by A. J. Downey
“Naw, Honey, you don’t look nothin’ but a little bit tired is all. A good night’s sleep and you’ll be right as rain.”
Her lips twisted with a wry and bitter amusement, and she nodded slightly, “It’s okay Nox. You don’t have to lie to me.”
I chuckled, “You look beat, like if you weren’t sitting there just now, you’d fall down. You need a good night’s sleep, but you don’t nor could you ever, look ‘bad’. You’re a beautiful girl, Maren; both inside and out.”
She looked thoughtful after that, for a time, making no extra comment. Instead, she got that real thoughtful look on her face again and leaned her head back on the rest, watching me as I drove. I tried not to let it distract me, and instead, kept my eye on the icy streets as I piloted my cage through them.
Finally, I pulled into her driveway, the house dark, not even a porch light on. I shut off the car and sighed, and when I turned to her, I found her eyes shut, head still tilted in my direction, but her expression, where it’d been pinched before, was now smooth and slack with sleep. I watched her for a minute or two, listening to the engine tick, the cold pressing in, creeping through the vents and into the car.
I touched her cheek with my thumb, cradling her face in my hand, and sighed, bummed I would have to break the magic and wake her up. As much as I wanted to carry her, to her door, I needed her keys and the footing wasn’t safe enough even after salting the drive.
“Maren, Angel, wake up, we’re here,” I said softly.
A small wrinkle between her brows and her head jerked, she pulled back and sucked in a deep, tremulous breath. I dropped my hand before she could open her eyes and see I touched her. She blinked several times and huffed a sigh.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured and fished in her coat pocket, her keys ringing.
“Don’t be, come on, I’ll help you.” I popped my door and went around to her side, and opened her door for her. She held up my cut to me and I paused, looking at it for a moment in her delicate hands. I took it from her and swung it on deftly, holding out my hands for her to take.
She placed hers in mine and leveraged herself out of the seat, and I was struck by it. It was the action of an old person, or the heavily burdened, the way she got out of my cage and it made me want to lift it from her shoulders so badly. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and let her lean on me. She tried once, twice, and before she could try a third, I took her keys gently from her fingers and unlocked her door for her.
She took off her coat and scarf and hung them up, and went immediately to the couch, dropping onto it with a heavy sigh, kicking off her shoes. I sat down on one end, lifting the pillow off of it and setting it in my lap. Maren just flopped over without a second thought, her head hit the pillow and she went limp like she was just done, and I couldn’t blame her. Instead, I propped my heels on her coffee table, feeling pretty guiltless about it because a magazine was conveniently where I’d put ‘em, cushioning my boot heels from the wood.
“Long day, huh?”
“Mm,” and that was it. Her breathing evened and deepened and she was out.
I sighed, and settled back, closing my eyes and just kind of enjoyed the closeness. A secret, guilty little pleasure, smoothing my fingers through her hair brushing it back off her face. I knew I couldn’t sleep here. I wanted to, though, I wanted to rest here, with her, and share her load, just for one night, but I knew I couldn’t so I did the next best thing.
I kept it appropriate. I let her fall into a deep, deep slumber, then I eased out from under her, found her room and turned down her bed, and I went and did what I’d wanted to in the first place… I went down, lifted her in my arms and carried her up to bed.
I didn’t do anything I really wanted to do, like undress her so she would be more comfortable. Instead, I settled for pulling off her socks so she wouldn’t get too warm, and pulled the blankets up over her, folding them beneath her chin.
I allowed myself the one guilty pleasure I could and kissed her forehead before I went down and let myself out, locking the place up tight behind me before exiting. It was the hardest thing I’d done in a while, leaving her alone like that. It just didn’t feel right.
Chapter 8
Maren
The last time I’d seen Nox, he’d picked me up from work. I’d been so tired, I’d forgotten to buy the groceries, but then again, I’d been too tired to care. I remember him waking me up to go in the house and then I remember waking up the next morning, tucked into my bed when I could have sworn I’d fallen into an exhausted sleep on the couch. I’d immediately felt both incredibly rude and incredibly guilty, guessing I’d fallen asleep and he’d brought me up and tucked me in.
I’d raced downstairs to see if he was there, but of course, he’d gone. I’d found my phone in the pocket of my coat and there had been no messages. I had texted him, apologizing profusely but I hadn’t heard anything back, at least not right away.
He’d texted back later that evening apologizing, saying that he’d been at work, and I had felt so incredibly stupid and so incredibly relieved at the same time it wasn’t even funny. I had cried after the first three hours had gone by without a response. After two more, I had almost given up hope of ever hearing from him again.
Stupid, I know, but true. I didn’t have any real friends anymore… he was my first one in a long time and I was surprised at how starved I had been for some positive human interaction.
Now it was the thirty-first and my brother was with Ian and a group of boys over at Ian’s house. Ariel had put together a New Year’s Eve party for them. It left me home soaking up the quiet which eventually let my mind wander, which naturally led to me wondering what Nox was up to tonight.
I was in front of the fire in the living room, a cup of tea at my elbow, and a book in my hands staring at my phone, wondering if I should text when the screen lit up, saving me from having to be the one.
