I will not lie. The future will not be a breeze. You will encounter failure along the way, and a great tragedy. You will, however, maintain a sense of hope through the loss. As an adult, you will feel more empowered to deal with what life brings into your path, and a sense of resilience. Life will teach you to appreciate the small joys, and how to extend compassion because you have experienced suffering. You will keep on keeping on, and try to be a better Buddhist. And you will keep writing through it all.
Berry Liberman, who grew up in Melbourne, is the editor and publisher of Dumbo Feather magazine and co-founder of Small Giants, which nurtures and empowers businesses that are focused on a more socially equitable and environmentally sustainable world.
Dear teenage Berry,
Everything is going to be alright. I promise. You will have a long and sometimes challenging journey – a bit like Lord of the Rings, with some bad monsters, some kind friends, a few wise teachers and a guardian wizard or two. It will totally be worth it.
I know you like instant gratification! You want what you want NOW. I’m afraid you will have to learn to love the journey, not the end point. This will be very hard for you because you want things to be perfect – but bad luck, kiddo! Nothing is perfect, no one is perfect and it is better to do something than not do it because you’re afraid it won’t be good enough. DO IT ANYWAY. If you’re worried what your mum will think, or your dad, or your sister or brother or friends or the cute boy in English class … well, that’s a waste of time. The truth is that the people who end up having a good time and a good life are the ones who show up. The ones who care – who have passion and put their whole hearts into things. It may not be cool right now – but what’s cool in year seven and eight isn’t cool when you’re older.
Things right now for you are okay, but soon something really bad is going to happen … I can’t tell you what but it will change your world. It will be very sad. When things are sad you have to take care of yourself. Do nice things. Read good books, watch great movies, write, be inspired, spend time with the people you love, get lots of sleep and eat nourishing food. DON’T BE HARD ON YOURSELF. Lie down on the grass in the sunshine and let the earth hold you up if you’re having a hard day. Don’t give any time to mean and nasty people. Just keep walking. You can’t be liked by everyone so don’t even try. I promise you everything is going to be alright. You need to trust in yourself. Make friends with people who love you for who you are, not what you have or what you can do for them.
Don’t be afraid to immerse yourself in your books and your music and lots and lots of daydreaming. It’s important because once you become a grown-up there’s so much pressure to stop daydreaming. About boys – well, the good news is you will go out with a few who aren’t so right for you but in the end you will find the best boy in the world. He will think of you as his equal. He will want to share with you everything. Your happiness and your sadness, your strengths and your weaknesses. He will be kind, and that is the most important thing. He will support your work, your creative life, having a family – all of it. It will be fun and life can be full of love once you learn to trust yourself. Before you meet him, though – HAVE LOTS OF FUN!
You will go on big journeys into the world and into your soul. It is important. Don’t panic. Growing up is going to require a lot of thoughtful navigation. School is only a short time in a long life – make it count. Sign up for choir and the play and be brave and laugh a lot.
This may not make sense right now but remember this: Comparison is the death of happiness – so just be yourself. Sending you mountains of love from twenty-five years in the future,
Berry xox
Copyright Maria Loucerio
Nick Murphy, better known as Chet Faker, is an electronica musician hailing from Melbourne, who’s now based in Brooklyn. He won five 2014 ARIA Awards including Best Male Artist, Producer of the Year and Best Independent Release. He also took the Number 1 spot in the 2014 triple j Hottest 100.
Hi Dude,
I don’t want to give too much away, because the journey is more fun than the knowledge.
But one thing that might help you relax is the fact that nobody knows what they are doing. That I can guarantee.
There are people who say they do, and they don’t. There are also people who say they don’t, and they occasionally do.
Nobody of worth has ever started anything they knew how to do fully.
You’re going to figure this out anyway, but you’ll read a book by Robert Pirsig that will have a big influence on your life.
That lesson is simple. You can figure out life, or you can live it. Ironically, the latter will help you do the former but that’s irrelevant for now.
I have no regrets, which means I don’t really want to give you much specific guidance.
Just know that your ego is not the key to happiness, and it’s okay to simply let things be; not because they are right or wrong but because they are.
Life is what it is, and meaning is defined after that, so you’re better off going with the flow.
You are not your thoughts. You are not your emotions. Lean Into It.
Copyright Jennifer Stenglein Photograohy
Chris Judd is a former professional Australian rules footballer, and captain of both the Carlton Football Club and the West Coast Eagles in the AFL. Judd has twice won the league’s highest individual honour, the Brownlow Medal, and is a dual Leigh Matthews Trophy winner as the AFL Players Association’s Most Valuable Player.
Dear Chris,
Your teenage years are an exciting time to be alive, as is every other year of your life as none of us are around for all that long. Try to both recognise and enjoy the good moments in your life when they arise.
