by A. J. Downey
There were no demands on me when I was around Nox. It was like I could breathe and be me with no expectations of remaining grown up beyond my years; at the same time, Nox wasn’t like the parents, school officials, and social workers… they all treated me like a kid they expected to fail. With pity, and a certain level of mistrust. While they said with their mouths they trusted me, with their eyes they said just as loudly that they expected me to fail.
Not Nox, he believed in me. It was in his eyes and in his voice, and it made all the difference. It felt like if he could believe, then I should believe.
“You okay?” he asked softly and I looked up from where the menu swam in my vision.
“I um,” I cleared my throat, “I guess I didn’t realize how…” I set down the menu and looked out over the restaurant while my eyes cleared. Nox covered my hand with his where it rested on the table.
“It’s okay,” he murmured. “It’ll all be there when you get back to it. For now, deep breaths and try to enjoy your evening. You can’t worry about things you can’t do anything about all the time, Angel. That’s how you worry yourself sick. So when you’re with me, just let me handle it some, okay?”
I blinked, and nodded dumbly, and some of the stress just melted away. Nox smiled, gave my hand a squeeze and asked what was good. I flicked my gaze back to the familiar menu. We ordered, ate, and shared in some companionable, light conversation. It was a good start for me to be able to enjoy myself and really, just what I needed.
Chapter 9
Nox
She was beautiful in the dim light from above and the soft golden glow cast by the little candles on every table. She smiled and her whole face transformed to the point she looked like one of the angels in the frescoes on the walls and ceiling in here. I guess I’d hit that right, calling her Angel all the time. I don’t know why I’d started doing it. It just came natural, so I went with it.
We ate a good meal and I think it was the most I’d seen her put away since we’d first met. Over the last couple of weeks, I’d seen her cheekbones grow sharper, the delicate bones of her wrists stand out more against her skin. She’d been losing weight, likely more from the worries and concerns that consumed her than from lack of appetite.
It was good to see her smile, it was good to see her laugh, and it was damned good knowing I somehow made that difference. The waitress brought the check at the end of our meal and I smiled, peeling off some bills to pay and leave a better than decent tip. The woman smiled broadly and put a hand on my shoulder.
“You know it’s always so nice to see these daddy-daughter dates, no matter how old they get,” she said and I watched the smile disappear off of Maren’s face.
Son of a bitch.
I plastered on a stiff, fake as hell smile and gave a slight nod. It was hard to keep my trap shut as I watched the knife twist in Maren’s chest and the sparkle leave her eyes. Her face burned with her fight to hold back the threatening tears and I couldn’t do anything about it. I mean sure, I could have ripped the woman to shreds, but she didn’t know… either about Maren’s dad dying or the fact she sure as hell wasn’t my daughter. I guess, technically, I was old enough to be Maren’s daddy. Shit, I’d have had to have had her when I was something like… I did the math, Christ… nineteen. I was nineteen when Maren was born, totally doable. I could totally be her dad… why didn’t that squick me out like it should? Why didn’t I feel like a pedophile now?
Because the woman sitting across from me at that dinner table was just that… a woman. Young, sure, but old enough to make her own decisions and to hold her own. Hell, I’d been watching her hold her own for a minute now.
“What are you thinking?” she asked as the waitress walked away.
“Not sure I should say, Angel.”
She pursed her lips and nodded, her dark eyes flitting to the side, off my face, to the little guttering candle at the edge of our table.
“You’re not a little girl, you’re not my little girl, that’s for sure. We’re friends before anything else, but I sometimes wonder things I shouldn’t.” I swallowed hard and didn’t say anything else. I just watched those luminous dark eyes return to my face, searching it with one of the gravest expressions I’d ever seen someone wear for a full minute.
“Me too,” she said softly, and I felt my spine turn liquid with relief. I hadn’t scared her, and she hadn’t scared me, but now what? It definitely felt like some sort of line had been drawn in the sand and crossed; like we’d turned a corner of some kind, but into what?
“Thank you for dinner,” she murmured and the spell was temporarily broken. I nodded and could pretend nothing had happened or that nothing was amiss if she could.
“I figured we could go to the club, watch the ball drop on the big screen, what do you think?”
“Am I old enough?” she asked and I had to laugh.
“Not a nightclub, Angel. The club, as in the MC.”
“Oh! You’re sure they won’t mind?”
“You’re my guest, why would they mind?” I stood and helped her into her coat, and figured I wasn’t going to get an answer when she finally said softly…
“I’m just a kid.”
I smiled but tried not to laugh, figuring that would just make things worse… “What did I just tell you, Angel?” I asked, voice low and somewhat chiding.
“That you don’t see me as a kid, I know, but your friends – they might.”
“I love my brothers and sisters at the club, but fuck ‘em if they do.”
Her eyes widened and I captured her hand, tugging her along toward the stairs and the eventual exit. We hit the street and a wall of cold and I heard Maren gasp. I turned and tucked her under my arm as we made our way up the block to my cage, the lights flashing as I hit the button on my key.
“I hate the cold, why can’t it be summer again?” she said as I opened her door for her.
