‘It wasn’t easy but it was the right thing to do in the circumstances.’ Polly sighed. ‘I only wish that it hadn’t happened at the very last moment and upset so many people.’
‘Had you been having doubts for a while then?’ Beth asked quietly.
‘No, not at all.’ Polly sighed. ‘Marrying Martin was what I’d wanted for a long time.’
‘Because being married to Martin would give you a sense of security,’ Beth suggested astutely. ‘You’d officially become part of his family.’
‘I suppose so.’ Polly frowned. Had that been a major factor in her decision to marry Martin? Although his parents had been appointed by the courts as their guardians, they had never adopted her and Peter. However, once she and Martin were married there would have been a proper family link. With the benefit of hindsight, Polly could see how appealing that idea had been and it was a shock to realise it.
‘Losing your parents at such a young age must have been very difficult for you,’ Beth continued quietly. ‘After living with Martin’s parents for all those years, it’s understandable if you wanted to make sure that you would always be part of their family.’
‘You’re right, although I’ve never actually thought about it before,’ Polly admitted. ‘It just seemed the natural thing to do when Martin and I started dating after I came back from university.’
‘I can understand why you felt that way,’ Beth assured her. ‘But was it really enough to base a lifetime’s commitment on? Are you sure you really loved him?’
‘I thought I did,’ Polly said slowly, her head reeling. Had she loved Martin, really loved him as the man she wanted to spend her life with? Or had her feelings been based on familiarity and a desire for security?
‘I think that’s your answer.’ Beth smiled wryly when Polly looked at her. ‘Oh, I know it didn’t work out for me and Callum but we were in love at one time. I remember how it felt and you’d have known if you felt like that. You and Martin made the right decision when you called off your wedding.’
‘It appears that we did, although it wasn’t a joint decision as we’ve told everyone. It was Martin who called it off.’ She grimaced. ‘He’s met someone else and wants to be with her. That’s why he didn’t want to marry me.’
‘What?’ Beth gaped at her. ‘Martin’s been having an affair?’
‘Yes. He left me a letter, explaining that he couldn’t marry me as he’s in love with someone else. He suggested it might make it easier if I told everyone it was a mutual decision to cancel the wedding, although I’m starting to wonder if it was a mistake. The gossip couldn’t be any worse if everyone knew I’d been jilted!’
‘I don’t know what to say!’ Beth exclaimed. ‘However, it seems a bit rich that the whole of Beesdale thinks you’re the one who’s been having a fling when it was Martin.’
‘It’s over and done with now, so it’s probably best to leave things how they are. It will only start folk gossiping even more if they find out the truth at this stage and that’s the last thing I want, quite frankly.’
‘I suppose so, although I still don’t think it’s fair that you’re being blamed for something you didn’t do,’ Beth declared.
‘Maybe not, but I don’t think I can claim to be totally blameless.’ She sighed. ‘Martin must have sensed that my reasons for marrying him weren’t purely out of love, so it’s understandable if he met someone else and fell for her. Anyway, enough about me. How’s this little lady doing, apart from waking her poor mum at such an unearthly hour?’
Beth took the hint and changed the subject, although Polly could tell that her friend was still upset about her carrying all the blame. It was good to have someone else on her side apart from Elliot, if he really was on her side and there was no guarantee of that after the way they had parted. She sighed softly as she saw Beth out. Elliot had been so gentle and caring as he had consoled her and it made the sudden switch back to his normal self all the more difficult to accept. He was so wary of showing his true feelings and she couldn’t see that changing in the foreseeable future. The thought of him choosing to live such a lonely life hurt, especially after the glimpse she’d had of the real man beneath the veneer of aloofness. Elliot deserved so much more; he deserved to be loved and to love too. However, she doubted if he would agree with her. He preferred his lonely life to taking risks and there was little she could do to convince him otherwise.
Polly called in her next mum, determined not to think about him any more. Once she left Beesdale, Elliot would be just a memory. The trouble was that deep down she knew it wasn’t that simple. Even if she never saw him again, it didn’t mean that she would forget him.
* * *
The week came to an end and the weekend rolled around. Elliot wasn’t on call so he decided to take Joseph out for the day. He put together a picnic and stowed it in the car then loaded the lightweight wheelchair Joseph used for outings. The chair he used the rest of the time was too heavy to lift in and out of the car, so he had to make do with this pared-down version. Although he could walk short distances, he soon tired, and Elliot always took the chair along in case he needed it. It was second nature to cover all the bases, but he found himself wondering all of a sudden how anyone else would cope. Would they be happy to make all these preparations or would they find it became tedious after a while? How would Polly fare, for instance?
Elliot sighed as he went to fetch Joseph. It didn’t matter how many times he told himself that Polly wasn’t going to feature in his life because he still kept thinking about her. She had infiltrated his mind, the same as she had infiltrated his senses the other night. The minute he had touched her, he had been overwhelmed by feelings he couldn’t control and he found it hard to accept that he was so weak-willed. He had to find a way to get back to normal, but so far he had failed to do so. It was as though Polly had taken him over, lock, stock and barrel, and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it.
