The panicked look in her eyes cut him, deep.
“Logan---” she began.
He shook his head, cutting her off. “Don't say anything. Not now. I don't expect you to say the words back; I just wanted you to hear what is echoing in my heart.”
Brooke sat on the edge of Logan's massive king-sized bed, massaging the back of her neck. The tension, which she assumed was the result of stress, hadn't ebbed. She'd been feeling the effects of it recently. To top it off, the week was dragging along. It was probably the longest week of Brooke's life, at least as far as she could remember. It was only Wednesday, and she just wanted it to be over.
Ashley had been gone for a little more than a week, but it seemed like forever. Ashley was in London doing her author thing. She'd invited Brooke to go with her, but the thought of leaving Angel Ridge, and of leaving Logan, even for a short time, just wasn't something she was ready to do. So she'd said goodbye to Ashley and cried when her plane departed, promising to see her at the end of summer.
She'd spent days thinking about what Logan had said to her the weekend before when they'd taken the ride to the willow. She couldn't put it out of her mind, no matter how hard she tried. It consumed her thoughts and left her emotionally drained.
She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to feel. It was as if her emotions were all jumbled up inside her and she couldn't straighten them out.
She thought about Logan, who was in his drafting room working on a time-sensitive project. She missed having him with her when she went to bed at night. Since they'd become lovers, they'd fallen into the habit of her sleeping at his place every night. It just seemed natural. At first, they'd been sneaking around, and then one morning she snuck into the house and ran smack into her father, who was already awake and reading his newspaper at the kitchen table, a mug of coffee in his hand.
He didn't come out and tell her that he knew about her nightly excursions. How would he broach that subject with his little girl? Rather, he played it a different way.
“One would think that a true gentleman would drive a lady home and escort her to the door,” he said, while flipping a page of the newspaper and continuing to read. “Do I need to have a talk with Logan and explain to him the proper rules of, ah, dating?”
Brooke's eyes widened, and she tried to stifle a giggle. “Umm... no daddy. That's not necessary.” Sweet Jesus, did he just say what I think he said?
A smile tugged at her lips as she thought of her father, and his lifelong habit of being her protector. But that's what dads did, she supposed. Ever since then, she'd been staying at Logan's place at night. During the day, she would spend some time watching, and even helping him, with the horses. Or she would spend time with her mother, or with Karissa. She'd ride. She'd read. She'd play with Xena, who was already growing like a weed. She'd do just about anything she felt like doing. There were times when Logan would take a break from work and take her to lunch. Or upstairs to his bed.
She was happy that Logan got along so well with her dad, especially after what had happened between she and Logan in the past. But then, he was a forgiving man, and he loved Logan like a son. She was comforted by the knowledge of that.
She and Logan had only returned home from the hospital a little while before. She'd gotten the text from Tyler earlier that afternoon. Paige had gone into labor in the early hours of the morning, and by early afternoon their baby was born. She'd given birth to a healthy baby boy.
Brooke had talked Logan into going with her to the hospital that evening, and they'd spent some time with Paige and Tyler.
They looked so happy, Brooke remembered, as they held and fussed over their son. She was genuinely happy for them, and for what they were about to experience. But at the same time, she was so terribly sad. The loss of her own child, of the child she shared with Logan, weighed heavily on her heart. She went through periods such as this one from time to time. Something would trigger it, and it was impossible for her to hold the feelings back. She hated it.
Something inside her softened when Logan held the tiny newborn. He rocked him and lulled him to sleep not long before they left the hospital. Logan was a natural, she realized. The look of joy and wonder on his face as he held the baby and cuddled him touched a place deep inside her heart. She tried to fight back the haunting reminder that Logan had never had the chance to hold their child, to love their child. Brooke herself barely had time to hold her. The last hour of her short life, that was all. But it was better than never having had the chance at all, she knew. Logan never had the chance because she'd taken that away from him. As the guilt and the regret settled in, she wondered how he would react when she finally told him about the baby. About Alexa.
She couldn't bear to think about it any longer. She pulled back the bed covers and sank into the softness, her body as tired and weary as her battered spirit. Pulling the covers up to her chin, she rolled to her side and curled up, trying to stop her thoughts from racing, and waiting desperately for sleep to come.
It was some time later when Logan finally joined her in bed. He was on a deadline and needed to get this project finished. He'd made significant progress in just a few short hours. He was distracted, though, worried about Brooke. Something was wrong. He felt it in his gut. Ever since the day beneath the willow tree, she'd been different. Sad, depressed, withdrawn. She tried to mask it, he knew. When he glanced over at her, at any given time, and saw the sadness in her eyes, she would try to smile it away. He assumed it was for his benefit.
Then there were the times when she would close up inside herself. Those times were becoming more frequent, and it worried the hell out of him. It had gotten worse over the past several days. He needed to talk to her about it, but it could wait until tomorrow. He watched her as she slept, her breathing even and her face peaceful. In sleep, she was his Brooke. The Brooke who loved life and found the good in everything.
