Quinn: Cowboy Risk: The Kavanagh Brothers Book Two

by Ball, Kathleen

  Quinn turned her in his arms and swooped down for a kiss. The kiss was very gentle at first and then she could feel his need. He might think he wanted her, and the Lord knew she wanted him. But he needed to figure out how he felt about her and how he felt about Alicia. Quinn loved her, she knew, but he might love Alicia more. It was going to be hard to wait-and-see. For her, marriage was the only thing that would ease her fears.

  And speaking of the devil, Alicia had been on her porch watching and now she was on her way to them.

  Heaven shook her head and backed toward the door. “Quinn, I’m not up for her tonight. I’m going inside.”

  Quinn eased his hold, but before he let her go, he pulled her back for one more kiss. She barely made it inside before having to acknowledge Alicia.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Quinn nodded to Alicia. “Long day.”

  “It has been, and very worrisome.” Alicia smiled into his eyes. “But I have faith in you and your brothers that nothing will happen to us. I’ve never felt so protected before.”

  What was she angling at now? “The Kavanagh ranch is about as safe as any place around.”

  “Yes… I can see why you brought Heaven and the children here.” She tilted her head. “You always had a chivalrous calling. It’s one of the things I fell in love about you.”

  He didn’t want to have this conversation with her. Ever. “Alicia, I think—”

  “Are you and Heaven sharing a bed?” she blurted.

  “Of course not.” Taken aback by her directness, Quinn scowled at her.

  “Well, what am I supposed to think? Why would you need a pretend marriage? The only reason I can think of is that you compromised her. Is that why you’re thinking of marrying her?” A light danced in her eyes. “If you are thinking of marriage, I think you’d consider me too. After all, I took care of you for months and we grew close, very close. I had imagined that it would be you and me walking down the aisle one day. It’s just hard to watch you play daddy and husband to Heaven and her children when there’s me and—”

  “I’m not playing anything,” he insisted. “It’s you who came here pretending things. I’ve included your son in everything we do. You’re the one who told him I was his father, and you must be the one to explain why I’m not.” He walked to the railing on the porch and held onto it until his knuckles turned white. It was a clear beautiful sky, and Heaven was right. Some serenity would be wonderful.

  He turned and crossed his arms in front of him as he tried to think of what to say. “You know, you’re right. We became very close, you and me. I considered you the love of my life, but you left. And when I came home, I mourned you. I mourned you up into the day I met Heaven. My heart was so broken. I laid in the hospital for weeks hoping you’d come back. No one knew where you were, and then it was discovered that your name is not your name.”

  Her sharp intake of breath was her only reaction.

  “But fool that I am I couldn’t bring myself to doubt you,” he went on, raking his gaze over her,. “When I was better, I spent months looking for you. Months that I could have been here helping with the ranch. I was different when I came home. Not because of the war, but because of you. You could have found me at any time. After all, you’re here now, aren’t you? Teagan knew where I was for the most part and he could’ve gotten word to me. I feel deceived and cheated, and most of all stupid to think we’d be together. And you haven’t been truthful since you came here. I know because I tried to verify your story by writing to some folks. No one knew you then, and no one knows you now. You’d best get back to your boy.” He gestured toward the little house where she was staying. “I have a lot of thinking to do.” He stepped toward the door.

  “Quinn, wait!” Her tone held a note of desperation. “Please. I-I’m so sorry it turned out that way. What I told you was the truth except… it wasn’t a doctor who saw the way you looked at me, it was my father. He had forbidden me to work at the hospital, so I used a different name. But he found me there one day, and he was livid. Walking through the fires of hell would have been easier than listening to what he would do to you.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “Alicia is my middle name. My real name is Lauren Alicia Gregory. I never meant to deceive you, but I wasn’t using my real name. I feared if I told you, you would let it slip to someone who would know my father.”

  She reached in his direction as though to seek solace in his embrace, but he stepped back, shaking his head.

  “Taking care of you and being with you were the best times of my life, and when I could come out here, I prayed and prayed that you hadn’t married yet. God granted my prayer. Don’t you see? That’s why you aren’t married!”

