“Babe.” I smile and wince as I hear his voice.
“Are you alright?” he asks worry lacing his voice.
“I’ll get there. How are you?”
“Better now knowing that you’re alive. All of the bad things that could happen to someone crossed my mind. Even alien abduction.” He chuckles softly.
“Trust you to think of that, but I didn’t get any anal probing these past couple of days. Don’t worry.”
“That’s reassuring. Where are you, and when are you coming back?”
“To be honest, I’m not sure where I am. I’m at a cabin in the woods somewhere, and I need a couple of days.”
“How come you don’t know where you are? Why do you need a couple of days? You’ve disappeared for days, Nate.” He’s getting annoyed, and I can’t blame him.
“Frank dropped me off here, and I just do. Trust me, it’s for the best.”
“How can it be for the best, and why is your voice muffled? What’s wrong, babe?”
“It’s a long story I’m not willing to go through again right now. I promise I’ll tell you everything when I come back.”
“How can I be so sure that you’re going to come back? You promised me in Hawaii that you weren’t leaving me or dumping me, yet you went and did just that!”
“I didn’t dump you! I left you like a coward because I knew you would either try to stop me or come with me, and I’m fucking glad I didn’t tell you because I dread to think what would have happened to you,” I say in a soft voice.
“I’m not a fragile little thing, Nate.”
“I know you’re not. Babe, I really don’t want us to fight. I just need a couple of days, and I promise I’ll be back as soon as I possibly can. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be okay.”
“You know what? Fuck this. I’m tired of being lied to and kept in the dark about things that obviously include me. I love you, and that won’t change, but I can’t keep doing this.” He hangs up on me before I get the chance to say anything else. I groan to myself, this is why I didn’t want to do relationships!
I try to call him back, but he dodges my calls. I text him as I don’t want to leave him a message. I’m surprised he could understand anything I’d say.
Me: I’ve never wanted to make you feel like I’m not telling you what’s going on. I promise I’ll tell you everything once I come back. I still have to process some of the things I found out. I hope you can forgive me and will understand. I love you.
I shoot a quick text to my brother before going back to sleep. I feel like sleep is the only thing that’ll get me through this fucking mess that my life has become.
Me: Hey Frank, still alive but going back to sleep. I feel like death.
Frank: I’ll stop by tonight after work and make sure you eat something and don’t die. I’d feel responsible.
Me: Alright, see you tonight.
I put my phone to the side as sleep claims me again.
What has my life become?
June 3, 2016
It’s been two weeks since I last spoke to Nate, and I hate it.
Besides a couple of text exchanges, we haven’t been talking, and it’s my fault. I’ve been dodging his calls. When I called him the last time, he sounded weird and was very mysterious. He refused to tell me what had happened to him or when he’d be coming back. He still hasn’t told me where he is, and it’s driving me crazy. I want nothing more than being with him, but fuck it all to hell, I refuse to let people lie to me and keep things from me again. If he wants to talk to me, he can come and do it in person, hence why I haven’t been answering him. I’ve wanted to, though, and I’ve almost slipped many times, but I’m trying to stay strong because I know that when it comes to Nate, I’ll just cave in after two seconds.
“What’s on your mind?” Haven asks me.
“Same as usual.” I blow out a breath and throw my phone on the coffee table as it rings once again.
“Are you really still dodging his calls?” she groans.
“Yes, if he can’t talk to me face to face then that’s his problem. I’m not going to let him toy with my heart just because he can’t grow a pair and come talk to me.”
“My God you’re stubborn! Maybe there’s a good explanation as to why he can’t speak to you face to face and why it’s taking him so long…”
“And what might that reason be?” I ask, digging into the peanut butter ice cream she brought back from the kitchen.
“I don’t know. You said he had something to solve. I guess for Maddie and the arranged wedding. So he must have gone to his father. Maybe it didn’t go well, and you never know what happened. Robert doesn’t seem to be the type of guy to be quiet and calm once you sit down and talk to him.” She tries to reason.
“I know, but we’ve been so close to the past few months, even before we got together. I don’t get why with just one text he changed his whole behavior with me.”
“You don’t know what people went through. He might not have told you everything. When people go through something traumatizing at a young age, they tend to repress it. I’m sure once he’s back he’ll tell you everything that’s happened. You’ll just have to be patient. I know you can do it, and I know you two will be stronger than before if you’ll just stop ignoring his calls. He’s making the first step, just accept it.” She groans as my phone goes off again.
“Maybe you’re right.” I sigh.
“I know I’m right. I thought with Spencer being out of town for the weekend for his photography course that we’d have some fun like before and enjoy ourselves, but you’re moping around, and I don’t like it.”
“I don’t like it either. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt this way.”
“How do you exactly feel?”
“Like I’ve lost him,” I say, defeated.
“Then why are you ignoring his phone calls? Why aren’t you just accepting the fact that you’re a stubborn ass and have to suck it up and pick up the damn phone when it rings? You want to talk to him, but you refuse to pick up. It makes no fucking sense to me!” She throws her hands up and takes the container of ice cream from my hands.
“Because I don’t want to do it over the phone.”
