Love at First Hate

by Muriel Garcia

  “Honestly, if you had sent me to military camp and to join the Army, I’d have tried to fuck as many guys as humanly possible. There’s something about a guy in a uniform…” I sigh dreamily.

  “Trust you to make sexual jokes about that kind of thing.” He chuckles.

  “Hey, at least I see the positive in it. That’d have been the perfect opportunity for you to try it out with a guy.”

  “I was too shy and not sure of how I felt yet. I didn’t want to mess things up even more for me, and I didn’t want anyone to rat me out to my father. It was hard because some of those men were hot, but yeah, I repressed those feelings and just focused on what I had to do.”

  “How bad was it out there?” I ask not sure if I want to know.

  “I saw most of my squad being killed in front of me due to a bomb explosion. That’s also how I lost my leg.” He looks lost in his thoughts. I didn’t want to bring him back to that time in his life.

  “Sorry.”

  “For?” He looks offended.

  “Bringing back those memories I’m sure you’d rather forget about.”

  “It’s okay. I relive them most nights in my sleep.”

  “I know.”

  “How do you know?” Confusion laces his voice.

  “I can hear you scream in the middle of the night most nights.”

  “Sorry about that. I can’t control them. Sometimes I wake up, sometimes it lasts all night.”

  “It’s okay. I know you can’t control it and don’t do it on purpose.”

  “Thanks.” He looks embarrassed.

  “No need. I’m here for you if you ever want to talk. Even in the middle of the night, you wake me up most times so might as well come over if you need to chat about it.” I chuckle.

  “Thank you, I appreciate it, and same goes for you.”

  “Careful, I might abuse that offer and come to you whenever.” I smirk, playfully caressing his thigh.

  “Always the tease.”

  “You secretly love it.” I wink.

  “It’s not like it’s a secret anymore.”

  “True. You’ve confessed to that already.”

  “Not sure it was a good or a bad idea knowing you.”

  “Only time will tell.” I shrug and take another slice of pizza.

  Last night went better than I imagined. We finished the pizza, the beers, and the bottle of wine. We moved back to the living room and kept talking about anything and everything, neither of us wanting to be away from each other.

  At some point, we both fell asleep on the couch while watching shit TV shows. It seemed to be what Nate needed. We moved forward in whatever it is that we have between us. It’s like a cat and mouse chase. I like it, it’s making things exciting between us, more than they were before. I don’t know if anything will ever happen between Nate and me, but I’ll take whatever that does happen, even if we just stay friends. He’s a nice guy and needs more friends and people he can confide in.

  We woke up next to each other on the couch, leaning against each other. It was a surprise to wake up almost cuddling up to each other, but it felt natural. It was just a surprise in the way that I didn’t remember falling asleep here, and from the look on his face neither did he. We didn’t spend much time talking about the fact that we slept next to each other. We had breakfast together before I went back to my place to get ready for work.

  Oddly enough, breakfast and spending the first hour of the day in Nate’s company felt good. It’s something I could very easily get used to. I’m not sure if it’s a good or bad thing. He’s still confused and hasn’t explored the dark side yet, and I’m not sure if he ever will. I don’t want to let myself develop feelings for someone who might not reciprocate them and wouldn’t be able to commit to a relationship.

  I know I see too much into the little that’s happened between us, but he’s the first guy who’s ever made me feel like I matter and that my opinion matters.

  Today has been dragging so much. I don’t know if it’s because I keep thinking about last night and this morning, or because I’m excited about Smash Monkey’s opening party tonight. It means I’m seeing Nate again and I get to party, double pleasure!

  It’s still a work function, but nobody said that you couldn’t enjoy yourself, right?

  I settle on wearing something similar to what I wore the day I went to interview Tyler, the shop owner. Black jeans, flannel shirt, Converse and my leather jacket. I put on my glasses for the finishing touch and some cologne before heading out the door. I don’t want to be too late.