  Had she always seemed to border on insane like this?

  “I just wish I had gotten here a couple years sooner,” she said more quietly. Then she gave him a sad smile, turned and walked away.

  Quinn watched her leave then sat down on the step and buried his face in his hands. He wasn’t sure whether he could believe Alicia—or Lauren. He had loved her beyond anything he’d ever experienced before. But that had been then and this was now. Slowly he raised his head and stared at the little house where she’d disappeared. She hadn’t even bothered to deny that Arnold wasn’t his child. While he’d known it, somehow this lack of denial became a confirmation to him. It was true she had taken good care of him while he’d been near death, and he probably would have died without her. She had given him the will to live. Funny thing, he had always thought love was forever. But it wasn’t. How naïve he’d been. He looked out at the sky again, wondering if he was any wiser now.

  If he went with Alicia, she knew what she was getting, she’d seen his scars. Heaven hadn’t. She didn’t know how ugly and deformed the thick scar tissue made him. One look at that mess, and he could lose her forever. Most women would run, and he couldn’t blame them. Heck, he didn’t even like looking at himself. His severe burn scars always made him wince to look at and often gave him physical distress. Maybe he should’ve told Heaven about it earlier. It wasn’t something that would come up in conversation, though, and he wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t want her pity, yet he didn’t want her to look at him in horror either.

  He chuckled sadly and looked across the land to the horizon, the grazing cattle, the scrub brush leading to forest, the sun painting the sky in reds and oranges as it sank. Everything around him had some sort of beauty to it; everything but him. Had Alicia ever really cared for him? There was still something about her that wasn’t truthful, but he wasn’t sure what it was. More likely was the fact that she didn’t love him at all and never had. Did little Arnold’s father even know he existed? Oh yes, he’d done some thinking, and now he had a new set of questions for her. He just wasn’t looking forward to the answers.

  And he was just like Alicia, part of him acknowledged, by keeping things from Heaven. Heaven’s opinion of him mattered a lot. He needed to tell her about his scars, and he needed to tell her soon. He just dreaded the whole thing, but it would be better coming from him than from Alicia.

  * * *

  At the knock on her door, Heaven simply said, “Come in.”

  As soon as the words were out, she knew it might be a mistake. She needed check who she was inviting into her room from now on. But the door opened and Quinn entered. He looked so sad is if he’d just lost his best friend. He gave her a small smile and then walked to the window. What was he looking at that was so interesting?

  “I don’t think it’s proper for you to be in here, is it? I don’t want to stir up anything with your family, I really like them.” Then she cringed. She hadn’t intended for the words to come out so harsh.

  His back stiffened, and he turned around and came toward the bed. “Mind if I sit next to you?”

  Her heart softened. She’d never deny him any reasonable request. “Of course not. Quinn, what’s wrong? You know you can tell me anything.”

  He gazed at her for a moment and nodded. “But what if I t
old you something that made you hate me?”

  Her eyes widened. “Unless you were just downstairs kissing Alicia and planning to lie about it, I can’t think of anything that would make me hate you. You are a fine man, a good man, and I believe in you.”

  His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down a few times, and then he sighed. “I was injured in the war. I know I told you about it, but I just never let on the extent of my injuries.”

  “Quinn, I already know what you’re going to say and that’s just fine. My husband never made it a good experience. In fact, it was mostly painful and…” Humiliating, or so she had thought until Owen’s father had gotten ahold of her. She shrugged. “So if you can’t… you know, it’s all right.”

  Quinn’s lips twitched and his eyes filled with mirth. “I don’t have problems in that area. In fact, I know I can do it without giving you any pain and perhaps… a bit of pleasure.”

  Searing heat swamped her from the neck up until she figured her head would burst into flames any moment.

