TAMING GRIZZ (A DEVIL'S DRAGONS MOTORCYCLE CLUB ROMANCE)

by Nikki Wild

  The truth was that I hadn’t been touched in so long, I was starving for it. With one kiss, Jesse had opened up a dam that I’d been holding back for so long. A dam of emotion, of yearning, of need. I’d put my own needs on hold for so long, putting Maddy first, and in the process I’d even forgotten that I had my own needs to begin with.

  I’d been living on autopilot for so long, coasting through life just trying to stay afloat.

  I’d forgotten what it felt like to really live. To feel things. To be touched. To be desired.

  The thing is, Jesse had done more than just awakened my body, he’d awakened a part of me that I’d buried a long time ago. His touch had reminded me that I was a woman. A healthy, twenty-eight year old woman that had perfectly natural sexual desires. I’d shut that fact away in the back of my mind a long time ago. I’d spent too many years pretending I wasn’t a woman. I was just a mother. A provider. An asexual being that didn’t even waste timing thinking about the pleasures her body could provide.

  But now that Jesse had woken up that side of me, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to shove it back in its cage after he was gone. But I couldn’t think about that right now. Because the thought of him leaving had gone from something I was eager to happen to something that hurt to think about. None of that matters, though.

  My life doesn’t have room for Jesse in it. Not in any long term way. And I didn’t fit in his world either. We were two completely different people, living two completely different lives, and it had always been like that. Nothing could ever change that.

  I’d known it ten years ago and I knew it now. That was one thing I couldn’t pretend wasn’t real.

  And the reason for that was waving and running at me right this very second.

  I was so pleased to see a smile on Maddy’s face today. Her ponytails bounced around her head as she jumped into the back of the cab with me.

  “Hi, Mom!” she kissed my cheek, and settled in to put on her seatbelt as the driver drove away from the curb. “I love taking a cab home! Can we do it every day?”

  “Well,” I groaned. “At least for a few days until I can figure out how to get our car fixed.”

  “Can’t we just buy a new one?” she asked.

  “No, honey. We can’t afford that right now,” I said. After paying for the roof over our head and her medicine, I was barely making ends meet. Extra expenses like new cars weren’t in the budget.

  “Well, I don’t care. I like this,” she said, smiling at me and then looking out the window. I couldn’t help but stare at her in a new light today. Her blonde curls, those blue eyes…I reached over and touched her soft hair, pulling her close for a hug.

  “I love you, baby,” I said. “How was school today?”

  “It was alright, I guess,” she said.

  “Just alright?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” she murmured.

  “What happened, babe? Was it Sara again?”

  “Yeah. Sara and Brittney, too.”

  “I’m sorry, baby. Were they making fun of your inhaler again? I think I should talk to the principal, Maddy. This can’t go on.”

  “No, that wasn’t it. Not this time,” she said, looking away from me.

  “Then what?”

  “They were - well, they were making fun of me because I don’t have anyone to go to the fifth grade dance with.”

  “What dance? You didn’t tell me about a dance, Maddy. And you’re only in the fifth grade, since when do you need a date for that?”

  “It’s um… It’s a father daughter dance.”

  “Oh. I see,” I stiffened. Maddy had taken the fact that she didn’t have a father in stride, but I knew things like this would come up eventually. It was something I’d told myself I’d deal with when the time came.

  I guess that’s now.

  “I can take you, honey,” I said, gently.

  “You’re not a man,” she replied, her voice filled with sadness.

  “Well, that’s true. How about Eddie?” I asked. “Eddie’s a man.”

  “Yeah, I guess. He’s not my father though…” her voice trailed off and I stared over at her, contemplating how to fix this.

  It was all my fault. I got that.

  I’d known I’d have to pay for my decision eventually, and yet the timing was so damn awful that it made me want to cry.

  “I’ll ask Eddie, honey,” I said, rubbing her shoulder and pulling her closer to me. I didn’t have any other answers for her.

