I felt silly getting dressed tonight when I kept pulling layer upon layer on. I’m wearing an extra-thick pair of tights underneath my sweater leggings. I put a couple pairs of thick socks on underneath my Uggs, and I’m wearing a couple of long camis underneath my thermal tunic. Of course I added a hat, scarf, gloves, and a jacket. Fortunately, when I came walking out of my room, both Ashtyn and Abbie looked like variations of that big marshmallow guy from the Ghostbusters movie.
Abbie decided there would be traffic and it would be better to walk rather than worry about parking. I can see where she’s coming from, but by the time we make it to the center of town where the bonfire is being held, all three of us are shivering like crazy. Trying to make some conversation, I ask, “So, Abbie, you're the one that looked into all of this. What exactly is going to happen?”
Her face lights up in a cute little grin and she answers, “Well, there’s wish burning, of course. But I think there's going to be some performances from the Shakespeare Festival and hot cocoa, which is necessary.”
I can just feel the hot liquid sliding down my throat and warming me up. I need to get a cup of cocoa like five minutes ago. I start looking around for any signs of cocoa when Ashtyn says, “Of course. I think I would be more than happy with some cocoa right about now.”
I spot the cocoa vendor less than twenty feet away from us once a large crowd moves away. I don’t even hesitate before venturing in that direction. If the girls want cocoa, they’ll follow right behind me. I was right in that assumption. We get up to the cart and each buy the largest size they carry. We bring the cups to our lips and take a drink. The cocoa burns my tongue, but I don’t even care as I feel the warmth slowly spread through my body. Rather than risk more injury to my tongue, I bring the cup up to my face and let the steam wash over me. Taking a peek over the top of my cup, I notice Ashtyn and Abbie doing the same thing. This wintery Oregon weather is just a little too much for a few California girls like us.
We’re standing around facing the stage, and as some performers that were up there before start stepping down, a woman with a microphone comes up. Clearing her throat, she says, “Good evening, everyone, and thank you for being here.”
The crowd tightens up around the stage and goes wild with cheers. With the mass of people and the small space they’re cramming us into, it doesn’t take long to forget about the cold all around us. The crowd slowly dies down and quiets so that the woman on stage can continue her speech. “Thank you again for being here. Every year I feel like our Christmas Eve event gets bigger and bigger. This year is no exception. For those of you who don't know who I am, my name is Margaret Holden and I'm the mayor of our lovely town. As is always the tradition here in Ashland, we placed the tree in our town square so that everyone could fill out the tags to make their own Christmas wishes. All of the tags have been placed into Santa's sleigh, and here in a minute we'll be lighting the tags on fire to release your wishes into the universe. Maybe some of you will be the lucky ones who find tomorrow your Christmas wish came true.”
She turns around and grabs the last tag off the tree, and it’s only now that I notice the tree is empty. She holds up the tag in her hand above the Santa sleigh that is set up on stage and any mumbles going on around us stop. The whole center of town is eerily quiet as everyone is focused on what’s about to happen. She holds up a lighter in her other hand and says, “We had a record-breaking number of tags this year coming in at seven thousand two hundred and fifty-three. That's a lot of wishes we have right here. I hope you all have a very merry Christmas, even if your wishes don't come true.” And with that she lights the tag and drops it into the bin.
I’m so focused on that bin and the magic that seems to have filled the air all around us. Abbie’s voice breaks me out of my concentration when I hear her say, “Oh my gosh, it's snowing. Ashtyn, look, it's snowing.”
Sure enough, it is snowing. Living in Southern California, we always had to travel to see snow. I’ve never experienced an unexpected snowfall before. The energy around us changes as people spin around underneath the falling snow. There’s laughing and joy all around us. “Even if our wishes don't come true, looks like we'll at least have a white Christmas this year, ladies,” Ashtyn says.
