Schooled in Love

by Emma Nichols

  Her breathing became shaky as I took her hands in mine. When she lifted her gaze, a frown marred her features again.

  “I-I can’t do this.” She dropped my hands, and my heart sank.

  “Wait,” I said as she moved toward the door.

  She stopped but didn’t turn around. “I need to go. I need to call my babysitter and make sure she’s—”

  I closed the distance between us until my front pressed against her back. With my hands on her shoulders, I nuzzled my nose against her hair. She smelled just how I remembered. “Don’t go. Please?”

  “Give me one reason to stay.”

  “Because I need you.”

  It sounded like she was fighting off tears as she asked her next question. “Why?”

  My fingertips trailed a path over her arms and down to her hands. I wrapped my fingers around hers before moving our joined hands onto her stomach. “Because I do. Because I always have. Because I always will.”

  “No. That’s not enough.”

  “Because my wife is leaving me, and I need someone to hold. At least for one night.”

  Her hands squeezed mine, and she gave a long sigh. “I’m definitely starting to think this is a bad idea.”

  “Why? You’re having a hard time with your husband. My wife is ready to walk out the door. Why shouldn’t we enjoy one weekend together?”

  “Your wife is leaving you.” She turned in my hold. “Do you think maybe she has a good reason? Especially if you’re in hotel rooms seducing married women.”

  “You’re not just any woman, Maddy. You’re you. Besides, I never said she was wrong for leaving. I’m not an idiot; I understand her reasons. Do I wish I could change her mind? Of course, I do. I love her, even if she wants to let it all go.”

  “You do?”

  “More than anything. I don’t tell her that enough though. I think that might be part of our problem.”

  Maddison screwed her eyes shut rather than look at me.

  “You might not be an idiot, but I am.” Maddison wrapped her hands around my neck. “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

  I didn’t answer her question or give her a chance to change her mind before crashing my lips to hers. She responded with a passion that belied her words. She might’ve said she didn’t have feelings for me, but her kisses told me she was lying.

  Electricity zipped through me, burning for her touch. Her body soft and yielding as she clung to me.

  I could barely breathe, and my heart stuttered. It was everything I’d hoped for. More than I’d planned. I’d wanted her to be mine for the weekend, but I had never expected so much passion and desire in every touch.

  After wrapping my arms around her waist, I dragged her closer to me. Her fingers curled into my hair, and she gripped tighter and harder than she had any right to, given her refusals just moments earlier.

  “Let me worship you,” I murmured between kisses. “Just for tonight.”

  “Please.” Her voice was breathless as she clutched my shoulders.

  I carried her over to the bed, and we tumbled onto it together. The mattress was soft and surrounded her with a cloud of white. The sexy twist holding her dirty blonde hair in place pressed into the pillow. Before she could second guess what we were doing, I moved in place over her and kissed her again.

  She was warm under me. It was like coming home after far too long.

  Item by item, I removed her clothing like I was unwrapping the sweetest present I could imagine.

  When I peeled away the last item, I sat back to catch my breath. Despite the years, and the stretch marks on her lower abdomen, she was as sexy as she had been the first time I was with her all those years ago.

  I traced the curves of her body with my fingertips before traveling the same path with my lips and tongue. Each time I glanced at Maddison’s face, her eyes were closed, and her lips parted in a sigh of ecstasy.

  When I reached the apex of her thighs, I ducked to kiss her clit. She inhaled sharply as her fingers closed around the blankets bunched at her sides.

  “Oh God, Zach. That’s . . . That’s . . .” Whatever she was going to say, it was lost to a low, needful moan.

  Using her desperate cries as inspiration, I kissed her harder and renewed my exploration of her body. She tasted like sunshine and dreams. It was all I’d ever wanted, and I’d missed it so much.

  As she came apart beneath my tongue, a surge of desire spread through me, making me harder than ever. I wanted to ravish her. To pull us apart so we could put each other back together.

  While she was still riding out her orgasm, I removed my own clothes—never shifting my gaze off her for a second longer than necessary. Part of me feared it was all a dream and she would disappear if I let her out of my sight.

  Once I was naked, I grabbed one of the condoms I’d left on the side table when I’d arrived.

  “Are you ready?” Do you want this as badly as I do? Although I really wanted to ask the second question, fear she’d say no stilled my tongue.

  She gave a breathy, “Yes.”

  I shifted closer to her. As I did, the song changed to another one by my old band. Another one inspired by her.

  It felt right to kiss her the way I wanted with one of our songs playing in the background.

  Instead of diving in without another thought, I rested beside her. My lips brushed against hers as my fingers danced over her skin to the tune of her song.

  My nerve-endings buzzed and my body felt alive in ways it hadn’t in the longest time.

  She rolled over to face me and grabbed my erection. A throaty growl left me as my stomach clenched. She rolled the condom over my length, causing my whole body to ache with desire.

  Once she’d finished, she pushed on my shoulders until I was the one on my back. With slow, deliberate movements she kissed her way over my body before lining up my erection.

