This Love

by Hilaria Alexander

  He stopped kissing me and released a breath. I found him looking at me with an expression of wonderment in his eyes.

  I was glad it was nighttime. The way he was looking at me, had my heart hammering against my chest, and the blood rushing to my cheeks.

  Maybe one day I would live to tell Lou Rivers had mad kissing skills. I’d be like one of Elvis’ many flings telling the press—decades later—how great he was. I wondered if I’d get to say we had gone out on dates.

  “I’m really sorry about earlier,” he said.

  “You should never follow a kiss with an ‘I’m sorry,’” I told him playfully.

  “I can’t catch a break with you, can I?” he asked, chuckling.

  I shook my head no, but I was smiling at him.

  “Are we good?”

  I nodded.

  “Was it good?” he asked, leaning in, bumping his shoulder against mine.

  “Oh my God! What are you, fifteen?” I slapped him playfully on the arm.

  “I’ll take that as a yes,” he said with a smugness I hadn’t seen before.

  “You know, I’m really not too sure it was that good. I can hardly remember it, already,” I teased.

  “You already forgot our first kiss?” he jokingly asked, the smile on his face that told me he was enjoying this. Our first kiss. By the way he said it, it sounded like it was going to be followed by many more.

  “I might need a refresher,” I answered, looking at him defiantly.

  He leaned down and kissed me again. This time, things were different. Our first kiss was slow, gentle, building. As his lips claimed me, he closed the distance between us, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me to him. As his tongue kept teasing me and tantalizing me, he placed a hand around my waist, and with the other one behind my head, he dipped me slightly backwards. Show-off. I gripped his shoulders, trying to hold my balance. His body was flushed against mine, and I felt something else as well. Apparently, it didn’t take much for him to get...excited. I liked that I was the one doing that to him. His tongue circled around mine over and over, going deeper. It knocked the breath out of me. This one was an unforgettable kiss. And now I was going to want more; there was no going back.

  He stopped, leaving me mid-kiss. A sigh escaped me, and as I opened my eyes, I glanced at him. He was breathing fast, and even in the semi-darkness his eyes looked wilder and even more magnetic than usual. A satisfied, lopsided grin spread on his face.

  “There. You shouldn’t forget this one. I was trying to be a gentleman earlier.”

  “So you were,” I replied, trying to regain control of my body.

  He leaned down, gave me one last peck, took my hand, and said, “Let’s go.”

  Neither of us could say a word the entire time we were walking back, but his hold on my hand was strong, and I felt like I never wanted to let it go. From time to time, I could feel his eyes on me, but I never looked in his direction, partly because I had a stupid smile I couldn’t wipe off my face. I wanted to lean into him and have his arms around me.

  When we got to Johan’s, I finally looked up. Now, this was going to be awkward. How were we going to say goodbye? With a handshake, a hug, or another kiss?

  Thankfully, I didn’t have time to think about it much longer, because his strong arms enveloped me and slowly pushed me backwards, until I was against the brick wall. He pressed his body against mine and my arms ran up his body, wrapping around his neck. Our noses touched first, and then our mouths were devouring each other again.

  Everybody thinks they know how to kiss, but a lot of people don’t give it the right emphasis. Some guys are so rushed with it, like they are just trying to hurriedly open the doorway to your vagina. That’s one way to shut that door down for good. Guys seem to forget that kissing is the prelude to everything else. It is the way you introduced yourself. Some guys I’ve kissed wouldn’t open their mouth enough or even give you enough access to their tongue. And they’d be so boring. After a few minutes, I was ready to be done with them. But this, the feeling of his tongue around mine and his soft full lips kissing my face and my neck...I could have kissed him for hours. Lou went from wrapping his tongue around mine to gently biting my bottom lip, and then kissing me under my chin, all the way under my ear, only to trail back up and do it all over again.

  His light stubble tickled me at times, but somehow it only made me more aroused. I started shivering under his touch when he slipped one hand under my sweater, trailing all the way up to my ribcage, sliding it under my bra. He took one of my breasts in his hand and started teasing my nipple with his thumb and index finger. I grinded my hips against his while a moan escaped my mouth. I ran my fingers through his hair and started trailing kisses on his neck, sucking on his earlobe. His other hand made its way under my sweater, and they were both caressing my back and it almost seemed as if he was aiming to take my bra off. Okay, this had gone too far.

  “Okay, smooth kisser,” I whispered in his ear, my voice low and breathy, “it is Amsterdam and all, but we’re still in the street, making out next to my place of employment. I’d say we have gone far enough,” I pulled away from him, holding his gaze, panting like prey running away from its hunter.

  “You’re right,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

  “You do say that a lot,” I teased him, mimicking what he had just told me a few days earlier.

  “Just tonight, I swear,” he replied, giving me a grin that was hard to resist.

  “It’s late, I have to go.”

  I tried to step away from him, but his hand grabbed me and turned me around to face him. I thought he was going to kiss me again, but he kept staring at me. I didn’t quite understand the look in his eyes. They looked dark and even more intense than usual. He looked like he was on the edge of saying something he might regret.

  “What is it?” I asked him, his arms still around me.

