BetweenTwoBillionairesCompleteStripped

by Sky Corgan

  Maybe this is why Kelly killed herself. Perhaps Tristan pulled the same crap on her, and she couldn't handle it. If that was the case, then I can't blame her. This was mind-fuck advanced level. Make the girl fall in love with you. Chase her into your brother's arms. Don't tell her what's going on. Just make her so insecure about things that she doesn't know whether she's coming or going.

  My phone rings in my pocket. I look at the caller ID. It's Shawn. I push reject. I'm sure he's pissed about his car. That's between him and Ethel though. Not me.

  He leaves a voice mail, and I delete it. If he wants to come after Ethel for retribution, he knows where she lives. Our parents will be so pissed, but I'll stick up for her. It's the least I can do. Then we'll have to explain everything. Just thinking about that makes me want to cry. I'll be tarnished in my mother's eyes. One more heartbreak to add to the list.

  When I get home, I debate telling Ethel that Shawn called. It's something she'd probably want to know. Then again, I'm not sure if she's over being angry at me yet or not, so I decide not to bother.

  I wallow in self-pity for the rest of the night, wondering if I'll ever be whole again. My online friends offer little support. Everyone is so caught up in their own lives. That's how it should be though, I suppose.

  The next day, Shawn calls again, and again he leaves a voice mail, which I delete without listening to. He leaves a text message too. “We need to talk,” it says.

  No, we don't. Delete.

  Apparently, he gets fed up with being slighted, because two days later, he shows up at my work. If I said I was starting to recover, that would be a lie. The numbness is still there, and the only thing it's tempered with is anxiety that this is about the car. He doesn't look happy. Then again, he never does.

  I force myself to the register to serve him, feeling like the souls of my shoes have suddenly turned to led. I'd kill to have my co-worker wait on him instead, but the guy I'm working with today is manning the drive-through window, so no such luck.

  “What will you be having?” I ask without emotion.

  “You haven't been returning my calls.” He doesn't bother to hide his disapproval.

  “What happened to your car is between you and Ethel. It doesn't involve me.” I stare straight forward at the navy blue silk tie he's wearing. If I look at his face, my heart will break. I need to keep the numbness. It's the only thing holding me together.

  “That's bullshit. This is all about you, and you know it.”

  “Sir, if you're not going to order something, I'm going to have to ask you to step aside. There are other customers.” I glance at a woman standing behind him.

  “What time do you get off?” his voice is laced with agitation.

  “Sir, there are other customers,” I sigh.

  “I'm not leaving until you agree to talk to me.” He stands there like a statue, unmoving.

  I'm starting to sweat. The customers behind him are getting irritated. This isn't good. I don't need to lose my job over this crap too.

  “I don't want to talk to you. I want to talk to Tristan.” My eyes flit up to meet his finally, and pain courses through me.

  “Tristan isn't ready—”

  “I don't care.” I shake my head. “I talk to Tristan or—”

  The lady standing behind Shawn huffs and starts stomping away. I look past Shawn in a panic. “Ma'am, I can serve you now.”

  “It's about damn time.” She spins on her heels, glaring at Shawn.

  I give him a pleading look, and his expression softens a bit. “Tristan will be here when you get off of work. Text him so he'll know what time that is.”

  I nod, and he thankfully leaves. The customer is none the happier, but at least I'm able to serve her and move on to everyone else who was waiting. These guys are going to kill me yet. Why can't they just leave me alone?

  The rest of my night is filled with sickening anticipation. I don't want to see Tristan. I don't want him to know where I work. It makes me feel like I can't escape him and Shawn. Maybe I can ask for a transfer to another store, so they can't find me. Perhaps I should pretend to be sick and leave early to spare myself from tonight. That's not really an option though. I need this money for college. And I have a feeling that I'd have to face them sooner or later. Even if I transferred to a different store, they still know where I live. They'd find me, one way or another.

  Grudgingly, I text Tristan to let him know when I'm getting off of work, then I watch the minutes and hours tick down like I'm waiting for my execution. I was wrong when I thought the day I eavesdropped was the death of my relationship with Tristan. Tonight is. Tonight will be. I'm going to make it abundantly clear that I never want to see him again.

  At promptly fifteen minutes til eleven, I hear the rumble of a motorcycle pulling up in front of the store. When I look out the window, I know it's Tristan. He takes off his helmet and walks up to the door, trying to open it. I want to grin, knowing it's locked. I would blatantly ignore him, but he taps on the glass, forcing my attention away from the sweeping I'm doing.

  He smiles at me, that charming smile I fell in love with. I don't return the kindness though. I simply point to the outdoor seating area and lower my eyes again, not wanting to look at him any longer than I have to. This is the man who broke my heart. The one who destroyed my world. I can't let him get to me. Not now. Not again.

  I finish my duties and lockup with my co-worker. He glances at Tristan when we leave the building, and I give him a weak smile, showing him it's alright, not that I'm really sure he cares in the first place. He was probably just curious.

