Catya nodded.
Zane let out a pitiful, mournful cry that tugged at my heart. “It’s all right, little man.”
Daisy stepped closer. “I can feed him if you like.”
How did one ask tactfully if troll-human breast milk was okay for a child born of a witch? “You sure it won’t poison him?” Yup, nice and subtle like.
Daisy laughed softly, her eyes sparkling with humor. “I’ve nursed several children of different supernaturals, and all of them have grown straight and true. My milk is rich.”
Lips pursed, I reluctantly handed Zane to her. She cradled him with an ease I envied. “Hush, my boy, hush.” With one hand she spread her shirt and slipped a bright pink, and I mean nearly neon in shade, nipple into his searching mouth. His mewling eased as she stood, nursing him quietly.
Bao cleared his throat, and touched me gently on the elbow. “Come, I will take you to your room.”
I hesitated. “I can’t leave him. I don’t know who the fuck she is other than her name.”
Daisy smiled at me, seemingly nonplussed by my reaction to her. “I will have to feed him every few hours. You’re welcome to stay with me if you like.”
I nodded before Bao could say anything else. “Good. Then I’ll stay with you.”
The monk bowed, a half smile on his lips. “Of course. Eat, rest, and know that you are safe here, Blood of the Lost, Tracker.”
He turned and left us standing. Daisy with Zane nursing in her arms, me with a blade still in my hand and a kid clinging to my thigh. “You hungry, Catya?”
She nodded and I pried her from my leg so I could take her hand. “Let’s eat.”
We sat, and Daisy lowered herself to the bench beside me. “The monk, he called you a Tracker. Is that true?”
I gave a slow nod as I scooped food onto a plate for Catya. “Yes, why, you have someone you want me to look for?” A part of me hoped she did, the distraction would be welcome. The other part of me hoped she didn’t.
Her smile was hesitant. “No, I have my children here, they were saved . . . by Tara. She said a Guardian was with her, and that his woman was a Tracker. I assume that is you?”
I gave a nod, keeping my eye on the food as I spooned it onto my plate, just staring as she continued to speak.
“Is he well, the Guardian? Is he here? I would like to thank him for helping her. They saved many of our children.”
Catya’s hand rested lightly on my thigh, but she was silent.
I cleared my throat. “He’s dead.”
Daisy made a sound deep in her throat, like a growl and a groan. “I’m sorry. It was recent then?”
Fuck, I did not want to talk about this. So I stuffed my face. I didn’t know what it was I ate, didn’t care. Couldn’t really taste it anyway over the grief that filled my body. Who knew grief tasted like anything, yet it was like that. The salt of tears turned into a crazy volume of pain filling my belly. I couldn’t escape it, so I kept shoveling food into my mouth. Alex would have been proud.
Then again, I needed to eat. I knew that much. I hadn’t been taking good care of myself and I had to do that now, had to. For the sake of . . . my brain stuttered over saying it, even inside myself.
My daughter.
I put my fork down, wiped my face with a napkin, and slid from the bench. “Catya, stay and eat.” I didn’t look at her or Daisy, just strode from the room until I found a door that opened into the fresh mountain air and promptly puked up every last thing that I’d just eaten.
On my hands and knees, it took me a good minute to realize I wasn’t alone. And I wasn’t on cobblestone or rock, but warm, white sand. Fingers digging into the almost silken silt below me, I fought to breathe as I eyed up the man lying on flat out in front of me. He was on his back, his arms behind his head and a smile on his face. Flaming red hair topped his head, like a mini bonfire. He said nothing and I slowly backed out of the room. I wasn’t here to make friends, nor did I care why he was here, or what he was hiding from.
I made my way back to the huge dining room. Daisy was rocking Zane, who’d apparently had his fill of milk. Catya bounced beside her, clamoring to see the little boy.
Easing back around the corner, I leaned against the stone and slid to the floor. Liam said only take Coyote and Erik with me, but I was already regretting not bringing Alex. I missed him, missed his candor and warmth. Missed his unrepentant humor.
“Fucking rabbits,” I whispered to myself, the memory making me smile. And then cry.