  When I get to the party, it’s already in full bloom. Music is being played loudly, drinks are flowing, and people are mingling. To my surprise, they are holding the party in the once empty commercial location next door. The windows are blacked out so you can’t see a thing, but they’ve decorated it in the same way as the main shop. Glossy black floors and white walls covered with old school tattoo designs. Spread across the room are high tables, lining the back wall are some booths like in a fifties’ dinner, and a bar is in the left corner. A small stage is set up to the right of the room. It looks amazing. I’m not sure what this place is going to be, but I can’t wait to find out.

  A door connects the two shops with guards to make sure people don’t try to steal anything. It’d be so easy with the amount of people packed in here. The place is filled with local press journalists and tattoo fanatics.

  I’m snapping pictures with my phone to add to my article when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around, and Nate is standing there looking magnificent as ever in his blue jeans and flannel shirt, holding a beer in his right hand and handing me a glass of red wine with his left hand.

  “Thought you might be thirsty,” he says over the music, leaning in to make sure I hear him.

  “I’m always thirsty.” I lean in closer and gently bite the edge of his ear.

  “I can tell.” He chuckles pulling away from me, looking a bit embarrassed.

  “I didn’t know about this room.” I decide to play nice with him. This is his workplace. I don’t want to make it awkward for him. We are just outside the extension of the shop so we can talk without having to scream.

  “Nobody did besides us. We wanted to keep it a surprise.” He shrugs and takes a sip of his beer.

  “What is it going to be?” I take a sip of wine. Not bad.

  “Once we clean up the mess, it’ll be a bar. We’ll have live bands playing here, and we’ll move our apparel in here too; it’ll be easier.

  “Any bands lined up yet?”

  “Yeah, we have a couple of local bands. It’s obviously not meant to be a concert venue, but it’ll be for more intimate settings.”

  “That’s awesome. Make sure to give me the list of the concerts already planned. I’ll add a section about that and the extension in the article.”

  “Thanks, appreciate it. I’ll drop it off tomorrow,” he says coldly. I’m not sure what happened, but the sudden change in his behavior makes me wonder if I said something wrong.

  “Everything okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” I chuckle softly, trying to make light of the situation.

  “No, just your ex.” He nods across the street. I turn around and indeed, John is standing there, staring at us creepily.

  “Don’t mind him.”

  “Right.” He sighs.

  “Are you jealous, Nathan?” I tease him.

  “Don’t call me Nathan. It’s Nate and maybe,” he mumbles the last part.

  “Sorry, Nate. Aww, that’s so sweet, but you don’t have to worry about him. I was over the relationship long before it ended, and I have no intention of getting back together with him. So you still have your chances if you play your cards right.” I smirk.

  “Are you flirty like this with everybody?”

  “No, just with you and well, all of my friends, but it’s innocent flirting with them.” I shrug and detect an ounce of jealousy in his eyes.

  “Can flirting really be innocent?�
�� he asks looking at me intently.

  “Yeah, I’ll flirt and annoy the shit out of Haven all day long. She’s the one I flirt the most with.” I chuckle.

  “What’s the deal with you two?”

  “We’re best friends. She’s like a sister to me. I took her in when she joined the magazine last year. She had just been fired and caught her boyfriend cheating on her. She wasn’t sure of her place in society anymore, and I helped her get over it by using inappropriate jokes and major flirting.” I grin proudly.

  “Why doesn’t that surprise me coming from you?” He laughs.

  “I’m the king of sexual innuendo, you’ll soon find out. Want to know a funny thing?” I smirk.

  “Go on.” He sounds hesitant.

  “Right, Haven found out her boyfriend was cheating on her, and she moved in next door to a loud neighbor. She ended up finding her Prince Charming right after. Same thing is happening to me.” I wink at him.

  “Oh God.” He rubs his face laughing. “I’m not sure if I’m more mortified by the fact that I’m waking you up every other night screaming in my sleep or because you heard Lindsey and I fucking.”

  “I’ll reassure you straightaway, I think I’ve only heard you two fuck once or twice at the most. Someone isn’t very vocal.” I lift my eyebrow at him.

