Cheap Shot

by Cheryl Douglas

  Jaxon was grateful he’d slipped his sunglasses back on before he’d stepped outside. He didn’t want the old man to see him become emotional because of a simple compliment. “That’s nice of you to say, sir.”

  “Your mama told me you lost your father when you were pretty young.”

  “Yes, I did.” Jaxon watched an old couple walk across the grass, one with a walker, the other with a cane. Her arm slipped through his, supporting him. He ached with the knowledge that he may never know a love like that since he’d ruined his chances with Sela.

  “Hurts like hell to lose someone that close to you, doesn’t it?”

  “Sure does.” Jaxon tipped his head toward the man. “I never did catch your name.”

  “Fred, Fred Strong,” he said, offering his hand.

  “Nice to meet you.”

  The old man smiled, revealing two missing teeth. “You too.” He flexed his thin fingers around a hand-carved walking stick. “I lost my boy not too long ago—line of duty. He was serving his country, doing what he felt called to do.”

  “You must have been proud of him. It takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there like that, risk your life for something you believe in.”

  “I was proud of him every damn day.” His green eyes watered, and he reached into his pocket and retrieved an old blue bandana that looked as if it had dried a lot of tears. “You ever been willing to risk your life for anything?”

  Jaxon thought of Sela. “I can think of someone I’d risk my life for.”

  The old man sniffled before chuckling. “I’m willin’ to bet it’s a lady.”

  “It is.” Jaxon tried to ignore the familiar pang in his chest. It felt like a lifetime since he’d breathed normally, or maybe just the last time he was in Sela’s arms.

  “Yet you don’t seem too happy. Why is that?”

  Jaxon looked at the old timer. He was a stranger, yet a kindred spirit. He’d lost his son, Jaxon had lost his father, and they both needed someone to talk to. It was a conversation Jaxon had hoped to have with his mother, but maybe talking to a stranger would be better. Fred didn’t have any preconceived notions about Jaxon, just a wealth of wisdom borne of a lifetime of experience. “I messed up. I lost her, and I’m beginning to think I may never get her back.”

  “You don’t seem like a quitter to me,” Fred said, shoving the rag back in his pocket. “If you were, you never would’ve been able to build a successful business.”

  “This is different.” Jaxon watched a daughter walk her ailing mother to a nearby bench. She was a pretty blonde with warm brown eyes and a bright smile she bestowed on him as soon as their eyes met. A different day, he might have been inclined to walk over there, but not when the only woman he could think about was Sela. “Failing at High Rollers wasn’t an option. It was the only way I could think to make a living.”

  “Survival is as good a reason as any,” Fred said, cupping his knee. “But there are all different kinds of survival. It’s not just about keeping a roof over your head or food on the table. It’s about filling that void in your heart. I suspect you know a thing or two about that.” He smiled at Jaxon. “Probably grew up trying to fill that hole, didn’t you?”

  “I guess I did.”

  Fred nodded. “And you began to think it was impossible, then you met her.”

  “How did you know?” It was eerie that the old man could read his mind.

  “I’ve been there.” He cleared his throat. “Believe it or not, I was a bad kid. Always getting into trouble, so my parents had no choice but to kick me out of the house when I was fifteen. They said I was a bad influence on my younger brother.” His eyes twinkled. “I reckon they were right.”

  “That must have been rough,” Jaxon said, failing to find the humor in being put out on the street at such a young age. “How’d you survive?”

  He lifted a thin shoulder. “I worked odd jobs pumping gas, cutting lawns, whatever I could do to survive. I rented a room in this rooming house one summer…” He grinned. “My landlady’s niece came to stay with her, you know, to help out. She was just about the prettiest thing I ever did see.”

  Jaxon grinned. “What happened?”

  “We got real close, then she had to go off to college. I was heartbroken. Never thought I’d get over her.”

  “Did you?”