The pad of tiny paws on the floor brought my head up. A gray and white house cat trotted toward me. Tail erect, her green eyes took one look at me and she leapt into my lap, purring. Instinctively, I circled her with my arms and pulled her tightly to my face, hiding my tears against her soft fur.
She wasn’t Alex, not by a long shot, but she was a hell of a lot better than I’d been expecting.
Holding her tight, I stood and stumbled toward where I thought Bao had said my room was. Opening a door at random, there was a made bed and that’s all I wanted. I kicked off my boots, slid a dagger under my pillow, and shed the rest of my weapons. Lowering myself to the coverings, I groaned as the mattress sagged under me. Laying back, cat curled up against my chest, I closed my eyes and prayed for sleep to keep me. That when I woke, all this would have been a nightmare. That Liam would be beside me, and I wouldn’t be alone.
Chapter 3
Yes, I knew it was a dream, because he was dead. Liam stood in front of me, his golden eyes alive with all that I could hope for. “Rylee. I told you I wouldn’t leave you. Enough tears. You need to save your energy for our girl.”
My jaw twitched and I was barely able to hold back from swinging at him. Laughing, he grabbed my arms. “I see it in you and know what you’re up to. Don’t think I don’t know you.” He pulled me close, bent his head so his dark hair fell forward, brushing my face. “Kiss me.”
I didn’t argue, but pressed myself to him, kissing him as if he were the only thing I needed to live. Here, I could stay here forever. I would give up everything to stand with him, to know he wouldn’t be taken from me again.
“No tears,” he whispered against my lips, his hands cupping my face and brushing the tears away with his thumbs.
“How can I not? You’re telling me you wouldn’t fucking well grieve if I died?” I leaned back so I could look him in the face, anger rearing its head within me.
He snorted softly and tightened his grip on me. “I’m not really gone, and besides, I know what’s coming. I need you to not be afraid, and our girl needs you to be the brave one you have been up ‘til now.”
Our girl. I lowered my head. “How can I be a good mom? I’m leaving her here, aren’t I? That’s why you said to take Erik with me.”
Liam nodded. “It’s the only place safe for her and Zane. They have a story yet to live in this world, and the only way you’ll ever allow her that is to leave her behind and face Orion on your own.”
“This isn’t fair.” I whispered the words, feeling like a child and not really caring. If there was anyone I could be honest with, it was Liam.
“No, it isn’t fair. But in the end, it will be okay. You have to trust that.”
“Easy for you to say, O’Shea,” I grumped at him, but again, didn’t pull away. I had a feeling that the minute I let go, the dream would end. I wanted to stay where I was for as long as possible.
Almost as if reading my mind, Liam untangled his arms from around me. “Time for me to go, love. I will be here, each night that you stay in Tian Shan. Until she is born.”
I grabbed at him. “And after I leave?”
His smile was sad and I knew, he didn’t have to say it.
No, he didn’t have to say a thing for me to know I wouldn’t get anymore from him.
I woke with a start, the soft, warm body of a cat on one side of me and Catya curled up behind me, breathing lightly. Sun streamed through the window above the bed and I forced myself out of the warmth holding me between
the two tiny bodies. They slid toward one another, Catya sliding an arm over the cat who looked up at me, her green eyes irritated.
Suddenly I felt the need to apologize. “Sorry, she’s young and needs a lot of love. Hope you don’t mind a little werewolf clinging to you.”
The cat let out a sneeze and lowered her head so she rested on Catya’s cheek. They made a sweet picture. I made my way through the nearly silent hallways, nothing but the sound of my feet and the odd scratch of a bug or some such. Sending out a Thread, I Tracked my uncle. Or at least, I tried to.
Nothing came back to me and a cold sweat broke out over my back. “Fucking hell, what now. Why would he leave?” I was jogging before I thought better of it, running for the dining room.
I skidded to a stop at the sight in front of me. Erik, and a whole host of supernaturals sat around the dining table, laughing and eating. By the looks of Coyote dancing on the top of the table, he was in the middle of a story of some sort. Over our heads, the ceiling was open and Ophelia and Blaz had their heads stuck inside so they could take part.
