Grace Halphen is fifteen years old and halfway through Year 10 at Wesley College in Melbourne. She began Letter to My Teenage Self while at another high school after she’d had a difficult time transitioning there from primary school. That experience made her want to create something to help people who are going through similar challenges.
Published by Affirm Press in 2016
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National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication entry available for this title at www.nla.gov.au
Title: Letter to My Teenage Self / Grace Halphen, editor.
ISBN: 9781925475067 (paperback)
Cover design by Karen Wallis
Typeset in Garamond Premier Pro 12/18.5 by J&M Typesetting
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Contents
Introduction
Martin Halphen
Adam Gilchrist
Alex Miles
Alice Pung
Berry Liberman
Chet Faker
Chris Judd
Dannii Minogue
David Koch
Elise Bialylew
Elliot Costello
Erik Thomson
Eva Orner
Fiona Scott-Norman
Glen Christie
Greg Champion
Sir Gustav Nossal
Guy Sebastian
Jackie French
James O’Loghlin
Jen Cloher
Jo Stanley
Josh Frydenberg
Judith Lucy
Julian McMahon
Justin Heazlewood
Kate Ceberano
Kelley Abbey
Kevan Gosper
Layne Beachley
Lisa Maza
Lisa Mitchell
Maggie Beer
Matt Tilley
Mim & Liv Nervo
Missy Higgins
Natasha Stott Despoja
Nathan Buckley
Nick Lee
Paul Bangay
Peter Alexander
Peter Doherty
Peter Gilmore
Rachael Maza
Rafael Epstein
Richard Joseph Frankland
Sharon Lewin
Shaun Tan
Simon Reeve
Sophie Lee
Stephanie Rice
Suzie Miller
Tom Bell
Trisha Squires
Acknowledgements
Introduction
Being young is hard. Everything is unknown, everyone else’s opinions seem to matter and little speed bumps cause collateral damage.
When I first moved to secondary school, this was exactly the case for me. Girls were mean, social media dictated my every move and I desperately wanted to fit in, but I never felt that I did. This all seemed like the end of the world, and I just couldn’t see that I wasn’t the only one feeling like I was on the outside. I wish I knew then that most of my classmates were just as uncomfortable as I was. It felt impossible to leave the house each morning for school, and I couldn’t even say why. Nothing was really wrong, but nothing ever felt right either. I was very unhappy, and that’s not a good way to be feeling for a long time.
I think that when you’re at your worst, advice can go straight over your head. You just want to know that everything is going to be okay. The problem is, though, that people can tell you this all they want, but you know there’s no way that they could know it for sure.
I felt frustrated and angry a lot. I didn’t know why school wasn’t working out for me, so I couldn’t take anything on board to try and make it all better. Letting other people see how I was really feeling was my worst nightmare. I thought that if I put up with the discomfort for a little bit longer, everything would brighten up. But that was like leaving a wound open for more bacteria and dirt to get inside; it just made things worse.
I don’t think it’s okay for anyone to be stuck in a sad place for a long time like I was. I felt like no one could possibly understand what I was going through, because to be honest, I didn’t fully understand it either. It was even more frustrating to know that everyone around me seemed assured that I was going to somehow feel better, but I couldn’t see it that way at all. It seemed that I would be stuck in that place forever.
Getting ready to face my final years of schooling, I’d be lying if I said that things were perfect. But after learning how to deal with the discomfort, things are getting better. A few years ago, it would have been so reassuring to have known for sure that it was all going to turn out fine.
In creating this book, I don’t expect to provide instant relief to young people out there going through the same things that I did. I know from experience that it only feels overwhelming when advice is coming from every direction, despite everyone’s good intentions. When you’re feeling as bad as I was, the only person who can convince you that things will get better is yourself.
While I know that I can’t make people feel instantly okay, I’d like this book to provide support to anyone feeling low. Other people out there who have struggled at some point in their lives have gone on to do amazing things, which is possible for anyone, regardless of what they may be going through. Being young can be hard, but it’s a journey that we’ve all got in common.
Martin Halphen is Grace’s dad.
Dear Marty,
You’ve probably often heard that youth is wasted on the young. You’d be happy to hear that I believe that is so untrue. Unfortunately it’s more a case of experience wasted by the old.
Admittedly we’re not familiar with too much when we’re young, but navigating through the unknown and often outside your comfort zone is truly one of life’s greatest journeys.
Being prepared to make mistakes, trial and error, blind courage and fearlessness are too many times lost when we’ve seen too much.
However, our innocence when we’re young is just a beautiful humility that keeps our mind open to the countless opportunities that come our way.
It’s a time when our senses are alive and, yes, sometimes our feelings are overwhelmingly uncertain and vulnerable. But working through these struggles is what will eventually define you and make all the successes you have worthwhile.