***
As I lay my head down later on that night, I keep going over the wishes we all wrote down. I don’t know what the girls wished for, but I hope we can all find a little bit of happiness tomorrow. I open the floodgates as I finally let myself mourn the loss of both my parents and Hudson. Sobs wrack my body, and I only hope that I’m not separated from Hudson for too much longer.
***
“I love you guys both so much. Don’t worry about me and have fun on your trip. You both deserve it.” I wrap both of my parents into one giant bear hug as tears are streaming down all of our faces. “We love you too, Chloe.” The terminal is packed, and the people behind us in the security line are getting impatient.
“Hurry up with the goodbyes. Some of us have places to be!” the clean-cut, cold business man spits out. His eyes are hard and I turn away, refusing to look at him, but that doesn’t stop him from continuing on. “They’re going to die and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.”
I freeze up, and cold washes over me. I turn around. “What did you say?” But when I look there’s no one there. My parents are gone. The airport is gone. There’s only darkness all around me. I run away, trying to find a way out of here. I’m screaming for my parents over and over, but nothing comes out. Tears are falling down my face as I continue to run until I trip over a notch in the floor.
My body flies up as a scream is released from my mouth. The pressure on my chest intensifies as my heart races faster and faster. I’m gasping for air as the ache continues to grow inside me. I reach for anything, but my hands only meet nothingness. I grab at my chest, willing my heart to stop. Just stop right now so the pain will be over with. I can’t hear anything outside of the pounding inside my head.
It was only a dream.
I’m in Ashtyn’s house. It was only a dream. I continually tell myself this, attempting to calm down my racing heart. It doesn’t change the fact that they’re gone. I’m drenched in sweat and there are tears still falling down my face. I take a deep breath and slowly let it out. My body crashes back down, and I cough uncontrollably as the weight is lifted from my chest. After I start returning to normal, I glance over at my phone on the bedside table. It’s only five, but I know I won’t be falling back asleep after that nightmare. Instead, I push myself out of bed and head to the bathroom for a shower.
The house is eerily quiet this early in the morning. I wander out on tip-toe toward the kitchen. As I grab the bag of coffee, the day Hudson taught me to make it comes crashing back to me. It’s hard to think that was less than a month ago. It seems strange that our feelings for one another changed so rapidly in such a short amount of time. The rich aroma of the coffee quickly starts filling the kitchen, and it feels a little less cold in here. I pour myself a mug and sit at the breakfast bar, letting everything I’ve been holding in finally come out.
My parents, Hudson, me. It all flows out of me with each additional tear that drops. There are so many what-ifs to each and every scenario, but focusing on those will only break me further. I’ve always been a big believer that everything happens for a reason, and I have to believe my current situation is no different. I suck in a giant breath of air and let it out, letting the silent sobs break through my body.
Sometime later, footsteps come up from behind me. My body involuntarily stiffens as Ashtyn sits down and puts her hand on my shoulder. I turn slightly to look at her, and she grabs me, pulling me into a tight embrace. I can’t even hold anything back now as violent sobs break through. I’m not sure how long the sobs wrack my body, but eventually they subside and I start to calm down. I take in a deep breath and slowly let it out. Realizing what just happened, I push myself back and look up at Ashtyn. “Sorry about that.”
Her mouth
tightens in a flat line, and I’m afraid of what she’s going to say. “You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. I've been the bitch here, Chloe. I've been pushing you too hard. I should have never done that.” She pauses briefly and then asks, “So, do you want to talk about it?”
I shake my head and reply, “What's there to talk about? They’re dead and they aren’t ever coming back. How do I ever feel okay again?”
“You don’t. No part of that is ever going to be okay. You just heal and eventually, hopefully, it doesn’t hurt as bad every day.”
My voice squeaks out like a mouse when I ask, “How can you be so sure?” She shrugs and I continue. “That had to come from somewhere.”
She lets out a small laugh and says, “I read a lot, remember? Some part of fiction is always based a little on reality. There’s always some sort of drama or heartache. The characters heal, so I know you will too.”