God, I was pathetic.
Nox: So what are U doing for NYE?
Me: Sage is at a party, so I’m home alone catching up on some reading.
Those dots bounced forever, so I was expecting a long reply, but then they would stop, and then they would start and what finally came through surprised me…
Nox: That’s bullshit. U can’t bring in the NY alone.
I considered what to send back, capturing the inside of my cheek with my teeth and sighing. Nothing that came to mind didn’t sound horribly desperate or lame…
Me: I just don’t have any plans I guess.
Nox: U do now, be there in 20min, get dressed.
Me: How, I mean, where are we going?
Nox: Leave that to me, dress casual, be comfortable.
Me: Okay.
Little did he know, I was still dressed from my errands from the day in a comfy pair of fitted jeans and an oversized sweater; all I needed was my boots back on and I was good to go. I closed my tablet cover and set it aside with a sigh and banked the fire. I sat back down and pulled on my knee high stylish riding boots and made sure my thick, long, cable knit socks showed above them at the knee. I pulled my matching cable knit sweater down over my ass to where it hit me mid-thigh and lamely went and checked my appearance in the bathroom mirror.
I ran a brush through my hair and pulled half of it up with a pewter clip I had in the shape of an owl, wings outspread. I stared at myself in the mirror for a few moments, put on a little lip balm, washed my hands, and went out into the living room to wait nervously. It was only eight o’clock and I had no idea what Nox had in mind.
When he knocked on the door, I jumped. I had expected him but hadn’t heard him pull into the driveway. I went to the door and answered and he smiled at me and I think my heart very nearly stopped in my chest.
“Hi,” I murmured and I think I was blushing. His grin grew wider and that pretty much told me that yes, yes I was blushing like an idiot, which of course made me blush even harder. I stepped aside so he could come into the house and he did, just inside the door, but onl
y long enough to pull down my coat and hold it open for me.
He, like me, was dressed comfortably in his motorcycle boots and a pair of butter soft jeans. He wore a plain, black, hooded sweatshirt beneath his leather biker jacket and club vest and it looked good on him. He was rakish and, I don’t know… he just appeared so capable and it was gorgeous. He was a man who looked good, no matter what he wore.
“Have you eaten?” he asked, the timbre of his voice soothing to me after so many days without hearing it.
“Not yet,” I murmured. I didn’t want to tell him that I wasn’t hungry, or that I hadn’t really seen the point in just cooking for one. I was afraid to let anyone know the depths of my sadness lately.
“Okay, we’ll do that first.”
I shrugged into my coat and before I could flip my hair out of my collar, Nox’s hands were doing it for me. It sent shivers down my spine that had nothing to do with the cold and almost suffused me with a warm glow. I told my raging hormones to take it down a notch. There was no way a grown ass man had any interest in a dumb teenage girl. Nox had made it clear over the last few days, we were just friends and it needed to stay that way; I agreed. I didn’t want anyone to think ill of him, or for him to get into any kind of trouble. I didn’t want that for him at all.
“You okay, Angel?” he asked me as I wound my scarf around my neck.
“I’m sorry, yes I’m fine. It’s just another holiday, you know?”
“Another first without your pops?”
“Yeah.”
He gave me a slightly sadder smile and held out his hand. I took it and he pulled me into a hug. I closed my eyes and breathed him in, his clean cologne wrapping me in an almost sense of safety. He gave me a squeeze before letting me go and murmured, “Let’s see if we can’t make some memories that’ll get you through some of these tough times, k?”
I smiled and gave a nod, “Sounds like a plan, do you think the fire will be okay like that? I had one going,” I said, gesturing toward the fireplace. He went over, had a look and gave a nod.
“You did a good job, it’ll burn itself out and shouldn’t be any trouble glassed in like that.”
We locked up and left the house; only this time he made sure to switch on the porch light and told me to keep a lamp burning in the living room.
“For safety,” he said.
I smiled and acquiesced even though I worried about what it might do to the electric bill. I smiled when he opened and held the car door for me.
“I didn’t know anyone did this outside of books,” I said.
Nox raised an eyebrow, “What kind of lunkheads do you go out with?”
“None, actually… I haven’t had time to date in a very long time.” I got into the car which was still residually warm from his drive over here. He jogged around back and shrugged out of his leather vest, he got into the driver’s seat and laid it absentmindedly into my lap before reaching for his seatbelt.
“Surely you’ve gone on some dates already though?”
“A few, even managed to lose my virginity,” I made a face at that and he raised both eyebrows in surprise as he started the car up.
“Not fun times, I take it?”
“Rushed and awkward, second and third time with him wasn’t much better; then my dad got sick and I got busy and he… I don’t know, it’s like he just didn’t understand or didn’t get it. I legitimately didn’t have the time for him anymore, so we just kind of drifted apart…” except we hadn’t. The breakup had been ugly, and sadly, at least for me, remained ugly. It was like I had hurt Lucas’ pride or something, but it didn’t matter, he had hooked up with Robin Brown, one of the cheerleaders, and they’d been steadily making my life hell ever since. High School, ain’t it grand?