“You think you’re cold, I come from a land that has no winter!” I laid my cut across her lap and shut the door on her before she could say anything, mostly because I wanted to get the damn cage started and some heat going.
“I didn’t think of that, I thought it snowed in parts of Arizona though.”
“It does up around Flagstaff sometimes, but I was down in a small border town…”
We chatted some while I drove us to the club and around back to spare her from going through the bar. When we pulled up on the track, there were a bunch of the guys standing around the fire pit, a bright blaze going in it, beers in hand. I got out of the cage and Maren slipped out on her own before I could grab her door for her.
“Hey, Jailbait!” my retarded, half lit, twin crowed and I think I saw Maren flinch slightly.
“Hi Rush,” she called out softly.
“What you two doing here?” Dragon asked and sucked on his cigarette, the coal glowing in the dark. He stood behind the fire, and the flames licking up, casting shadow and throwing shade made his coal dark eyes darker somehow. Hell, it made the man look like the devil him-fucking-self.
“Nowhere else to go really, thought it’d be nice to bring in the New Year around my brothers,” I clasped hands with Reaver and we drew in for one of our classic manly hugs.
“Well get on up close to the fire, girl! Afore you freeze to death,” Archer muttered.
Maren stepped up in between Archer and Trig and held her hands out to the heat. Trig stepped aside for me to take my place beside her. Archer sucked on a joint and passed it in front of Maren to me, but she took it, and a drag. Dragon laughed and Maren passed it to me raising her eyebrows. I smiled and took a hit.
“Huh,” Archer said, “I didn’t figure a nice girl like you for a toker.”
“My dad had it, for his cancer,” she said; voice strained from holding her breath, she let it out in a plume of fragrant smoke and water vapor from her breath as it hit the cold air. “He'd have me light it up for him and let me take a hit every once in a while.” She looked up at Archer, huddling in on herself, her
hands pushed deep into her pockets. “Sorry if I wasn’t supposed to.”
Arch was typical Arch; he just gave a one-shouldered shrug and said, “I ain’t your daddy.”
Maren blushed hard and Rush took pity on her; before I could open my mouth he said, “Translation: He don’t give a fuck, you’re adulting just fine; you do you.”
“Ah,” Maren said back as if Rush had just explained everything, and maybe he had.
Reaver turned to go inside and I called out, “Hey bro! Grab me a beer?” The scary as fuck brother waved over his shoulder and disappeared into the club’s back door.
“Where’s little brother?” Rush asked.
“Staying the night at his best friend’s.”
“Ahh, was wondering what brought you out here.”
“Actually, I expected to spend tonight alone, it was Nox who had other ideas.”
I fucking loved how she smiled in my direction when she said it. It warmed me up better than the bonfire they had going. Trig chuckled beside me.
“That so?” he asked and Maren blushed.
“As in getting her out of the house, asshole. No one should be alone on New Year’s Eve.”
Reave banged out the back door and called back behind him, “Yeah, yeah! Got one more for your girl pile out here – I’m stayin’ out here where it’s safe for the time being!”
Peals of feminine laughter floated out from the club and he returned to the fire with three cold ones. He handed me one and Trig the other. The dead soldiers were piling up on the ground. Good fodder for the shooting range later.
“Who’s out there with you that’s a girl!?” Everett called from the back door, hands on her hips. “Not fair that you’re keeping her from all the fun!”
“I’ve got Maren with me!” I called back to her.
“Maren?” she sounded perplexed for a moment and then called “Oh! Maren! Well, come on in here out of the cold, girlfriend! Let the boys be retarded, doesn’t mean you have to suffer.”
“I fuckin’ heard that!” Dray called from beside his father.
“Don’t fuckin’ care if you did; not like I was keeping it some big damn secret.”
“Oh, I am so gonna fuck that mouth of yours later,” Dray said shaking his head and Everett laughed.
“Looking forward to it, Baby! As always.”
“That is one dirty fuckin’ girl you’ve got there,” Rush said with approval.
Maren remained silent, simply taking it all in. Her dark eyes aglow with firelight and the mellow high she’d attained from her hit of weed. If it was one thing this area had, it was some seriously good shit. One hit was usually all it took to mellow you out.
“Why don’t you go on in, Sweetheart? We’ll all be in before the ball drops.” Dragon suggested, but I knew when it wasn’t a suggestion, and this was one of those. I nudged her lightly and she nodded.
“Thank you,” she murmured and took the dismissal.
“Be right there,” I assured her and she trailed along in the dark, Everett opening up the door for her and greeting her warmly.
“I interrupt something out here?” I asked when she was gone.
“Not especially, just having a little pow wow about the upstate New York chapter.”
“What about ‘em?” I asked.
“Eh, they imploded a minute ago, but a few of the loyal brothers that were serving time are getting out and want to rekindle their chapter up there.”
“There any question on if they’re on board with the new, gentler regime?” Trigger asked.
“Can’t be sure, but two does not a chapter make,” Dragon said with a sigh.
“Thinking of bringing ‘em down here?” I asked.
“Might just.” Dragon didn’t sound sure. More talk went around the fire about it, beer was drunk and I took a few more hits off the joints being passed around. Finally, Hayden and Ashton poked their heads out the back door.