* * *
Saturday turned out to be a beautiful day with only a few fluffy white clouds drifting across the azure blue sky. Polly had a list of jobs that needed doing but she felt too restless to spend the day indoors. She ate her breakfast outside, seated at the tiny metal table on the equally tiny patio. Primrose Cottage was one of four which were used as holiday lets during the summer season and stood empty the rest of the year. They all looked neglected and in need of sprucing up. Polly knew that if she’d been planning to stay she would have had to make a lot of improvements, but it wasn’t worth it for the length of time she hoped to be there. She had already received a letter inviting her for an interview in Cumbria at the end of the month and, although there was no guarantee she would be offered the post, she knew she stood a very good chance with her experience.
She sighed as she spread honey on a slice of toast. Although she would miss Beesdale, it was becoming increasingly difficult as the rumours about her spread. She was tired of being blamed for something she hadn’t done. The only thing that kept her going was the thought that in a few weeks’ time she would be able to put it all behind her. Just for a moment an image of Elliot came to mind before she blanked it out. She wasn’t going to change her mind about leaving for any reason. Or anyone.
* * *
Elliot drove to Beesdale Falls and parked in the car park. There were several other cars already there so he chose a space that gave him room to lift Joseph’s chair out of the boot. Joseph was bubbling over with excitement at the thought of the outing and Elliot realised all of a sudden how long it had been since they had done anything fun like this together. Between the move from London and starting a new job, his time had been eaten up, and he resolved not to let it happen again. Spending time with Joseph was his number one priority from now on.
Joseph insisted on walking part of the way, only using his chair when the path became too rough for him to negotiate it safely. Elliot was breathing heavily by
the time they reached the waterfall because it was tough pushing the chair over all the ruts, but it was worth it. Joseph was enthralled by the sight of the water tumbling into the gorge. He had brought his sketch pad along and wanted to draw a picture so Elliot sat down on the grass while he got his breath back.
The noise of the water rushing over the rocks was deafening so he didn’t hear anyone approaching. It was only when a shadow fell over them that he looked up and felt his heart lurch when he saw Polly standing behind him. It was obvious from the surprise on her face that she’d had no idea he would be there. He also had the distinct impression that she wasn’t pleased to see him either and the thought stung. He’d wasted hours thinking about her yet she didn’t give a damn about him or the effect she’d had on his life!
* * *
Polly’s heart sank to somewhere around the level of her feet. If she’d had any idea that Elliot would be there then she would never have come. She half turned to leave but just at that moment Joseph spotted her.
‘Polly! Dad didn’t tell me you were coming as well.’
‘I...um...he didn’t know,’ she explained, avoiding looking at Elliot. That he wouldn’t want her there was a given and she didn’t need it ramming home to her. The thought was incredibly painful and she hurried on. ‘I only decided this morning after breakfast that I felt like a day out.’
‘So did Dad.’ Joseph beamed at her. ‘We’ve brought a picnic with us so you can share it now—can’t she, Dad?’
‘Oh, no,’ Polly began at the same moment as Elliot spoke.
‘I’m sure Polly has more important things to do than spend the day with us, Joseph.’
Polly felt annoyance run through her when she heard the warning in his voice. Did he honestly think that she hadn’t worked it out for herself that he didn’t want her spending time with them? Maybe it was the result of the week she’d had, all the whispered remarks, the sidelong glances, but she was tired of being treated like a pariah when she had done nothing to deserve it.
‘Actually, I don’t have anything more important to do, as it happens.’ She smiled sweetly, seeing the annoyance in Elliot’s eyes, but it was hard luck. He should never have started this if he wasn’t prepared to face the consequences. ‘I’d love to share your picnic, Joseph. Thank you.’
Elliot spread the rug on the ground, trying not to think about the last time he had used it, the day he had met Polly. It was only a few weeks ago yet it felt much longer than that. It was as though his life had been divided into two halves, before and after meeting Polly, and he didn’t like the idea one little bit. He had been perfectly happy before he had met her... Hadn’t he?
He frowned as he got up and headed back down the path to collect the cool box from the car. It was unsettling to find himself questioning what he had taken for granted before. Maybe he had decided to relocate to a different part of the country but his reasons for doing so had had nothing to do with him. He had made the decision so he could give Joseph a better quality of life—or so he had thought.
Was it true? he wondered suddenly. Had his decision to leave London been based solely on Joseph’s needs? Or had there been another reason, one he hadn’t examined too closely? Although he had enjoyed his job there, he had to admit that the constant pressure of dealing with the most vulnerable patients had started to get to him. Working in such a busy city as London had meant that his workload had been unrelenting, one tiny scrap of humanity after another requiring his skills. Although he had saved so many babies, far more than his peers if the statistics were to be believed, there had been many others he hadn’t been able to help. Not even the most skilful surgeon could save every single patient he treated and each time he had failed, it had left its mark on him. Although he had buried his feelings beneath a veneer of professional detachment, he had felt for them, he realised, felt a deep sense of sorrow for all those children who would never grow up to be adults, for all the parents whose dreams had been shattered.
