Letter to My Teenage Self

by Grace Halphen

  And get used to all that studying, my friend, because you never stop being a student. The idea of high school or any other graduation is just a passing formality. It doesn’t end! You never really graduate, you just move on to the next area of study. The exams do end, though, which is terrific.

  Okay, so this is my advice in a nutshell: just follow your passion. Be interested in whatever seems to keep you interested. Not especially original or profound advice. And yes, I know you already know this. But the thing is, at this point in your life, you are also sensing a lot of things getting in the way, mainly that anxiety I already mentioned. Just try not to worry so much. Career-wise, things go up and down but seem to pan out nicely enough, so far at least! I wouldn’t mind some tips from my eighty-year-old self, come to think of it. But I guess he’d probably just say the same stuff.

  As for other non-career matters, all the personal thirteen-year-old hang-ups which I won’t even get into here – some things are best kept personal – well, it all works out fine. Not perfectly, because there is no such thing. The main problem, in hindsight, is really just anxiety itself. Everything seems so big and consequential. And it is, but so are you. If more people knew that at a young age, we could spend a lot more time just being ourselves and doing what we do best.

  I think that’s about it. Good luck!

  Oh, just one more thing. Many years from now, you will be travelling in Paris and you will come across a large table of different cheeses at a social function. Do not eat this cheese! No good will come of it. Even if you ignore everything else I’ve just said, trust me on this one.

  Simon Reeve is a television presenter and host for the Seven Network. He is currently sport presenter on Weekend Sunrise and was the host of Million Dollar Minute and It’s Academic. He was born in Perth and is the son of former news presenter Earl Reeve.

  Dear Simon,

  Firstly those pimples will go away, eventually. Purple flares may also come back into fashion … after the next Bronze Age. The cool kids may seem cooler, untouchable right now, but hang in there, fella. The dags may not inherit the earth, but the distribution system will be more equitable.

  One day, believe me, you will appreciate how much a secure, safe home environment and a household full of people who love and care about you will become the foundation stone for your life. It will be the framework around which you see the world. For sure you will stumble and fall along the way, making mistakes, sometimes letting people down. Just know there is a strong, unshakeable moral code in place to help teach you right from wrong.

  Be wary of the vanity of your physical self. There will be days when you think you are king of the world. You ain’t. Encourage that guy to put down the gel and the hair dryer (while you have hair), walk away from the mirror and go read a book.

  Compassion, humility, tolerance, respect. These are the ancient creeds to live by. On the flip side, jealousy, malice, revenge and hatred are terribly destructive forces in this world. Drive around them, sidestep them and silence them whenever you feel they’re gathering to find a voice inside you. Ignorance is never an excuse for an error of judgement.

  A healthy and positive attitude, a ready smile, will take you places. From the cleaner at work to the boss, from the poor to the rich, treat everyone the same. They are all forging a living, supporting families; doing their best. Let dignity and integrity become your calling cards.

  Keep an open heart, an open mind and an open door. People the world over are much more the same than they are different. Let art and music move you to tears. Forever embrace nature and animals. Let the dog up on the couch. Step outside into the rainstorm. Marvel at the sunset and the first frangipani flower in spring. Hitch your heart and soul to the beauty of the world around you.

  Many (but not all) of the bumper stickers for life glow with the light of emotional truth. Great lessons come from adversity. Trust your instincts. Don’t be a victim. Never take things for granted. Don’t fear or run from loneliness. Real mean do cry. Little things mean a lot. Appreciate where you came from.

  Often overwhelming fear of failure and harrowing anxiety knock in the depth of night or hijack you when you least expect. It’s part of who you are. It may take a very long time to reach a negotiation, but one day you will understand. Call it the way of things.

  And finally, whatever happens, find your way to Africa. To hear the call of a lion across a still night in the Okavango, to smell wild sage for the first time, will touch something deep within. I can’t easily explain, but you will know what it is and it will change you.

  Don’t realise too late that it’s not about you. Your own children will teach you more about yourself than you will ever know.

  Now get back outside and I’ll yell out when dinner’s ready.

  Sophie Lee is a film, stage and television actress and author from Newcastle, New South Wales. She starred in the 1994 film Muriel’s Wedding and earned a nomination for the Australian Film Institute Award for Best Supporting Actress for her role in the 1997 film The Castle.

  Dear Soph,

  Take a seat close to the front and mentally focus on these two words. Put them up in pastel bubble writing if you like: Dream Big. You can’t always control the way things pan out but you will always be surprised by what you can accomplish when you aim high.

  So keep dreaming, the bigger the better. Now please tuck those name-tags into your socks, there’s a girl making her way down the aisle of this bus who is looking for ammunition to make your life hell and hand-sewn labels on school socks will seem like a good start to someone like her.

