Death on the Range: Target Practice Mysteries 1

by Nikki Haverstock

  Tiger looked down his nose at her. “A gentleman never kisses and tells. And I don’t know why you’re being such a pain in the butt. Are you still pissed about the Toxosports sponsorship?”

  I jerked my head to Tiger. “Toxosports?”

  Tiger poked Minx in the arm. “Didn’t mention that, did you? Toxosports was looking at one of the US female archers to be the new face of the company. Minx was a shoo-in until Honey found out and scooped it out from underneath her.”

  Minx smacked him with the back of her hand. “It wasn’t that big of a deal.”

  Tiger stuck a finger at her. “Tsk, tsk. You shouldn’t lie. Honey told me all about it. It was a pretty sweet deal. She also told me that she had gotten the deal once she talked about her TV show and her ample charity work.”

  Minx crossed her arms over her chest. “By charity work, I assume you mean having sex with you, ’cause that’s as close as she ever got to helping the unfortunate.”

  “She got a local soup kitchen to write a glowing letter about her after she made a sizable donation.”

  “So like everything in life, she bought it.” Minx took an elastic band out of her pocket and pulled her hair back into a pony tail. “It’s okay, there’ll be other sponsors.”

  There would be a lot more sponsors for Minx with Honey dead. One thing was bothering me, and it had nothing to do with the case. Glaring at Tiger, I asked, “How could you stand to be around Honey if you knew all this?”

  He held up his hands defensively. “Hey, hey, I have enough troubles on the men’s side of the field. I don’t have time to borrow trouble from the ladies.”

  Minx shook her head. “You wouldn’t know this, Princess, but Tiger has had a crush on Honey forever. She told me that she could always count on him to be there when she needed him. And when she didn’t…” She reached out to pat him on the shoulder, but he shrugged her hand off.

  “I like a pushy girl who knows what she wants, but it wasn’t a crush. I’m not twelve.”

  “Mary. Di.” Our names bounced around the large room as Jess yelled from the doorway. “Get over here right now.”

  We got up to join her. She grabbed my arm and marched up to my office, passing Owley in the hallway.

  Jess hissed in my ear. “Door. Open it now.”

  I unlocked the door and stepped inside. “How can I help you, Jess?”

  “What are you two doing? Bruce practically had a nervous breakdown in my office. We’re already in the middle of a crisis, and you plan this Celebration of Life thing? Somehow I had to get liquor for it, ’cause Tiger said that we have to toast her. I had to do that after trying to assure Elizabeth that everything would be okay, but she ended up patting my back while I cried. I could just kill both of you. If you do one more thing to mess things up, I swear I will shoot you both out of a cannon. You got it?” Jess stared at us, chest heaving.

  “Yes, ma’am,” I said. Mary was gripping my arm for dear life and nodding.

  Jess looked at us and let out a deep sigh. “I’m just… this has been a long day, and I don’t want any more excitement. The police are mostly gone except a guy in his car out front. I told him that he could stay inside, but he said he should stay in the car. I walked by, and he was playing games on his phone. As soon as this thing is over tonight, I want you both to go to your room and not leave until I tell you to, got it?”

  We nodded, and she stormed out of the room. I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding until then. “Wow, she’s mad.”

  “Like Commissioner Gordon mad. We’ll need to be sneakier. We have a few minutes; let’s talk about what we know so far.” Mary laid out the tablet and notebook, adding a few more notes.

  “Sneakier? If we sneak at all, Jess will kill us.”

  Mary ignored me.

  “I don’t think this is a good idea anymore. It wasn’t a great idea to begin with, but it isn’t getting any better.”

  Mary snapped the lid on her pen and leaned back in her seat. “This is what we have so far. No one has a solid alibi. Jess is pissed that Honey died here so that is the opposite of a motive. Bruce was being blackmailed by Honey and thought she was going to ruin his career. Honey played head games with Owley at the Summer Games and took away her chance at a medal.”

  “But Owley said she didn’t know until today,” I pointed out.