“What the fuck is going on?” I whispered to myself. Was I still dreaming? I blinked several times, the scene just a little weird, even for me.
I started toward the table, and Daisy stood, waving to me. “Rylee, come see the little man.”
Quickening my steps, I realized I’d left my weapons in my room. What was wrong with me?
Daisy handed me Zane, who blinked sleepy, green eyes up at me. I cradled him lightly, and sat beside Daisy, who patted me on the shoulder. “You’re a natural. You’ll do fine when your little one comes.”
I stiffened and glared at my uncle across from me who shook his head. “I didn’t say anything, so no need to shoot daggers at me, niece.”
“Oh, no one said anything,” Daisy said, smiling. “You fairly glow with it.”
I didn’t want to glow with anything, but my stomach rumbled and I found myself drooling over the heaping piles of meat in front of me. I avoided the greens and the vegetables, digging in deep to the eggs, bacon, sausage, and ham. I cleaned off a plate one-handed while I held Zane. Maybe Daisy was right, maybe I did have a bit of a knack.
“Do you know when you’re due?” Daisy asked, and I froze mid-bite.
“No, not really.”
“I can tell you, if you don’t mind me touching your belly,” she offered, almost shyly. I swallowed my mouthful of food and then nodded. I turned to her so I straddled the bench.
“Okay.”
I leaned to one side, handing Zane to Erik. He took the little boy with no issue, bouncing him lightly.
“Lift your shirt, I need to have contact with your skin,” she said.
I lifted my shirt, looking down at my belly. There was no obvious bump, no rounding of my body at all. I said as much to her and she laughed.
“Well, every pregnancy is different. You’re loaded with muscle, it will keep your shape. Well, in shape better than someone who is soft.”
Her hands were warm as she pressed them; one just above my belly button, the other below, brushing the top of my low cut jeans. Eyes closed, she kept her hands firm against me as she hummed softly. “A girl, but you knew that already.”
I stayed quiet, realizing the joviality that I’d come into the room hearing had gone silent as we all listened to Daisy.
“She’s healthy, but her blood, it isn’t like yours. She will take after her father and be a Guardian, not a Tracker.”
A sigh of relief slipped over me. As a Guardian, she would be damn hard to kill, and wouldn’t have the pull of responsibility on her that I did as a Tracker. “That’s good.”
Daisy smiled, but still kept her eyes closed. “She won’t be ready to come for at least four months. That would be the earliest.”
I frowned. That would only give me two months, if I was lucky, with her. And now that I knew I was pregnant, I wanted as much time as I could have with my child. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, you are four months along, maybe a little more, but not much.” She opened her eyes and took her hands from me. I lowered my shirt.
“Shit, that isn’t a lot of time with her.”
Erik tapped the table. “Worse, it doesn’t give you a great deal of recovery time. The end game is coming and you need to be ready for it.”
“Fuck, I didn’t forget that, Erik,” I snapped at him, “but right now I can only focus on one thing and that thing is my daughter.”
Zane let out a squawk, and Daisy reached for him, settling him easily onto her breast. He was a noisy little bugger, slurping and drinking, milk trickling down his chin. “There is a way to speed up your pregnancy,” she said, her eyes lowering.
“I don’t want to end the pregnancy,” I said, stabbing my fork into another piece of meat. Didn’t matter to me what kind of meat, as long as it was thick and juicy. I realized I was eating the way Liam had. Meat, meat, meat.
“No, of course not!” Daisy spluttered, her eyes going wide as they filled with shock. “No, there is a way to make the child grow faster, so you give birth sooner. Perhaps as soon as a month.”
Images of Milly laying on the stone floor in Orion’s castle deep within the veil, giving birth to Zane far earlier than she should have because of something the demon had done to her made me cringe. “I’ve seen something like that, with . . . a friend. It sure as shit didn’t look like a good idea to me.”
