For the Right Reasons: America's Favorite Bachelor on Faith, Love, Marriage, and Why Nice Guys Finish First

by Sean Lowe

  “I had the most amazing week this week,” I said. Bullet point number one? Check. “I feel so blessed to be here in Thailand and see one of the most beautiful parts of the world with three of the most beautiful women I’ve ever met. This week brings painful memories for me. This was the week Emily sent me home. I was blindsided. I didn’t see it coming. My worst fear is that the same is going to happen today. It kills me inside to know I might break your heart. I also hope you realize how much you mean to me, and how hard it was to make this decision.”

  The producers were standing out of sight of the cameras, nodding. They looked genuinely moved at the heartfelt speech. Catherine looked terrified, as she did in every rose ceremony, because she never felt confident. That night, I remember her face was trembling. Lindsay looked as though she was going to be sick. AshLee, on the other hand, was staring straight through me.

  Did she know?

  “Lindsay,” I said, handing the rose to her. One of the directors had hurt his back traveling to Thailand, so he wasn’t in his normal spot off in the background holding a rolled-up piece of paper to indicate when I should call the next name. No one gave me a signal, so I must’ve stood there for several minutes until someone stepped in and waved his or her arms at me. Now that we were so close to the end, the next rose was the last rose.

  “Catherine,” I said.

  Of course, anytime you give out that last rose, everyone is thinking about the person who didn’t get it. Catherine came up and hugged me, but I was looking over her shoulder to see AshLee’s reaction.

  Ever heard that saying, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”?

  Instead of saying the customary good-byes to the other ladies and to me, she made a beeline for the van.

  “AshLee,” I said, following after her. “Can I talk to you?”

  “No,” she said. “Stay there!”

  “Just let me explain,” I said. When Emily sent me home, she never told me why. She simply said I was “perfect” and that she thought I had been the one. While that was moderately flattering, it didn’t give me closure. Plus, I realized later that it wasn’t true. Her inability to tell me honestly that she loved the other guys made me wonder for months if Emily had made a terribly wrong decision. I wanted to talk to AshLee honestly, to give her a little closure during what I knew would be a hard time.

  “If you’re going to tell me something,” she said, swirling around, “tell me.”

  “Okay,” I said, taken aback by her severity. “I just didn’t feel like we shared that element of fun. It’s important I have that, and I just couldn’t find it with you.”

  She turned around and tried to get in the van. Regrettably, she tried to get in on the same side where the camera guy was sitting.

  “No, you’ve got to get in on this side,” I said, reaching for the door. That only infuriated her more.

  As she drove off into the sunset, her livid response chilled me to the bone. It also made me realize I’d made the right decision.

  It had been three months since I’d last seen my parents.

  For the last week, the producers set me up in a gorgeous house on private property. It was owned by an extremely wealthy man who had a hundred staffers. The house staff was there to wait on me hand and foot—they served me food, made my bed, and got me anything I needed. It was the perfect place to host my family.

  I was thrilled to see them and loved that they were able to be at least a small part of this adventure. Here I was, facing the most difficult decisions of my life. Even though I hated to admit it, I definitely didn’t want to go through this alone.

  “I’m falling in love with two women,” I told them. “I truly don’t know what I’m going to do.”

  “Well, if you don’t know which way to go,” Mom said, “there’s no way you can propose at the end of this.” Of course, that made sense. I liked Lindsay for a long list of reasons, and I liked Catherine for a long list of different reasons. It sounds odd, but I never compared the two or pitted them against each other in my head. I simply knew I really liked both girls and had no idea what to do next.

  “Well, logically,” I said, a little upset at her certainty, “I can see how you’d say that. But I’ve really fallen for two girls at once.”

  Mom paused and smiled, ever a polite and encouraging lady. “Okay.” She nodded. “It just makes us all the more excited to meet both of them.”

