Maniac

by Winter Travers

  I was speechless. We were in a motorcycle club. What in the hell did she expect. It was beer or whiskey. “Next thing, you’re going to ask if there is a blender back here.”

  “I just figured with all of the girls coming and going you guys would try to accommodate them with drinks they prefer.”

  “If by girls coming and going you mean Karmen, Nikki, Alice, and Cora, then I guess you are right.”

  She rolled her eyes and stood up on the rung of the bar stool. She peered over the bar and pointed to the small fridge. “What’s in there?”

  “Beer.”

  “Open it.”

  “Woman. What the hell do I need to open it for? It’s been filled with beer since the first day we walked in the door.”

  “Do it,” she insisted.

  I yanked open the door and heard the familiar sound of bottles clinking together. “See, what did—” My words die in my throat, as I looked down at two bottles of wine in the door and bottles filled with various shades of pink, blue, and orange. “What in the fuck is this?”

  Wren giggled and sat back down. “That would be Karmen and Nikki’s fridge.”

  I glanced up at Wren. “And how the fuck would you know that?”

  “There’s that fuck word again,” she mumbled under her breath.

  “It seems an appropriate use of it when you know what’s going on in my clubhouse, and I don’t.”

  She shrugged. “Cora had mentioned it to me in passing before.”

  I crouched down in front of the fridge and grimaced. What had the world come to, when a man had a separate fridge in his clubhouse filled with girly drinks. “Well, what did you want to drink? Wine, pink, blue, or orange?”

  Her giggle drifted down to me, and I couldn’t help but smile. If having a fridge filled with shitty drinks made Wren happy, then I guess I was okay with it.

  “Pink,” she called.

  I grabbed one of the bottles and set it in front of her. “That shit would give me a gut ache.”

  She grabbed the bottle and twisted the cap off. “And whatever the hell you’re drinking would drop me to the floor in two point five seconds.”

  “Or put hair on your chest.” I lined up three shot glasses and filled them to the top with the whiskey.

  “I thought you were coming to talk to me about some plan you had, not get drunk.” Wrecker waltzed over to the bar and sat down next to Wren. “What’s shakin’, babe?”

  Wren set her drink on the bar and slightly scooted away from him. “I came to see Jez and Jake. I had no idea you guys were hiding them here.”

  “Not really hiding as much as trying to keep them from getting dead,” Maniac growled.

  She gulped and wrapped her hands around the bottle. “I suppose I can’t really be upset about that then, can I?”

  Wrecker nodded at me and took one of the shot glasses I had just filled. He tossed it back and slammed the empty glass down. “You would think one of you assholes would fall for a chick who wasn’t all sass and back talk. I guess that isn’t going to happen for you, huh?”

  Wrecker was such an asshole. “Maybe you’ll be the one to get the deaf and mute girl, Wrecker.”

  “One can only hope,” he muttered.

  “Um, can you tell me where Jez and Jake are? I’ll hang out with her while you guys get all alpha together.” Wren jumped off the stool and looked expectantly at Wrecker.

  “Get all alpha?” he questioned.

  “Ask Maniac. He can tell you all about it.”

  “You really don’t want to know about it, brother,” I mumbled. I tossed back a shot and grabbed the other one.

  “She went shopping with Cora and Slayer.” Wrecker stood up and motioned me down the hallway to church. “Karmen is in her room with Nickel.”

  Wren’s face fell at the mention of Jezebel not being here. “Where is Nikki?”

  “Not these chicks keepers, babe. I only knew where Cora, Karmen, and Jezebel were because I saw Karmen in her room, and Slayer checked in with me before he left. That’s all I know.” Wrecker walked back down the hallway, ending any other questions Wren might have.

  “You know how I called you an alpha who’s a sometimes asshole?”

  I nodded and tossed back the other shot. “That guy is an alpha and all the time asshole.”

  I choked on the shot and almost spewed whiskey out of my nose. “You might want to keep that opinion to yourself, darlin’,” I sputtered. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and twisted the cover back on the whiskey. Taking shots when Wren was around was not the best idea.