“You just said it yourself, Ashtyn. That’s fiction. Books aren’t real.”
Like a modern day Scarlett O’Hara, she throws her hand up to her chest and says, “You did not just say that. I guarantee you, one of these days Rush Finlay is going to stroll through my front door and Flynn will have to fight him off.”
“I’d pay to see that,” I say in a full-blown laugh. Flynn can turn into a caveman sometimes when it comes to Ashtyn, and there’s no way he’d let any guy, fictional or not, stroll in and take her. It’s not bad in a possessive kind of way, just one hundred percent love. Of course, thinking of love makes my mind wander to Hudson. I miss him so much it physically hurts. I guess this is what it feels like to actually have your heartbreak. “I miss Hudson.”
“I’m not going to pretend to know what’s going on between you two. But I can tell you that you’ve gotten yourself into one giant clusterfuck,” she replies thoughtfully.
“What am I going to do, Ashtyn?”
“What do you want to come from this?”
I don’t even have to hesitate before answering. “I want him back. I know it sounds weird coming from me, but I'm pretty sure he's the one.”
“If you feel that strongly, then you both need to have a conversation. When he gets back, you need to force him to sit down and talk to you. You're my best friend, Chloe, and all I want is for you to be happy.”
“That's all I want for you too.”
Shortly after, Abbie comes and breaks up our little heart-to-heart session to open presents. Maybe presents can make this day a little more cheerful. It won’t be perfect without my parents or Hudson here, but maybe we can get it pretty close.
Chapter 28
Hudson
We’ve been sitting at the airport for what feels like hours. Apparently Flynn’s dad already promised his jet to one of his clients, so we’re flying commercial on the way home. How quickly we were spoiled. Flynn and Jude disappeared a while ago for food, or maybe it was the bathroom? I don’t remember. We’ve all gone on the hunt for something or other a few times since we’ve been here. Luckily, since flying in Flynn’s dad’s private jet we’re VIP, so we get to sit in a special lounge, which is more comfortable than the regular terminal chairs, but I’m still bored out of my mind.
“We should have a party this weekend.”
Jax always wants to have a party. I aimlessly nod my head. He’s going to get what he wants anyway. Usually he needs a reason to have a party, so I ask, “What are we celebrating this time?” Obviously I haven’t been paying close enough attention, because he throws one of the couch pillows at my head. “What the fuck?”
“I said, it’s Christmas. Mom and Dad are gone because they thought we would be too. Flynn is going to be barricading Ashtyn and himself in his bedroom. What are we going to do? I think it being Christmas is reason enough for a party.”
Nodding my head, I say, “Sure. Works for me. I’ll text Clare and see what she’s up to. Maybe she’ll want to fly down and hang out with us too. She was pretty bummed the last time I saw her since she broke up with her boyfriend and all of that.”
Jax throws another pillow at my head and asks, “Who the fuck is Clare?”
“The girl that I met when I went to Eugene,” I say and throw the pillow right back at him. My aim sucks and it flies right over his head.
“Wait, is this the girl that answered your phone in the middle of the night and caused all of this drama between you and Chloe?”
I groan and say, “Yeah, but it isn’t like that with Clare. She was drunk and puked on me. So I put her to bed and that’s why I was in the shower.”
He pauses for a minute before asking, “You think that’s a good idea?”
“It’ll be fine. Who knows if anyone is still in town, so that’s one more person to fill the room. Besides, I don’t even know what she’s up to anyway. This whole conversation could be a moot point.”
“True.”
I pull my phone out and send her a text.
Me: Hey, I know it’s super last minute, but what are you up to this weekend?
Clare: Flying. I was visiting with my family, but they’re driving me crazy, so I’m heading back to the dorms early. Why what’s up?
Me: Where are you flying back from?
Clare: San Francisco?
Me: My brother wants to have a party this weekend. Feel like taking a detour in Ashland?
Clare: Hell yeah I do.
Clare: Too much enthusiasm?
