Dazed (The Deliverance Series Book 1)

by Maria Macdonald

  Weirdly, he’s also continued to call me Lemon, and I’m not sure what to make of it. I don’t know why he calls me that, so I can’t determine whether he’s making a joke at my expense, although that wouldn’t altogether make sense as he doesn’t call me Lemon when lots of people are listening.

  As I walk toward my last class, I bump into the very man consuming my thoughts.

  “Think of the devil and they’re sure to appear,” I mumble the old saying under my breath.

  “Lemon,” Tarrant murmurs and his lips twitch. I frown at his greeting and open my mouth to ask why he calls me Lemon when a pair of perfectly manicured hands slither over him, one wraps around his waist, while the other slides over his shoulder and down his chest. They have fire red tips, long and filed into a point. They aren’t nails, they’re talons, and they belong to Selina.

  “Laura,” she hisses my name out and paws at Tarrant. I know she’s trying to stake her claim. More fool her, I don’t think Tarrant Reigns was built to be claimed.

  “Selina.” I smile sweetly and her eyes narrow.

  “Still wearing thrift shop clothes, I see?”

  She sneers, tilting her head slightly, then blinding me with her smile. Tarrant’s jaw locks, and it pisses me off that she has once again made me feel like shit in front of him. But worse, I’m allowing her to do it.

  “Don’t worry, you won’t see me in these again,” I say pulling at my top. “I was getting one last wear out of them.” Her eyebrows pull in with confusion and I throw my hand over my mouth gasping. “Oh shoot, I spoiled the surprise! Your momma saw me earlier and begged me to sell her this outfit. Apparently, she’s sick of seeing her daughter dressed like a slut.” My words come out like machine gun bullets, and I spin on my heel ready to stalk off, the tears of embarrassment stinging my eyes. Anger suddenly slices through me and becomes the prominent force, and without thinking I twist back around to face her again. Slowly I begin walking backward while holding up my hands, then shout, “Don’t worry, I told her the clothes were the least of her problems… first, she has to get you to stop actually being a slut, then she should worry about the way you dress.”

  “Bitch!” she screeches.

  I watch Tarrant, his lips twitch and curl at the ends as he smiles wide at me. Suddenly, his smile drops and his face morphs into a blank canvass, emotionless compared to the look he just gave me. While I’m engrossed watching the change in him, a warm arm threads itself under my low bun and around my neck pulling me back into a hard body.

  “Here’s my girl,” Caden says.

  Caden’s arrival thwarts my escape plan as he moves us both forward again. Selina’s face is still contorted with anger, but she smooths her features quickly. One thing I have on my side now is that I’m officially Caden’s girl, and she desperately wants to be Tarrant’s. I know—well I hope—that will never happen. Tarrant doesn’t do long-term sex or relationships of any kind, not that I’ve witnessed and certainly not that Caden’s said. Either way, she won’t push things with me too far while they’re around, but when it’s just us, or her and her girls, all bets will be off.

  Tarrant looks between his brother and me. “What are you doing about Mom tonight, Caden?”

  “I’ll stay home if you have plans?” Caden replies, looking between Selina and Tarrant with a smile. My stomach churns at the thought of what they might get up to, but then I scold myself internally for caring.

  “Don’t you want to take Laura out?” Tarrant asks his eyes never moving from Caden. I hate it when he calls me by my real name now. I still have no idea why he calls me Lemon, but it’s mine, and whenever Caden’s around he stops using the nickname he’s christened me with. I have to admit somewhere deep down, in the dark hollow inside my chest, it stings when he calls me my given name.

  “Naa, she’s good, aren’t you, Button?” Caden looks down at me and kisses the tip of my nose. I hold back the eye roll that’s threatening, mentally making a note that I really have to speak to him about how he should act toward me if he wants to be convincing.

  Tarrant looks between us, raising an eyebrow, and Selina actually does roll her eyes. This time I can’t blame her.

  “Erm, yeah, I’m good. Actually, I think I’ll stay in tonight. Morgan and I were going to watch a film,” I say looking up at him.

