by Amber Garza
Finding Me Again
Amber Garza
Cover Models: Kagen and Britnie Hopkins
Photographer: Sarah Field
Cover Designer: Lisa Eneqvist
Copyright: @2013 Amber Garza
All rights reserved.
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
For more information: ambergarza.com
To those who believe in second chances.
One
Hadley
My cell buzzes in the pocket of my jeans as I hurry across campus. Reaching down, I tug it out. My fingers catch on the ragged material and it rakes across my knuckles. I stop walking and press the answer button. Without even looking at the caller ID I know it will be Paige.
“Hey, girl!”
Bingo. “Hey, Paige.” I pick back up my pace, my tennis shoes sinking in the newly watered grass as I step forward.
“Watcha doing?”
“I’m on my way to art history.”
“Ooh, sounds riveting.” I can hear the sarcasm in Paige’s voice.
“It is, actually,” I answer honestly. Art isn’t Paige’s thing. I get it. But it’s everything to me.
“I was just calling to see what movie you want to see on Friday night.”
My insides twist. Sure, I’m excited about going home for the summer. I love seeing Mom, Dad and Paige, but it’s also hard for me to be back in Folsom. Memories of Tripp and my relationship linger at every corner. Not to mention the fact that he used to live down the street. Every time I see his old house the feelings that I work so hard at keeping down tend to rise to the surface.
Not that I’m in danger of ever running into him or anything. He and his mom moved near his brother right after I left for art school. I haven’t heard from him at all since he left. No one has. Even though it’s been three years, I still find myself shocked by it. I’m not sure if I expected to marry Tripp and live in a house with a white picket fence, two kids and a dog. Hell, we were only teenagers when we fell in love. But I didn’t expect it to end so abruptly with no warning at all. I mean, one minute everything seemed so great between us, and the next minute he’s breaking things off and telling me he’s moving away. Talk about being sideswiped.
“Hadley?” Paige’s voice breaks into my internal thoughts.
“Um…I don’t care. You pick.”
“Really?” Even without seeing her, I can picture the face of my best friend. I know she’s raising her eyebrows in a challenging look. “You’re going to trust me with that?”
I chuckle under my breath. “If you want to see one of your vampire action flicks, that’s fine with me.”
“You’re okay with not seeing a sappy romance, Hads?”
“At this point in my life, yes, I would actually prefer not to see a sappy romance.” Paige has always hated romance movies. Although, ever since she and Colt got together she’s been less adverse to them than before. The relationship with him has softened her. I often wonder when they’ll get married. I’m actually surprised they haven’t yet, but I think they’re both waiting until they finish college.
“What? Did things not work out with Brad?” Paige asks in a tone that tells me she’s not surprised.
“No,” I answer swiftly, hoping she’ll just let it go. I’m not in the mood for a lecture today.
“Seriously?” She groans loudly into the phone. “What was wrong with him?”
I shrug, biting my bottom lip. A large brick building looms before me. “I’m at my class. I have to go.”
“Fine, but I want to hear all the details this weekend.”
“Okay.” Sighing, I end the call and shove my phone back into my pocket.
“Hey.” Brad stands in front of me, one hand in his pocket, his blond hair disheveled. “You coming to class?”
I nod, pressing my lips together. Then I step in sync with him as we walk toward the front doors of the building. There’s nothing wrong with Brad at all. He’s a nice guy and really good looking. On top of that, he loves art just as much as I do. And I know he really likes me. Honestly, he’s perfect for me.
Only he’s not Tripp.
It may have been years since Tripp and I broke up, but I can’t stop myself from comparing every other guy I meet to him. And no matter how great they are, for some reason they just never measure up.
“I had fun the other night,” Brad says as we enter the hallway and pass a group of students holding sketchpads and pencils.
“Yeah, me too.” I stare hard at the ground, silently begging him not to ask me out again. We only have a week left before the end of the semester anyway, so perhaps he won’t.
He presses open the door to our class. “I was thinking that maybe-”
I cut him off by ducking under his arm and slipping inside the room. “Oh, we better hurry. We’re late.”
Brad nods in understanding, and we weave through the class to find our seats. I heave a sigh of relief when I slink down onto mine. I know I’ve only postponed the inevitable, but that’s okay for now. At least that buys me time.
Two
Tripp
I hoist a box out of Mom’s car. My joints creak and my hands tremble, but I grip it tightly and head toward her new apartment. I pass a couple of college-aged girls. They shoot me appreciative glances, and I smile. I ignore the pain in my arms from the weight of the box.
“Tripp.” Mom comes around the corner, her hair tied back at the nape of her neck. She places a slender hand on the hip of her jeans. “Put that box down. I’ve got it.”
“I can help, Mom.” I shove past her, still struggling to keep holding the box. When I get into the apartment, the scent of fresh paint wafts under my nose. I’m grateful to drop the box onto the floor, and it lands with a loud thud that reverberates through the empty space. I rub my stiff arms, and take a deep breath. The apartment is small with bare white walls and boxes strewn throughout.