  “No… it’s not that.” His expression grew serious. “All I remember is I was in the midst of a battle and I was thinking I needed to get to Teagan. Next thing I knew, there was a huge explosion. I woke up in the hospital. Teagan was there, trying to get me to the head of the line as far as seeing doctors went. I remember my skin was on fire, the pain was unbearable, and he finally found someone to give me morphine.” He looked away. “But morphine only takes away the pain. It doesn’t heal the burns…” He sighed, a heavy sound that tugged at her heart. “Burns don’t heal like a bruise or a cut. You see, when my skin healed it healed as a series of scars, mostly all over my back. I don’t want to scare you by having you ever look at them. I also have some scarring on my chest, and my leg aches something fierce when it’s damp.”

  He stood before she could put a comforting hand on him. “Quinn, it won’t matter, really it won’t.”

  “I know you believe that, but… it’s not a pretty sight. It’s hideous, and I fe—” He shook his head. “You’ll turn away from me. You won’t be able to stop yourself. Just think about it. I don’t want to go any further without you knowing what you might have to look at. I’ll… uh, I’ll show them to you, if it’s a deciding factor.” He turned and gazed at her for a moment, but then he left the room.

  “Well,” she whispered. That was certainly a very different conversation than what she thought he’d have to say. She’d hoped he’d come to tell her that Alicia was leaving, but apparently no such luck there. Poor Quinn, what a burden he carried with him everywhere. She’d seen burn scars before, and they did look bad, but they weren’t horrible, and they could never make her turn away. She’d known something was bothering him, but she hadn’t been able to figure out what it was. This must be it.

  How was she going to convince him it wouldn’t bother her? Wouldn’t be, what had he called it? A deciding factor? Perhaps if she just talked about it as though it didn’t matter, he’d realize it truly didn’t. She rubbed her temples. A headache was beginning. She missed the way he used the hold her when she was pregnant. She wanted that intimacy back, and the sooner Quinn realized she wasn’t going anywhere the better.

  She’d have to be careful that she didn’t push him away, though. He was under no obligation to marry either her or Alicia. She knew he cared for her great deal, but did he love her? How much of a factor were his scars in his feelings for others? She loved him for the man he was. But part of that man had a streak of stubborn pride, and it must have been hard to tell her. Her heart hurt for him. As she nursed baby Owen and then laid him in his cradle, a tear fell and landed on his little pink cheek. Gently, she brushed it away with her finger. She was going to convince him she didn’t care about those scars. She had to.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Quinn didn’t feel comfortable in his skin anymore. He didn’t like the fact that Alicia knew what he looked like. He sure didn’t like the fact that Heaven was probably speculating how badly he was scarred and if she’d ever be able to stomach looking at him. If it was up to him, he’d throw up his hands and be done with it. The ranch was big, and no one said he had to stay near the ranch house.

  He turned Bandit toward the Maguire property and rode the fence line. He’d hoped to see his brother, Brogan, who had left abruptly months ago. No one in the family had spoken to him since he’d gone, and Quinn didn’t like that one bit. It was pure craziness that their father’d had relations with Gemma’s mother. When Brogan was born Mr. Maguire had dropped the baby off at the Kavanagh ranch, and their father had forced their mother to take him in as her own. No one had talked about it. In fact, he didn’t even remember it until Gemma mentioned her mother’s dying words, and then she had found the birth entry in the Kavanagh Bible.

  Brogan had left to live on the Maguire land. It had been sitting empty since Gemma had married Teagan, and Gemma had felt he had some right to it. Quinn wasn’t sure he would be welcome, so he wouldn’t knock on the front door, or even ride up to it. He just hoped to get a glimpse of his brother.

  The ride was peaceful, but he quickly realized there was no cattle on the Maguire land. The pastures were filled with beautiful, majestic horses. Quinn smiled. It had always been Brogan’s dream to breed horses. He had a real knack for it, and the horses just loved him. Was he happy? Was he lonely? Would he ever come home? A smile twisted his lips. At least they knew where he was.

  The itch to leave and ride across the West again rose within Quinn. It wasn’t the restlessness or the hurt that had made him leave before. This time it would be pure avoidance.

  He turned Bandit again and patted his neck. “Let’s go home, boy.”