Work towards knowing who you are, which is just incredibly powerful. It really isn’t so difficult. Just be guided by what makes you feel good and anything that gives you energy. Such insight will help you identify what you need to nurture, and the outcome will gift you a heart that loves – yourself first, which will be followed by love for others and the world around you.
So take care of yourself, young fella. Keep that mind restless, continue making mistakes but never make the same mistake twice. Any motivation shouldn’t be about perfection, as this simply doesn’t exist. But being the best you can be is always within reach. Celebrate the wins hard, learn from the losses and, above everything else, always be kind and love unconditionally.
Adam (‘Gilly’) Gil
christ was one of the most exciting cricketers of his generation and is widely regarded as the greatest wicket-keeper–batsman in the history of the game. He grew up in Lismore, New South Wales, and now lives in Perth. He played in ninety-six Tests for Australia between 1999 and 2008, and is a former chair of the National Australia Day Council.
Dear Adam,
Welcome to the teenage years. The good stuff is about to begin. But before you read any further, go and have a music lesson. Don’t care what instrument, but please learn to play something, and keep at it, well into adulthood. Good.
I can understand you may feel the next few years of your life are pretty daunting. Many of a similar age also see it that way. It doesn’t have to be, I promise.
It’s all in your attitude. You see, attitudes are contagious and every day you should ask yourself the question, ‘Is your attitude worth catching?’ From the moment you wake up, to whatever it is you are doing throughout each day, it’s your attitude that will either make it a good experience or a crap one. How you think is how you’ll feel is how you’ll act. Say this over a few times, slowly in your mind. It makes sense and it will help you learn a great deal, even when you least expect it.
On a different note, what about all the different-looking kids around at the moment? All the changing body shapes, some tall, some still short. Fatter, thinner, darker, lighter. And some of the clothing choices kids are making! Through choice or custom, whatever the case, they don’t look normal, do they?
Well, mate, let me give you a tip: there is no such thing as normal. There is no set mould. There are 7 billion of us and we are all different. That’s what makes it all so interesting.
There will be kids you cross paths with who have differing interests to yours. Different tastes or points of view. Don’t bag them out. Don’t tease them or make fun of them in front of others or, even worse, behind their back. Just remember, whatever you are doing to others, someone else could be doing to you, so either make it positive or leave them alone to enjoy their time. It’s called respect. Always be respectful. It can be easy to forget this, but try hard.
Remember a few years back, when playing your dad in a game of chess you ‘stole’ his queen off the board whilst he was out of the room getting a drink. Pretty silly idea, eh, as he noticed straight away and asked if you pinched it, and foolishly you said, ‘No, no, I legally took it in the match earlier.’ Wasn’t worth it, was it? Dad hated making you pack away your sporting gear and banning you from sport until you confessed the truth, but he had to teach you that it’s not cool to steal or cheat. I guess it was only a game of chess, but mate, we make a lot of decisions every day, and we all hope to make more good decisions than bad ones. A good way to achieve this is always think what effect on others your actions will have. Before you say something, think about whether it will offend someone else. Respect.
Finally, don’t carry around a backpack that is overloaded and too heavy for you. It will cause long-term damage to your spine that may take quite a while to get better. In fact, whilst on that subject, don’t carry an overloaded mind around too long either. If there is something bugging you, talk about it. Something you don’t understand? Ask. A fear? Discuss it and formulate a plan. Always communicate. This is so important in every aspect of your life ahead. Talk, type, write, sing, whatever. Just please communicate. Because like your back and neck from the heavy backpack, the mind and heart can be seriously damaged if overloaded for too long and can take a long time to heal. Communicate. Often the issue you see as a big deal is no issue at all, but until you talk to someone about it, you’ll never know.
So have fun, buddy, because if it ain’t fun, it ain’t worth doing. Even the long, boring subjects at school can be fun if taken on with the right attitude. Read lots, exercise just as much. Laugh at yourself, it’s good for the soul.
You’ve got it all ahead of you, such an exciting journey, a successful journey, if approached with the right attitude, with respect and if you consistently communicate with those around you.
Oh, did I mention learning music? Let’s face it … Rockstars are cool!!
With love,
Adam
Alex (Lee) Miles is a Melbourne-based author who has worked across theatre, television and advertising, including as a scriptwriter and storyliner for Neighbours. She has published eight books in the Zac Power series. Her book Sixty Secrets for a Happy Bride was published by Affirm Press in 2015, and she is working on Starring Olive Black, a children’s fiction series to be published by Affirm in 2017.