“What do you think?” Mom sets down another box near the front door.
I shrug. “It’s fine.”
“It’s nice to be back in Folsom, don’t you think?”
“I don’t know. I kind of liked it in San Francisco.”
Mom steps toward me, her eyes filled with understanding. “You can’t keep running forever.”
I hate that she knows me so well. “I’m not running from anything.” I brush past her. “Are there anymore boxes in the car?”
“No. I’ve got them all. Why don’t you sit and rest?”
Irritation bubbles inside of me. “I’m not that fragile, Mom.”
She narrows her eyes. “I know, but is it so wrong to worry about my son?”
“Yes, it is. I’m an adult now. I can take care of myself.”
Mom smirks. “Can you now? Well, that’s good to hear.”
I know she’s mocking me, but I just humor her and smile back. She runs her hands over the thigh of her jeans. I marvel at how much Mom has changed since she and Dad split up. Growing up she was always this shell of a woman – hollow eyes, vacant looks. And she lacked personality, almost like she was a living, breathing robot. But now she laughs and tells jokes. She’s sarcastic and witty. It’s been an amazing transformation to witness.
“I guess we should get unpacking.” I can’t hide the disdain in my voice.
“I know you didn’t want to move back, Tripp.”
I lock eyes with Mom. “Actually, I’m surprised you wanted to come back. This town holds just as many bad memories for you as it does for me.” A week after my brother got married, Mom informed me that we were moving back to Folsom, and I was floored. It’s the last place on earth
I ever thought we’d end up.
“It’s not like we had anything keeping us in San Francisco once your brother left.” She sweeps her arms out. “Besides, this is where you grew up. I have friends here and so do you. It just makes sense.”
“It won’t be hard to be here where everyone knows about Dad?”
Mom smiles. “Honey, he can’t hurt me anymore. Don’t worry about that.”
I turn from her and reach into a nearby box.
“Are you going to see her?” Mom’s voice stops me cold.
“Who?”
She laughs. “You know who. Hadley.”
Just the sound of her name causes a wave of emotion to rush over me. I picture her brown hair and eyes, her sweet smile. Closing my eyes, I conjure up the memory of her lips on mine. And just like that all my feelings for her surface again, making it hard to draw breath. I’ve never loved anyone like I loved Hadley Summers. Like I still love her, if I’m being completely honest. “No. She doesn’t live here anymore anyway. She’s away at school, remember?”
“But her parents still live here, so I’m sure she comes to visit.”
My hand rests on the box, her words sinking in. “Is that the real reason we came back now? It’s almost summertime. Did you bring me here because you had hoped I would rekindle things with Hadley?”
Mom wrings her hands near her waist. “It’s just that you miss her so much, I can tell. Why don’t you at least talk to her?”
“About what?” I stand up. “I broke up with her three years ago. I’m sure she’s moved on.”
“But you never told her why. Don’t you think she deserves an explanation?”
“No. It’s better this way.” I wave away her words. “Trust me.”
“I just want you to be happy, Tripp.” Mom’s eyes crinkle at the corners in a look of pity.
I can’t bear that look. The last thing I want is for her to feel sorry for me. “I am happy.” I force a smile.
“You know what I mean,” she says.
I nod. “I’m fine, Mom. I don’t need you meddling in my love life.”
She throws up her arms in surrender. “Okay, point taken.”
Grateful, I heave a sigh of relief and reach toward the box again. I’m tired, and all I want to do is sit down, but there is a lot to get done still. There was a time when I could do so much and never run out of energy or stamina. If only I could get back to those days. If only. It’s a phrase to describe much of my life. So often I wish I could go back in time and make things turn out differently. But life doesn’t work like that. I have to make the best of the card I’m dealt, no matter how difficult.
Three
Hadley
I shove the last suitcase into my trunk and then slam it shut. Sun beats down on my bare shoulders peeking out of my red tank top. Sweat beads along my forehead, so I swipe it off with the back of my hand. As I make my way around the vehicle, I see Brad approaching, and my heart sinks. I’d successfully avoided him the last few days and thought I’d get out of here without running into him again. No such luck.
“Hey.” He jogs toward me, his blond hair glistening in the sun. “You leaving for the summer?”
I nod, biting my lip.
“And you were gonna leave without saying goodbye?” The pain in his voice cuts to my heart.
“I’m sorry. It’s just…” my voice trails off as I scramble to come up with something to finish the sentence with. It’s just what? That I’m still in love with my high school sweetheart? A boy who dumped me three years ago? How pathetic does that make me? I mean, Brad is a nice guy. He’s cute, he’s sweet, and he likes art. He’s perfect for me. So why can’t I like him the way I should?
“Is it about the guy you told me about?”
I cock an eyebrow. Did I mention he’s perceptive? “I don’t know, Brad. I guess I just have some things to work through before I can jump into another relationship.”
“Hey, I get it. Break-ups are hard. Sometimes you just have to give yourself time to get over it.”
I’m so glad I didn’t tell him how much time has already passed. He’d really think I was a nutjob then. “Thanks for understanding,” I answer sheepishly.