  These school bus rides through the outer suburbs of Newcastle won’t go on forever – although some days they’ll feel like it. Bus rides from hell come and go but real friends are forever – isn’t that the way the expression goes? Ignore her and stay strong. Mentally stick your fingers in your ears. This too will pass.

  Weren’t you excited over breakfast 30 minutes ago? You’re going to meet some amazing like-minded people at your new school. One girl in particular will get you when you’re being ‘you’. She’ll understand your quirky sense of humour and share your passion for poetry, drama, the complete works of David Bowie, amateur photography and the taste of homemade bread. She’s waiting to meet you at your new Senior School where sooner than you know it you’ll be swapping Jumping Jacks and hilarious anecdotes.

  Forgive your mum for sewing your name-tags into your socks.

  Hey, I recognise that cold, tight feeling in the top of your chest. I still get it myself sometimes. The feeling when you sense you’re on the wrong side of a sheet of glass. Believe me, soon the stars will align, things will turn your way and you’ll be on the reverse side – the popular side. But it’s precisely at that time that you should remember to be kind. There’s always going to be someone on the wrong side of the glass, so make them feel included, doesn’t matter how small the gesture. Being cool is never more important than being kind.

  Oh, and by the way? Stop worrying. You worry too much. Chances are you’re probably not going to be bitten by a funnel web, develop a rare childhood cancer or fall off a cliff this afternoon, but you will make yourself feel sick if you stew on things that are beyond your control. Being heckled on the school bus will probably be easier to endure if you tell someone about it. Sometimes help is closer than you think. A single worry can turn into an army of bull ants if you don’t shut it down fast, and you can do just that by talking to a school counsellor, a parent, a sibling or a friend.

  I wish you had worked harder on your embouchure. Do more music practice!

  Oh, speaking of mouthpieces. Be brave! Join the school wind ensemble. You love to write – offer to edit the school magazine. You enjoy public speaking? Explore both debating team and drama society. So… you’re not great at sport? Just because you’ll never be the fastest doesn’t mean it’s not good for you to be part of a team. Get in there. You’ll always feel better once you’ve exercised.

  Push the bell. This bus ride is n
early over and I can see the school gates at the bottom of the hill. Ignore those backseat bullies, they’ll move on to torturing insects once they see they can’t crack this little nut. Keep busy. Head high. Goodbye Gina Troutface, don’t let the bus door hit you on the way out.

  Remember to be kind. Dream big. Hell, let your name-tags hang right out of your socks. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

  Soph

  Copyright Eva Rinaldi

  Stephanie Rice is a retired competitive swimmer who hails from Brisbane. She won three gold medals at the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing. She was awarded the Medal of the Order of Australia on 26 January 2009. Stephanie was also the 2008 Telstra Swimmer of the Year, and the 2008 World Swimmer of the Year.

  Dear Steph,

  What an exciting journey you are on!!! There are so many things about to unfold for you so keep your thoughts positive. I know at times it feels like you aren’t understood and you feel alone, but don’t worry as you will work through all of those fears and find some incredible friends who will last you through life.

  Your love for swimming will continue to grow and the path that lies ahead for you is one that will blow your mind with excitement, joy and fulfilment. You never could have predicted or even dreamed of the success you will have. But don’t worry about results and outcomes, as all of that is just a by-product of the love and passion you have for the water.

  There will be challenges and hard times, like on any journey to the top, but trust me when I say that all the tears and nights where you lay in bed worried and doubtful, that they will all be worth it. Those moments are a test of character and you must always remember that they are happening for a reason … everything happens for a reason.

  You are about to embark on some big changes. You will find a coach who will mentor and lead you towards incredible things, not only in the pool but also through life. This man is an angel on earth and you will forever be grateful for the love and light he continually shares with you and the wisdom and guidance he provides. He understands you better than anyone else and you will form a very strong bond together. He will always be there to pick you up when you’re down and be there to celebrate in the successes. Without him you know that you wouldn’t be the woman that you will become.

  Be grateful and thankful for the supporting and loving family that you have. I know at times it is challenging and you will always long for freedom and independence, but know that your parents love you dearly and truly do want the best for you. They love you as Stephanie Rice, not Stephanie Rice the Swimmer, and over time you will truly appreciate that deep love.

  Your family will always come together to support you and be there at every meet to watch you put all your hard work to the test! They will be the ones you look for in the stands as you step out of the pool after victories, but also the ones who will hold you and comfort you after the struggles.

  Swimming is a huge part of your life and always will be, but there will always be more to life than swimming. You are continually guided towards your path and trust that every decision you make is the right one, even though if at the time it feels otherwise. Know inside that there are lessons and blessings in each decision and turning point, and you will always have the support system to help you through when you are unable to do it on your own.

  One day you will look back and be able to write a letter similar to this that will help others towards their journey to success. Writing this letter will not only inspire other young athletes, but the process of writing this will also heal elements within yourself.

