeah. But like I was telling Matisse, I have a scholarship I need to keep, and right now my living situation isn’t ideal.”

  Seok watched him for a long moment, finally nodding. “Visitors have to be okayed by all of us. No pop-ins or drop-bys. Not even for family.”

  “I don’t have family,” Apollo replied quickly and then wished he hadn’t. “I mean—” Fuck. What did he mean? The truth was, he didn’t have family. He had a grandmother who hadn’t been the same since his mother took her own life, and an aunt who was too busy with her own children to worry about him. The fact of the matter was he lived his life so no one would have to worry about him. There was no discussion about how he’d pay for college or who would bring him to Vermont from Rhode Island.

  All the financial aid stuff, applying for scholarships—he’d done that himself.

  “I have a grandmother and aunt,” he said. “They live in Rhode Island. I work out from six in the morning until I have class. In between classes I study, and then in the evenings I work out again. I won’t be around too much, and when I am, I have too much to do.”

  “Sounds perfect,” Matisse said. “Barely here.”

  He glanced at the other man. His blunt words offended Apollo, but Matisse was blushing. “Sorry,” he said. “I don’t always say the right things.”

  Huh. “That’s okay,” he replied. “I prefer it when people say what they’re thinking anyway. At least I know where I stand.”

  Matisse chuckled. “And here I am trying to filter.”

  Seok glanced between them. “If you want the room, it’s yours,” he said. “I think you’ll fit in with the rest of us.”

  “I do, too,” he said, surprising himself. He liked these guys, even if they were a little weird. “I’ll take it.”

  33

  Nora

  Nora couldn’t continue to stand once Apollo began his story. And she couldn’t not touch him. “Come here,” she directed, and tugged him next to her on the bed. They sat, all of them, and listened to Apollo as he talked about feeling worthless.

  She squeezed him as hard as she could, hoping that her hand in his was enough. When he talked about his mother, and father, and being an orphan, she couldn’t stop herself from crying.

  He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her temple. “I came through it.”

  Came through it? The phrase didn’t give him enough credit. “Apollo. You more than got through it. You achieved. Look at you. You’re graduating in a few months with a master’s degree. You have minimal debt. You have four friends who love you like a brother. And I love you, Apollo. No. I fucking adore you. You know what I think of when I think of you? I think of safety. Of being more comfortable than I’ve ever been in my life. And you know what that means when your entire life has been chaotic, don’t you?”

  He watched her, gaze going from one eye to another and then down to her mouth as she formed words that seemed to leave him stunned. “Yes.” His voice broke.

  “You gave that to me. You. I know you think that I don’t love you as much as I love Ryan, and Cai, Matisse and Seok. But if it hadn’t been for you. If you hadn’t accepted me and taken care of me when I first came to your house, I never would have been able to love anybody. You were the first person who saw me and thought I was worthy of being loved.”

  “She’s right,” Cai said.

  Nora should have known that the guys would step in.

  “I was afraid of her—” Cai met her wide-eyed gaze. “I was! You were beautiful and fragile but had this will of steel, and I knew if I let myself, I’d fall for you. And then Apollo just goes fo
r it. Lays all his cards on his table and it was so fucking brave, I thought, why not me?”

  “So I only have myself to blame for all of you falling in love with her.” Apollo chuckled and shook his head.” That’s what you’re saying?”

  “Pretty much.” Cai smiled.

  Seok cleared his throat. “I know that you want her for yourself,” he said to Apollo. “But I don’t know what I would do without you, all of you, in my life. You are my family. It isn’t—I know society will judge us, judge Nora—but I’ve always feared the time when we would go our separate ways. When Nora came, and we all loved her, I knew that it was meant to be. Everything we’ve gone through, every struggle and hurt, it led us here. To this family.”

  Nora wiped her face against her shoulder and leaned her head against Apollo. “But I want you to be happy, and if you’re not… I don’t know what to do.” She thought about walking away from them. It would break her to do that. She couldn’t imagine living without—

  “I won’t be gone forever.” Apollo’s voice echoed in her mind. She tried to find the time and place he’d said those words. Where had he gone? Had that really happened? Or was it something she was just imagining. A horrifying thought hit her. What if this was real?

  Had… had Apollo left?

  “I have more work to do, and if I stay, I won’t have a chance.”

  The memory hit her with the force of a train. It bowled her over and left her reeling. For a moment, she didn’t see anything except the day when Apollo had told her he needed space from her. From them.

  “Apollo.” She studied him closely before she asked the question that was making it hard to breathe. “Are you going to leave again?”

  He physically recoiled from her question. Immediately, he shook his head. “No. No. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Memories were flooding her. He’d left, and she’d gone toe-to-toe with Dr. Murray. They’d left for Mississippi, and she’d had a window seat. They’d left for Mississippi, and Apollo hadn’t been with them.

  He had said he couldn’t.

  “But what changed? I don’t understand.” She turned to the other guys to see if they had the answers, but they were looking to Apollo. He was the only one who had to answer this question. It had been his struggle after all.

  “Baby girl.” He cupped her cheek in his big hand. “Do you remember, I said I thought I was fine? I thought that I’d worked through all my shit, but I realized I hadn’t. That I had to be away to do that?”

  She did remember. “Yes.”

  “I was wrong,” he said heatedly. “I was so fucking wrong. I needed you to get my head screwed on straight. I needed my friends. It was never something I could do on my own.”

  She studied him, looking for a sign that he was telling her what she wanted to hear, but only honesty shone from his beautiful brown eyes.