Me: Nope. Just enough. See if you can get your ticket changed to land in Medford instead of Eugene.
I wait a few minutes for her response.
Clare: Done. My flight leaves here around five and then it’s only a little over an hour flight. I was able to get it direct.
Setting my phone down, I look up to a very expectant Jax and I say, “Well, looks like she’s coming. She was already flying today and now she’s coming here instead of Eugene.”
Nodding his head, he says, “I guess I’m riding home with Flynn.”
“You could stick around and meet her.”
He chuckles and dryly says, “I’d rather not be there when you let her down easy.”
“Let her down easy?” I ask.
“Seriously, don’t you think this chick wants to bang you?”
Now it’s my turn to laugh. “No way. It’s not like that with us. We’re friends. Nothing more.”
“Yeah, you feel that way, but does she? You did just invite her to come visit you.”
If he would just meet Clare, he would know I’m not her type. She’s a total straight-A student, nerdy type. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but she gave off the good girl vibe. I’m not a bad guy, but the whole band persona doesn’t mesh well with the girl I met in Eugene. “I’m telling you, Jax, it isn’t like that with us.”
“Well, either way, I’d set her straight if I were you.”
“Yeah. Whatever.”
“It’s your funeral.”
Shortly after that, Flynn and Jude come back, just in time to board our plane. Hopefully in less than twelve hours, I’ll have Chloe back and everything will be right in the world again. Just in case, I cross my fingers and toes. You can never be too superstitious.
***
As I’m waiting for Clare at the airport, the conversation I had earlier with Jax continues ringing through my mind. She’s cool and we’re friends. There’s no way she’d be interested in more than that. Is there? I don’t have time to contemplate that further because people start shuffling into the terminal and I spot her right away, although I don’t notice it’s her at first. My eyes are immediately drawn to her hair. The last time I saw her, it was mousey brown and she had that whole studious vibe going for her. Now her hair is dyed bright red and cut a little bit shorter. She’s got on a pair of black skinny jeans, a Black Veil Brides tee, and Chucks. I guess breaking up with your boyfriend will make you change your appearance.
She quickly spots me and comes rushing over, enveloping me in a giant hug. “I’m so excited to be here. I was dying of boredom back in the dorms.
”
My body stiffens at first contact and I try to relax myself, but I can’t keep earlier thoughts out of my head. Letting go of her and leaning back slightly, I look her up and down. I hope this isn’t her way of trying to get my attention. “Hey, it’s good to see you too. Listen, I was thinking we could go grab a bite to eat and have a chat.”
She nods her head and says, “Awesome. I’m starved and could go for some good food right now.”
Motioning to the bag, I ask, “Is that all you have, or did you bring anything else with you?”
“Nope, this is everything.”
I lead her out to my SUV, but the urge to say something before we go any farther comes over me. I turn around and she slams her body right into mine. I grab her arms and steady her, preventing her ass from hitting the pavement. “Whoa, what’s up?”
My arms swing to my side and I back up a couple of feet. “I don’t like you.” Wow, real smooth, Hudson. She backs up and her head whips back as if I just slapped her in the face. Her eye’s go wide, and she wipes away imaginary tears from her eyes. “Why the fuck am I here, then?”
Shaking my head, I step toward her and she retreats back. “Shit. That’s not what I meant. My brother got in my head and that’s the first thing that popped out. What I meant to say is, I love Chloe. We might be going through shit right now, but she’s the one for me. I didn’t think about the way you might see—”
She throws her hand up as she says, “You have no reason to continue. I don’t like you like that.”
I let out a sigh of relief and throw my head back, laughing. I knew it, but Jax had to put those dumb thoughts into my head. Now I just look dumb. But that still doesn’t explain one thing. “No offense, but what’s with the change in your look then?”
Looking down at herself and back up at me, she asks, “What do you mean?”
“When I met you, you were dressed kind of like a librarian.”
Falling for Hudson (Marlowe series Book 2) Page 19