  “Come to Florence with me.”

  “What?” I repeated, bewildered.

  “Come with me. I need someone to play with, someone to record backing vocals. You’d be perfect.”

  “Are you kidding me?” He shook his head no.

  “There’s no need to invite me to Florence just because you want to have sex with me,” I teased him. He immediately let go of me, and the look of hurt on his face told me I was mistaken.

  “Come on,” I said, “we were just making out, and you just invited me to go on a trip with you. It’s the first thing I’m going to think.”

  “Well, I can’t say the thought hasn’t crossed my mind,” he admitted, looking suddenly shy.

  “See?”

  “But that’s not the reason why. Or at least it’s not the only reason why. I really do need someone to play with. You’d be perfect.”

  “I am not that great on the guitar.”

  “It’s not true. And your voice is lovely. You could always play the piano too,” he said, and I made a face.

  “Thank you, but I can’t come. I have a job here, remember? That’s why these people allow me to stay with them,” I smiled.

  “Those people love you. If you’d ask them, they’d give you the moon,” he said in a southern drawl. “I’m sure they’d let you go for a few weeks.” He sounded so sure of his words he had me almost convinced. Florence. That was so tempting. I bit my bottom lip. The one that just a few moments ago he was biting on.

  “How long would you need me?” I asked him, against my better judgment.

  The smile he gave me before answering was so beautiful and inviting. I was drawn to him even more.

  “Two. Maybe three weeks.”

  It sounded stupid, crazy and amazing at the same time.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t think I can.”

  “I guess I have a few weeks to change your mind.”

  He smiled, gave me a quick kiss, and then he disappeared down the road.

  I was with Lieke a couple of days later while she was napping, and Ally and I were chatting on Skype. I had told her about the kiss, or
better yet, the kisses, and she had been texting me several times to ask me what else had happened.

  Ally: living vicariously through you. Any update?

  Ella: I told you, nothing else happened. You’ll be the first to know when we kiss again. ;)

  Truth to be told, Lou and I had been sort of avoiding each other, in a way.

  For one, we had been crazy busy. There was some sort of festival in town, and we had a bigger crowd than usual. Helga, Johan, and I were moving across the place as fast as we could. Lou providing musical entertainment helped, but on the other hand people tended to stay longer, and for the first time ever, Johan had customers lined up outside the restaurant. The other thing was that one day I would feel we were so close, and felt confident that maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to take things further, and the next day he’d play a song that made me take all that back. Sure, they were just songs, but when he started playing stuff like Ray Charles’ “Drown in My Own Tears,” what was a girl supposed to do? I couldn’t shake the feeling that part of him was still pining after his ex-wife, and I’d think I had to stay far away from him. Then a few moments later he’d smile at me, tell me something sweet, and I’d think I was just over thinking everything.

  I was even more confused, though, when one day he started singing “Bring It On Home To Me” by Sam Cooke. I was moving around, picking up cups and plates, and he kept singing to me, a smirk on his face, his eyes alive with excitement, following me everywhere. I tried not giving in, but before the song was even over, I was smiling like an idiot. And I wanted to kiss him again and then some.

  I was completely confused by what was going on between us, but everyone else seemed to see things way differently. Helga kept nudging me and giving me looks every day and whispering things to me like “That boy must like you a lot to hang out here every single day!”

  Ally was even worse. When she had seen him play guitar for the first time, our exchange went something like this:

  “Holy shit! Look at that finger porn!” she exclaimed, still keeping her voice low.

  “Finger porn?” I asked.

  “Oh, come on! Don’t act so innocent, sweetie! Look at those fingers!”

  “Yes, and?”

  “Now imagine those fingers inside of you,” she added, maliciously, leaning in toward me. I swallowed. “Like I said, finger porn,” she repeated, pausing between the two words.

  I tried to contain my blush, I really did. And I believe I involuntarily bit my lip. It’s a good thing he was on the other side of the room and couldn’t really hear or see what was going on.

  “My work here is done,” she added, getting off her barstool.

  “I hate you,” I told her, still not taking my eyes off Lou, and throwing a towel in her direction, “I am never going to be able to get the image out of my head.”

  “Who said you should, sweetheart? That guy is crazy about you. Give him a spin.” She blew me a kiss and left, and I wished I could erase all the words we had just spoken.

  This had to stop. I had to figure out what to do with all these feelings I wasn’t used to having. It was as if suddenly I wasn’t in control of my body anymore. I wasn’t in control of my facial expressions. I smiled more often than I ever had.

  I didn’t regret kissing him at all, but I had been sort of fearless about it.

  And what to make of his invitation? How could I even begin to consider it? I didn’t know if he had figured out I needed some distance, but he let me be. I did miss kissing him and touching him though; I couldn’t seem to think about anything else. I kept imagining his nose running along my jaw, his lips nuzzling me on the neck. I wanted to feel them on me again. It was enough to make me forget every good reason why I shouldn’t get involved with him.

  Ally: How’s the charming Mr. Rivers?

  Ella: He’s fine, I believe. He came by, but I haven’t seen him in a couple of days.

  Ally: How come?

