This Love

by Hilaria Alexander

  “Now that I think about it, why are you here alone? Where’s Johan and Ally? Where’s your brother?”

  “Johan is around somewhere, I think. And Ally and Boyd said they were going to get a beer.”

  I wasn’t worried about Johan, because when he came to this type of band showcase he always ended up meeting someone he knew. I looked over to the bar, searching for Ally and Boyd, but they weren’t there. We started looking around us, trying to see if we could spot them; we searched the crowd, hand in hand. We were almost to the point of giving up, when we saw them walking through the backdoor.

  “Where have you guys been?” Lou asked.

  “Where were you? Did you miss my set?” I asked Ally, cutting in.

  They looked both frazzled and embarrassed. Ally cleared her throat. What was going on?

  “I had to take this jackass outside. He almost got into a fight,” she said, pointing to Boyd.

  “Bullshit!” he rebuffed. “Why don’t you tell them the truth, Red? I was being a gentleman defending your honor from that douchebag who put his hand on your ass!”

  “For your information,” Ally said, getting in his face—or trying to get in his face, given Boyd’s size. “I’m a big girl. I can very well take care of myself, thank you very much. I was going to put that asshole in his place by yelling some very colorful Dutch words at him. No fistfight was ever needed, but I’m sure that’s hard to comprehend for a Neanderthal like you!”

  “Ally!” I yelled at her. That was way out of line, and very unlike her. I had never seen her get so worked up with anyone. I turned to face Lou.

  “Great! Two of the people we love the most hate each other! What do we do now?”

  “Shhh,” he said, keeping his eyes on them. “I think you’re mistaken.” He gave me a tip of his chin and turned me around to look back in their direction. To me, they looked like they were flat-out glaring at each other; maybe if I looked up close enough I could even see flames in their eyes! Clearly, Lou thought I was missing something. What was going on between the two of them? Boyd didn’t even look like Ally’s type at all. She always preferred the clean-cut kind of guy.

  “Boyd, is that lipstick on your face?” Lou asked.

  Boyd’s hand immediately went up to his face, trying to get traces of lipstick off his cheeks, coming up empty.

  “Gotcha!” Lou said, and Boyd’s face fell for a moment, before turning angry, glaring at his little brother. Lou didn’t seem to be worried at all, a big grin on his face, clearly excited to get his burly brother busted. Ally’s face turned red as a beet, and then Boyd turned to her and she bit her lip. Oh my God.

  “No. Fucking. Way.” I covered my mouth and laughed, incredulous.

  “You missed a button of your blouse, Bertie,” Boyd said to Ally, all serious, eyes on her cleavage.

  “No one calls me Bertie, idiotic metrosexual mountain man, especially not you!” she told him, fixing the button of her blouse, flustered.

  “Were you guys seriously making out just now? Good grief, are you that hard up for each other? Get a freaking room!” I teased them, and I could feel Lou behind me shaking with laughter.

  “Oh, fuck off!” Ally said. “Have you seen this guy? The only way to shut him up is by kissing him. And don’t act so innocent, you! I saw the looks you two were giving each other when you were up on that stage! It looked like you two were ready to get undressed in a room full of people! At least we had the decency to go outside!”

  “You tell ’em, Bertie!” Boyd added, putting an arm around her shoulder.

  “Stop it with this Bertie shit, Boyd! Do you want me to get even madder at you?”

  “Only if that makes you as feisty as you were being outside,” he told her with a mischievous grin, giving her another sexually charged glance before shutting her up with a kiss. She let him kiss her and then her hands flew up around his neck, bringing him closer to her.

  My jaw dropped. Unbelievable. I had never seen Ally like that with anyone. Well, I literally had not seen her with anyone, but I had never seen her so animated and passionate. I had never witnessed that kind of electricity in another couple.

  “Your brother is trouble,” I whispered to Lou, turning around to kiss him.