Logan moved in behind her, putting his arms around her as he molded his body to hers. He needed to be close to her. Rather than snuggle in closer to him as she normally did, she turned toward him. It took him a few seconds to realize that her eyes were open, and that she was staring at him, intensity in the depths of her sapphire eyes.
She tipped her mouth upward and touched her lips to his, softly. He kissed her back, with all of the gentleness he had in him, because he sensed that it was what she needed. When she reached for him in the dark, he gave her all of himself, loving her in a way that he'd never loved her before, reaching an entirely new level of intimacy. Afterward, he held her, and was left confused and broken when he felt her moist tears on his skin, tears that she cried silently.
Brooke watched Logan as they sat at a quiet table in the cozy, dimly-lit restaurant. Logan had told her that morning to pack a bag because they were going away for the weekend. He was very secretive about it, telling her only that it would be very relaxing and peaceful. He couldn't have been more truthful.
He'd chartered a private jet to Wyoming, in the Grand Tetons, where there was a car waiting to take them to a charming Inn in the mountains that rose majestically over Serene Lake. She smiled. It was exactly the kind of thing Brooke imagined Ashley writing about in one of her romance novels.
Now, it was 7:00 in the evening, and they were having dinner in the elegant restaurant of the Inn, looking out over the mountains. The view was gorgeous. Logan was even more gorgeous in his black suit, with a baby blue dress shirt and matching tie. He'd bought Brooke a beautiful dress, and had given it to her when they'd checked into their suite.
“Why the smile?” Logan asked, curiously. “What are you thinking about?”
“Oh, just about how beautiful it is here and how sweet and romantic it was for you to go to all of this trouble,” she responded, taking a sip of her wine.
She was acutely aware of the way he watched her, with an intensity that had Brooke's pulse racing. The fact that he could have that affect on her never ceased to amaze, and perplex, her.
“It was
no trouble at all,” he said, his eyes clear and focused as he took in every feature of her beautiful face, every gesture, every nuance. “I have something for you,” he said, his voice as thick as cream.
He reached into the pocket of his suit jacket and took out a black velvet box. She breathed a sigh of relief when she noticed that it was larger than a ring box, higher and wider. He set it on the table to his right and placed his hand over it, all the while keeping his eyes on her face.
“What is this?” Brooke asked, both surprise and confusion crossing her delicate features.
He slowly slid the box across the table toward her.
“Just a little something I wanted you to have.”
“Logan, thank you so much for thinking of me, but you shouldn't have. Really, I don't expect you to give me elaborate gifts. Just being with you is more than enough. It's all I need.”
Her eyes shone like brilliant sapphires. Logan could see his own reflection in their depths. And what he saw when he looked at her took him by complete surprise. His love for her was right there. In her face right there. How could she not see it? He wondered if she did, and chose to ignore it, the way she had the day under the willow tree when he'd opened up his heart to her.
“I love hearing you say that,” he said, his eyes piercing hers. “But I wanted to. Go ahead and open it.”
Brooke picked up the pretty box and held it in her hands for several seconds before slowly lifting the lid.
She let out a small sound of surprise as she stared at the elegant diamond heart pendant. It was beautiful. It was set in gold and hung gracefully from a delicate gold necklace. The diamond itself was as clear as glass and sparkled brilliantly.
“Oh, Logan, it's beautiful! Just beautiful. I love it.”
The excitement in her eyes pleased him. As soon as he'd seen the pretty little heart, he'd thought of her.
When she removed it from the box and held it out to him, he gently took it from her and, leaning toward her, he draped it around her neck, clasping it securely in the back.
While she had him there, she took advantage of the opportunity. She brushed her lips against his, lightly at first, moving them sensuously across his before sliding into a kiss that was completely mind-numbing. When she drew back, he was wearing that sexy grin she'd become so used to seeing.
Now he knew it had been the right choice. It was the perfect piece of jewelry to complement her dress, just as he'd imagined it would be when he'd chosen it. She was absolutely stunning.
Brooke brought her hand up and laid it over the heart. “Thank you,” she whispered. She reached for his hand and linked her fingers with his, and paid particular attention to the way they always seemed to fit together so perfectly.
They had every intention of taking advantage of the many things that were offered in the Grand Tetons, but somehow they never made it out of the Inn. They spent an entire two days in their suite making love, cuddling, eating, enjoying the hot tub, and then starting all over again. Brooke had never felt so rested and pampered in her life.
She thought about Logan, and the fact that he was the kindest, most caring man she'd ever known. In spite of everything that had happened in the past, she knew that all of those wonderful qualities still applied to him. He'd made a mistake, a horrible mistake, but she believed in her heart that he'd never intentionally meant to hurt her. He didn't have it in him to be cruel. She wanted to be able to trust him, fully. There had to be trust, otherwise, what was the point? Her mind had already accepted what her heart knew all along. Now all she had to do was find the courage to take the next step.
“Mama, are you home?” Brooke called out, as she searched the first floor of her parents' house. Her father's truck was gone, but that didn't necessarily mean that her mother had gone with him.
“Out on the deck,” Raelyn called back.