  All this time, it’d just been me and Maddy, and that had been enough. She’d never really questioned me. Once, when she was five, she asked me if she had a father and I told her yes, but he wasn’t a part of our lives. That answer had been sufficient then, but it probably wasn’t anymore. I was surprised, though, that Maddy had never asked any more questions as she got older.

  But with this new development, I had the distinct feeling that my time was very close to being up.

  And what the hell would I do then?

  “Darling, it’s so good to hear from you!” Eddie gushed through the phone. “It’s been over a week and you haven’t called! You must be up to something good!”

  I smiled at the sound of his voice. He was the most expressive person I knew. I could see almost see his smile through the phone.

  “Not really,” I said, feeling guilty for lying. He’d faint if I told him the truth, right before bitching at me for not telling him sooner. “How about you?”

  “Well, I’ve been in rehearsals for the new revue we’re putting on at Charlie’s. It’s already sold out for the first weekend - can you believe that?”

  “That’s so great, Eddie, I can’t wait to see it!” He’d been performing for twenty years as a drag queen in Denver, and I loved going to his shows. They were entertaining, hilarious and over-the-top flamboyant. It was always a good time, and I always ended up drinking way too many margaritas, because Eddie practically fed them to me in between his performances, insisting I didn’t have enough fun in my life and that I needed to loosen up. That was another reason he’d lose his shit if I told him about Jesse. I’d definitely upped the level of fun in my life with him.

  “You’re going to love it, Maisey! And at least it’ll get you out of the house again! You’re such a hermit!”

  “I know, I know…actually, that’s why I was calling, believe it or not. I was wondering if you could come over tomorrow night and watch Maddy. If you aren’t busy, I mean. I know it’s Saturday, but I thought I’d ask.”

  “I’m available tomorrow. Saturday’s MC is Poison Flowers - you remember her? We met her at the parade last year.”

  “Yes, of course, I do. So, great, you’re off, can you be here by seven?”

  “Wait a minute, Ms. Thing! Do you have a date?!” he cried.

  “No, Eddie, it’s not a date.” Second lie. Dammit. “Just having dinner with a friend.”

  “A friend, huh? Who? Since when do you have friends, besides me and Maddy?”

  “I have friends!” I protested, laughing. He was right, I didn’t have any friends outside of him.

  “Girl, you sound funny. I’ve never heard you laugh so much. What’s going on? Tell Uncle Eddie all about it. C’mon…”

  “There’s nothing to tell, really. I’m just having dinner with a friend. Be here at seven, okay?”

  “Okay, okay. Just tell me you’re not going on some internet date, though? I don’t want to have to raise Maddy all alone after you get chopped up in a million pieces by some stranger off craigslist.”

  “God! No! Jesus, Eddie, you’re so morbid!” I exclaimed.

  “I’m not morbid! I’m just being realistic. And safe. I’m a drag queen, darling, it’s my job to be safe. You have to think about these things, in this day and age….”

  “Alright, alright. I hear you,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s not an internet date. I promise. Just dinner with someone I know from work, that’s all.”

  “Okay, then, darling. See you and Maddy at seven tomorrow.
”

  “Thank you, Eddie.”

  I hung up with a smile.

  At least one person in the world was looking out for me. I don’t know what I’d do without Eddie. It was nice to have someone to call to look after Maddy that I trusted completely. It was hard raising her own my own, without a family, without a partner, and professional babysitters were expensive and few and far between. It was hard being alone.

  And I knew it was hard on Maddy, too.

  I made a vow to do what I could to increase our circle of friends, for her sake. She deserved more people in her life that loved her. That she could talk to or depend on. One of my deepest fears was something happening to me. I couldn’t imagine leaving Maddy all alone in the world. It’s a fear I’d wrestled with since she was born, but outside of Eddie, making friends wasn’t all that easy when you were a hermit, as Eddie so eloquently stated about me.

  I needed to get out. Meet more people.

  Maybe going to Jesse’s penthouse for dinner would do nothing towards accomplishing that fact, but it was a baby step in the right direction. A date.

  With a man.

  A real man.

  What a concept, huh?