  “I don’t know about you, but I had enough of watching my brother make out,” Lou said against my lips.

  “I’m starving,” I said.

  “Hmmm.”

  “For food too,” I added with a smile. “No, seriously. Let’s go get something to eat. I’m really starving.” I pulled his hand and turned around to look at those two, who were still making out.

  “Are you two coming?” I asked. My question seemed to bring Ally back to reality. She broke the kiss, frowned and gave me a wary glance. She looked as if she couldn’t make sense of her actions either. She gave me a nod, and started following with Boyd in tow.

  “So, you and Hans Koll,” Lou said as we walked down the street, huddled together.

  “Strictly platonic, I swear,” I joked, my face serious.

  “It better be,” he huffed. For a moment I thought he sounded mad, and I was about to rebuff with something witty, but I stopped when I looked over and saw a smug grin spread on his face.

  “How did that even happen?” he asked, his hand circling my waist, hugging me closer.

  I told him about meeting Hans Koll at school, and about the original song assignment. “Standing on The Edge of Something Wonderful” was the first song of mine I performed in front of an audience. I got an A minus on the assignment, and a phone call a week later. As I told him the story, I could still remember how shocked I was hearing from Hans Koll. Talking to him on the phone, listening to him ask me to come to his house for a meeting. I was so skeptical about the whole thing, I almost didn’t go. I didn’t understand what he possibly wanted from me. For a brief moment, I thought it was a completely different type of invitation. I realized now how stupid of me that was, to think the worst of him, when now I basically owed him everything.

  “I know now how terribly wrong I was about him. To me, at first it just didn’t add up. This was a person that would rarely leave his house, yet ever since he worked with you, we had seen him out and about and he even came to Italy to check on the progress of your work. And now he wanted to work with me? I didn’t get it. And then I decided to ask him why. Why was he doing this?”

  “You did?” Lou asked.

  I told him the entire conversation I had with the producer. Hans Koll told me he had lived his life away from people and was perfectly content doing things his way. He had admitted though, that in the last few years he had missed the opportunity to work with some really good artists because of his inaccessibility.

  “He said your music changed him.” Lou looked surprised, if not shocked by my words. “It’s true. He said no other artists’ lyrics had ever touched him like yours did. He felt he needed to make a change, starting with the way he treated others. He told me the song ‘Better Place’ was a real game-changer for him. It made him start thinking about what his legacy would be. He said”—I cleared my throat and tried to imitate Hans Koll’s accent—“I don’t have kids or family. Besides music, what else do I have to account for? I don’t want to be remembered as a grumpy old man.”

  “Wow. Are we sure we are talking about the same person?”

  “I know, it sounds crazy. And that’s not all. He decided he’s also going to have free music courses for school age kids through Koll Music. Can you believe that?”

  “That’s really hard to believe. He got all this from one song?” he asked, still incredulous.

  “You’re underestimating your skills as songwriter. I can’t let you do that. You have no idea how much your songs helped me too.”

  He looked surprised to hear that, but it was the truth. When I had finally realized that listening to his voice didn’t make me feel sad, I understood I didn’t have to shy away from listening to his music. In fact, it always ended up having a positive effect on me, making me f
eel even more inspired.

  “I’m serious, your lyrics are so beautiful, and they always helped me to put things into perspective. Of course, it didn’t hurt that some of them were about me,” I said, stopping in front of our destination. Ally and Boyd were several feet behind us, apparently still bickering, but I could tell by their silhouettes Boyd was hugging Ally.

  “You liked that, huh?” he asked.

  I turned to face the Rivers brother I was in love with.

  I nodded and got closer to him, hugging him around his neck.

  “I didn’t just like that. I loved that. It made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world,” I grinned like a fool.

  “So how is it going to work? Me and you, how are we going to handle it? I’m not going to make the same mistake twice and ask you to leave everything and follow me. You tell me what you think we should do.” He looked shy and nervous as he said the words, which made him look even cuter to me.