I write this letter to you as your senior by 19 years, but unfortunately at the ripe old age of 32, there is still much to learn, and still plenty of answers I’m waiting to find. Whilst not holding all the answers, there are a few things I’ve picked up since I was sitting in your shoes that may be helpful in your journey from boy to man.
The first is that kids are terrified of being different from everyone else, while adults are terrified of being the same. While it is tragic to see a kid pretend to be someone they’re not purely to fit in, the same can be said for people who pretend to be something they’re not purely to be different. Being different or common are neither good nor bad character traits: being authentic is what matters. Doing things that you’re passionate about while spending time with people who you like, find interesting and trust, and who treat you how you want to be treated is the best way to go.
Secondly, what gets respected by your peers is transient and constantly changing. Don’t chase it. When I was your age, the guys who were most respected (as measured by the amount of interest they received from girls) were guys who wagged or dropped out of school, got into trouble, etc. But by the time everyone was 18 they were less impressed with these guys, and the crowd was after a different hero. Depending on what age you are there is always a new hero to be revered. In your thirties and forties it may be the entrepreneur with the biggest bank balance who’s most respected by others his age, but while being an entrepreneur can be a noble pursuit, if it has come at the cost of his family, then maybe the pursuit wasn’t worth the cost. From what I can gather, there are very few things you can confidently do to excess without paying a heavy price for it later on. The few things that spring to mind are spending time with your family, being healthy (not to be confused with being vain) and learning. Every other pursuit should be weighed up as to what the cost is against these three things.
And lastly, enjoy your hair, you’ll start losing it in six years!
All the best,
Chris
Copyright Steven Chee @ DLM Artists
Dannii Minogue, who grew up in the Melbourne suburb of Surrey Hills, is a singer–songwriter, talent competition judge, actress, and TV and radio personality. Dannii is most widely known for her roles in the Australian television talen
t show Young Talent Time and Home and Away, and her work as a musician and judge on Australia’s The X Factor.
Dear teenage Dannii,
You’ve been a career girl for years now so you don’t need me to explain to you the value of hard work or tell you that spending 95 per cent of your time tweaking this, learning that, or paying attention to the teeny-tiny details makes that 5 per cent of the time you get to do the thing you love most immeasurably exciting and rewarding.
You’ve already experienced things other teenagers with stars in their eyes can only dream of, but I want you to know that just as there are even more amazing times ahead of you, there will be some tough times as well. Know that they’re a natural part of life, and that when you go through difficult times, you have to go through all of the emotions.
You’re like a rainbow and every colour and shade is beautiful from dark and stormy to light and sparkling. It’s okay to be those different colours of emotions – each of them is a part of you and they’re what make you beautiful. Trying to suppress or hide them doesn’t improve you, how you’re feeling, or how people see you. Let all your colours shine though.
It’s okay to sometimes feel upset or alone. Just try not to get stuck in the dark place. Don’t stay there.
Feel it, live it, move on.
Don’t fear failure or try to avoid it by giving up the things you’re passionate about if they’re not easy. The people you like, admire and look up to the most have all tried, failed, and got up and tried again on their journey to be the best at what they do.
So, when an unfeasibly successful entertainment guru tells you, ‘It’s as much from your failures as any of your successes that you’ve made it where you are today,’ heed his wisdom, have faith in yourself and take the plunge. In fact, jump in feet first whenever you’re presented with a new opportunity whether you know what you’re doing or not (and you generally won’t).
Your life will be richer for it.
Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, look silly, or show your vulnerability. People relate to your mistakes, and your vulnerability is what helps them feel a connection with you. And make sure you’re receptive when others show their vulnerability. Only good can come of that.
Try to remember that perfection doesn’t exist. It’s an ideal, not a reality, although I can promise you that you’re going to get a lot of fun and fulfilment out of striving for it.
Lastly, did you know that people asked to list the top 10 things they love rarely put themselves on that list? Make sure you’re on your list!
Dannii x
David ‘Kochie’ Koch presents as a co-host on Seven Network’s Sunrise breakfast program on weekdays. He has published several bestselling books, including Kochie’s Guide to Keeping it Real, and has been a highly regarded finance journalist for more than twenty years.
Dear David,
Have enough confidence in yourself to give anything a go … but if it doesn’t work out, have enough confidence in yourself to go and do something else.
What a life you’re going to have. It will be the most exciting, invigorating and tumultuous period in history. Technology will change your world forever and the pace at which it’s going to change will blow your mind.
It’s going to be great. It’s going to be exciting. But it’s up to you to embrace it, to love the challenge … and have enough confidence in yourself to make it work for you.
Do not fear change. See it as an amazing opportunity to make a difference and to improve yourself as a person. Learn to love change.
The world is going to get a whole lot smaller, you’ll be bombarded with information … so much information. So be inquisitive and have a passion for learning throughout your life.