  When times get tough, always remember to ask for help and take time to turn inwards and reflect. Don’t be too hard on yourself, as I know you can be at times, rather use this energy to empower yourself and others.

  You will always be most fulfilled when you give back to and share your insights and experiences to empower others, so know that this journey you are on is to gather the knowledge so one day you will be able to share it with the world.

  Trust in the process and enjoy every moment, because what you will experience over the next 10 years will make you truly believe that dreams really do come true!

  Sending you love and light!

  Steph

  Xxx

  Suzie Miller is a playwright who graduated from the Playwrights Studio at the Australian National Institute of Dramatic Arts in 2000 and has a Masters in Theatre & Film. Suzie received the 2008 national Kit Denton Fellowship for writing, won the 2006 and 2009 Inscription Award, received the 2008 New York Fringe Festival Overall Excellence Award for Outstanding Playwriting and won the 2005 Theatrelab Award. Her works include Cross Sections and Sold.

  Dear Me,

  You just turned 13 in October and you started to write on Mum’s old manual typewriter. On the first day of January you spent the day typing a diary entry describing what your dreams are and what you want to achieve in the year ahead. It will be a characteristic of the years to come that you keep a diary and write down what your aims are – and I promise you in doing this, those very things will come about.

  You have a great courage and capacity to drive yourself forward. Don’t feel knocked about when people criticise that and try to bring you down – it is that very strength and love of life that will create your path. While other people seem to have all the contacts and understand how the world works, the struggle to get there alone will make the successes much more interesting for you. And don’t forget to help others when you reach your career and life targets.

  I want you to know that you will have more than one exciting career; that you should keep writing down all of your feelings as you did on the first day of the year – your writing will keep you from falling into melancholy when it threatens. Most importantly I want you to know that despite not having access to everything everyone else seems to have, you will be the first person in your extended family to have a university degree, you will travel the world, meet and create the most beautiful friendships, and go on to be an adult who loves her husband and children ferociously.

  What you should know as you forge ahead in relationships are:

  1. That at 13 you have just met a wonderful friend called Helen. Hang on to her, stay loyal to her – even though you met in Year 7, she will be in your life for the rest of it.

  2. You will meet some of the most extraordinary people who will be loyal and loving, and who will be by your side through some challenging times. Do not let go of those who are authentic and kind.

  3. You will also have friends and meet people who will let you down and make you cry. Let yourself cry at their loss but be open to what comes about after they are gone.

  I tell you now – do not be afraid to love hard, do not feel anxious about speaking out wherever you see injustice, do not judge others harshly and indeed allow yourself to make some mistakes. Some of those mistakes will in retrospect be ones that are your greatest gains.

  While your primary family can drive you nuts right now, know that in the future they are there for you and your love for them will grow and grow – they are very precious, they have shared your childhood years with you and watched you bloom. They will also love and care for your children, delight in their successes and be supportive during their challenges. Oh yes and by the way – just so as you know – those names you chose for your future son and daughter at 12 are the names they now have! Yes, really, your lovely children have taken those names and given them life.

  You will find the relationships that are right for you – do not be in a hurry, do not panic about where they are – they will emerge when you are ready for them. Relish the women in your life – they will show you the path to motherhood and nod knowingly as you discover what it means. Embrace friends in your careers of law, theatre and writing as they will surround you with an intelligent and creative community. You will feel less alone.

  Never lose empathy and always treat people with respect and dignity, especially those who have the least power in society. Very importantly, also
respect and be kind to yourself. The only things you will regret in the life I have lived for you is not taking action or holding back for fear of being embarrassed or for fear of standing out. Because you are still 13 you can change all of that, and indeed overcome that barrier. Be wary of shame – it will paralyse you and make you withdraw.

  There will be some truths that you know deep in your soul already. You should listen to these and act on them when you know the time is right. Everyone might think you are crazy, and it might mean starting again, but you will find great satisfaction and joy in doing so.

  Know you will live in many cities and countries; you will find some lifelong friends in those places who will change your life in surprising ways. Your life will be rich and filled with great joys and sadness. It is a big life ahead for you, do not be afraid.

  The teenage years ahead will have you starting to feel ‘different’ to your family and everyone else – you have the soul of an artist and a sharp, clever mind. Do not hold it back because others can’t cope with it. When you find those people who try to hold you back, be brave and go forward anyway. There will be times when you struggle with depression, when you again feel lonely in life. Know there are things you can do to take yourself back to your own energy and life. Talk to those people who you feel really comfortable with, take some time with nature and continue to reach out to the less fortunate in your community. Each of these things will make you feel more connected and will allow you to regain the sense of a warm and loving world.

  Some things I wish I had discovered earlier in my life that I can give you the heads up on now:

  1. Our parents are not always right. Yes, they made mistakes but all parents do – let them off the hook and enjoy them, as they won’t be with you forever;