“Sure.” He smiles, swiping a finger across my cheek. “Have a good summer. See ya in the fall.”
“Sounds good.” As he jogs off, I sigh contentedly. That went a lot better than I thought it would. As I slide into the driver’s seat, I watch his retreating back in my rearview mirror and wonder if I’ve made a huge mistake. I mean, it’s not like Brad’s going to wait all summer for me. And even though I can’t get over Tripp for some reason, we’re never going to get back together. He made that very clear the day he broke up with me.
I turn on the ignition and pull out of my parking space as the details of that day swim to the surface of my mind. As hard as I try to push the memory down, it doesn’t let up.
It happened right after I’d found out that I made it into art school. Tripp and I had talked about art school so much before getting in. We planned to go together. Tripp is an amazing artist, and once his dad was out of the picture he was free to explore his creative side. Paige and Colt planned to stay in Folsom and attend a local college while helping with Paige’s Mom’s cupcake shop. I knew I’d miss my best friend, but I’d be fine with Tripp by my side. It seemed that my future was full of bright possibilities.
I knew something was wrong the minute I showed up at his mom’s apartment. All through dinner with his mom Tripp was acting off. I tried to joke with him, to try to get him to smile, but nothing cracked his hard exterior.
“What’s going on? You okay?” I finally asked when she went in the other room to watch TV.
“Nothing.” He breathed heavily as he carried his plate from the table to the kitchen.
My stomach twisted. Tripp never acted like this. I hopped up from the table and followed him. “Are you worried about leaving your mom?” I cornered him near the sink where he was dropping his dish inside. “Because I know she’ll be fine without you, Tripp. It’s been over a year since your dad was arrested, and she seems to be doing well.”
“I’m not worried about leaving her.” He whirled around to face me. “Because I’m not.”
It felt like the floor gave way underneath my feet. “What?”
“I can’t go to art school with you, Hadley.” His eyes wouldn’t reach mine.
“I-I don’t understand. This is your dream.”
“No, it’s your dream.” He pushed past me.
I grabbed his arm in desperation. “But you love art. You wanted this too.”
He shook my arm off, throwing me for a loop. Tripp never thwarted my advances. Ever. What was going on? “I thought it was what I wanted, but it’s not.”
“Well, what do you want?”
He shrugged. “I want to go to San Francisco and be near my brother. We haven’t really gotten to know each other, and I think I’d like that.”
It was the first I’d heard about this, and it perplexed me further. How had everything changed in such a short period of time? “You never mentioned this before.”
Tripp’s eyes darken. “I don’t have to tell you everything.”
I recoiled from the strength of his words. “I thought we did tell each other everything. Where is all this coming from, Tripp?”
He ran a hand over his head and turned away from me with a groan. “I just can’t keep doing this anymore.”
My heart stopped. “Doing what?”
“Doing this.” He faced me, pointing between the two of us.
I was sure that I was misunderstanding. No way was he talking about our relationship. “What’s this?”
“Us. I think it’s time to move on, Hadley.”
Tears pricked the corner of my eyes. “I don’t understand why you’re saying this. Everything has been fine between us.” I searched his eyes for something, anything, but his expression gave nothing away. I didn’t even recognize him in that moment. What had happened to my c
ompassionate, loving Tripp? And who was this stoic boy who stood in his place? “Did I do something to upset you? If so, I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s not that.” His gaze dropped to the floor. “I just think we got serious too soon, and now I think it’s time to go our separate ways.”
“Like, just for school, or for good?”
“For good, Hadley.” His gaze met mine, and for one moment I saw the hesitation in them. It seemed for one glorious second that he was rethinking this. The old Tripp was resurfacing. But just as quickly his eyes hardened again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you but I just think it’s for the best.”
Numb, I nodded. I wanted to protest. To grab him, and shake some sense into him. But I didn’t. I just walked out of the apartment and never looked back. For weeks afterward I expected him to call and apologize. I thought for sure it was a mistake, something said in error on a bad night. But he never called or texted. I tried calling him a couple of times demanding an explanation, but he never responded. In one desperate moment I showed up at his house and talked to his mom. She appeared to have sympathy for me, but she didn’t have any answers for me either.
I still have no idea about the real reason why Tripp broke things off that day.
Four
Tripp
I wake up in a cold sweat. It takes me a minute to figure out where I am. I don’t recognize the bedroom with the bare white walls and nothing but a bed and some boxes in it. Then the details come back to me with extreme clarity. Not wishing to move my body yet, I keep my head on the pillow.
I had been dreaming of the day I broke up with Hadley. It was the worst day of my life. Sure, I’ve had some pretty bad ones, but that topped it all. The hardest thing I’ve ever done was tell her it was over. When I said the words, it was like having my heart ripped from my chest. I couldn’t bear to look at her, and when I did it almost killed me. It took all my willpower not to pull her into my arms and tell her I didn’t mean a word of it. But I couldn’t do that. It had to happen the way it did. I had no other choice.
