Rogue

by Danielle Steel

  “Are you pregnant?” Maxine asked in a choked voice. The children said nothing, nor did Charles.

  “No. I wish I were,” Zelda answered with a rueful smile. “That would be great. I thought about it, but the last time you and I talked about it, Max, I told you I've been loving other people's kids all my life. I have no problem with that. So why have morning sickness and get fat? And this way I can keep working. I'll have to. Kids aren't cheap,” she said, and smiled at them. “I went to see a lawyer about adopting. I've seen him four times. A social worker came to do a home study here. I had the physical and I've been approved.” And through all of that, she hadn't said a word to Maxine.

  “When are you thinking about doing this?” Maxine asked, holding her breath. She was not ready to have a baby in the house right now. Or maybe ever. This was a lot to swallow, with a new husband moving in too.

  “It could take up to two years,” Zelda said, as Maxine breathed again, “if I hold out for a designer baby.”

  “A designer baby?” Maxine asked, looking blank. She was still the only one doing the talking. The others were too stunned.

  “White, blue-eyed, healthy, both parents Harvard grads who decided that a baby doesn't work with their lifestyle. No alcohol or drugs, upper middle class. That can take a long time. Generally, these days, those girls don't get pregnant in the first place, or they have abortions, or they keep their babies. Babies like that are pretty rare. Two years is optimistic, particularly for an unmarried middle-aged woman like me, working class. The designer babies go to people like you.” She glanced at Maxine and Charles, and Maxine could see Charles shudder and shake his head.

  “No, thank you,” he said with a smile. “Not for me. Or us.” He smiled at Maxine. He really didn't care if Zelda was planning to adopt a baby in two years, whatever kind it was, designer or otherwise. It was definitely not his problem. He was relieved at that.

  “So you think two years from now, Zellie?” Maxine asked hopefully. By then, Sam would be eight, Jack and Daphne in high school at fourteen and fifteen, and she could worry about it then.

  “No. I don't think I even have a shot at a baby like that. I considered international adoption, and I looked into it, but there are too many unknowns, and it's too expensive for me. I can't go sit in Russia or China, for three months, waiting for them to give me some random three-year-old from an orphanage, who might have all kinds of damage that I only figure out later. They don't even let you pick your baby, they pick it for you, and most of them are three or four years old. I want a baby, a newborn if possible, that no one else has screwed up.”

  “Except in the womb,” Maxine warned her. “You have to be very careful you know what you're getting, Zellie, and that there were no drugs or alcohol used during the pregnancy.” Zelda looked away for a minute.

  “That's kind of my point,” Zelda said, looking back at her again. “My best shot is a somewhat high-risk baby. Not a special-needs one like spina bifida or Down's or anything. I don't think I could handle that. But a relatively normal kid from a girl who might have done some drugs or had a few beers while she was pregnant.” She didn't look frightened at the prospect, but her employer did. Very.

  “I think that's a big mistake,” Maxine said firmly. “You have no idea what kind of problems you'd be getting into, particularly with a mother who did drugs. I see the results of that in my office all the time, and a lot of the kids I see were adopted and had drug-addicted biological parents. Those things are genetic, and the effects can be pretty scary later on.”

  “I'm willing to take that on,” Zelda said, looking her in the eye. “In fact,” she took a deep breath, “I just did.”

  “What do you mean?” Maxine frowned at her as Zelda went on, and now Charles was paying attention too, and so were the kids. You could hear a pin drop in the kitchen as Zelda spoke.

  “There's a baby coming up, the mother is fifteen and was homeless for part of her pregnancy. She did drugs in the first trimester, but she's clean now. The father is in jail for dealing drugs and grand theft auto. He's nineteen and he's not interested in the baby or the girl, so he's willing to sign off. He already did, and that's a big deal too. Her parents won't let her keep the baby, they have no money, and she's a sweet kid. I met her yesterday.” Maxine realized that explained the suit and high heels Zelda had been wearing the day before. “She's willing to give me her baby. All she wants are photographs once a year. She doesn't want to see it, which is great, so she's not going to pester me, or upset the baby. Three couples have already passed on this, so if I want him, he's mine. It's a boy,” she said with tears rolling down her cheeks, and a smile that broke Maxine's heart. She couldn't even imagine wanting a baby that much, to take so much risk, and take someone's child who might be damaged for life. She got up and put her arms around Zellie and hugged her.