  “Nope.” He laughed. “I chased after her. Asked her to marry me. I didn’t have a damn thing to offer her, but she didn’t seem to care. She said she loved me too, and in spite of her parents’ objections, we got married three months later.”

  “That’s a great story.” Jaxon smiled at the ladies on the bench, talking and laughing. “What happened to your wife?”

  He pointed at the silver-haired lady sitting beside her daughter. “We came here together. We said we were in it for the long haul, and we meant it.”

  “That’s your wife?” Jaxon asked.

  “Sure is, and my daughter, Margaret. I’d introduce y’all, but I have a feeling it wouldn’t take much for her to fall for you, and from what you’ve told me, your heart belongs to someone else.”

  “It does.”

  “Then why are you wasting your time sitting here talking to an old fool like me?” Fred asked. “You need to go find your lady.”

  Jaxon grinned. “Thanks for the talk, Fred. It helped a lot.”

  “I’m glad.” He slapped Jaxon on the back. “You let me know how it all turns out, y’hear?”

  “I will, thanks.”

  * * *

  Jaxon was sitting at the bar with Dylan when Sela walked in to start her shift. She wasn’t surprised to see him, but she had no idea what to say to him. She’d given him the impression she wanted nothing more to do with him, yet… she wasn’t so sure.

  She watched him answer his phone. His face drained of color as he nodded. He and Dylan exchanged a few words before he made a beeline for the door.

  Sela caught his wrist as he walked past her. “Are you okay?”

  “I can’t talk now. I’m sorry, I’ve got to go.”

  She tried not to feel hurt by his rejection, but it wasn’t easy. She assumed he’d want to talk about last night, but apparently he had more pressing issues to deal with. She wandered over to the bar, hoping Dylan would fill her in.

  “Hey,” he said as soon as she approached. “Did Jax tell you about his mom?”

  “No,” Sela said, feeling her heart pound harder. “What happened?”

  “I don’t know all the details, but they rushed her to the hospital. It sounded pretty serious.”

  “Oh no.” Sela’s eyes drifted to the door. She wanted to go after him to offer her support, but she wasn’t sure it would be welcome. “I know they had a tumultuous relationship, but—”

  “She’s still his mama,” Dylan said, reaching for his beer.

  “Exactly.” Sela thought about her feud with her own parents. They were dead wrong for trying to run her life, but she’d never forgive herself if something happened to either one of them while they were on bad terms. “I wish I could do something for him.”

  “You could be there for him.” Dylan tipped back his beer.

  “I don’t think he’d want me there. A lot has happened.”

  “He still loves you. That hasn’t changed. The question is whether or not you feel the same way about him.”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “Not really. Do you love him or not?”

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  “Then you wouldn’t want him to be at the hospital alone.”

  Sela searched Dylan’s eyes. “You think I should go after him?”

  “I know what I’d do if I were you.”

  “Do you know which hospital they took her to?”

  “The one nearest the nursing home would be my guess.”

  Sela looked up at the V.I.P. lounge. “I can’t just leave. My shift starts in twenty minutes.”

  “Don’t worry about that,” he said, winking. “You’ve got friends in high
places who’ll cover for you.”

  “Thank you.” She leaned in to kiss his cheek and loop her arm around his neck. “I should be giving you hell for what you did, showing up at Joe’s to do your buddy’s bidding like that.”

  Dylan tapped the tip of her nose. “I only did it because I care about both of you. Any fool can see you belong together.”

  “You really think so?”

  “I know so. Now go after your man.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Sela flew by every speed limit sign on her way to the hospital. If, God forbid, something happened to Jaxon’s mother, she didn’t want him to be alone when he got the news.

  Jaxon looked up at her when she crossed the waiting room. “Sela, what are you doing here?”

  “Dylan told me this was where I’d find you.” She sat next to him and reached for his hand without thinking. “How’s your mama?”