  That night, after dinner, I looked through my closet, trying to figure out what to wear tomorrow. Scrubs weren’t going to cut it this time.

  But then I got lost in the vision of Jesse between my legs, slowly, teasingly pulling my drawstring loose and I got completely distracted, and before I knew it I was locking my bedroom door and sliding between my sheets and reliving it all over again.

  Jesse had a hold on me. His touch had engraved itself into my skin, and I had never known such intense yearning. Every time I thought about him, I could feel him on me all over again, touching me, kissing me, whispering to me. It was absolutely delectable and the sense of it being completely forbidden only seemed to increase the deliciousness of it all.

  I drifted off to sleep that night, my head clouded with everything Jesse. I let myself drown in it, indulge once more in the memories and fantasies. It was really all I had.

  Time flies. And before long, instead of saying ‘yes’ to Jesse, I’d be saying ‘goodbye’, and these memories would be all I had.

  I ran over everything in my mind, over and over, until every detail was etched into my brain forever.

  Tomorrow night, I’d go to him and allow myself one more magical night with no thought of the past or the future getting in the way.

  Adult conversation. Adult activities. No thoughts of secrets. No guilt.

  A perfectly natural evening between a man and a woman.

  Just pure pleasure between two consenting adults.

  Nothing more and nothing less.

  25

  JESSE

  I hobbled to the door, determined not to use the stupid fucking crutches tonight. They made me feel weak… Like I was less of a man. Tonight called for me to be completely, one hundred percent masculine. I wanted Maisey to see me for who I really was, not some half-assed guy wobbling around on a couple of sticks. I could take a little pain to prove myself. Hell, I was used to getting barreled down by men twice my size, I could handle it.

  I could handle anything.

  Or so I thought, until I opened that door and almost fell to my knees at the sight of Maisey. She was stunning. Gone were the scrubs, gone was the hesitant shyness, gone was the curls pulled tightly in a bun. She’d replaced all of that with a dose of pure sex.

  Her black curls were smoothed into soft tendrils that cascaded down to her bare shoulders. She’d poured herself into a tight red silk dress with thin spaghetti straps that hugged her curvy breasts and hips seductively. The front of the dress plunged to a v deep below her natural cleavage, showing a tiny bit of side boob that almost gutted me. She wore tall, black suede pumps that made her three inches taller than normal and there was a deep red lipstick smeared across those luscious lips that I was now dying to kiss.

  “You look - amazing!” I cried, pulling her into my arms and doing just that.

  “Stop!” she said, her eyes darting over to the ever present Grady by the elevators.

  “He doesn’t care,” I assured her, pulling her in and closing the door. “And besides, he’s sworn to secrecy.”

  “Of course he is,” she laughed, as I closed the door and limped over to her on the couch. I winced as I sat down next to her.

  “You should be using your crutches,” she said, raising an eyebrow.

  “I’m fine,” I said, with a dismissive wave. “And so are you!”

  “Thank you,” she smiled. “I thought about wearing my scrubs,” she said, shrugging.

  “I’m glad you didn’t,” I replied, resting my hand on her bare knee and leaning forward to kiss her again. Her lips were soft, so sweet.

  “You look nice, too,” she said. I’d put on a pair of black slacks and a black sweater, which was the first time I’d put on pants since the surgery and it wasn’t easy getting the pants over the bandages on my knee. I wanted to look nice for our dinner, and now that I saw how she was dressed, I was glad I’d done it.

  “What’s for dinner?” she asked.

  “Well, about that. I tried to cook for you, I really did. Unfortunately, that smell you just walked into is burnt steak and some kind of garlic sauce,” I replied, casting my eyes to the side.

  “I think it adds to the ambiance,” she said, laughing.

  We both took a second to smile, seconds ticking away until I was finally able to pull my eyes free from hers.

  “… Anyway, I ordered in from Mizuna.”

  “The expensive French place on Capital Hill?” she asked, her eyes widening.

  “That’s the place,” I said. “Hope you don’t mind?”