  “Oh, Zellie …I think that's a beautiful thing to want to do. But you can't take on a baby like that. You have no idea what you're getting into. You just can't do that.”

  “I can and I am,” she said stubbornly, and Maxine could see she meant it.

  “When?” Charles asked. He had gotten the gist, and it sounded disastrous to him.

  Zellie took a breath. “The baby is due this weekend.”

  “Are you kidding?” Maxine nearly shrieked, and the kids looked stunned too. “Now? Like in a few days? What are you going to do?”

  “I'm going to love him for the rest of his life. I'm naming him James. Jimmy.” Maxine suddenly felt sick. This couldn't be happening to them. But it was. “I don't expect you to back me in this. And I hate to do this on such short notice. I thought it would take me a lot longer, like a year or two. But they called me about this baby yesterday, and I said yes today. So I had to tell you.”

  “They told you about this baby yesterday because no one else wants it,” Charles said coldly. “This is a very foolish thing to do.”

  “I think it's meant to be,” Zellie said wistfully, and Maxine wanted to cry. It sounded like a huge mistake to her, but who was she to decide other people's lives? She wouldn't have done it, but she had three healthy kids, and who knew what she would do in Zellie's position? It was a very loving thing to do, even if a little crazy, and very high risk. She was brave to do it. “If you want me to leave now, I will,” Zelda said quietly. “I can't do anything else. I can't force you to let me have the baby here. If you let me, and want me to stay, I will, and we can see how it works for all of us. But if you want me to go, I'll make other arrangements and leave in the next few days. I'll have to figure out a place to live pretty quick, since the baby could be born over the weekend.”

  “Oh my God,” Charles said, and got up from the table, looking pointedly at Maxine.

  “Zellie,” Maxine said quietly, “we'll work it out.” As she said it, all three of her children cheered in unison and jumped up to hug Zellie.

  “We're having a baby!” Sam shouted, delighted. “It's a boy!” He wrapped his arms around Zelda's waist, and she started to cry.

  “Thank you,” she whispered to Maxine.

  “Let's see how it goes,” Maxine said weakly. She had had her children's answer instantly, but she had Charles to deal with too. “All we can do is try, and hope it works out. If it doesn't, we'll talk about it. How much mess can a baby make?” As she said it, Zelda wrapped her arms around Maxine's neck and hugged her so tightly Maxine could hardly breathe.

  “Thank you, thank you,” she said through her tears. “This is all I've ever wanted. A baby of my own,” Zelda said, crying.

  “You're sure?” Maxine said seriously. “You can still hold out for a baby that's not high risk.”

  “I don't want to wait,” she said staunchly. “I want him.”

  “That could be a mistake.”

  “It won't be.” She had made her mind up, and Maxine saw that there was nothing she could do to dissuade her. “I have to go and get a crib tomorrow and some stuff.” Maxine had given Sam's crib away years before or she would have offe
red theirs. It was a stunning thought realizing that they could have a baby in their midst in the next few days. And as Maxine looked around, she realized Charles had left them. She found him in the living room, fuming, and when he looked at Maxine, there was murder in his eyes.

  “Are you insane?” he spat at her. “Are you crazy? You're going to take a crack baby into our home? Because you know that's what it is. No one in their right mind would want an infant with that profile, and the poor woman is so desperate, she'll take anything. And now it's going to be living with you! … and with me!” he added. “How dare you make a decision like that without asking me first?” He was shaking with rage, and Maxine didn't completely blame him. She wasn't thrilled either, but they loved Zellie. Charles didn't. He barely knew her. And he had no concept of how much she meant to them. To him, she was just a nanny. She was family to Max and the children.