  “I was rarely into it.” He looks ashamed to admit that.

  “Because she is a woman or has an annoying as fuck voice?” I tease.

  “Both.” He looks up at me.

  I nod. “Makes sense. How did it make you feel to hear me fuck that guy a couple of months ago?” I ask quietly.

  “I was rock hard all night imagining you fucking him, and I hated myself for having those feelings.” He sighs admitting that.

  “I’m glad I can make you hard.” I smirk.

  “Always. Anyway, it’s been a while since you’ve had…company.” Finally, he’s starting to open up slowly.

  “Can’t say I see the appeal to fuck random guys anymore. It’s fun for a while, but it gets old really quickly. I was never much of a player. I like to have sex with someone I have feelings for. It makes it more special, and it’s a lot more passionate.” I shrug.

  “I wouldn’t know.”

  “So you’re telling me you’ve never had sex with someone you had feelings for?” I’m dumbfounded.

  “Sadly, no. I don’t think I’ve ever had true feelings for anyone. I’ve had to repress the little emotions I was feeling for different reasons. When I was in the military, besides the hot men walking around mostly in just their boxers or naked, which messed with my head. I did start to develop something, more like affection, for a female soldier who was there. We were spending a lot of time talking, and I don’t know if I was starting to fall for her or just enjoyed the companionship, but then there was the bomb explosion, and I never heard from her again.”

  “That’s horrible, on all accounts. You never should have to repress your feelings.” I frown, highly disturbed by that fact.

  “I know, but what can you do when whatever you do is considered wrong, and you have your entire family against you?”

  “I wouldn’t know.” I hate to say this to someone who’s never had a loving family. I’ve never had any problem with mine. They all were supportive, so I really don’t know how he feels.

  “It’s alright. I’m used to it by now.”

  “You shouldn’t. In my opinion, you should have done what you did yesterday a long time ago.”

  “I should have, but I didn’t have the balls to do it. I’m not sure if it’s because you were there or whatever. It felt like it was time to stand up for myself.”

  “I mean what I said last night, whenever you need to talk, you know where I live. Come talk to me.” I smile at him.

  “Thanks, I might hold you to that.”

  “You better or I’ll just invite myself over whenever I feel like you need me, which can be quite often.” I shrug.

  “You think I’m that big of a mess?” he scoffs.

  “No, I just think we had a good night last night, and I wouldn’t mind a redo or ten.”

  “I wouldn’t mind either. It’s the first time in ages that I felt like I could be myself without being judged. It was refreshing.”

  “Please, always be yourself with me. That’s all I’m asking of you.” We look at each other intently when Spencer, Haven, and the entire clique joins us outside of the shop, breaking this intense moment. I’m not sure if I should be annoyed or grateful, but we fall into comfortable discussions amongst all of us, and Nate can finally get to know my best friends. He seems to really warm up to them. Gabby is all over him, but not in a creepy way, for once.

  March 8, 2016

  Today is the day I’m getting my thigh tattooed, and I cannot wait. Not because I enjoy the pain, but because I get to spend hours with Nate. Mind you, he’ll have his face close to my crotch all day. It’ll be hard not to get a boner, especially with his hot self around me, but it wouldn’t be the first time for him to see me with a boner.

  Before I get to the shop, I stop at a little café and get a couple of coffees to go. I’m not sure what they all drink, but free coffee is always good. I take a few packets of sugar, milk, and coffee biscuits before making my way to the shop.

  The little bell above the door dings as I walk into the tattoo shop.

  “Hey, handsome!” Mina greets me and takes the platter with all the coffees.

  “Hey, gorgeous, how are you?”

  “Much better now that you brought coffee.” She giggles.

  “Someone hasn’t had her coffee fix?”

  “No, there was a power outage in my building this morning. I had to bring my hair dryer here to get ready. It was a nightmare,” she huffs.

  “I can imagine. You look fabulous as always.” I smile at her.

  “Always the charmer.” She grins and slaps my chest playfully.

  “That he is,” Nate says walking toward us.