“Do what?”
“Fight?”
“Why would you two fight?”
“Because that’s what we did the last time we spoke on the phone.”
“How is that going to make it a reoccurrence if you answer him?”
“I don’t know. He refuses to explain what’s been going on, and I can’t see him wanting to do it this time around.” I shrug.
“You know, for someone as smart as you, you’re really stupid sometimes.”
“Charming.” I glare at her.
“He’s reaching out to you! He obviously wants to talk or at least check on you.”
“Maybe.”
“Oh don’t you maybe me. You’re going to answer the phone the next time he calls, or I’ll do it, and you won’t like it,” she threatens. Haven is always passionate when it comes to her friends and their happiness, and this is no exception.
“Alright, alright, keep your panties on.”
“You know what? I don’t feel like staying in for once. You’re going to go get dressed. We’re going to go to the Vault. You need to relax and have some fun. I really don’t like this sad and unhappy Matt. It’s so not you, and it’s creeping me out.” She frowns looking up at me.
“Do I have any say in this?”
“Nope, go on; go get your cute little ass in one of your hot ass outfits, and we’ll get going.”
“Ugh, fine. Just for the record, I really don’t want to go out or socialize so if you’re going to moan at me once we get there because I don’t want to dance, tough luck because I warned you.”
“Fair enough, I’m sure I’ll get you on the dance floor after a couple of drinks.”
“You wanna bet?” I scoff.
“Alright, I’ll make it my mission to get you to dance.” She
smirks at me.
“You know firsthand how stubborn I am. I’m not going to give in that easily.”
“I know you’re not, but I have a secret weapon.” She winks at me and goes upstairs to get changed. I take the pint of ice cream with me and go to the guest room to get ready. I really don’t want to go, but I don’t want to spoil Haven’s fun. I know she enjoys going to the Vault, and with everything that’s been going on, we haven’t gone there in a long time.
I sort through my clothes and pick up black jeans and a black V-neck shirt. I really don’t feel like dressing up tonight. I style my hair with some gel, making sure there are no stray strands sticking in the wrong direction. Even though I’m not dressing up, I’m not playing with my hair game. It has to be perfect at all times. It’s been that way since one of my so-called university friends thought it would be a good idea to shave me in my sleep when I was drunk. I didn’t let him live it down. He had natural platinum blond hair, and I put orange hair dye in his shampoo. It took him two months to get rid of the color entirely. After that, he knew not to mess with my hair.
Picking up my glasses, I ditch my contact lenses and put my black converse on. Even without making an effort, it looks like I’ve planned my entire outfit. If only Nate was there to have some fun at the club and some other type of fun after the club.
Fuck, I miss Nate. I don’t know why I’ve been putting myself through the heartache. I’m the one who’s been refusing to pick up the phone when Nate keeps trying to call me. It’s my own stupid way of protecting myself, and I’ve been doing things backward.
“Are you ready?” Haven asks, poking her head through the door.
“Yeah.” I smile at her.
“That’s better. Looking hot as usual, and that’s the first time I’ve seen you with short sleeves.”
“I know. I don’t even want to bother making an effort tonight.” I shrug and grab my wallet.
“Yet it looks like you’ve spent hours on yourself. It’s unfair. Men have it easy.” She frowns.
“We do, not for heartache, though.”
“Oh stop it, you mopey ass!” She links her arm with mine, and we walk to the door.
“Wait, I need my phone.”
“Here.” She hands it to me.
“What did you do?” I raise my eyebrow at her.
“Nothing, why?” She looks at me confused.
“Because you had it with you when I know I left it on the coffee table.”
“I took it with me in case he would call again because I knew you wouldn’t pick up.” She shrugs and opens the front door and lets me out.
“Did he?”
“No, sorry.” She sighs and shoos Bernard away from the door before locking it.
“Maybe he got fed up with me not picking up.” I kick myself mentally. I should have picked up sooner.
“Maybe, let’s not dwell on it. You can call him tomorrow when you’ve had some fun. You really need to let loose.”
“You’re the boss.” I open the passenger door for her and close it when she’s in before getting behind the wheel.
“Hell yes, I am!” She fist bumps the air as I start driving.
“What did I get myself into?” I grunt dramatically and drive to the Vault. A part of me can’t wait to have a couple of drinks, and the other part just wants to chill on the couch, eat a bunch of junk food, and wallow in self-pity.
“A hell of a lot of fun.” She dances in her seat as we make our way to the club. At least she’s happy.
Matt: Hey, it’s Haven. Matt is a mess. He misses you, but he’s too stubborn to actually pick up the phone and talk to you. We’ll be at the Vault for a couple of hours. Come over if you want to see him. Please do, he really misses you!
I suppose it’s better than nothing to get a text from Haven saying where they are going to be so I can actually join them. I’ve been trying to recover from the repeated beatings I was getting so I wouldn’t scare people by walking down the street, but fuck it. I need to see Matt. It’s been too long, and even though I still haven’t fully come to terms with what’s been going on, I have to see him. I miss him and miss being with him.
Me: I’ll be there in an hour or so. Thanks, love, for telling me where you’ll be.