  “According to her. Someone is lying. Someone knows more than they are saying—unless you want to revisit the idea of the crazed stranger?” I shook my head; she was right. “Next up is Minx. She never liked Honey, and Honey took the Toxosports sponsorship. Minx could really use the money. Tiger had this thing with Honey; it’s usually the lover. Then there’s Liam——no motive, but he was in the building.”

  “He said he didn’t do it, but that doesn’t mean much. And you and I don’t have any motive, right?” Mary looked at her notebook and shook her head no. “Is there anything in the memoir that we haven’t covered?”

  “Nah.” She pursed her lips and rolled her eyes over until they landed on me. “My money’s on Owley. She’s weird.”

  “You’re so obsessed with weird. Then I’ll take Bruce. He could have killed us in his office. My second choice is Minx. She’s aggressive.”

  Mary snickered. “She reminds me of you. I’ll take Tiger, even though he is far too cute to have killed her. And Jess, she was so mad that I really think she could have killed us.”

  “I guess that leaves Liam for me. You have Owley, Tiger, and Jess. I have Bruce, Minx, and Liam. Whoever is wrong has to clean the middle room of our unit for a month.”

  I got up. We were already late for the celebration of Honey’s life.

  Mary grabbed her tablet and notebook. “What about us? I’ll take you and you take me?”

  “If you killed Honey,” I told her, “I’ll take a new roommate.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  We spent a few minutes going to the bathroom, checking our hair, and generally avoiding the Celebration of Life. I was the one who “planned” it, even if that was accidental. By the time we arrived, people were pretty tipsy. Empty beer cans lay on their sides like fallen soldiers. I had never enjoyed beer. There was a large pitcher of orange juice. I poured a glass and pulled a long sip before I realized that it was primarily vodka.

  “Good gracious, no one light a match.”

  Mary took a sniff of her own glass then handed it to me and instead swiped a bottle of water off the table.

  “You don’t drink?”

  She shrugged. “Sometimes. Maybe some wine with my family, but not much. I’m an easy puker.”

  “Good choice, then.”

  The room was mostly empty, with just the seven of us there. Owley and Tiger were at a table, quietly talking and drinking. Jess and Bruce shared another booth and were not even looking at each other while they took long drinks of their beers. Minx had a glass of the vodka with a hint of orange juice.

  Minx waved her glass at us. “Glad you ladies could join the party you planned. You wanna get started so we can get back to drinking away this awful day?”

  I looked around for Liam. I had thought he would be here. “Shouldn’t we wait for Liam?”

  Jess called over from her seat. “No, you just missed him. He said to start without him, but he’ll be back soon.”

  I cleared my throat and didn’t have a clue what to say. I hadn’t planned a speech and wasn’t sure if I could wing one. “Death is sad, and Honey’s is no less so. We are sad.”

  That was awful. I looked around, and my eyes landed on Tiger. He had nice things to say about Honey. “Tiger, would you like to say a few words?”

  Tiger looked at me, and I instantly regretted my choice. His eyes were glazed and unfocused. He set down his beer with the slow but jerky manner of a man losing control of his limbs. His tongue stuck out between his teeth as he carefully scooted out of the booth. It took an eternity. How drunk was he?

  He looked around the room then grabbed the booth’s back to steady himself. “Ho
ney. Honey was… Honey was an awful person who deserved to die. Cheers, everyone.” He reached for the drink he had set down but hit it with the back of his hand, knocking it over and spilling a small puddle of beer on the table. Owley giggled and wiped up the mess. Her giggles took on a life of their own, and she couldn’t stop. Tiger started laughing too, and shortly they were howling with laughter, clutching their stomachs.

  Everyone, not just me, was staring at them. “What’s wrong with you?”

  Minx got up and grabbed a bottle of water. Handing it to Tiger, she said, “Drink,” then she turned to me. “Remember when he said he couldn’t be bothered with drama from the women’s side of the field? Well, the drama crossed the field.”

  Tiger downed the entire bottle, then his eyes got huge. He covered his mouth and stumbled from the room. Owley chased him out the door, asking if he was okay.