Daisy nodded. “Well, perhaps they did not do it right. If the spell laid on the mother is twisted too much, then there can be . . . problems. There is no one within the monastery who can help you with that. You will have to step outside the safety of this place to find someone.”
I chewed my mouthful as I mulled over her words. Having the baby sooner would be good all around. I’d have more time to recover as Erik pointed out. More importantly, I’d have time to spend with my daughter. Liam’s daughter. The meat in my mouth suddenly didn’t want to go down my throat and I spit it back onto my plate. I pushed myself out of my chair and headed for my room, the world spinning crazily.
My reactions were driven by grief and hormones, but knowing that and controlling it were two different things.
Catya and the cat still slept in a tiny, heaped bundle, but the girl woke as I came in. Her eyes followed me, golden and so solemn I could see the old soul in her as clearly as if she had “I’m older than I look, fool” painted across her forehead. There were clothes folded at the foot of the bed and I lifted one corner of the material. A deep orange hunk of cloth hung from my hand.
“Not going to happen,” I muttered and dropped the robe onto the bed. I let out a sigh and did a complete turn of the room. Slowing my breathing, I sent out a thread to Track the monk who welcomed us, Bao.
Again, no response and a trickle of sweat broke out along the back of my neck. “Catya, can you help me find Bao?”
She bobbed her head and slid off the bed, her bare feet barely touching the floor before she was off and running. I jogged after her. Why they hell wasn’t I able to Track him or Erik? There was no way I was across a large body of water from the monk. I tried to Track Coyote and got the same nothingness back. The sweat that had been a minor trickle slid down my back, soaking my t-shirt in the cool air. Twisting and turning through the dusky, dry corridors of the monastery, she brought us to a doorway that opened into a courtyard bursting with color. Grass so green it seemed to vibrate stood ankle high, flowers and trees heavily laden with petals, fruit, and buzzing bees. Catya hopped ahead of me, then mid-stride, shifted into her wolf form. A small, golden wolf pup let out a yip and bolted away, chasing the bees that floated lazily in the air.
Feeling footwear was not necessary, or maybe more importantly, not welcome, I slid my boots off and stepped into the courtyard. The ground was warm and soft against my feet, the sense of belonging and calm that slid from the earth and into my body was more than welcome. I let out a sigh.
“The easy flows through the soul, does it not, Tracker?”
I lift
ed my head to see Bao in front of me, his hands clasped.
“How did someone so young come to run the show here?”
He smiled and gave a slight nod of his head. “Youth does not preclude wisdom. But that is not the question you have for me, is it?”
Damn, he was good. “Why can’t I Track here?”
Bao beckoned me to walk with him and we started around the edge of the unnatural garden side by side. “The walls and grounds were blessed a thousand years ago to be a safe haven for those seeking sanctuary. The catch was that all within would have their abilities dampened. To keep them from using such abilities on each other.”
“Catya can still shift,” I pointed out as she bounced out of a bush in front of us, her teeth bared at a flower.
“That is her nature, not an ability. The difference is slight, but it still stands. You have all your limbs while you are here, as she has all of hers, even if one of those limbs involves four feet and a tail.”
I chewed my bottom lip, thinking about what Daisy said.
“You have another question.” He didn’t look at me, just kept walking slowly, hands tucked inside of the sleeves of his voluminous robe.
“I want to have this baby sooner than later.”
Bao’s eyebrows dipped low. “So you can go back to your life?”
I stopped, forcing him to stop and face me. “No. So I can have time with her before I have to go and face Orion.”
Damn, I was really spilling the beans. More so than I’d ever done with someone I’d just met. Again, he seemed to know what I was thinking even though I said nothing.
“Your secrets are safe here, Tracker. And to have your pregnancy sped up for your own convenience I would not help you. But for saving the world, and spending time with your daughter before you have to leave her, well, that is different.”
A weight lifted from my shoulders. “Who do I have to find to help me, and what will they want in exchange?”
“There are three old women who live at the base of the mountain. They can help you. But their price is often higher than those seeking help wish to pay.” His eyes softened around the edges, and he reached out to take my hand, cupping it between his two. “Be careful if you choose to ask for their help.”
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