  “I'm sorry I didn't ask you, Charles. I swear, it just slipped out. I was so moved by what she said, and I felt so sorry for her. I just can't ask her to leave so quickly, after twelve years, and my kids would be distraught. So would I.”

  “Then she should have told you what she was doing. This is outrageous! You should fire her,” he said coldly.

  “We love her,” Maxine said gently. “My children have grown up with her. And she loves them too. If it doesn't work out, we can always let her go. But with all these changes for my kids, our getting married, them getting used to you, Charles, I don't want her to go.” There were tears in Maxine's eyes. And Charles's were glacial and rock hard.

  “And what am I supposed to do now? Live with a crack baby? Change diapers? This isn't fair.” It wasn't fair to her either. But she had to make the best of it for the kids. They needed Zellie too much to lose her now, crack baby or not.

  “You probably won't even know it's here,” Maxine reassured him. “Zellie's room is in the back of the apartment. Most likely the baby will be in her room much of the time for the first few months.”

  “And then what? He sleeps with us, like Sam?” It was the first time he had made a snide remark about her children, and she didn't like it, but he was upset. “There's a goddamn drama every day now with you, isn't there? One minute you're running off to Africa with him, the next he's giving our rehearsal dinner, and now you've invited the nanny to bring her adopted crack baby into the house. And you expect me to put up with that? I must be insane,” he said and then glared at her. “No, you are.” He pointed an angry finger at her, and slammed out the front door.

  “Was that Charles?” Zelda asked her, looking anxious, when Maxine walked back into the kitchen with a grim look. Everyone had heard the front door slam. Maxine nodded in answer without further comment. “You don't have to do this, Max,” she said, looking apologetic. “I can go.”

  “No, you can't,” Maxine said, putting an arm around her shoulders. “We love you. We're going to try and make this work. I just hope you get a good baby here, and a healthy one,” she said sincerely. “That's all that matters now. Charles will adjust. We all will. This is just a little new for him right now,” she said, and then started to laugh. What next?

  Chapter 19

  Charles and Maxine went to Southampton that weekend, as planned. They met with the caterer for their wedding, walked on the beach holding hands, made love several times, and by the end of the weekend, Charles was calm again. Maxine had promised him that if Zelda's baby was too much for them, she would leave. Everything seemed fine between them again by the end of the weekend as they drove home. He had desperately needed some peaceful time with her, and her full attention, which meant a lot to him. And after being with her all weekend, he had perked up like a flower in the rain.

  “You know, when we have time together like this,” he said, as they drove back to the city, “everything makes sense again. But when I get caught up in that nuthouse of yours and your soap opera life, it just drives me insane.” She was hurt by what he said.

  “It's not a nuthouse, Charles. And we don't lead a soap opera life. I'm a single mom with three kids and a career, and things happen. They happen to everyone,” she said reasonably, and he looked at her as though she really were insane.

  “How many people do you know whose nanny brings home a crack baby on three days' notice? Excuse me. That doesn't sound normal to me.”

  “I'll admit,” she said, smiling at him, “it's a little off the wall. But things happen. She's important to us, and especially right now.”

  “Don't be silly,” he said. “They'd be fine without her.”

  “I doubt that, and I sure wouldn't be. I rely on her more than you know. I can't do it all alone.”

  “You have me now,” he said confidently, and Maxine laughed. “Great, and how are you at laundry, ironing, getting dinner on the table every night, running car pool, making play dates, getting the kids to school, making snacks, packing lunches, supervising slumber parties, and taking care of them when they're sick?”

  He got the message, but he didn't agree with her and never had. “I'm sure they could be far more independent, if you'd let them be. There's no reason why they can't do most of that themselves.” And this from a man who had never had kids, and had barely ever seen one up close until hers. He had avoided them all his life. He had all the pompous, unrealistic views of people who have never had children, and could no longer remember being one themselves. “Besides, you know my solution to all that,” he reminded her. “Boarding school. You'd have none of those problems, and you wouldn't have a woman with a crack baby living in your house.”