  “You think Karmen is going to want to hang out with me?” she asked.

  “Better you than me,” Nickel called. “She is on a tear this morning about raising a baby in the clubhouse. I don’t know what to tell the woman other than he ain’t gonna be raised here.” Nickel sat down in the chair Wrecker had vacated and pointed at the whiskey bottle. “Double, brother.”

  “That bad?” I asked. I refilled two of the shots and slid them toward him.

  “All I gotta say is, I cannot wait for her to pop this kid out so she goes back to my sweet, quiet Karmen.”

  Karmen was once quiet? I think if that were true, it was only when she was sleeping. “You got time to hang around while I talk to Wrecker?”

  “He’s getting all the guys gathered to hear what you have to say.”

  I hadn’t expected that. Once I had talked to him, I figured he would clue everyone else in, but apparently that wasn’t what Wrecker wanted. “You sure you’re okay to hang out with Karmen?” I asked Wren.

  She shrugged. “Yeah, as long as she doesn’t go all pregnant lady on me.”

  Nickel tossed back his two shots then stood up. “You’re in the clear. She only goes crazy on me. As soon as Nikki or Cora walk through the door, it’s like the demon possessing her leaves and my sweet Karmen comes back. I’m almost ready to ask Pipe if Nikki can sleep with us at night.”

  “Yeah, ain’t gonna happen,” I laughed.

  “I know,” Nickel whined. “I love the woman, but this baby has taken over her body, always wanting to eat and nag me.”

  I walked around the bar and clapped him on the shoulder. “You know there is only one way to prevent this from happening again, right?”

  Wren smothered her laugh with the back of her hand.

  “No more sex, brother.”

  Nickel’s jaw dropped, and his skin paled. “Get the fuck out of here. That shit ain’t never going to happen.”

  “Nickel!”

  Wren busted out laughing, while Nickel cringed.

  “Your woman is callin’ you,” I taunted.

  He grabbed Wren’s arm and tugged her behind him as he stalked down the hallway. “You’re my shield. Her crazy will stay firmly inside her if you are in the room with me.”

  Wren looked over her shoulder at me while she stumbled to keep up with Nickel. “Help me,” she mouthed.

  I grabbed the bottle of whiskey and followed them down the hallway. I didn’t think it was possible for me to help Wren right now. Nickel was a desperate man just looking for a few minutes where Karmen wasn’t on his ass.

  “Baby,” he called. “Wren came to see you.”

  Karmen squealed and rolled off the bed as we all piled into the room. And when I said rolled, I mean she rolled.

  “Oh, thank God,” she wheezed. “I’m about to drive Nickel to start drinking.”

  At least the chick knew she was being crazy. “We got church. You think Wren can hang out with you?”

  Karmen wrapped Wren up in a hug. “Girl, you can hang out with me whenever you want. Too bad Jezebel and Jake aren’t here. Although I think they should be back anytime. She asked me to go to the store with her, but I really didn’t feel like waddling up and down the aisles. Nickel says I can’t drive the electric scooter because they are meant for people who actually need them. He doesn’t let me have any fun.”

  Nickel rolled his eyes. “We are not going over this again, Karmen. You ar
e not a cripple who can’t manage to walk around the store.”

  She stomped her foot and pointed her finger at Nickel. “You know my feet swell like damn balloons if I‘m on my feet too much.”

  “Is this really happening?” Wren whispered to me.

  “I think it is, but I can’t believe it. You really think it’s that big of a deal to let her ride the scooter?” Nickel really needed to start choosing his battles. Let the damn woman drive the cart around the store, and he wouldn’t have another argument on his hands.

  “Eight months pregnant, Nickel. I am eight months pregnant, and I want to drive the damn scooter around the store. If you don’t let me do it now, we’re gonna have to keep getting pregnant until you let me.”

  And this was where the top of Nickel’s head blew off. “I...you can’t...WHAT THE FUCK?!”