  She tipped her head up as she lowered herself over me.

  We moved together in perfect rhythm until the symphony of us was louder than the music playing through the lone speaker.

  An hour later, we both collapsed onto the bed in a tangle of limbs.

  “I knew we’d still be perfect together.” I kissed her shoulder before resting my cheek on her chest.

  “Our compatibility was never the issue,” she said. “It was real life that got in our way.”

  “I guess you’re right. What does that mean for us though?”

  “It means it’s been a good night—”

  “A great night,” I interrupted.

  “But maybe that’s all we’re supposed to have. A good night to say one last goodbye.”

  I nuzzled closer. “We’ve still got tomorrow and Sunday before we have to face our real life.”

  “We’d just be kidding ourselves though. Playing pretend and sticking our heads in the sand to avoid reality.”

  I held her tighter. “Let’s pretend then.”

  “Zach . . .”

  Although I could feel her pulling away, emotionally at least, I wasn’t ready to let go without a fight. “At least stay with me tonight, and then we’ll see how it goes tomorrow.”

  “The longer we spend together, the more Sunday night is going to hurt. You know that, don’t you?”

  “Maddy, what do I have to do to convince you that I’m okay with whatever pain there is so long as I can spend some more time with you?”

  “It’s all about you, isn’t it?”

  My heart thundered louder than ever as her words sent my anxiety spiraling. “What do you mean?”

  “Do you care about my pain at all?”

  It was an argument we’d had often enough before things had ended for good. “Of course, I do. I don’t want you to be in pain. But this isn’t painful is it?”

  She sighed, ending the argument like so many before. “Let’s stop talking and try to get some sleep.”

  “So, you’re going to stay?”

  She scoffed.

  “Tonight at least?”<
br />
  Her jaw clenched, but she nodded.

  “Really?” I couldn’t fight my grin as I celebrated in silence.

  “What can I say? I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.”

  “There’s no punishment here.” I let my grin turn wicked as I decided to joke with her a little. “Unless, of course, you’ll enjoy it.”

  She laughed and leaned back against my chest.

  Instead of pushing my luck any further, I wrapped my arms around her and tried to sleep.

  I couldn’t help the growing desire within me that maybe we could make things work this time.

  If nothing else, we’d taken the first step in the right direction.

  2

  Maddison

  It was impossible not to feel at home lying in Zach’s arms.

  He’d always been my shelter. My safe harbor in the storm of life.

  At least, he had been until he wasn’t any longer. Until he was the pain rather than the pleasure. The torture rather than the sanity.

  Behind me, his breathing leveled out.

  I blew out the anxiety that had twisted in my stomach with one long exhale. Since agreeing to stay the night, I hadn’t been able to sleep. I hadn’t been able to turn off the cogs in my mind long enough.

  Why did I agree to this?

  Why did I come here at all?

  Why did I let him seduce me straight into bed like I always had?

  Logic told me I should’ve stayed at home with the kids and let the weekend pass just like any other. My heart had never listened to logic though.

  I rolled over to stare at the ceiling. The night had been unsettling. For so many reasons. Most of all the way my body still tingled from head to toe because of the way Zach had caressed me. His touch had always been able to do things to me no one else’s could.

  Not that many others had ever really had the opportunity to try . . .

  With a sigh, I carefully extracted myself from his hold and padded across the room to my bag. I needed to check whether the babysitter had called.

  When there were no messages on my cell, my breathing slowed, and the twisting sensation around my body loosened a little.

  Still, I had to know for certain the kids were okay. I headed to the bathroom and dialed the sitter’s number.

  “They’re all okay, Mrs. Whitlam,” she said before I’d even had a chance to say anything.

  “I’ve told you before; I’m going back to my maiden name, so you should call me Ms. Sawyer. Or better yet, just call me Maddy.”

  “Okay, Maddy.” She said the name with such a lack of confidence I was certain we’d be back to formal terms by the time I returned on Sunday.

  “How’s Junior?” I asked. “His fever didn’t come back, did it?”

  “He’s fine. I checked him just before I put him to bed. He’s feeling much better too. The twins haven’t shown any symptoms yet, so I think they’ll be okay.”

  “Maybe I should just come home. I don’t really need to be here.”

  “Mrs.—uh, Maddy, I really do have it under control. Little Zach is perfectly fine. So are the twins.”

  “Are you telling me to stop worrying and just enjoy myself?”

  “Maybe even try getting laid, if that’s not too forward a suggestion.”

  “It might be when it’s coming from someone who isn’t able to drink legally.”

  Her peal of laughter trilled down the line. “Okay, I’ll keep that in mind in the future.”

  “Mel?” I asked, regretting the idea as soon as it built within me.

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you sure nothing happened between you and Mr. Whitlam?”

  “I told you already, absolutely nothing happened. He just gave me a lift home, and the car broke down. I thought he told you the whole story already.”

  I sighed. “Yeah, he did. I’m just not sure how much to trust him these days.”