  “Baby girl, I promise you. I swear to God.” He put his hand over his heart. “You loving my friends doesn’t take away from me, because what I give you, my love, you can’t get from anyone else. What’s between us is unique. Just like what you have with Ryan, or with Matisse, or Seok, or Cai, is special to the two of you. I understand—and I hate that it took you being hurt for me to realize it—but I understand that our connection is unlike anything that’s ever existed or that ever will exist. You’re it for me. But more than that, I finally get that I’m it for you, too.”

  Nora got that. It was easy to love people, but it was a whole hell of a lot harder to believe she could be loved back. She’d struggled to believe the same thing, but then, she did.

  And now, finally, Apollo did, too.

  34

  Nora

  It was strange how quickly time went by. In the hospital, life had two speeds—slow and a blur. The same things happened day in and day out. She spent what felt like hours absorbed in her pain, only to realize it had been thirty minutes.

  Now, though, she was so happy. She still hurt, and the therapies that she had made her work harder than she had in her life, but her guys were with her every step of the way. Cai had gone back to Vermont, but Nicole and Guillaume bought him open-ended tickets for Christmas—and one weekend he even brought Tyler.

  Apollo went back to finish the one final he couldn’t complete remotely and passed with flying colors.

  Ryan was graduated, and would walk with the rest of the class in the spring.

  It seemed like they were really moving beyond all the challenges they’d been faced with.

  They’d come out the other end. There was light at the end of the tunnel.

  The cast on her hand came off, but the one on her leg would be there a lot longer. The doctor said three to six months, but there was a chance of a step-down cast at some point. She hoped so. The weather had cooled considerably, but not being able to clean that part of her leg was driving her nuts.

  At her doctor’s appointment, Nora asked the question she always asked. “Can I travel yet?”

  This time, however, she got a different answer. “I think so. We can send your records and progress reports to Vermont. If you need to go home, I see no reason why you can’t.”

  Apollo had come with her, and his mouth dropped open. “Are you sure?” he asked.

  “She’s nearly two months post-accident, and I’m sure you have things you have to get back to. Don’t you have another semester of school?” the doctor asked Apollo.

  Nora had been bugging Apollo about when classes started. She’d done some research online, and she thought he had a clinical internship he needed to complete. He told her not to worry about it, that he had it under control, but she did.

  Everyone was making the best of their situation, but if they could go back—it was time.

  She must have said something to the doctor. Thank you—probably—but she was so excited about returning home and telling the other guys about the good news, she wasn’t positive.

  “I’ll write him a thank you note,” she said when Apollo pulled out of the parking lot.

  “To the doctor?” he asked, following along somehow.

  “Yes,” she answered.

  “You know there’s no hurry to get home.” He rested his hand on the gear shift, and she took it.

  “I know you’d never hurry me,” she said. “But it’s time. This has been a long, interesting vacation.”

  He laughed, throwing his head back to expose his smooth, brown throat. She wanted to lean over and kiss it, but had to make do with bringing his hand to her lips.

  Ever since their first conversation, the one where Apollo gave her insight into his past, things between them had been better than they ever had. He shared more about himself as time went on. More about his family. The good and the bad.

  The more he revealed, the more amazed she was by him.

  The bond between the five friends had never been stronger. It was as if by facing their pasts, they found a sort of peace they’d been searching for.

  Nora touched her lips to Apollo’s hand again and looked out the window. It was January but as bright and green as Vermont in May. “It’s going to be hard to go back to snow.”

  He chuckled. “Boots and winter hats. Warming up the car so we don’t freeze our asses off.”

  “Do you want to stay there?” she asked.

  “I don’t know,” he replied. “It would depend on the other guys. I could be a PT anywhere. Ryan has law school, so that’s really the only thing keeping us there. You, he, and Cai are the true Vermonters.”

  “Born and bred.” She laughed. “The rest of you are Flatlanders.” She used the term people in Vermont used to refer to anyone from Maine to New Jersey.

  “Insulting,” he joked.

  They got back to Matisse’s house and went inside. She expected the house to be full. It was Friday afternoon, and Cai would be arriving this evening. All of them usually met and went to the airport together. But today, the house was quiet.

  Nora took her phone out of her pocket, but she had no messages. “I wonder w
here they are?”

  Apollo had his phone out as well. Shaking his head, he shrugged. “They went to get dinner,” he said. “It’s just us.”

  Nora limped toward her room, leaning on her cane. “Did they say when they’d be back?” she called. It was so much colder inside the house than it was outside. She’d never get used to central air conditioning. “Or do they want us to meet them? I need to grab a sweater.”

  Apollo followed her, watching as she pulled a cardigan off a hanger and shrugged into it. “They said to meet them at the airport. But they’re giving us a date night.”

  “A date night?”

  “Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Um. For my birthday.”

  Nora froze. “Your birthday? It’s today?”

  He nodded. “I don’t like a big deal made out of it,” he said. “The guys know not even to say, ‘Happy Birthday.’ But they told me to tell you or they would. There’s a cake in the fridge.”

  “Apollo!” she chided and then smiled. “Happy Birthday! How many spankings do you get?”

  He choked. “Pardon?”

  “Birthday spankings. You get as many spanks as you are years old.” She liked the way his cheeks flushed and how he dropped his gaze. She’d managed to shock him, but he was trying to cover it. She was going to keep the ruse going a little bit longer. “Twenty-one? Twenty-two?”

  “Um. Twenty-three,” he answered. “And don’t worry about the spankings.”

  She approached him slowly. Her cast made it impossible for her to stand on her tiptoes to reach his mouth, so she reached for him instead. She curled her fingers in his shirt, dragging him down to her height. “Happy Birthday,” she said and kissed him.

  He was gentle with her, and tried to end the kiss quickly. He gave her a light smack on her lips, but when he tried to pull away, she held him closer. “Kiss me,” she said, glancing up at him through her eyelashes. “I won’t break.”