But with all this change, with all this new technology, with all this excitement, with all this distraction, your biggest challenge is going to be staying true to yourself.
Your life will be defined by who you want to be as a person and whether you have the guts to be true to yourself. It won’t be easy.
While technology, change and innovation can make the world smaller it can also make us more self-absorbed and antisocial, and stifle individualism.
Start forming and thinking about your values now. Because it’s those values which will define not only your life but also how you measure success, failure and achievement.
Look around you for role models, who you admire, to help define your values. Be wary of people whose fame or money defines their success or values. Look below the surface. What do they do for others? Are they kind? Do they respect others (no matter who they are)? Are they proud of their own values and stick to them?
I’ve learnt that the more someone does for others, the better the person they are. And it’s usually the little things … helping an elderly neighbour put their garbage bins out, volunteering for a community group, being respectful to others, supporting someone being pressured by their peer group to change good values.
Often it’s hard to find those types of mentors because what they do for others isn’t always obvious. They don’t boast about helping someone else, they just do it. And that’s what makes them a good person.
But when you do see someone with these qualities, who cares for others, talk to them, observe them and work out what’s good for you.
You’re going to have to fight to be a good person. There will be plenty of distractions and people who want you to be like them. But you’re not … you’re you.
You have the opportunity to achieve so much. But it’s up to you, no one else. Be you. Be proud of you. And never let anyone pressure you into not being … you.
Elise Bialylew is a coach, mindfulness meditation teacher and social entrepreneur who trained as a doctor and psychiatrist. After studying with some of the leading meditation teachers in the world, she started a global meditation movement and founded Mindful in May, a global mindfulness movement that has taught thousands of people to meditate, while raising money to build clean water wells in the developing world. She is the author of The Mindful Month and teaches mindfulness to corporates at The Mind Life Project.
Dear teenage me,
There are so many things I’ve learned over the past four decades and although I know you’re probably going to have to make some of the same mistakes that I made in order to discover the lessons and wisdom, I hope these words may land in your heart and somehow make the path to your greatest happiness a little more direct.
I know how school can be so challenging at times – not only the work but also the social side of things. I want you to know that ‘fitting in’ is overrated. Being open to people you don’t immediately feel drawn to at school and taking risks to have new conversations (even if you’re scared of being rejected) is one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself. You might be surprised about the new and unexpected friendships you make – and of course just remember everyone is just as insecure as you feel – they’ll be grateful that you had the courage to take the risk and make the first move towards them. Many of the ‘cool people’ on the school oval often end up being the least interesting later on.
As for your life path and career, I know it’s a terrible cliché and you’ve probably heard it before but please follow your deepest passions and curiosities – even if they don’t seem like viable career paths. A person fuelled by passion can literally change the world (without a degree or PhD) and make the unimaginable happen. Pursuing security is overrated and often leads to a sick soul. Trust me, I’ve tried both paths and I want to save you the burden. Trust and passion make for a much more solid, fulfilling life than being driven by fear.
There will be many people who try and support you in making the ‘right’ or ‘best’ decisions. Your parents will likely be a dominant force in your life. However, as well-meaning as they mean to be, realise they don’t know the ‘right’ answer for you. Know that there are truly no ‘right’ answers or decisions – and most decisions you make in life are reversible anyway. Learn to trust your own likes, dislike
s and callings early in life – they are your most reliable guide.
Reach out sooner rather than later to people who aren’t your family for advice and perspectives – maybe a counsellor or life coach or someone in the world you admire. Don’t be afraid to write to someone you don’t know – people are more than happy to share their wisdom.
Make mistakes and take risks in the face of uncertainty – it’s better to spend time getting back on track after discovering you’ve taken a wrong turn, than end up regretting decisions not made and risks not taken.
Don’t plan too far ahead as the world is changing way too quickly for long-term plans. But seriously consider empowering yourself for the future by learning the most powerful language on the planet – computer code.
Know that in order to experience your greatest happiness you’ll need to spend as much time doing the inner work of learning how to manage your mind and emotions, as the outer work required to pass your school and university exams.
Learn an inner skill like meditation which will help you to be less fearful and more courageous in the face of the inevitable stresses and challenges that will come your way. Just like you brush your teeth each day, practise gratitude and purposely notice what is good in your life as a way of maintaining your mental hygiene – it’s a simple but powerful practice to greater happiness.
Learn how to be your own best friend, rather than be your biggest critic – it could be the most important ingredient for your own wellbeing.
Finally, you will face so many questions and uncertainties as you move forward into your life. Know that the answers will arrive in time and, as frustrating as not knowing what to do is, remind yourself that patience is sometimes all that is required in order to get to the next place you are supposed to be. We’ve all been in that place of confusion, not knowing and frustration – you are not alone.
Letter to My Teenage Self Page 2