  I stared into the depths of his green eyes and paused for a moment before giving him an answer. I had thought about this. My “career” had been the main reason why I couldn’t leave Amsterdam. I had too much to lose. But the album was already cut, and after tomorrow’s press conference, I would have a list of appearances and shows to play. Hans Koll had predicted it was going to be a wild ride and I hoped Lou was up for it.

  “Don’t ask me to follow you, and I promise you, I’ll move mountains to be with you,” I said. “But…”

  “But?”

  “I’m going to have to travel a lot around Europe in the next couple months. Are you going to be okay with that?”

  He nodded and then kissed me softly on the lips, just as Ally and Boyd were approaching and started whistling at us.

  “It’s kind of perfect, actually. I took the rest of the summer off to be with you. Unless you get sick of me, I’ll be wherever you want me to be.”

  My face broke into a huge smile. My ear caught Ally saying they were getting a table, but I couldn’t take my eyes off Lou, both of us smiling.

  His hands circled my waist and he brought me closer to him. I was just wearing a gauzy top over the crop top I wore on stage. His hands skimmed under it, making me shiver and reminding me of the first time we made out on the street. It wasn’t too far away from here. He seemed to suddenly remember the place and looked up.

  “43 Whiskers?”

  “Why not? It’s the best, and I know you like it.”

  “That I do,” he smiled. “For more reasons than one.” The smirk on his face told me he remembered.

  “I need to ask you something else,” he said.

  “Go ahead.”

  “Why did I hear the MC announce you as Ella Fitz?”

  “Oh, that. That’s part of the Koll Music strategy. He said my name was too long, and four-letter last names are catchier,” I shrugged.

  “That sounds silly.” He looked skeptical, his eyebrows bunched up and he had a confused pout on his face. It made me chuckle.

  “Hans Koll has some kind of scientific explanation about it,” I replied jokingly. “Maybe you can change your name to Rive’—you’d sound very French.”

  “Yeah, I don’t think so,” he objected, breathing out a laugh.

  “So…if you’re going to tour Europe now, eventually you’ll be touring the U.S.?”

  “Supposedly…that’s the plan. He told me, ‘Europe will catch on first. Then we’ll move to the U.S.’ Hans Koll said he knows his plan is going to work. He seemed to be very sure, so I didn’t dare disagree with him.”

  “Oh, I have no doubt his plan is going to work. That old fox knows what he’s talking about. The question is: are you ready?”

  Was I ready? It was the biggest gamble of my life. But if there was one thing I had learned in the last year, it was that I was capable of so much more than I thought. I knew I was strong, but with Lou by my side, I felt invincible.

  “I am.”

  EPILOGUE

  “I cannot tell you how much fun I have been having in Nashville,” I said into the microphone, tuning my white Gretsch guitar. Seriously, I could not tell them. It would have simply taken too long, and who wants to hear a singer boast about her wonderful love life? No one. Five months after my graduation, I found myself touring the United States. Small clubs, ballrooms, sometimes hole-in-the-wall places. As if that wasn’t amazing enough, I also had a wonderful boyfriend waiting for me backstage. And his entire family was here tonight watching the show, including his troublemaker of a brother.

  I was living the dream, but it was nights like this I missed my Amsterdam family terribly. Leaving Lieke was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. It still broke my heart to think about how much she cried and she tried to keep me from leaving. No promise of coming back soon placated her. She was too young to understand and there was nothing I could do about it to make it better. The fact that she had to suffer was my only regret. Ally worked as my manager for a few months, but when we started touring the U.S., she said she couldn’t just pack up and leave her firm behind. She had worked too hard, for too many years, and however glamorous the music business was, it wasn’t enough to make her leave everything else. I missed her, but I understood her point of view. I missed Amsterdam a lot. I was happy she was here tonight, though. She had flown back a few days earlier than usual for the holidays, just to catch my show. I could have sworn I saw her and Boyd side by side, bickering and making out. Again.