  I stepped forward and put my arm around Nickel’s shoulders. “I think we need to get to church, Karmen. You think you can keep an eye on Wren for me?”

  Wren rolled her eyes, but she didn’t say anything. She must have figured I was just trying to distract these two.

  Nickel threw his hands up in the air and stormed out of the room.

  “He’s such a bonehead,” Karmen mumbled under her breath.

  I turned to Wren. “You sure you are going to be okay?”

  She tilted her head back and looked up at me. “Uh, I think so? I really don’t think she’s going to go crazy on me unless I tell her I agree with Nickel.”

  “Do you?” I asked.

  “No. I don’t see what the big deal it is to ride around on the scooter.”

  I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Holler if you need anything. Karmen knows how to get me if you need.” I had heard the story of how Karmen had gotten the whole clubhouse in her room two nights ago. That probably had something to do with the fact Nickel wasn’t very happy with her right now.

  “I’m afraid to ask how she’s going to get you for me,” she whispered.

  “It involved a cup of water. I can tell you that much,” Karmen put in.

  “Just hang out here.”

  “It’s not like she can meet the Captain or anything,” Karmen scoffed. “One more month before we’re reunited.”

  Wren’s eyes bugged out, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’ll be fine, darlin’.” I kissed her one more time on the forehead and ducked out the door.

  Karmen was going to calm down, and they were going to be fine together. Besides, she had said Jezebel and Cora were going to be back soon.

  And I’m sure if she wasn’t, I would hear about it.

  I need to get this over with and get back to Wren.

  Deal with the Hell Captains, and then I could be with Wren.

  *

  Chapter 13

  Wren

  “So you’re better?”

  I swirled my drink around. “Um, what is your definition of better?”

  “Happy? Uh, you know. Not wanting to, well, leave?” Karmen grimaced, and her eyes darted to the floor.

  I laughed. “Yeah, I’m better in the sense I don’t want to leave anymore.”

  “But are you happy?”

  I set my drink on the nightstand and laid back on the bed. “I don’t think I know what happy is anymore. Hell, I don’t think I’ve ever really been happy.”

  Karmen half laid and half rolled next to me. Her stomach was huge, and I couldn’t imagine ever being that pregnant. She looked incredibly uncomfortable, but she hadn’t stopped smiling since Maniac and Nickel left. “How do you not know if you’ve ever been happy?”

  “I don’t know. I guess after everything that has happened, I’m questioning everything.”

  “Guess that’s not a bad thing.”

  A sigh left my lips, and I closed my eyes.

  “I’m happy when I’m with my friends. When Nickel tells me he loves me. Hell, I’m happy when I’m in the same room as him.”

  I cracked open one eye and looked at Karmen. “You just called the man a bonehead.”

  “Yeah,” she sighed, “but he’s my bonehead. Besides, this baby is making my hormones all out of wack. One second, I want to punch him in the face, and then the next, all I want to do is sit on his face.”

  I sputtered trying to find the right words. Were there right words when your friend confides she just wants to sit on her baby daddy’s face? “Urgh...uh...well. I guess the second does sound a bit more fun.”

  Karmen laughed. “Yeah, now you can see how crazy I am. Darn baby got me going nutty.”

  “You’ve only got a few weeks left, right?”

  “Thank the Lord. I can’t wait to see this little guy.”

  “Guy?” I asked.

  Karmen sighed. “We don’t know what we are having, but I hope it is a boy. I can’t imagine having a girl like me. Although as a child, I was pretty chill, but who knows what our baby is going to turn out to be.”

  “Has anyone ever told you that you talk a lot?” I laughed.

  “You know what’s really funny? I never used to be like this. I was quiet and could go hours without saying a word. Now, since I met Nickel, I can’t seem to shut up. I like to think I’m happy and just trying to share the love.”

  “So Nickel makes you happy.”

  A loopy smile spread across her lips. “Yeah, but also I make myself happy.”

  She made it sound so easy. “I think you might have to give me lessons on how to be happy.”

  She propped an arm under her head. “Just do what makes you happy. If something makes you sad, don’t do it.”