  Lindsay was the first to arrive. I met her outside while my family waited inside the house. Lindsay and I walked in together, and she met the family on camera. Someone suggested we sit down at the lunch table, but almost immediately a producer said, “Lindsay, why don’t you go talk to Sean’s dad? Sean, you go talk to your mom.”

  It was filmed to look like a relaxed afternoon, but it was orchestrated to squeeze in as many important conversations as possible. Lindsay felt comfortable around my parents and had a youthful energy about her that everyone loved.

  Plus, she said things like, “I feel very blessed to be here.”

  Blessed is one of those evangelical code words. It was obvious that Lindsay shared our Christian faith, which put everyone at ease. My family instantly fell in love with her. And Lindsay was so impressed by my family’s warmth and laughter that she wanted to be a part of it as well.

  It seemed like an open-and-shut case.

  The next day, when Catherine arrived, they began to see how complicated this was. It was raining, so I met her with an umbrella at the producers’ van.

  “Do I call your parents by their first names?” she asked nervously as we walked to the house.

  “Listen,” I assured her. “They are going to love you. Just be yourself.”

  As we sat down to eat, my prediction came true. Quickly, it was apparent that everyone enjoyed Catherine as we exchanged casual conversation about the show, her past, and Seattle. When Mom took her off to have a personal chat with her, I knew she’d come back with a helpful opinion about Catherine—and she did. Mom told me that she wished we could have more time together before I popped the question. However, she confided, she could totally see Catherine as her daughter-in-law.

  “She’s lovely,” she said.

  When Catherine talked to my dad, they had a touching, poignant conversation.

  “When Shay married Andrew,” my dad told her, “he became my best friend. And I love him. If you and Sean marry, you’ll never have a bigger fan than me. That’s the truth.”

  Catherine’s eyes filled with tears. Even though she loved her dad, he hadn’t always been able to be a great support system because he was living halfway around the world.

  “I’ll love you like my daughter,” he said. “I just met you, but sometimes you just know.”

  When Catherine left that day, there was no doubt she would make a great addition to the Lowe family. I could totally see her fitting in at my parents’ house in Dallas on a lazy Saturday afternoon. She’d be tossing a salad while the big game was on. My niece and nephew would be underfoot, and the dogs would be asleep at the foot of the couch.

  As much as I dreamed about that, I knew—if pressed—my family would’ve probably chosen Lindsay. I could tell they latched on to her evangelical key words as they tried—in a very short amount of time—to pick up on any clues that might help them determine which woman would be a good match for me. We talked about everyone’s opinion of the women. Then my dad diplomatically added, “It’s a win/win, because they both will fit in just perfectly.”

  “You’ve got forty-eight hours,” said Andrew. “You better start figuring this out.”

  I could tell Mom wasn’t happy. She didn’t understand how I could still be thinking of proposing without a clear front-runner.

  “You don’t want to propose to anyone if it feels like pressure,” she said.

  “Hopefully, you can see the dilemma I’m in,” I said.

  “Yes, but you don’t have much time to decide,” she said, pointing out the obvious.

  “I don’t need the added
pressure,” I responded, maybe too tersely. In fact, I felt the time coming down on me with every passing minute.

  “If you don’t know,” she said, “you don’t need to be proposing to either one of them.”

  I understood where Mom was coming from. I didn’t know if I was going to propose, because I really didn’t know which girl was right for me—if either of them were right for me. I tried to justify my indecision, but Mom’s opposition rubbed me the wrong way.

  “You’ve only seen a few minutes of this,” I said. Of course, that wasn’t fair. That was all the time she’d been given in this artificially accelerated time frame. “I want your perspective and opinion, but more than anything I want your support.”

  When I said that, my mom started to cry.

  It killed me.

  She’s the most loving mom in the world and only wants the best for me. The gravity of the situation weighed heavily on her. The fact that I needed to make such a big decision in such a short amount of time stressed her out. Plus, I’d been a little short with her.