  “You must believe that.” The pause on the other end of the line was just a few beats too long to be comfortable. “Otherwise I don’t think I’d still have a job.”

  Her words made me pause. Did I believe he was innocent? That they both were . . . Maybe, when it came to Melody. That didn’t mean I could trust him though.

  Maybe I just wanted to convince myself he had done something wrong.

  “He loves you.” Her voice was a little shaky. “If that means anything.”

  “I’m not sure that means anything anymore,” I admitted. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I pay you to watch the kids, not give me psychiatric help.” Considering where I am, there isn’t enough of that sort of help in the world that could fix me.

  “Maybe once I finish my degree, I’ll be able to offer both.”

  “So I’ll be able to get psychoanalyzed while the kids are being watched. Sounds like the sort of service I need.”

  After polite laughter, there was a pause on the other end of the line. Then, Melody spoke again. “Is there anything else? I’d really like to head to bed myself.”

  She disconnected the call, but I wasn’t ready for it to end. I clung to the phone until the sides pressed hard into my palm. It was the only thing keeping me sane at that moment. More importantly, the call was my one excuse for not going back out to the hotel bedroom.

  Zach was out there.

  My husband.

  Soon to be ex.

  I thought back to his email. To the plan, he’d come up with that had kickstarted the weekend. It had been so full of hope and written with such desperation for a reunion of our own. It had left me willing to try just about anything even if I knew it was all doomed from the start.

  Just like always when it came to him, I’d been helpless to resist.

  I had to though because he wasn’t good for me.

  I wasn’t good for him. I’d proven that again and again.

  Since the twins had come onto the scene, things had been worse than ever before. In the months leading up to my pregnancy, I could count the number of hours he’d spent at home on one hand. There were so many nights where he’d stayed at the office until some ridiculous time in the morning before coming home.

  Worse still, he would rent a hotel room instead of coming home.

  It was impossible to believe he’d never once taken anyone else to the hotel bed with him. Especially considering our sex life had been non-existent for months. For almost a year after the birth of our son in fact. And we’d only come together again because of a night of drinking and guilt.

  It was after that night that he’d moved out. At least until we’d discovered my pregnancy. We tried again to work things out, but we were kidding ourselves. It was never going to work.

  Not after . . .

  I forced my thoughts onto a new path. The last thing I needed was to trail down that part of our history.

  All I had wanted from him was honesty, and it was the one thing he seemed allergic to. In a way, we both seemed to be. Mostly, I lied to myself about the reasons we weren’t working.

  Yet, when he’d pushed, I’d been unable to find it in myself to say no. I’d wanted him too much. Needed his touch too desperately.

  Now though, my decision felt branded on my skin. As though the whole world would understand that I hadn’t been strong enough to resist the call of one last night with the man I’d thought was the love of my life, but who had destroyed everything I was long before I’d taken the final step to screw things up.

  While Zach slept, I snuck around the room and gathered up my clothes.

  Hopefully waking to an empty bed would be enough to pass on my message that his last ditched effort was too little, too late, and we had nothing left to say to each other. We had our one last night to say goodbye.

  I dressed in the dark and then found my way to the hotel room door. With one hand on the handle, I turned back around for one last look at the man I would be divorcing as soon as I legally could.

  His face was illuminated by the green light of the alarm clock on the side table. He looked so
carefree. Gone was the man wringing his hands with guilt over our lack of money. Gone was the man-child who made looking after our three children that much harder because of his absences. The man who couldn’t express any real emotions.

  Replacing all of that was the face of the boy I’d fallen in love with.

  A tic ran across his features, and he whimpered in his sleep. Then his hand roamed the blankets as if searching for something.

  I knew what he wanted even if I didn’t want to admit it.

  Me.

  Just leave.

  Goddamn it, Maddison. You need to be stronger than this. Just leave.

  Go.

  Despite the words running through my head on repeat, I ran back toward the bed and crawled under the blanket.

  Zach’s hand brushed over my hip and his features relaxed again.

  That small shift in his expression made up my mind for me. I was stuck for the night.

  “I thought you’d left,” he muttered, still mostly asleep.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” I said, meaning every word at that moment. No matter how much that decision hurt me, I wasn’t willing to hurt him by leaving. Not yet at least.

  His lips pressed against mine and before I knew it, we were lost in each other again. By the time he was wide awake and thrusting into me, I hated myself.

  I was hurting both of us by letting the whole thing linger far longer than necessary.

  Once he’d raced to the end, he collapsed over me, breathless and panting, as he came apart. My mouth made all the sounds it needed, and I’d pretended to be in the moment even as my body felt nothing but shame. It was the opposite of the lustful desperation I’d experienced earlier in the evening. Instead of bright lights and playful attitudes, it was intimate and quiet. The sort of sex that only happened between people with a genuine connection.

  But that connection had been severed for us. Zach had frayed the cord long ago, I’d cut the few pieces that were still intact, and then we’d spent too long picking at each thread that remained until the whole thing unraveled around us.