  “I think you are dumbing this down a little bit too much.”

  She shook her head. “No, I’m not. At least, not when it comes to me. You had some real shitty things happen to you, Wren, but they’re in the past. Not saying you don’t have to deal with them, but you at least know you’ll never have to deal with the Hell Captains again.”

  “I’m just so messed up, Karmen.” The tears were threatening to fall again. Dammit.

  “I haven’t been through anything like you have, Wren, but just from spending a little bit of time with you today, I can tell you’re getting better. The woman I met almost three months ago was a ghost of the person sitting in front of me today.” Karmen grabbed my hand and squeezed. “You’re getting better. You’re stronger, and you may not see it, but I can tell you are happier.”

  I sighed and closed my eyes. “I don’t know what else to do but to try to breathe and live.”

  “That sounds like a pretty good place to start. You have to remember what happened to you doesn’t define who you are.”

  “Karmen, they made m—”

  She shook her head and shushed me. “Stop. You don’t need to tell me what happened unless you want to. I can imagine what happened, and I know what actually happened was a million times worse.”

  “After a while, I just blocked it all out. It was like I would just close my eyes and leave my body for however long it took.”

  “See, that was you being strong. You knew you couldn’t fight it right there in that moment, but you made it out eventually.”

  “Again, you make everything sound so much easier than it really is or was.”

  “Maybe that’s what you need to start doing. Take a step back and look it over. Dumb it down to where it’s an easy answer. Ask yourself if you would rather be happy or sad.”

  She looked expectantly at me. “Uh, I’d rather be happy.”

  “So why can’t you be?”

  “Uh, er...” I couldn’t think of a reason not to be.

  “You can’t be because you keep getting hung up on the past. Everyone around you doesn’t care what happened to you. All we care about is you being you. I know Cora worries about you, and so do Nikki and I. And while Jezebel doesn’t really understand what is going on, you and I both know all she really cares about is you.”

  “I know, it’s just...”

  Karmen sighed and squeezed my hand again. “You have to get out of your h
ead, Wren.”

  “But I’m just constantly thinking of all of the reasons why I shouldn't be happy, or why I’m not worthy to have friends like you guys who see past everything.”

  “Then every time you have a dumb reason in your head why you shouldn’t be happy, tell us.”

  “Us?” I asked.

  “Me, Nikki, Cora, Jezebel. Hell, even Maniac. I know that man will listen to every word that comes out of your mouth.”

  “I’m sure he will agree with you about the fact I need to get out of my head. He said he can hear the bullshit swirling around in my head.”

  Karmen laughed. “That sounds like something Nickel would say.”

  “Don’t you think I’ll sound crazy if I start blurting out my feelings to everyone?”

  “No, I think you’ll sound like someone trying to overcome punishing herself for something she had no control over.”

  That was the thing, though. I did have control over this. I had chosen to be with Rack. I had thought I could be the thing to change him. “I did have control over what I did, Karmen. I wanted to be with Rack.”

  “See, you just did it. You told me why, in your head, you think you should be punished.”

  I cracked open one eye. “Uh, really?” I thought about what I had just said. I guess she was right.

  “Yeah, really. Now I’ll tell you that you are worthy of your friends. You decided to be with him, Wren, but you didn’t choose for him to hurt you.”

  I guess she was right. Maniac had told me the same thing, but it was just a hard thing for me to wrap my head around.

  “You’re gonna be fine, Wren. As long as you let us in to help you. I know we haven’t known each other for very long, but that doesn’t mean anything.”

  “What the hell is this shit? You get to give my girl a pep talk while I’m stuck at the grocery store with Slayer?” Cora burst into the room and crossed her arms over her chest. “That is some shit right there.”

  “It was rather sappy. I think you would have rolled your eyes at least ten times while Karmen talked,” I laughed. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and tried to pull myself together. Everything Karmen had said was good and right, so now all I had to do was start doing it. I did deserve to be happy. However that was going to happen, I had no idea, but I was going to try.