  By the time he rode in, he’d made a decision. He needed to take Heaven for a ride and show her the new safe house and he also needed to find out if she was still willing to marry. Alicia would always be Alicia—Lauren, or whatever her name was. Hopefully, she’d move on to another man. Who knew? Possibly she had a string of them.

  As he got closer to the barn, he could tell something was wrong. People were scurrying and his brothers all looked upset. He swung down from his horse and handed the reins to one of the men. He quickly went inside the house, hoping it wasn’t Heaven.

  Dolly met him at the door her eyes were red and she was wringing her hands. “It’s Daisy. She has spots all over her, and she’s not feeling well at all. We’re waiting on the doc to come.”

  Quinn started for the stairs, and Dolly grabbed his arm. “You can’t go near her. We don’t know what’s wrong with her, and it could be contagious. Though I’m mostly worried about the baby. So far, Tim looks all right, so I’m not sure where she picked it up from.”

  “Who’s taking care of her?”

  “Sullivan volunteered. But the poor thing is so fretful, and she wants her mama. Now don’t go running into her room; not if you want to be able to see Heaven and the baby afterward.”

  He just stared at Dolly. What kind of choice was that? He turned and bounded up the stairs and went into Heaven’s room. His heart broke for her. Her eyes were red as cherries, and they were filled with stark fear. Tim was hanging onto her looking as frightened as she did.

  Quinn sat on the bed and took Heaven into his arms, kissing her cheek as he pulled her closer. Tim wormed his way into the hug and Quinn kissed him on the top of his head. “What happened?”

  It took a moment before Heaven spoke. “I was nursing Owen, and the kids asked if they could play outside. Alicia was already out there with Arnold, and Dolly said she’d keep an eye out. So I let them go. Daisy came in complaining of a sore throat, and Dolly put her right to bed and spoon-fed her hot weak tea. Then suddenly she had a rash. I wasn’t allowed to go to her. Quinn, it near broke my heart. She cried for me and cried for me and I couldn’t get any closer than the doorway. By then we had sent Sullivan out to get Tim, and Tim seem to be just fine.”

  “How long ago did you send for the doctor?”

  “It seems like forever, but to tell you the truth I don�
�t know.” She shook her head in helpless despair. “I want to be in there holding my Daisy but I’m needed here to feed Owen. Tim needs me too.”

  “Tim, go to the doorway where Sullivan is in and tell him I’ll switch with him.”

  Tim looked at both adults with sad eyes and nodded. He scurried off the bed and went on his way.

  Quinn kissed Heaven with everything he had. It was a kiss filled with love, passion, and promise. He cupped her face gently and looked into her eyes. “Daisy will be fine, and I’ll be there to comfort her. Just remember I love you.” He started to get off the bed then turned and kissed her on the cheek. Then he got up and left the room.

  He hugged Tim and sent them back onto his mama. Standing at the doorway, he stared at Daisy. His usually exuberant girl was lying dull eyed with her head on her pillow. He had to swallow hard to keep tears at bay.

  “Quinn, you don’t have to come in here. Heaven will need someone,” Sullivan said.

  Quinn walked into the room, sat on the bed, and pulled Daisy to him.

  She glanced up at him but she didn’t smile. “I lub you,” she whispered harshly.

  “I love you too, my sweet girl. I hear you’re not feeling well, but we’re working to make you better. The doctor should be here soon. I thought I would just come in and keep you company for a while.”

  The two men exchanged worried glances.

  “I’ll going to get cold water and a few cloths. She starting to burn up. Where is that doctor? He should’ve been here by now.” Shaking his head, Sullivan left the room.

  Sullivan had been right. Daisy was burning up. She didn’t look well at all. Quinn prayed for Daisy’s safety and health. Goodness, he loved this little girl.

  Sullivan came back in with the water and cloths and a few towels. “Angus is going to see what’s going on with the doctor. I told him if he can’t find the doctor, there’s a woman, lives at the edge of town, who is a healer.” He set the water down and handed a cloth to Quinn. The two of them worked hard to keep Daisy’s temperature from rising any higher. Quinn wasn’t sure they were making a difference.