He had been there himself, been through the agony of wondering if his child would survive, but he’d been one of the lucky ones—his son had lived. However, each time he had lost one of those precious children, it had left a scar on his soul even if he had refused to admit it before. He might have pretended not to care but deep down he had, although it was only now that he was prepared to acknowledge it, now when his emotions had been unleashed since he had met Polly. She had been the catalyst even though he had no idea why. Hell and damnation, if he’d been told to choose a woman who would turn his life upside down then he couldn’t have found anyone better than Polly. She had been jilted on her wedding day—she must have even more emotional baggage than him!
CHAPTER EIGHT
POLLY COULD FEEL the waves of anger coming off Elliot and knew she was the reason for it. He was annoyed about her joining them for this picnic, she thought as she watched him arrange pieces of cooked chicken on a paper plate. Although his reaction seemed extreme to her mind, maybe she should make an effort to smooth things over. After all, she didn’t want Joseph to think there was anything wrong when it would only upset him. She went over and knelt down on the rug, lowering her voice so that the child couldn’t hear her.
‘Look, I’m sorry if you have a problem with my being here. The last thing I want is to cause any trouble.’
‘You should have thought of that before you agreed to join us,’ Elliot said harshly, lifting a bottle of orange juice out of the cool box.
Polly bit back her sharp retort because it was obvious that Elliot wasn’t interested in hearing her apology. He didn’t want her there and that was it. It made her see that there was only one thing she could do in the circumstances. ‘You’re right; I should have done,’ she said flatly. She glanced over at Joseph, who was busily colouring in his picture, oblivious to what was going on. It had been obvious how delighted he’d been to see her and it made her feel guilty all of a sudden. She didn’t want him growing attached to her when she was leaving Beesdale in a few weeks’ time. Maybe she had been trying to put Elliot in his place, but not at the expense of hurting his son.
‘I’ll make some excuse and get out of your way,’ she said quietly as she turned back to Elliot.
‘And that’s your answer, is it? Run away and to hell with Joseph and the fact that he will be bitterly disappointed if you don’t stay for the picnic?’ He smiled grimly. ‘Why am I not surprised? After all, why would you want to spend time with him when I’m sure you can find more exciting things to do?’
‘That’s not fair,’ she protested then stopped when a car drove into the car park and parked next to where they were sitting. A couple got out and started walking towards the waterfall. The young woman was heavily pregnant and Polly saw the man put his arm around her to help her over the rough ground. It was such a loving gesture that it brought a lump to Polly’s throat. It brought it home to her that there was nobody who cared about her that much, nobody to help her if she needed it. She was completely on her own and whatever happened, good or bad, she would have to deal with it herself.
Polly felt her eyes fill with tears all of a sudden. She scrambled to her feet, not wanting to break down again in front of Elliot. Knowing him, he would probably think that she was doing it on purpose to gain his sympathy. She hurried over to her car, feeling more wretched than ever. Every time she did anything, it backfired on her. She’d thought she was doing the right thing by marrying Martin but look how that had turned out. And those stupid rumours would never have started if she hadn’t tried to make sure that Elliot wasn’t injured. It was as though she was jinxed!
‘Wait! Don’t go. Not like this, Polly.’
The urgency in Elliot’s voice surprised her so much that she stopped. She turned around, her breath catching when she saw the expression on his face. Why was he looking at her as though he cared? He didn’t care about her, as he had made it abundantly clear. The thought broug
ht more tears to her eyes and she heard him sigh as he came over to her.
‘I’m sorry, Polly. I never meant to upset you.’
‘No?’ She gave a broken little laugh. ‘From where I’m standing I’d say it was precisely what you wanted to do.’
‘Of course not.’ He hesitated and she could tell that he was choosing his words with care. ‘I just don’t want you to upset Joseph. He’s already growing very attached to you and I don’t want him getting hurt.’
‘I don’t want him getting hurt either,’ she said quietly.
Elliot sighed. ‘I know you don’t. It’s just that I worry so much.’
‘Because of the way his mother left him?’ she suggested.
‘Yes.’ He grimaced. ‘I suppose it was stupid of me to hope that Marianna would change her mind once he was born. After all, I knew to my cost how self-centred she was and having a child with a major handicap would have changed her life completely. But I still hoped that when she saw him she would feel differently.’
‘Only she didn’t.’
‘No. She didn’t even want to see him after he was born. I don’t think she could face the thought of giving birth to a child who wasn’t perfect.’
‘So she’s never seen him?’ Polly asked, appalled.
‘Once and that was only by accident when we bumped into her while we were out shopping.’ He laughed bitterly. ‘She couldn’t wait to get away either.’
‘How awful! Was Joseph upset?’ she asked, her heart aching at the thought of the child suffering such a rejection.
‘Very much so. He cried himself to sleep for several nights afterwards.’ Elliot took a deep breath. ‘That’s why I can’t risk him growing attached to anyone else, Polly. I don’t want him getting hurt again. Even though I know you would never deliberately hurt him, you have enough to deal with right now, what with the wedding and everything else. That’s why I feel it would be better if we didn’t spend too much time together.’
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