  Minx shook her head and sat down. “He got an email from Honey’s agent after you guys left. Not a very good agent, since he didn’t know Honey was gone. I don’t think Tiger was supposed to be included, but it spelled out that Honey had said she was looking for a guy to replace Tiger if he wasn’t a big enough deal. She was trying to find a real athlete to replace him.” She put heavy emphasis on the word real.

  Mary cringed. “Ouch.”

  The faint sound of vomiting carried into the room from the hallway. Jess got up. “I guess I better check that he managed to hit a trashcan or something.”

  The vodka was making my skin tingle. It was already making me feel lighter and clearer. I finished off my glass, and it was not nearly as sharp as my first taste. I grabbed the second glass, which appeared to have lost a few sips to a smiling Mary, who was sitting next to a smirking Minx.

  “Minx, do you want to say anything?”

  She got up and raised her glass. “To Honey. May she find all the things in the thereafter that she couldn’t find here.” She raised her glass, and those remaining in the room drank with her.

  The vodka was making me feel loose and easy. Mary and I sat across from Minx and drank our respective drinks for a few minutes. The room was quiet but not tense. Everyone was lost in their own thoughts.

  Minx eventually spoke up. “Mary, I meant to ask earlier. How’s your mom doing these days?”

  Before I even thought, my mouth was moving. “Why does everyone keep asking you that?” A thought flittered through my mind that I was slightly beyond tipsy.

  “Oh, she had breast cancer, but she’s fine now.” She patted my hand.

  Minx gasped at me. “Shut the front door, you didn’t know that her mom had cancer? Aren’t you guys roommates and, like, best buddies?”

  I glared at her. She had been taking jabs at me since we met, and anger rose up in my chest like a snake.

  Mary waved her hands. “Hey, no, it’s no big deal. I never mentioned it and Di is private so—”

  Minx glared right back and cut Mary off. “No, it is a big deal. Princess has been poking around all day into worse things in our lives but is too good to share anything about her life.”

  “Don’t call me Princess.”

  “If the shoe fits, then you gotta lace it up and wear it, Princess. You think you’re better than the rest of us.” She tore her eyes off me to look at Mary. “Do you know anything about Princess? Does she have siblings? Why did she get divorced? Do you know anything about her?”

  Mary stuttered but gave no answer.

  Jess had returned with Tiger and cautiously came over. “Is everything okay over here?”

  Minx turned around. “You guys are friends from way back. Do you know why Di got divorced and ran away from California? Honey said that’s what happened.”

  “That is none of our business Minx. If Di wants to share the story, she will.”

  “No, no, she won’t. That’s the problem. She thinks she’s too good to share anything.”

  The anger, shame, and vodka fought inside me. More than anything, I wanted to knock that smug look off Minx’s face. “Fine!” My voice echoed in the large room. “If you want the story of why I’m divorced, then you’ll get it.”

  Mary and Jess made quieting noises, but I was rolling, and nothing would stop me now. The stress of the past year, the drama of the past day, and my anger at Minx and her big mouth all came to a head at once. Emotions had been bottled up for too long, and they were spilling out everywhere. “It was my thirtieth birthday earlier this year, and my husband, Chris, had rented this party bus and invited a bunch of my friends to go out for drinks for girls’ night, including my best friend, Beth.” I put finger quotes around best.

  “We were leaving the restaurant pretty well drunk when Chris calls to ask how things were going. I said we were just about to get to the comedy club and would be home later. After the call, I realized I left something at the house so the party bus stops at my house. Everyone wants to come in and say hi to Chris or use the bathroom, so we all go in through the garage, which opens into kitchen.”

  Minx interrupted me. “Are you hoping that we die of boredom before you have to tell us what happened?”

  “Shut your face, Minx, I’m gonna tell this story the way I want to. Once we enter the kitchen, I see them.”

  Mary leaned forward as I pause for dramatic effect. “Who?”

  “A man having sex with a gal leaning over the kitchen table. I just stand there. This couldn’t be my house. Maybe we entered the wrong one. Maybe that is the Carlsons having sex. I look around and momentarily I don’t recognize the room. Then everything snaps into focus. That’s my husband and our interior decorator bent over the table. I don’t recognize our kitchen because it has been so heavily remodeled this year. No wonder we had spent the past two years redoing the entire house.”