  “She choked on something at dinner,” he said, shaking his head. “They almost lost her, but one of the nurses performed the Heimlich Maneuver, and they were able to revive her. I guess it was touch-and-go for a few minutes.”

  “But she’s going to be okay?”

  “Yeah.” He squeezed her hand. “You didn’t have to come, but I’m glad you did. Thank you.”

  “I didn’t want you to be alone, you know, in case the news was bad.”

  “I appreciate that.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “She’s resting now. They don’t want me to disturb her. I was just taking a minute to collect myself.” He held out his free hand. “My hands are still shaking. I don’t know how the hell I made it here in one piece.”

  The thought of something happening to him made Sela gasp.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, looking at her.

  “Yes, of course. I’m fine. Why don’t I drive you home? I can bring you back tomorrow to pick up your car and visit your mama, assuming she’ll still be here?”

  “Yeah, she will be. Her breathing still seems a little labored, so they want to keep her for observation and run a few more tests, but you don’t have to take me home. I’ll be fine to drive. I just need a few minutes.”

  “I want to.” She stood, tugging on his hand. “Come on, I’ll feel better if I know you’re safe and sound at home.”

  “It’s not your job to take care of me,” he reminded her.

  “Old habits die hard,” she said, dragging him toward the elevator.

  “Tell me about it.”

  She was about to question what he meant when he urged her onto the empty elevator and punched the button.

  “I can’t seem to break the habit of loving you,” he said, backing her into a corner, his lips coming down on hers. “Of wanting you,” he said between kisses. “Needing you.”

  Instead of pushing him away, she opened her mouth to his. The elevator reached the ground floor lobby before she tore herself away. “Let’s get you home, Jax.”

  “I want you to come home with me,” he whispered. “I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

  She wanted to believe he was asking because he needed her, not just a warm body, but she didn’t have the guts to ask. She didn’t want him to think she was okay with what he had done, but she wasn’t willing to walk away either. “We still have a lot to talk about, a lot of things to work out.”

  “We can do that,” he said, kissing her hand. “Whatever it takes, whatever you need me to do, I’ll do it.”

  She wasn’t used to the humble Jaxon. She was used to the strong, confident, slightly arrogant man who’d swept her off her feet… and shattered her. They held hands as they walked to the parking lot, and Sela let her sister’s words filter through her head. Was Kiki right? Should she give Jaxon another chance?

  As they settled into her car, she turned music on so neither of them would feel obligated to talk. She’d rather get lost in her own thoughts, and she thought he might want the same thing. The drive to his place took less than fifteen minutes.

  When she found a spot in guest parking, he removed his seatbelt and turned toward her. “You’ve been pretty quiet. Care to tell me what’s on your mind?”

  “A lot,” she said, wrapping her hand around the steering wheel. “I don’t know if this”—she gestured between them—“us, is a good idea. It may be time to cut our losses and move on.”

  He sighed. “I can’t have this conversation in the middle of a parking lot. At least come upstairs so we can talk about it over a drink.”

  Sela knew that could lead to one drink after another until she’d had too much to drive home. She reached for his arm when he started to get out of the car. “I probably shouldn’t.”

  He looked over his shoulder. “I can’t force you to stay, but don’t run because you’re scared, Sela. Walk away because that’s what feels right.”

  Leaving him didn’t feel right. She didn’t know if what was because of the scare he’d had or what had happened between them the night before, but she could tell he felt vulnerable and alone, and she wanted to support him, even if it meant sacrificing herself. “Okay, let’s go.”

  He didn’t smile or give her any indication he was pleased she’d agreed, but when he slipped his hand in hers, she felt the tension in his body melt away.

  “How is your mama?” she asked. “I mean, aside from what happened today.”

  “She’s gone.” Jaxon swiped his access card to gain entry to the building. “She’s still here physically, but mentally, she checked out a long time ago.”

  “I’m sorry. I know how difficult that must be for you.” She gripped his wrist with her free hand. Even though Jaxon and his mother had never been close, she was still his only family.