  He grins and shrugs. “Sure, whatever you want, Button. Catch you later.” Pecking my cheek, Caden walks off.

  I look between Selina and Tarrant. She’s now threading her talons through his dark hair. I swallow down the nasty taste that’s gathering on my tongue. Tarrant doesn’t seem to notice her. He stares at my face with such intensity that I feel like he can see inside me, and at that moment, all the thoughts and feelings I’ve been desperately holding locked inside are suddenly running across my body. And he’s reading every word emblazoned on my soul.

  “Gotta go.” I rush out as I turn and jog away so fast that my breathing is labored. I’m ten minutes early by the time I reach my next class, but I feel like time has stood still. I’m still dazed, my body’s here, but my head and heart are still back there completely caught in his stare.

  “Hey, where were you after school and at lunch? You’ve been MIA nearly all day, lady,” Morgan asks the minute I walk through the door.

  “Sorry,” I offer, pulling my worn jacket off and throwing it toward my bed. It flies through the air, and I watch—as though it’s happening in slow motion—as it misses completely and the arm swings out knocking a nearly full soda can, that in my candy-induced sleep I’d left open on my bedside table. Of course, the can wobbles, and for a second I think I’ve had a close call, but the moment my shoulders relax, the soda falls and doesn’t land on the floor like most things would. No. Because it’s me, and I have shitty luck, especially lately. My soda can does a flip and whirl that a gymnast would be proud of and lands smack, bang, in the middle of my bed. Again, the fizzy pop that’s now draining out of the can and over my bed wouldn’t be so bad if it were on my duvet, which I could remove and wash while using my spare. Nope. As my roommate and best friend forever pointed out this morning, I woke with a candy vag, but because I fell asleep unexpectedly last night I was luckily laying on top of my covers. This morning I felt triumph realizing I could throw my duvet in the laundry—which I did before school—and go about my day as usual, safe in the knowledge that I could use my spare duvet while my other one dried. That same triumph has now drained out of my shoes.

  “Gah!” I scream as Morgan jumps up and tries to rescue my soaking mattress. “Don’t bother, Morgan, I’m going to sleep on the floor,” I whine, feeling sorry for myself.

  She looks back at me and smiles sweetly. “Come on, we’ll build a tent.” She giggles.

  “Are you drunk?” I reply with a grin.

  “Ha, no. I just think you need some cheering up. You look like you’ve had a long day and Dr. Reed is in the house to help you.” She winks pointing to herself.

  I groan but smile and carefully sit on the edge of my bed.

  “Be careful of the wet patch.” Morgan laughs, and I throw a shoe at her.

  “God, my feet ache.”

  “Hard shift?” she asks, more serious now.

  “People were buying food for Thanksgiving. Every time I refilled a shelf, it seemed to empty within minutes, and on top of that I was working in Colin’s section tonight.”

  Morgan groans on my behalf. She knows all about Colin. He’s the guy who will never go any further than Andersons’ store. When I first started there he was a co-worker. A few years older than me he graduated college but never moved on to greater things. He flirted and made a couple of passes, which I turned down as gently as possible. Unfortunately, he’s one of those people who doesn’t take rejection very well. Nine months after I started part-time at Andersons, Colin was made a section leader. Since then, whenever I’m placed in his section, he’s an ass, ordering me around and keeping—only just—to the legal side of rude.

  “Go take a shower. I’ll
get some food and stuff sorted.”

  “You’re a lifesaver,” I say, offering her my very first genuine smile of the evening.

  “Yep. I’m amazing,” she replies and curtseys.

  Shaking my head, I walk off to shower grabbing my towel on the way.

  When I get back feeling clean and refreshed and see what Morgan has done for me, I’m slightly emotional. I have to admit there are tears in my eyes when I walk into our room.

  Morgan looks at me and frowns. “What’s with the tears? Is it shark week?” she asks, shoving chips in her mouth.

  “Shark week?” I ask.

  “Yeah,” she answers smiling, the chips are smooshed in her teeth, and she nods toward my vagina. “Shark week.”

  “Seriously, why are you obsessed with my pussy?”