  “I don’t want you to succumb to the pressure of doing something you don’t want to do just because it’s on TV,” she said. “And because the people associated with the show want you to do it.”

  “It won’t end badly,” I told her, much more gently.

  “Yes, and you don’t have to choose either,” she added helpfully—in case I’d missed it the first hundred times.

  Before my family left, I grabbed my mom and whispered in her ear, “I promise I won’t propose if I’m not sure.”

  In the end, my family didn’t provide me the clarity I was looking for, but I knew I had their support no matter what happened.

  That was just as valuable to me.

  fourteen

  THE DECISION

  “Can I please have my iPad?” I asked Mary Kate. At no time was I allowed to get on the computer, check my e-mail, or—heaven forbid—Google anything. The producers wisely didn’t want me to be swayed by some random blog post about the girls that might or might not be true.

  “No way,” she said.

  “Come on. I just want to listen to my music.”

  “Okay, but no Internet,” she said, handing it to me.

  “How can I get on iTunes without an Internet connection?” She looked at me skeptically and then broke into a smile.

  “All right,” she said. “But behave.”

  As soon as she was out of sight, I got on FaceTime with Laura and Steph.

  “What’s going on?” they squealed.

  Quickly, I gave them a rundown of the two remaining women. “I don’t know. I’ve got equally great girls left.”

  They were excited to hear from me and relieved I wasn’t calling them completely devastated as I did during Emily’s season.

  After I hung up, my curiosity got the best of me. I got on ABC’s website and looked at the profiles of the girls. Catherine’s profile had the usual information—name, age, and hometown. But the random questions, like “What’s on your bucket list?”, intrigued me. Believe it or not, one of the dreams she listed was to ride elephants in Thailand. (And she had filled out that form months before we knew we’d end up there.)

  When Mary Kate came back into the room carrying a clipboard with information, I put down my iPad somewhat guiltily.

  “Okay, we’ve got a date where you’re going to ride elephants and another date where you’re going to take a little boat down a river,” she said. “You can choose which girl goes on which.”

  I was amazed. Elephants! Catherine would be so surprised.

  “Catherine has to go on the elephant date,” I said.

  “Why?”

  “Because it was on her online profile.”

  She looked up from her clipboard and opened her mouth before deciding to let it pass.

  “Never mind. Okay, so get some sleep, because the elephant date starts bright and early.”

  I had forty-eight hours, two dates, and a lot to think about.

  The next day, I was so happy to see Catherine I could barely stand it.

  “You’re not going to believe it, but I saw an elephant at the hotel,” she said after we hugged.

  “No way,” I said. “They don’t have elephants just roaming around the hotel.”

  She was getting frustrated because I wouldn’t believe her.

  “No, I promise!” She was facing me, and meanwhile I could hear the elephant in the background making its way up the hill. When she turned around and saw it, she squealed with delight.

  We had an amazing day riding this gigantic elephant up a hill where they’d set up a cabana filled with food and champagne. The view was enchanting and a half dozen elephants stood right next to us as we chatted. It felt like we were part of a fairy tale. The producers noticed how amazing the scene was too.

  “Would you guys mind kissing right here?” Mary Kate asked. “The shot is just beautiful.”

  “Heck no,” I said. “I don’t mind kissing her.”

  We started kissing, but it was all a ploy. The producers had planned that the elephants would blow water out of their trunks on us. We got doused, which was so funny. It was a great day.

  That night, Catherine invited me back into her room for one last chance to talk. This was the last time I was going to get to talk to her before the proposal—or non-proposal, as the case may be.

  I could tell she was nervous, but we had a good conversation.

  She hadn’t told me she loved me. Lindsay had, Tierra had, and many of the other girls had professed their love. However, Catherine—to whom I was thinking of proposing—hadn’t come out and said it. I knew it was a hard thing for her to say, so I didn’t press.