  “Are you kidding? Of course not. My friend Eddie raves about that place, but I’ve never been. I hear they’ve got a waiting list three weeks long and I’m pretty sure they don’t deliver…”

  “They deliver for me,” I replied, glancing back at her with a questioning look. “So who’s Eddie?” I asked.

  “Oh, just an old friend.”

  “An old boyfriend?” I asked, feeling a sudden twinge of jealousy.

  “No,” she laughed. “He’s gay. Calm down, stud,” she winked.

  “Alright, alright,” I said, laughing with her and shaking my head. “So, shall we go out to the balcony?”

  “Oh, sure,” she stood up and the dress clung to her curves temptingly. I watched her walk outside, her hips swaying, her heels clicking on the floor. My cock swelled in my pants, and I reached down to adjust it, limping outside after her.

  “Wow!” she exclaimed. Her eyes were lit up with excitement and my heart soared. I was pleased that she was pleased, as cheesy as that sounds. I wanted to see her smile. I wanted those beautiful green eyes to light up in glee.

  “So,” I said, gesturing to the food laid out on a candlelit table that Grady had helped me set. “Tonight, we’ll start with Oyster Rockefeller and Burgundian Escargot, followed by a fresh Arugula & Frisée salad.”

  “Oooh!” she said, smiling up at me from her seat.

  “And then, my lady, you may choose from Seared King Salmon, Beef Wellington au Poivre, or a lovely Dry Aged Magret Duck Breast.”

  “I have no idea what half of that is, but it still sounds amazing. Do I really have to choose?” she asked.

  “Nope, we can eat it all! Mizuna does small plates, so feel free to treat yourself…”

  “Thank you for this,” she said, her voice soft and quiet, “it’s very nice.” She seemed shy all of a sudden, and it was completely endearing. I closed the distance between us and kissed her gently again before taking my seat next to her.

  “It’s my pleasure, trust me, Maisey. I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “Me, too, Jesse. Me, too,” her eyes peered into mine deeply. I wanted to take her again, right there, right then, but I was determined to do this right. I’d already ripped her clothes off and taken her on my floor like she was just any other g
irl. Tonight, I wanted to show her that wasn’t really what I thought of her, that I thought more of her than that, that I thought the world of her - she deserved so much more from me.

  “Wine?” I asked, willing my cock to settle down. My body wasn’t making my job here any easier, but Maisey just had that effect on me, I guess. What was that? Chemistry? Pure sexual attraction? Whatever it was, it had a firm grip on my cock, but to tell you the truth, I didn’t mind it one bit. The air was so sexually charged, it was invigorating.

  “Yes, please,” she replied, holding her glass up to me while I poured.

  “This is a bordeaux from Armand Rousseau. Apparently, Charmes-Chambertin is one of the most famous Grand Cru vineyards in the Côte de Nuits region of Burgundy.”

  “Wow, sounds fancy. You’re into wine?” she asked.

  “No… I just ordered the most expensive bottle they had and wrote down everything they told me. I’m more of a beer and whiskey guy to tell you the truth. In fact, I’m usually more of a pizza guy as well.”

  Her laughter trickled into the air and I laughed with her, reaching out and pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. She stopped laughing and looked over at me with such sweetness on her face.

  “Thank you, Jesse,” she said, “but I want you to know I would have been completely happy with pizza and beer.”

  “I know you would have,” I said. “But you deserve nice things, too, Maise.”

  She smiled slowly, pensively, and I wished so badly that I could hear her thoughts. It was obvious to me that Maisey had a lot to think about, and probably a lot of pressure on her, as well. I wanted to take her away from all that. I wanted to give her just a little bit of an escape from normal, every day life. Even if it was just for one night.

  “Thank you, Jesse,” she whispered, reaching out and putting her hand on mine.

  “Shall we toast?” I said, raising my glass to hers.

  “Sure,” she nodded.

  “To tonight,” I said, clinking her glass to mine, “and good friends.”

  “Tonight,” she nodded. “Yes, and good friends.” She sipped her wine, staring at me over the edge of her glass for a long moment. I leaned forward, kissing her wine stained lips quickly and sitting back.