  She starts laughing, and I throw my towel at her head. She pushes it off with a screech and chucks it into our laundry basket. I pull a brush through my wet hair and plait it down my back.

  Morgan quiets, and I look over at her. “I’ve got Two Weeks Notice set up on the TV ready to go,” she whispers.

  “Why did you put that on?” I mimic her whispered tone.

  “Because I know it’s your favorite.”

  “But…” I don’t know what to say to her. I didn’t think anyone knew about my small obsession with rom-coms or how that film is my go-to when I’m feeling shitty.

  Morgan shrugs and grabs the remote. “I’ve come home a few times and found it playing on your laptop once you’ve fallen asleep. I’ve ignored it because I figured if you wanted to admit you watch those films, then you would have. Instead of always telling me and everyone else that you only watch action films.” She tilts her head and smirks at me, a light dancing in her eyes.

  I drop down next to her on the floor, and she pulls her duvet over my legs. She’s used a bed sheet and tied it from a photo hook on one side of the room to the top of the window, making a big tent over of all the floor space in between our beds.

  “You fixed my bed,” I whisper looking over at my now-flipped mattress, which has clean bedding and my spare duvet.

  “Of course,” she answers simply like there was no question. “Here.” Morgan passes me a hot coffee and the second bag of chips, and we snuggle down to watch my favorite feel-good movie.

  Two hours and lots of chips later I’m definitely in a better place.

  “So, now we’ve watched Queen Bullock, I have to ask… do you want to talk about it?” Morgan pushes gently.

  I drop my head back against the edge of her bed. “Caden’s gay.”

  I don’t look over, but I can imagine her mouth opening and closing with shock.

  She shuffles forward until she’s facing me. “But, you’re dating him. Oh fuck, don’t tell me he started dating you then realized he was gay… ‘cause that would be a new one to add to your anti-dating list.” She snorts, and I narrow my eyes at her. “Hey don’t look at me like that, you’re the one whose boyfriend is gay.” She smiles holding her hands up in surrender.

  “You’re such an asshole.” I laugh, but there’s no heat behind it.

  Morgan continues to smile, then slowly her lips thin and she leans toward me. “What the hell is going on, Laura?”

  “He asked me to cover for him, to agree to be his girl. He’s my friend, Morgan, the first person I’ve let get close to me for a long time. I’m not sure why that is. Except, there’s something about him that makes me feel comfortable.”

  She nods over and over her eyes slightly glazed, then blinking she turns back until our eyes meet. “Do you know why he’s hiding?”

  I shake my head but don’t answer with words. I can’t. I’m afraid if I say out loud that I think he’s hiding because he’s scared, she’d ask how I know that, and I’ve never told her about my past. Therefore I can’t explain that I can see my own pain reflected in his eyes. No one knows the whole truth, only Aiden and the cops. Now he’s gone, and that’s my fault too.

  Rubbing my head while cursing at the shelf I bumped it on, I double check that Mrs. Edwards isn’t around. She hates cursing, and I would definitely receive a stern talking to about the benefits of acting like a lady, and I can do without that lecture… again.

  Andersons has been fairly quiet today, and thankfully Colin isn’t in, so I’ve had time to do some restocking. For the last two hours, though, I’ve been stuck here in the stockroom and although things are starting to look more organized, spending an extended time in a room with no windows seriously messes with your mind. No less than three times I’ve pulled out my box cutter due to paranormal activity… or possibly the breeze from the ceiling fan… whatever.

  A knock makes me jump and glare at the door as Mrs. Edwards pops her head in. “Laura, there’s a young man outside to see you,” she tells me with a grin as her eyes light up.

  “Me?”

  She nods and walks away mumbling, “Don’t keep him waiting. I wouldn’t if I were twenty years younger, let me tell you.”

  I giggle, mainly because Mrs. Edwards is at least sixty, so I’m thinking twenty years younger is probably a stretch.

  When I walk out into the store I spot Caden almost right away. It’s hard not to when he’s as tall as most of the shelves.

  “Caden?” His name comes out as a question.

  “Sorry,” he says sheepishly.