  “I don't agree with you, Charles,” she said simply. “I am never sending my children away to school until they leave for college.” She wanted to make that clear to him now. “And Zellie isn't adopting a ‘crack baby.' You don't know that for sure. ‘High risk' does not mean the baby is addicted.”

  “It could be,” he insisted, and he had gotten that message loud and clear about her negative view of boarding school for her children. Maxine was not letting go of her children, or sending them away. If he didn't love her so much, he'd have put his foot down. And if she didn't love him, she wouldn't have put up with the things he said. She just figured it was one of his quirks. But he had loved the peaceful, childless weekend he had just spent with her. Maxine, on the other hand, had loved it but had missed her kids. She knew that having no children of his own, it was something he would never understand, and she let it go at that.

  They were having Chinese takeout with the children in the kitchen on Sunday night, when Zellie came running in.

  “Oh my God … oh my God … it's coming … it's coming!” For a minute they'd all forgotten. Zelda looked like a chicken without her head as she ran around the kitchen.

  “What's coming?” Maxine asked her blankly. She truly had no idea.

  “The baby! The birth mom is in labor! I have to go to Roosevelt Hospital right away.”

  “Oh my God,” Maxine said, and everyone got up and exclaimed over her excitedly as though she were having it herself. Charles sat at the table, eating calmly, and shook his head.

  Zelda was dressed and out the door five minutes later, and the rest of them talked about it and then went to their rooms. Maxine sat at the table and glanced at Charles.

  “Thanks for being a good sport,” she said gratefully. “I know this isn't fun for you.” She was sorry it had happened at all, but she was trying to make the best of it. There was no other choice. Or only choices she didn't want, other than this one, welcoming Zellie's baby.

  “It's not going to be fun for you either, when that baby is screaming the house down. If it's born drug addicted, it's going to be a nightmare for all of you. I'm glad I'm not moving in for another two months.” So was she.

  And as it turned out, much to her chagrin, Charles wasn't wrong. The birth mother had done far more drugs than she admitted, and the baby was born addicted to cocaine. He spent a week in the hospital being detoxed, while Zelda sat with him every day and rocked him. And when he came home, he
screamed night and day. Zellie sat with him in her room. He was a poor eater, he hardly slept, and she couldn't put him down. All he did was scream. The poor little thing had come into the world in a very hard way, but into the arms of an adoring adoptive mother.

  “How's it going?” Maxine asked her one morning. Zelda looked like ten miles of bad road after another sleepless night. She was awake with the baby every night, for most of the night, holding him.

  “The doctor said it could take a while for the drugs to get out of his system. I think he's a little better,” Zellie said, looking down at her son blissfully. She had totally bonded with Jimmy as though she'd given birth to him herself. The social workers had come to check on him several times, and no one could have faulted Zellie for how devoted she was to him. He just wasn't a lot of fun for anyone else. Maxine was relieved they'd be leaving on vacation in a few weeks, and with luck by the time they got back, Jimmy would have settled down. It was all she could hope for now. Zellie was a wonderful mom, and just as patient and loving as she had been with Jack and Sam when they were born. And little Jimmy was a lot harder to deal with.

  In the meantime, plans for the wedding were under way. Maxine hadn't found a dress yet, and she needed one for Daphne too. Daphne refused to have any part of it, and was threatening not to go to the wedding at all, which was yet another challenge Maxine had to face. She didn't say anything about it to Charles. She knew how hurt he would have been. So she went shopping on her own, hoping to find dresses for both of them. She had already gotten khaki suits for the boys, and one for Charles too. At least that was done.

  Blake had called from Morocco, told her all that he'd accomplished since she left. The new construction to transform his palace into a home for a hundred kids was already under way. He had turned staffing, and the running of the future orphanage, over to a group of very competent people, and he had done all he could for now. He planned to come back every month to make sure they were moving ahead as planned. So he was going back to London for the time being, and he told Maxine that everything was ready on the boat for them. She and the kids could hardly wait. It was their best vacation together every year. Charles was not as sure.