“Countdown is starting!” Hayden called and we struck out that direction.
I found Maren in the back corner of the media room, folded up on one of the stools from the bar. She was smiling and watching everyone and almost seemed a touch relieved when she saw me. I went over to her and she smiled, slipping off the stool and standing. I leaned my butt against it and the counting started, everyone shouting in unison.
“Eight!”
I smiled at the enthusiastic smile on Maren’s lips as she counted with everyone else. The jubilation and excitement thrumming through the room a contagious thing.
“Six!”
“Five!”
“Four!”
I joined in on the count.
“Three!”
“Two!”
“One!”
“Happy New Year!”
The ball on the television flared bright, the room brightening as a result, the only light coming from the big screen. Auld Lange Syne as sung by the crowd in Times Square booming through the speakers. Maren turned and hugged me jovially and we drew apart and in her enthusiasm, her lips landed on mine.
I’d seen it a thousand times in the movies and on TV. The guy and the girl, they kiss, and time – hell everything – just freezes around them. I’d never had it happen to me, though; not until right then. An electric tingle suffused my lips and it was like it jolted my heart, the damn thing skipping a beat entirely while that electric pleasure flowed through my veins and the hair stood up on the back of my neck. It was a split second our lips touched but it might as well have been the shortest eternity.
Maren drew back slightly, surprise painting her features as much as it probably painted mine. Her dark eyes wide and her equally dark hair tumbling around her face, I couldn’t resist. I couldn’t stop myself, and if I were going to hell for it, then so be it. I bent my head deliberately and kissed her again. I kissed her for real, tasting her this time, and I had zero fucking regrets.
Chapter 10
Maren
I held my breath, I hadn’t meant to, I was just excited. I’d kissed him and I’d pulled back from it, longing squeezing my heart in its fist. He’d quickly glanced over my face, a deep, lusting longing in his eyes and had bowed his head, his arms tightening around my body and drawing me close.
He kissed me back.
He kissed me back, and it was everything every girl has imagined at one time or another. His mouth warm against mine, his tongue gently asking permission, touching lightly against my bottom lip. I gave him access and I swear to god, I melted. He deepened the contact, his tongue stroking expertly against mine, and I would have given him anything, anything at all that he wanted from me, had he only asked for it.
He didn’t, however. If anything, the thing I admired about Nox, was his level of control. No matter what, no matter the situation, he always seemed in control and ready to handle it. This was no different. While I wanted to climb his body and have him take me anywhere but this room full of people to finish what I’d started; he had the patience to follow the wiser course of action. He broke the kiss, both of us breathless, chests heaving in shallow gasps.
He rested his forehead against mine, and licked his sensual lips, his eyes opening to pin my gaze with his.
“I have to stop, Angel. We both have to stop.”
“I know,” I gasped, and I couldn’t keep the mournful tone from my voice.
“Trust me, baby. I don’t want to. I want to take you to my room and finish what we just started, but it’s not a good idea.”
“I know, it’s not safe, for you or for me… They might take Sage and I can’t let that happen.”
“They might decide I need to serve some jail time, and I can’t let that happen either.”
I closed my eyes again and just tried to hold onto the intimate feeling like we were in our own private bubble.
“Take me to your place,” I murmured. “I just want to be alone with you, to talk; to listen to something other than the worries and the heartache for a time.”
His hold on me tightened just a little an
d he drew back to look at me before nodding finally.
“I can leave the door open, come on this way…” He took me by the hand and led me out of the cavernous family room into the club and back out the door we’d entered it from. Once outside, I followed him across the grass to the asphalt track, around past the big garage and shop building to another outbuilding. He opened the door on one end of it and ushered me inside.
It was warm, and a long sterile hall with doors lining it to either side. Nox took my hand again and pointed at the first one, “That’s the bathroom if you need it, the one on the other end of the hall on the opposite side is one too.”
“Okay,” I murmured.
He led me about four doors down the hall and to the left opening the door, “This is my place,” he muttered, flipping on the light.
The room was fairly good sized and held a bed and a couple of dressers. A television was perched on the top of one of them, along with a small cable box, Blu-ray player, and a few remotes. Everything was neat and orderly, the air scented faintly with something herbal. The bed was big and heavy, made from the same light wood as the dresser and armoire. The furniture pieces rustic, speaking of the country or life on a ranch. It seemed out of place from the rest of Nox, of course, nothing about him had fit the stereotypes of what you would expect from all the tattoos and black leather.
He took my coat from me and hung it on a hook on the back of the door, hanging his jacket and vest beside it. He swung the door wide, and while I would have liked a little more privacy, I understood. It stung that he didn’t trust me, but what could be done about it? This was why we couldn’t have nice things… people, both men, and girls, behaving badly, ruining it for the rest of us.
“You okay?” he asked me, smoothing his hands up and down my shoulders. I nodded, and wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging myself close, in the shelter of his much taller body. He wrapped his arms around me and held me, and I could have stayed there forever.
“I was just thinking about how this is why we can’t have nice things, meaning people just wreck everything, you know?”