Brooke veered in the direction of the French doors and passed through them. Raelyn greeted her with a smile.
“Hi, mama.” Brooked kissed her cheek, and then sat in the chair next to her.
“Hi back, angel baby.” Raelyn noticed the turmoil in her little girl's eyes instantly. “Why the long face?” she asked, the concern evident as she watched her daughter closely.
Brooke had always been her angel. She was stubborn and willful, yes, but she was also kind and caring. She had a pure heart, and Raelyn was afraid for it.
“Oh, I don't know, mama.” She gave Raelyn a sideways glance. “I just have a lot on my mind, that's all.”
“Would you like to talk about it?”
Brooke was silent for a minute, taking some time to collect her thoughts.
“I guess what's bothering me most is that I feel like I have no control of my life. Of my feelings. I'm used to having everything sorted out and planned out. But the farther the summer has progressed, the more twisted up inside I've become, and the more unsure of myself I am.”
She blew out a long breath and eased deeper into her chair.
“Twisted up over Logan?”
Brooke nodded. “I don't know if I can trust in him enough to give him back my heart. He has it, but I still hold it. If I let it go, how do I know for certain that he won't break it again?”
The sadness Raelyn heard in her little girl's voice tore at her heart.
“I wish I could tell you, angel, but that's something you, and you alone, need to decide.” She rubbed a hand up and down Brooke's back as she spoke. “Always remember, though, that you need to trust your heart, and listen to what it tells you. If you do, everything else will fall into place. And above all, trust in Heavenly Father to lead you down the right path.”
Brooke considered it. Her mother was right, of course. If she was meant to be with Logan, then she would be. It would happen naturally. She was waiting for something. A sign, maybe? Something that would tell her in which direction to go.
In her heart she knew that she wanted to be with Logan. She'd stopped kidding herself long ago. She wanted a real relationship with him, not just mind-blowing sex. She thought about that now. How could she have believed that sex would be enough? If she knew anything, it was that she wasn't built that way. Especially when it came to him. Sex with no strings would never be enough. It simply couldn't be. She knew she would always long for more. Hadn't it been that way throughout most of the summer?
She didn't just have sex with Logan, she slept with him in his bed, every night. They kissed, held hands, touched, stole glances at each other when they each thought the other didn't notice. All of the things that people in love do.
She couldn't deny it any longer. What was the point, really? She'd been lying to herself, thinking that she could keep her emotions separate from the physical part of their relationship. What an idiot she'd been.
She'd first begun to realize this following their visit to the hospital to see Paige and Tyler's new baby. Then, little by little, more pieces of the puzzle fit together for her, ending with their trip to the Inn. That one weekend seemed to change everything, at least for her. It had enlightened her, and allowed her to see things clearly for the first time since accepting Logan back into her life. That's when she knew without a doubt that she'd fallen. And she knew that he was waiting there to catch her.
Logan watched Brooke from across the elegantly decorated living room. The evening was a special occasion, as they were celebrating Raelyn and Paul's thirty-second wedding anniversary.
Brooke stood between her parents, with one arm around her mother's waist. She was smiling at something Raelyn said, and for the first time in weeks, she actually seemed happy. It wasn't a forced smile, but one that was completely genuine. Logan wondered what Raelyn had said to her that put such a smile on her face, and the light back in her eyes. And he wondered why it couldn't have been him.
She was beautiful. Logan had thought so from the time he was about twelve, and had really begun to think that girls weren't actually so gross after all. She'd become more and more beautiful to him with each passing day, and just when h
e thought she couldn't awe him any more, she'd prove him wrong.
He would never forget their first real kiss. They were fourteen and he'd finally gotten up the nerve to tell her he liked her. Of course, Brooke already knew. Even at a young age, she was intuitive. Or so she'd told him. It was Christmas Eve, and they were on break from school. He'd been trying to work up the courage all day to kiss her. And when he least expected it, she shoved him into the doorway that led from the dining room into the kitchen. “Oh, look, we're underneath the mistletoe,” she said, glancing up.
And then she kissed him. Logan kissed her back, in the sexiest, steamiest kiss that a fourteen year old boy could execute. He kissed her until they were both breathless. When he drew back, she had a dazed look on her face. He assumed he'd done it right. They spent a lot of time after that practicing, every chance they got.
Logan smiled at the memory. He had many memories of the wonderful things they'd shared over the years because there had been so many great moments. There had also been some not-so-great moments, specifically during the time of their break-up. He didn't want to remember those, though. He'd spent years trying to forget that time in his life. And although he could never forget, he could at least try to push it out of his mind. Especially tonight.
Logan needed to do something. He wasn't sure yet what that something was, but he needed to come up with something, and fast. The fact that mid-August had crept up on them had him worried. Actually, panicked was a better way to describe it. When he and Brooke had begun this thing, he called it that for lack of a better word because she refused to call it a relationship, he figured he had time. Enough time to make her feel for him all that she used to. To make her love him again.
Second Chance at Love (The MacKenna Born & Bred Trilogy) Page 16