Shoving the little belongings I have here in a bag, I make sure everything is off before walking out of the door and locking up. Frank brought back my car the other day. He came over with Olivia and brought pizza and beer. It felt good to actually have some real food. There’s only so much you can do with canned food and pasta. I was getting bored of eating the same thing over and over, but I guess it was better than nothing.
They spent the night here, and it was good to have some company. I’m a loner but being here, alone with my thoughts, I was starting to get crazy. Or maybe I’ve always been, who knows. Anyway, I’m ready to go back to civilization now and be with my friends. Besides missing Matt like crazy, I do miss everybody else.
Locking up the front door to the cabin feels like closing a chapter of my life, and getting in my car feels like the beginning of a new one.
Hopefully, I’m leaving here all the worries and drama that came from my life growing up. I’ve done all I could to make my father understand that I didn’t want a part of his fucked up plan, and I hope I don’t have to deal with him again. I want that part of my life to be done and over with.
I’m ready to start a new life with Matt and be happy. I just want to enjoy my life how I want it and not let the shadow of what my past was like cloud it and mess things up for us. We’ve both done our piece to mess things up. Me by not talking to him and Matt by not answering my calls. I wasn’t really ready to tell him everything, but I would have told him what my father did to me and why I needed some time. The last thing I wanted was for Matt to see me in the state I was in. It’s a little better now, but I still look rough. My lip healed, and my eye isn’t swollen shut anymore, but I’m still pretty much covered in bruises. At least being at the club he won’t notice them as much.
I start my Impala and drive toward my hopefully happy future.
Making my way through the sea of people in the club, I notice a tall, dark, and handsome man leaning against the bar with a beautiful redhead bouncing to the beat of the music, trying to drag him to the dance floor. If I didn’t know better, I’d get jealous instantly.
The look of annoyance on Matt’s face as Haven is trying to drag him on the dance floor is quite amusing. I position myself far enough from them so that I can see them without being seen.
There’s something about watching the people you love interact with others when they have no idea you’re there.
Matt isn’t looking impressed with Haven’s attempts to have him dance, nor is he looking his happy self. That’s until another guy joins them, and it appears as if he’s hitting on Matt. I trust Matt. I would trust him with my life, but I do not trust that guy and his intentions with Matt.
Taking a deep breath, I make my way toward them. Haven is the first to see me, as she looks uncomfortable with that guy talking to Matt. She widely grins at me and steps to the side. Matt is still talking to that guy until my body is against his. I gently take his face in my hands and bring his lips to mine, kissing him with all the passion and desire I have in me. It doesn’t take him long to kiss me back as his hands cup my face, and he deepens the kiss.
Wrapping my arms around his body, I bring him closer to me and finally hold him in my arms. It’s been far too long, and I’ve missed holding that perfect body. I’ve missed feeling his lips against mine, kissing, sucking, and nipping away.
“I fucking missed you,” he says in a breathless voice.
“I missed you too. I’m sorry I didn’t come back sooner.” I rest my forehead against his, holding his body to mine still. He wraps his arms around me, holding on for dear life.
“Don’t leave me for this long again,” he says against my lips.
“I promise I won’t. I had good reasons.”
“Will you
ever tell me?”
“Yes, I can tell you when we get home.” I smile.
“I like the sound of that.”
“You two are so fucking hot together!” Haven squeals from next to us.
“You’re pretty hot yourself.” I chuckle looking at her. “Sorry for what happened in Hawaii.” I reluctantly let go of Matt and hug her.
“Don’t mention it. I’m sure you had a good reason, and you didn’t ruin anything, she did. It’s Matt you have to apologize, not me.”
“I intend to do that later,” I say in her ear, and she starts giggling.
“I have an idea or two on how you can apologize to him.” She waggles her eyebrows as she pulls away from me.
“What are you two up to, and how did you know where to find us?” Matt asks, sounding suspicious about us.
“Nothing, and I might have texted him to let him know where we would be.” She grins at him.
“I knew you were up to something!” he shouts at her in a playful way.
“I’m always up to something, and it’s nothing bad. He’s here, you’re here, and you two are back together.” She shrugs.
“Fair enough. Thank you.” He hugs her, and I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around only to see Maddie, Jessica, and Valentine. Now, I know Valentine is a decent guy, but I’m not sure I trust him enough to be around my sister.
“What are you doing here? You’re not twenty-one yet.” I ask her hugging her.
“Valentine let me in. I have a bracelet saying I can’t have alcohol so don’t start. Besides, I was just hanging out with Jessica, and we wanted to have some innocent fun. We know this club is safe so why not?” She hugs me back.
“If anything happens I’m holding you responsible for it.” I glare at Valentine.
“I’ll take full responsibility for it. Don’t worry. Anyway, good to see you’re back. Did you solve things with your father?” he asks me, and I’m quite surprised that Maddie told him. She’s usually very private. It makes me wonder what’s going on between them.
“For now. I don’t know how long it’ll last, but I promise I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ll move you in with me if needed so I can keep an eye on you,” I tell Maddie.
Love at First Hate Page 20