  “Good morning, handsome.” I smirk at him.

  “Good morning. Thanks for the coffee.” He sounds almost grumpy.

  “My pleasure.” I take my own and take a sip of it. Heaven.

  “We can get started whenever you want. It’s going to be a long day for you.”

  “I’ll get to spend it with you so it won’t be that bad.” I rub his back as I follow him to his private station.

  “Wait until I tattoo the inside of your thigh. You’re not going to like me that much then.” He chuckles.

  “I can imagine.” I frown.

  “Do I have to worry that you’ll tap out after an hour?” He raises his eyebrow at me.

  “No, I can deal well with pain, but I can imagine it’ll be tender. I’m sure you can make me feel better.” I smirk.

  “Whenever you need breaks, tell me. I can go over the time we have today if needed. I don’t have any other appointments.”

  “You just want to spend the whole day with me. Admit it.” I smirk.

  “Maybe.” He winks at me and takes a sip of his coffee. Fuck me, it’s going to be one long day.

  Two hours into the tattoo and I need a break. We’re only doing the outline, but what I thought would be fun to have him by my crotch and tease him, backfired on me. The inside of the thigh is a right fucking bitch and can do one! The pain is canceling out any hint of boner I could get.

  It is, however, fun to have him around my dick and not know how to deal with it. His hand and arm brushed way too many times against it. I’m sure he can appreciate the fact that I don’t have a raging hard on right now.

  “How do you feel?” he asks taking off his gloves.

  “Like I could put you over my knee and fucking spank your ass raw,” I say through gritted teeth.

  “Promises.” He chuckles.

  “You just wait until I get my hands on you one day, your ass will be raw.” I smirk and sit up.

  “We’ll see.” He teases, but he has that hint of a blush going on. He’s becoming more daring with wh
at he’s saying to me, but he’s still embarrassed about it. It’s like it’s a battle in his own head about what to do and what to say.

  The rest of the day was spent how it started, Nate by my crotch, torturing the shit out of my leg with his needle and putting an amazing design in my leg. I did end up getting a boner, and he found it amusing that he could get me hard without much touching. He didn’t have much choice but to be very close to my dick to tattoo up to my hip and well, my junk was in the way and was getting hard under his arm as he was resting it on it. I didn’t mind, and apparently, neither did he. I decided to play nice with him as I didn’t want to make it hard for him to do his job properly. After all, he’s putting a design on my leg permanently.

  We’re getting closer together as friends, and I really like it. I feel like he could do with a lot more friends than he actually has. If not for talking his heart out, at least for fun and a couple of drinks here and there.

  Despite very different upbringings, we have very similar tastes, whether it be music or movies, we like the same thing. He makes me want to find out more about him, and I like that. He keeps me on my toes, and I discover something different about him every time we are together.

  Although nothing happened between us yet, I can really feel myself growing fonder of him. He has that innocence about him that I really like. He has no idea of how handsome and hot he is. He sees himself as a wounded soldier and nothing else. He’s a really nice guy to talk to and to know. I’m glad we could get past this pseudo-feud we had between us. Something that never should have happened in the beginning but inadvertently brought us closer together.

  I hope we’ll have a future together, as friends or lovers, I don’t really care. All I know is that I want Nate in my life, one way or another, I’ll take it.

  May 3, 2016

  Tuesday

  Mina found out that I was into men three days ago or rather, eavesdropped while I was talking to Ellie. Since then, she’s made it her mission to find me a guy. Not just to date, oh no, but for me to get my dick sucked off and see if I enjoy it. Her words, not mine.

  While I’m really curious about how it would feel with a man, I’m not sure I want it to be with someone picked up from a bar. It’d feel really awkward, and I would probably just freeze and say no at the last minute. I know who I want to be my first, but that’s just wishful thinking. I know Matt’s been mad flirting with me for the past couple of months and made the promise that someday it’d happen between us. I just don’t know if he really means it or just tried to reassure me in some weird way. Either way, I’m not about to jump into bed with a guy I’ve known for five minutes.