Dearest ALpal,
I’m writing you this letter twenty years in the future, while sunbaking on the moon in my tinfoil bikini – everyone’s doing it. Writing letters and lists has become a bit of a pastime for us. Keep it up! They’ll help you feel grateful for all you have, drive you to reach your goals and provide a hearty giggle when you read them back years later.
Things are bad, I know, with Mum’s illness just being diagnosed. You’ll swing between feeling lost, sad, thankful, angry, alone, hopeful, defeated and wondering, ‘Why me?’ All of these feelings are valid. And it’s mighty important that you share them. It might be with Kelly, or the girls, or Ms Illesca at school, or Dad. Or write yourself a letter. Heck, talk to Teddy too. He may only have one ear but he’ll listen. There is always someone who will listen.
You can’t undo what’s happened to Mum, but the most marvellous consolation prize is working out from a young age the importance of grabbing life with both hands. You never know what’s around the corner, so do things that make your knees wobble or your heart pound. Laugh – always laugh. And make sure the people you love are reminded of it every day, with both words and actions. Yes, you read these sentiments on fortune cookies and T-shirts from Bali – but they’re so true.
When it comes to friendships, you can’t get everything you need in life from just one person. It’s okay, healthy even, to have different types of friends. There’ll be ones that challenge you. Ones that understand your chocolate obsession. Ones to dance with. Ones to be still with. Ones from school and ones that aren’t. Ones that you see all the time. Others rarely, but it’s like no time has passed. True friends adore the real you no matter what. Work out who these ones are, and which friends give you the best advice, even the stuff you’d rather not hear. The others might not be keepers, but they’ll colour your life as they move in and out of it.
Spoiler alert – you’re a worrier. You worry so much that you need lists to keep track of them. Just remember there’s a finite amount of space in your life for worry, so be selective. Leave out the ones that are not in your control, or really far in the future. Writing them down will help manage it some days. Having a good sleep helps too. And try asking yourself, ‘Why am I worried?’ Is it because you’re scared of letting someone down? Or because you’ve set yourself a challenge? When you can’t work out why, it’s a good time to chat to someone. Worrying is both your best and worst trait – you can’t switch it off completely, but you can learn which ones are worth the energy.
For someone who’s a terrible reader and terrible speller with terrible handwriting, you’ll laugh when you learn what career path you take. Don’t overthink it at school. Say yes to every opportunity and do what you love. You never know where it’ll lead you. Speaking of which, I loved reading back over your Year 7 Time Capsule. You were spot on with some predictions and rubbish at others, but there’s no way I’m telling you which were which. Working it out and all the mistakes along the way are what make life so super.
I’ll leave you with some bad news I heard recently: ‘time flies’. The good news, though, is that you’re the pilot. Travel safe and have fun!
Lots of love,
Alex
Alice Pung is a writer and lawyer who grew up in Footscray, Melbourne. She won Newcomer of the Year in the 2007 Australian Book Industry Awards for her first memoir, Unpolished Gem. Her second memoir, Her Father’s Daughter, won the WA Premier’s Book Award for Non-fiction. Laurinda, her
first novel, won the Ethel Turner Prize for Young People’s Literature at the 2016 NSW Premier’s Literary Awards.
Dear Alice,
You’ve changed schools this year, and even though you have assiduously studied TV Hits and Smash Hits magazines over the summer so that you might fit in, you will soon realise that knowing things is not the same as being able to talk about them to other girls. You are scared and timid, but these two upcoming years at Christ the King College will be the best years of your high school education out of the five different high schools you attend. You will go on resilience camps, and join the choir, and meet two of your best friends, Lisa and Elizabeth, whose weddings you will attend in a little over a decade’s time. You will come to understand that a school can really shape a person in terms of its values, even though it is located in one of the poorest neighbourhoods in Victoria.
You will meet girls who are strong and funny and loud. You will spend many afternoons in the homes of your friends whose parents – like your own – work in garages, as mechanics and outworkers. You will see your friends do adult tasks like call up electricity companies for their parents who can’t speak English, or enrol younger siblings in high school. You will be part of a community at Christ the King College where your background and circumstances don’t matter so much as your kindness and concern for others. And then when you leave this school in two years’ time, you will miss it for the rest of your high school days.
Your future self has a sweet husband named Nick and a baby, eight months old, named Leo. You married Nick not because of outer-worldly success, but for his inner qualities of kindness and calm and patience. You also write books for children and young adults, because during your most formative and lonely years, when you felt most powerless and yet most reflective about the world, young adult authors helped you weather the storm. They showed you the possibilities of thinking beyond your own small world, and taught you not to be judgmental of others through their stories of different characters’ interior worlds. You will also visit hundreds of high schools and speak to thousands of students, and some of them will feel less lonely for it.
Letter to My Teenage Self Page 1