  I also had never said to her, “You’re the one.” Mainly, because I wasn’t sure she was. More than anything, I was confused. Our conversation was intense but—at some point—the producers had enough. “Okay, we’ve got to wrap it up.”

  Catherine’s lip jutted out. She wasn’t ready for me to leave. When I hugged her good-bye, she knew it was her last chance before the proposal. She whispered in my ear, “Sean, I love you.”

  It was a moment of vulnerability. Catherine finally admitted her true feelings.

  The only problem? I didn’t hear it. She was so nervous to say it that it was barely audible. The producers didn’t hear it in their earpieces either. Apparently, one of the sound techs—whose job it is to listen to everything—was the only other person on earth who’d heard Catherine’s sweet proclamation.

  After she said it, I hugged her. “Thanks for today,” I said before walking out the door.

  Of course, I had no idea I’d just devastated her. Outside her room, I walked up about five stairs to the landing where the producers wanted to film my ITM. I was about ten feet from her door. She was inside crying while I was outside obliviously chatting about what a great day we’d had. During my ITM, Catherine came outside and was shocked to see me still there.

  “Hey, what’s going on?” I asked. I could sense she was sad, but I chalked it up to pre–proposal day jitters.

  “I’m scared,” she said. “I’ve never been this vulnerable before.”

  I still didn’t quite get it. She was referring to the fact that she’d opened up to me about her feelings and I’d casually walked out the door. I’d never seen her cry before, and it split me wide open.

  “It’s going to be okay,” I said, and I gave her a hug.

  But in my mind, I wasn’t so sure.

  The following day, I had my final date with Lindsay. It began with drifting down the Mekong River on a Thai boat and ended with releasing paper lanterns into the night sky.

  During the date, I started to understand my feelings for the two women. I had a long list of reasons why Lindsay was wonderful and a long list of the reasons why Catherine was. But when Mary Kate conducted the ITM interviews, I found myself repeatedly saying, “I just don’t know if I can ever say good-bye to Catherine.”

  We wrapped up the day portion
of the date, and I felt like my mental anguish over the decision meant I hadn’t been as attentive to Lindsay as normal. When it was time to get dressed for the evening portion, I pulled Mary Kate aside.

  “I think I’ve decided.”

  “Decided what?”

  “That I want to marry Catherine.” There was just something about her that I couldn’t bear to be without. I think that’s what it came down to. There was nothing about Lindsay that I disliked or made us incompatible, which is why I’d struggled so much to come to this decision. But when I thought about sending Catherine home, it tore me up.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Just about,” I said. “I know I can’t hurt Lindsay. I might need to send her home right now.”

  But I wasn’t certain.

  For the next two hours, I wrangled with my thoughts on the matter. Didn’t Lindsay deserve to have those last few hours? After all, it would give her the chance to tell me anything she needed to tell me before I made my decision. Finally, I decided it was best to give her that time and try to stay open-minded for the rest of the date. I really wished I could call my friends to talk through the decision with them. Trying to figure it out alone made it that much harder.

  At the end of the date, time had officially run out. The next day, I would propose to someone.

  Maybe.

  That night, I prayed continuously.

  “Lead me, God,” I said. “Guide me. Don’t let me make a mistake. I love you, Lord, and if you want me to walk away from all this just tell me.”

  I prayed everything I could think of, but I was still a wreck. I loved Lindsay, much like I loved Brooke. Though I loved Catherine, I still had big questions about her faith. Before I started the show, I had made a list of all the nonnegotiables I needed in a wife. Being a Christian was at the top of my list.

  What did I really know about Catherine’s faith?

  When I was in Seattle for the hometown visit, I had noticed a cross hanging on the wall of their small home. During our overnight date, she told me she had been raised Catholic. She used to go to church with her mom and grandma every Sunday. So she was generally friendly to faith and to God. However, I sensed there was a gap between her church attendance back in the day and her commitment now.