  As for my family, they were really happy about “whatever that mash-up of sounds you call music”—as sarcastic as that might sound. They were happy I had found something I wanted to do, and that I resumed playing the piano. They cringed at the words electronica, indie-pop and whatnot. They were musical snobs, and my genre of music was too much of a stretch for them. But they were being supportive, overall, so I couldn’t ask for more. Since we had been spending a few days with Lou’s family—who had welcomed me with such love and affection it straight-up reminded me of my Amsterdam family—we were supposed to go see my parents for the holidays. Lou was so nervous about meeting them, he had started rehearsing a few classical pieces, just in the hopes of impressing them. It was really cute.

  Just like the mighty Hans Koll had predicted, we were able to gain Europe’s attention first, and then we made it to the U.S.

  Lou had been able to have some time off that summer and had followed me around Europe, but in the fall he had to resume touring. Our relationship was still mostly long distance, but now that we were both on the same coast, we tried to at least cross paths with our tour buses. We would try to arrange to spend at least one to two days together if we could make our schedules work. We had taken on the habit of coming out and playing a few songs together if either one of us didn’t have to play. The press had caught on to our relationship—it only took them months to put the pieces together and figure out I was the same “mystery gal” from Rome. We weren’t worried about it. We had seen the headlines, the good and the not-so-kind ones, but we didn’t let that bother us. Lou knew his worth, and I knew mine. They could say whatever they wanted. It didn’t matter; they didn’t know us, they didn’t know a thing. This love was no one else’s. This love was ours.

  I heard the loud cheer and saw the surprise on people’s faces. I had gotten used to it. Sometimes the audience did not acknowledge him right away and I would have to introduce him first—not everyone was familiar with his genre of music, especially not people that would be coming to my show. The same happened when I’d join him on his show. But tonight we were in Nashville, and Lou was playing the home field. Everyone knew who he was, I didn’t have to introduce him. I smiled, looking at him, as he took his place at the piano.

  “How are you, Lou?” I asked over the microphone.

  “I’m just grand,” he replied with a smirk. The way he looked at me still gave me butterflies, but it did even more than that. It made me believe I was capable of accomplishing anything.

  “Please help me welcome Lou Rivers,” I said to the a
udience. Loud cheers were followed by Lou playing a glissando on the keys. He made a funny face, and everybody laughed. I usually kept the chatting between songs to a minimum; I would just talk about the song I was about to play, or the town I was visiting and try to establish a connection with the audience. However, the man sitting a few steps away from me was inspiring words I couldn’t just keep to myself.

  “I try to keep it simple between songs, but there’s something I want to say.” I held a breath and my chest tightened, the oxygen trapped in my lungs. I let go of the air I was holding and said, “If you find that one person that believes in you, the one that believes you can accomplish great things, that sees beyond your flaws, your insecurities, hold on to them for dear life…this next song is about not letting go of that special someone in your life.”

  I gave a nod to Lou, and he started playing the first few notes. I joined in with my guitar, and then started singing:

  See those people in the picture

  Looking at the sky above

  Don’t mistake the look on their face

  They were only friends before

  How did we go from friends to lovers?

  Only to blow it to dust

  You were the only thing that mattered

  When I didn’t know who to trust

  I don’t regret anything

  Neither the pain nor the loss

  I remember what you said to me

  Lying on the kitchen floor

  See those people in the picture

  Looking at the sky above

  The distance didn’t break them

  They are stronger than before

  As I played the solo and moved to the music, my hair fell on my face. I couldn’t see much of anything besides the lights. I couldn’t see the audience, or Hendrick, or the man I loved playing the piano behind me. I couldn’t see him, just like that day when I met him for the first time. Just like that day, I knew he was there. This time though, I knew he wasn’t going to leave, and I wasn’t letting go of him.