  Ella: Lieke has been sick. I’ve been up in the apartment with her for the last two days. She’s had a terrible cough the last few days. The doctor said it was just a really bad cold.

  Ally: Yikes! Try not to get sick too.

  Ella: Not much I can do about it. Hopefully I won’t get it.

  Ally: So, how do you know he came by?

  Ella: Oh, don’t worry, Helga gives me the full report even if I don’t ask. She doesn’t even know anything happened, I think, but it almost looks like she does know. And I heard the piano, so I knew he was downstairs.

  It had been comforting knowing that Lou was playing downstairs, that he stuck around, even though I had rejected his offer a few nights ago. What girl would refuse a trip to Italy? That’d be me. Pretty sure I was the only fool that would do something like that. Of course, I had been thinking about it ever since he asked. It’s not every day that you get propositioned by a handsome guy to go on a vacation in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. But there was the fact that I had a job here in Amsterdam and people who counted on me. The looming presence of his ex-wife was also another thing keeping me from saying yes. Marriage and divorce were grown-up concepts I wasn’t familiar with. I didn’t want to hurt anyone, and more importantly, I didn’t want to get hurt.

  Ella: Lou invited me to go to Florence with him.

  Ally: WHAT? When?

  Ella: The other night, when we kissed.

  Ally: Why haven’t you told me?

  Ella: Because I knew you’d get mad at me.

  Ally: And why would I do that?

  Ella: Because I told him no.

  Ally: Why does he want you to go with him?

  Ella: He claims he wants me to play with him. He wants to record part of his album there.

  Ally: Sure…he wants to play...with your lady parts! I think you actually did the right thing.

  Ella: He doesn’t have to take me on a trip to do that...

  Ally: What are you saying?

  Ella: That maybe I will let him...I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m saying.

  Ally: Make up your freaking mind.

  I heard the door open downstairs.

  “Ella?” Lou called my name.

  Ella: I have to go Ally. The charming Mr. Rivers is paying me a visit.

  Ally: Text you later.

  “I’m up here,” I whispered trying not to wake up Lieke.

  Johan and Helga’s townhouse was one of the classic Amsterdam buildings, although it wasn’t taller than four stories. The restaurant was on the ground level. The first floor was split in two, a large storage room on one side, and my room with an attached bathroom on another. The second floor had a living area, a kitchen, and a dining area, and the floor upstairs had three bedrooms and a bathroom. The fourth floor—the attic—was used for storage. Johan tried to convince me it was haunted. I refused to believe him, but I was too chicken shit to even attempt going there on my own. Thankfully, I didn’t have to.

  Lou was standing by the door with his hands in his pockets. When my eyes met his, he smiled at me, and I realized I missed his smile way more than I wanted to. A warm feeling spread through my chest, making me smile right back. I wanted to throw my arms around his neck and kiss him until he had to come up for air.

  “How’s Lieke?” He asked.

  “She’s good,” I reassured him, “the doctor said it was just a really bad cold and she needed some rest. She wouldn’t fall asleep all morning, but she finally crashed.”

  He closed the distance between us, putting his hands around my waist, resting them on the waistband of my jeans, but his thumbs traveled underneath my shirt, moving in small circles on my skin. That’s all it took to make me shiver.

  “How did you get up here?” I asked, looking up at his beautiful face. I hated admitting to myself I had missed him.

  “I got Helga’s permission. She told me I could come see you.”

  Of course. Helga, weaving her web.

  “I missed you,” he whispered, leaning in closer.

  I chuckled.


  “What? Didn’t you miss me?”

  I gave him a playful look and couldn’t hide my smile. I had missed him, but it had only been two days. Guys were usually so evasive with their thoughts and feelings. Apparently not Lou, who seemed to wear his heart on his sleeve; somehow that made him look hotter in my eyes. A man who wasn’t afraid of saying what he thought.

  “I missed you too,” I replied.

  He pressed his chest against mine and my hands went up to his face, smoothing the hair away. One of my hands rested on his cheekbone, the other right under his jaw. He gave me a hooded look, and my resolve was gone. I leaned in to kiss him, and I licked his bottom lip. I gave it a gentle bite, but after that, he took over and entangled my tongue with his, embracing me so tight, supporting my head with his hand. Pressed against him like this made it harder to breathe, but I liked it. My hands ran down behind his back, all the way down to his ass. I grabbed it with both my hands and pressed him into me, feeling his erection against my pelvis.

  And then I remembered where we were.

  “Lou…” I let go of him, bringing my hands up on his biceps. “I don’t think this is what Helga had in mind when she let you come up here.”

  “Ella,” he said, mimicking my voice, “Helga’s a married woman and she’s always around a lot of people. You think she doesn’t have a clue, but I guarantee you she knows.”

  “How?” I asked, shocked.

  “You’d have to be blind to not see how much I want you.” His words made my breath falter. He said that as if it was the most natural thing to say to a girl. Maybe for him it was.

  “I’m pretty sure she knows. As does everyone else,” he added, sounding so confident of his words. “The point is, do you know how much I want you?” he asked, smiling and lowering his forehead to mine.