  Everyone was hanging on my every word. I felt powerful, finally getting it all out. I had carried the shame, and the more I hid it the heavier it got. But now that I was sharing it, it was light as a feather. I felt a freedom that intoxicated me far more than the vodka.

  Jess shook her head. “Di, that is so awful.”

  I waggled a finger at her. “That’s only half the story. To recap, I’m staring at Chris schtupping the interior decorator. I haven’t moved an inch, but Beth has. My best friend, Beth, had pushed past me and grabbed him by his bits and pieces. She’s hitting him with her purse while he’s making this awful high-pitched screeching noise and trying to get away from her emasculating fist. Then I realized she’s screaming at him.”

  I looked around to make sure everyone was watching. “She’s yelling, ‘You said I was the only one’ over and over.”

  Minx gasped. “Oh crap, happy birthday, Princess.” She started giggling under her breath.

  I couldn’t help myself. I started giggling, too. At some point I had moved far enough away from the moment to see how ridiculous and awful it was. I had held so tight to the pain, never sharing it, that I wasn’t able to see that I had started to heal.

  Owley called out from where she was sitting next to Tiger, her arm intertwined with his. “Then what happened?”

  “I left out one of the best parts of the story. Beth was drunker than a skunk, and she was hitting him so hard that eventually she lost her balance. The only thing she had a grip on was his gentleman’s sausage. When she fell, I guess she yanked or smashed or twisted. I’m not totally clear on the details, but I guess he sprained it.”

  Mary gasped loudly and covered her mouth with her hands. “Men can sprain their winkies?”

  I nodded. “Apparently. It was all a blur after that. The paramedics showed up and took him away. They were very professional and didn’t laugh in his face while loading him onto a stretcher. Someone shuffled out the interior decorator. A couple of them grabbed a sobbing Beth before I could kill her. It was an even bigger betrayal than Chris.”

  Owley smiled and nodded her head in agreement, yelling out, “Dang skippy.”

  I took a moment to sit down across from Minx and next to Mary. Jess pulled out the remaining chair. Bruc
e turned back to his beer while Owley and Tiger leaned close and chatted.

  Minx, Mary, and Jess looked at me, so I decided to finish out the story.

  “Then Patsy, who got divorced the year before, sat me down and gave me the number to her lawyer and helped me figure out what to do next.” I had shared so much that the rest just came rushing out. “That was what really killed me. When Patsy had gotten a divorce, I had told Chris that I pitied her. We had all seen it coming, and ‘How could Patsy be so blind?’”

  I took a napkin from the dispenser and patted my eyes. “I was so sure that I was smarter than her. Then one day, bam, my husband was banging half the neighborhood, and I had no idea.”

  Minx gave me a gentle smile. “I think that happens to a lot of people, Princess. It doesn’t mean you’re stupid.”

  Maybe it was the cathartic release of getting everything off my chest, but I was no longer angry at her. “Now you like me, eh?”

  Minx reached across the table and gave my hand a quick squeeze. “Actually, I just might.”

  Warmth settled around me as I sipped on my orange juice and vodka. The adrenaline of my fight with Minx left me feeling a bit shaky and tired but also free and clean. I let my mind wander over the details of the day when something clicked. I turned to Mary.

  “The female archer who missed the Summer Games trials because her mother was sick in the hospital…”

  Mary nodded her head. “Yeah, that was me.”

  I tried to be sensitive to the fact that she might not want to tell the story. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  She shrugged her shoulders. “Sure. I think everyone else knows. My senior year in high school, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. I decided to skip college for a while to help her, plus I could train full-time. That’s when I started doing the occasional archery article for extra money. You can compete in the youth division until the end of the year you turn twenty, so I did that. Her treatment was going great, and I never really thought she could die. The week of the trials, she was not feeling well, and I knew something was wrong, but I wanted to go ’cause it was the Summer Games. I was ranked second. The first day of the event, I got a phone call right in the middle of shooting. I answered, and Dad said she was in the hospital and they didn’t think she was going to make it.”