  “If you don’t mind, I’d rather not talk about her tonight.”

  Sela tried not to feel slighted. He was shutting her out again when she wanted him to share his thoughts and feelings with her. Was she deluding herself, hoping he had changed?

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, facing her when she stopped in front of the elevators.

  “We’ve come full circle, haven’t we?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “When you broke up with me, you said it was because of what was going on with your mother, which we both knew was an excuse. You didn’t want to let me in then, and you don’t want to let me in now, do you?”

  “No,” he said, reaching for her. “God, no. That’s not how it is, I swear.” He wrapped his hand around her neck and drew her closer, touching his forehead to hers. “I’m an idiot sometimes. I shoot my mouth before I think. I’m sorry. We can talk about anything you want, including my mother.”

  Sela knew he wanted her to believe no subject was off limits, but when it came down to it, would he really let his guard down? “Let’s go up to your place.”

  He guided her to the elevator so quickly, he seemed as if he feared she would change her mind. He punched the button for the penthouse. “I know I don’t deserve another chance, but that doesn’t mean I can just let you go.” He bit his lip as he clenched her hand. “I keep telling myself you deserve a better man, but I can’t let anyone else take you away from me. Not this time.”

  Last time Jaxon had broken up with her, he’d done everything in power to hide his emotions, but this time, his pain was written all over his handsome face. Sela thought he was hurting as much as she was, maybe even more.

  “I never would have been with someone else if you hadn’t pushed me away,” she reminded him. “The first time Sheldon and I were intimate, I cried myself to sleep because I felt like I was being unfaithful to you. We’d been apart almost eight months, and it still felt like cheating.” She didn’t know if she should have told him that, but she thought he needed to know.

  He fixed her with a penetrating look that made it impossible for her to guess what he was thinking. As soon as the elevator doors opened, he pulled her through, spun her around, and pinned her against the wall with his powerful body. “You’re mine,” he whispered, his hot breath shifting her hair
. “Mine. No other man has the right to put his hands on you.” He guided his hand up her bare thigh. “Ever. Again.”

  Sela trembled. That was the Jaxon she remembered, a force to be reckoned with if anyone got in the way of what he wanted. She thought about objecting but knew it was pointless. They both knew she wanted the same thing he did.

  “Do. You. Understand?”

  Her hands were at her sides. She didn’t dare touch him, because if she did, their clothes would be all over the hall. “You don’t own me, Jaxon.”

  “You own me.” He grazed her lips with his. “My body, my mind, my heart. It’s all yours.”

  It was impossible to keep her eyes open as his hand moved over her ribcage, grazing the underside of her breast. She was grateful his suite was the only one on the top floor, affording her the privacy to draw him into a frenzied kiss.

  “Tell me you’re mine. Tell me this,” he whispered, caressing her body. “And this”—he tapped his index finger against her temple—“and this”—he drew a heart on her chest with his fingertip—“is all mine.”

  Sela swallowed, trying to find the words to object. She couldn’t make it so easy for him to erase all the pain he’d caused her. “It’s not that easy. It can’t be.”

  He trapped her with a hand against the wall on either side of her head. “It’s harder to go on pretending you don’t love me. Tell me you love me. I need to hear you say those words. Please.”

  The last time she’d told Jaxon she loved him, it was after they made love. He’d pretended he was asleep instead of responding the way she prayed he would. That was when she vowed she’d never share her feelings with him again.

  “You can’t say it?” he asked, sounding as though his breath was trapped in his throat. “You don’t love me anymore? Is it because of him? Do you still have feelings for Sheldon?”

  Sela closed her eyes, trying to ignore the anguish in his eyes. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she didn’t want to be hurt either.

  “Oh God, that’s it, isn’t it?” he asked, pushing off the wall. “I fooled myself into believing you could never love anyone the way you loved me.” He stalked down the hall toward his apartment. “But I was deluding myself, wasn’t I?”