For some reason, I didn’t want Nox to know about that part… the bullying and the humiliation. I was already pathetic enough as it was, why add to it?
“Yeah, well, he was a dumbass then. You’re a great girl, Maren.”
I blushed, “Thank you.”
We’d texted so much on the days we couldn’t see each other that I was comfortable talking with him about just about anything. Nox was different from anyone else I’d ever met. An adult, sure, but technically I was too now… but more than that, he wasn’t my father, nor was he a social worker or school official. I didn’t have to mind myself carefully around him. I didn’t have to be afraid I would say or do anything he would consider wrong and go running to the powers that be over it… I didn’t have to worry that he would say or do something; go to someone and get Sage taken away from me.
It was like I had all these people on my side or in my corner but I still had to be afraid of them. All except for Nox. He was extremely forthright and transparent. If he said he was going to do something, he did it. Likewise, if he made a promise, he kept it. I could rely on him even when I didn’t think I needed to. I could tell him things, and he listened and not only that, provided insight and perspective that I sorely needed coming from the standpoint of having never done any of this before.
“I promised to take you out to dinner a while ago, how does Italian sound?” he asked.
I blinked, “I love it; it sounds good.”
“Cool, I have no idea where we’re going, I’ve never been, but it’s got good reviews and it’s nearby. Give me just a second.”
He fiddled with his phone and got the GPS working, Siri’s voice flitting out into the car demanding he starts his route to an address that sounded familiar by going east, or right out of my driveway.
“Okay, here we go,” he said and did his checks before pulling onto the street. I let my fingertips trace the patches and buttons on the front of his vest across my lap and watched him drive. I’d lived here all my life, so there was nothing new to me outside the window, but the high sculpted cheekbones and strong features of the man driving were not only still new, but much better scenery than outside the window.
“How was work?” I asked softly.
“Busy and long… a lot of gift certificates today. I’m glad I draw a paycheck, folks with gift certificates never, if ever, think to tip. Not that I get a lot of those anyways.”
“I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up,” I said, laughing a little lightly.
“Yeah? What did you think about before… you know?”
“A lot of things, really. When I was little I wanted to be a vet, but then I wanted to be an archaeologist, a lawyer, but mostly I’m hoping I can be a writer someday.”
“A writer, huh?”
“Yeah, I like to write and tell stories. I don’t have any money for college now, my dad and I paid the house off with my college fund and left Sage’s protected… I’ll figure something out but yeah… I thought about culinary school, too.”
He very nearly slammed on the brakes at my revelation and shook his head like he was coming up out of water when we came to the next stop light.
“You and your dad did what?” he demanded.
“It was either that or lose the roof over our heads, I want Sage to have every chance possible, so it was my college fund to the rescue… don’t worry, I’m smart and there’s a few academic scholarships in my near future, as well as several grants I plan to apply for… I didn’t have any real dreams in the first place, there’s just so much to choose from. I’ll figure something out.”
He remained grimly silent and I shifted in my seat, worried I may have finally overshared in a way that would put our new friendship in some real danger. Finally, he sighed out harshly and asked me, “Is there any length you won’t go for your brother, Angel?”
“No.”
“You’re too good to be real, you know that?”
I smiled to myself and blushed faintly; perking up when we made a turn onto a familiar street, “Are we going to Filiberto’s?”
“Yeah, that’s the name of the place.”
“My dad used to bring us there all the time! I love it there, it’s my very favorite place… but you’re sure it’
s not too expensive?”
“Nope, not too expensive, not for you,” he said, and pulled up to the curb out front, shutting off his car. He looked over at me, raised his eyebrows and smoothed his hands along the tops of his thighs over his light denim jeans. “Hang tight, I’ll get your door.”
“Okay,” I said laughing lightly.
He came around to my side and opened up my door, I passed him his leather vest and he took it, swinging it on, before reaching down and taking my hand.
“Careful, it's slick.”
“Thank you,” I stood straight and he closed the door behind me and chirped his alarm. We walked up the sidewalk, two doors down, to the brick building with the green door. He opened it for me and ushered us inside.
“Welcome to Filiberto’s, do you have a reservation?” the hostess asked and Nox smiled.
“Yes, for two, should be under Landon Fisher.”
She looked and smiled at us professionally, despite the glint of unease in her eyes as her gaze roved Nox’s vest.
“Right this way,” she said and we followed her to the upstairs, toward the back to a little two person table.
“Thanks,” Nox murmured and pulled out my chair for me. I slid my jacket and scarf onto the back of the chair and he did likewise with his coat and vest on the back of his. He sat down, pushing back the long sleeves of his gray Henley over his forearms. I smiled and let my eyes roam over his tattoos.
“Why crows?” I asked over the sleeve on his left arm.
Nox smiled a little ruefully, “Harbingers of death, extremely smart, memories like iron traps… they’re resourceful, everything I need and want to be.”
“Seems to me you’ve got a lot of those qualities.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, just look what you did for Sage and I… what you do for us.”
“I try.”
We were interrupted by the waitress coming to take our drink order, and then we spent a bit of time looking over the menu to order our food. For the first time in weeks I was famished, and I think it had more to do with the good, relaxed mood I was in.