  I look to Mrs. Edwards about to speak, but she gets there first. “Go… take a break, you’ve not had one yet.” She waves me away still grinning.

  Rolling my eyes I smile at her retreating back. I pull my apron off and throw it into my locker before grabbing my bag and following Caden outside. We walk across the road toward his truck, and when we’re both inside I sit silently wondering what’s going on.

  “I got you these for lunch,” he says pointing to a steaming coffee and a ham on rye sandwich with chips.

  Grinning, I take the coffee and carefully sip enough to satisfy the thirst I didn’t have until I smelled the sumptuous aroma. “Have I told you I love you?” I beam.

  Caden chuckles, and his shoulders drop, it’s only with that I realize he’s worried about something.

  “What’s wrong?” I put my sandwich down and wait for his reply.

  “Please, eat,” is all the reply I get. Not waiting to push him, I do as I’m told and grab the food once again. I’m hungry so it’s not like he has to convince me, but it’s then that he starts talking.

  “A few years ago my parents, Tarrant, and I were all sitting together watching TV. It was something big that was on like the Superbowl, but I can’t remember exactly what it was.” I listen and watch intently as Caden rubs his forehead lost in thought. “Whatever it was we were watching ended, and I guess nobody changed the channel because the next program that came on TV had a gay man in the show.” His eyes darken and narrow. “My dad said something like, ‘great, now they’re actively pushing faggots onto our primetime TV slots.’ Funny, huh?” Caden grunts out a cold laugh. “It was an offhand comment to him but to me… from him, my dad, my hero… it almost broke me.” I put my sandwich down and hesitantly place my hand on his thigh offering my silent support. “For the few months leading up to that comment, I’d been working myself up to telling them, all of them. The moment he told me how he really felt was the moment I realized that if I admitted to them what I was, I could lose them. Laura, I don’t know if it makes me a pussy, and I don’t really care if it does, but I need them. I’m not ready to be on my own yet.”

  “I can understand that,” I reply tentatively, knowing my situation was so similar and yet so different to his.

  “Exactly five months and two days later, a gay friend of mine overdosed.”

  My body jerks at his statement, and Caden reaches his hand to mine which is still gripping his thigh. “A little looser please, Button,” he teases with a grin, and I purse my lips at him, but also relax my hold which I hadn’t noticed had gotten tighter as his story unfolded. “Alex was a long-term friend, and at that point, he was the onl
y one who knew I was gay. We were just friends, but he was like another brother to me. I wasn’t with him the night he died and to be clear, he did have a drug problem,” he clarifies staring at me. “He had started taking prescription medication for football after injuring himself. There’s no way of knowing if he overdosed by accident. I know he was struggling with being gay, his family weren’t the kind of people who would have welcomed him with open arms, and he knew that.”

  Caden shrugs and runs his fingers across his bottom lip thoughtfully. “I decided that I wasn’t going to tell anyone. I was too afraid and as stereotypical as it sounds, I was a jock, the other guys expected me to date. Because of that I started seeing one of the girls at school, but it all felt really strained.” He rubs the back of his neck—a telltale sign that he’s uncomfortable—and his cheeks flush. “That’s probably why I’ve been slightly awkward with you lately, because I’m not sure how to act, but I know I need to work on that. Also, I guess I wanted you to know because I don’t want you thinking you’re doing this for no reason. I will tell them, and we can split up at some point if things become too hard for you. Remember, the ball is totally in your court. You’re in control, Laura… you basically hold my life in your hands.”

  “I told Morgan.”

  His eyes widen slightly before he controls his reaction. “I know,” he replies. “I said you could. I trust you. You’re the only person, apart from Alex, who I’ve ever really trusted. If you say she won’t tell anyone then that’s good enough for me.”

  “Thank you.”

  Caden nods. “Eat your sandwich. I don’t need you fainting on me,” he says winking.

  I smile huge and throw myself into his surprised body. I hold him for ages, hoping he knows—without me saying the words—that I’m here for him.

  I finally pull away and consume the food he’s brought me, then I lay back with a happy sigh, feeling better than I have for weeks.