  “Hey.” Tristan rounds the corner. His hands are in the pockets of his jeans, and he looks uncharacteristically shy.

  “What do you want? And if this is about the car, Ethel is home all the time. Well, except for on weekends. And at night. Shawn can drop by and ask for her any other time. He knows where we live.” I brush past him, staring out at the traffic.

  “This isn't about the car,” his voice is soft and soothing.

  “If it's not about the car, then we have nothing else to talk about.”

  “You never allowed me to explain things.” He steps up beside me. I can see him in my peripheral vision, but I don't turn to him.

  “I don't think I want an explanation.” It's a lie. I need an explanation. I don't understand what happened, and if I don't have some kind of closure, I'll probably never heal from this.

  “Of course, you do.” He sees right through me. “I know you're confused about what you heard.”

  “There's nothing to be confused about.” I shake my head. “You set me up to sleep with Shawn. If you loved me like you said you did, you wouldn't have done something like that. You completely toyed with my emotions and screwed with my head until I didn't know if I was coming or going. Until I didn't know if you were the bad guy or if Shawn was. It wasn't until I heard the two of you talking that day that I realized you're both bad guys. And I'm sorry, but I don't have a bad boy fetish.”

  “That's not it at all,” there's offense in his tone. “Neither of us are bad guys. You just don't understand my situation.”

  “Explain it then.” I turn to him abruptly, the pitch of my voice rising in time with his. “You want to explain it. Explain it. You only get this one chance though. And if you lose your composure and pitch a fit like you did in the car, then you can just leave. I've dealt with enough emotional battery when it comes to the two of you. My patience for it is shot. If anyone has a right to be upset here, it's me.”

  His eyes widen in surprise. This is me in full anger mode, and I mean every word I say. I'm not going to stand here and listen to another one of his emotional outbursts.

  “Let's sit.” He gestures to one of the tables, oddly the same one that Shawn and I sat at the time he came to visit me after work. Their brains must really be in sync.

  I follow him and sit, trying to keep my nerves from going haywire. The tension between us is wound so tight that I'm worried one of us could
snap at any moment. My body is on guard for a fight, though I don't know why. If it came to that, fight or flight, I would pick flight. I want to yell at him, but I don't have it in me.

  “Explain,” I say the word firmly, enunciating it. Right now, I'm all ears. This is going to be rich; I just know it.

  Tristan looks towards the street. “To explain what you heard, I need to tell you more about what happened with Kelly. And what happened to me in the past.”

  “I'm listening.”

  He glances at me. “When I was in high school, I used to play football. One day at practice, I got injured. It was an accident, but as I result, I'm unable to have children.”

  My mouth falls slightly agape. That explains why he wouldn't pull out. Why it didn't bother him at all.

  He continues, “Kelly was a lot like you. She was . . . beautiful and vibrant and sweet. She also wanted children, but I was unable to give them to her. In fear of losing her, I never told her. We lived this fantasy where we were going to get married and everything was going to be perfect. We talked about the house with the white picket fence. Two kids. A dog. The perfect family.” Tristan bites his bottom lip for a moment, then shakes his head. “I took things too far. We got engaged, and I still couldn't tell her. I mean, it's not like I never approached the subject. We discussed adoption a few times, but she always said she wouldn't be interested until we had a few kids of our own. She wouldn't have wanted me if she knew.

  “Shawn told me I should tell her. He said it would be alright. That if she didn't want me after she found out, it would be her loss. That wasn't true though. I loved her so much. I knew I would be the one on the losing end.” He sighs, “In the end, I couldn't tell her. About a month before the wedding, I broke up with her. I said a bunch of nasty things, things that weren't true. Anything I could to drive her away. It hurt me so bad, but I wanted her to hate me. And in all of that, I never told her the truth. I never told her the real reason I couldn't be with her anymore. It was because I loved her so much that I wanted a better life for her. I wanted her to have the kids she always wanted. The family she always wanted. The family she couldn't have with me.” Tristan's eyes water as he speaks, and I can feel pain radiating from him. I know what comes next without him even having to say it. Being hurt so deeply by someone you're madly in love with.

  “That night, she killed herself. She even wrote out a suicide note saying that if she couldn't be with me, then she didn't want to live. She said that she died of a broken heart. The gun had nothing to do with it.” Tears are streaming down his face now. Despite myself, I move over next to him to offer support, but he holds his hands up to keep me away. “No. You're not supposed to coddle me. I don't deserve sympathy for this.”

  “Tristan,” his name trails off my lips. I don't know what to say. There are no words that can comfort him. He made a mistake, and they both paid the price for it. He'll have to live with this forever.

  “That's what happened.” He nods, whipping his eyes on his bomber jacket sleeve.

  “So how does what happened with us and Shawn play into all of this?” I ask as I slide back over onto my bench. It feels a bit insensitive changing the subject, but also necessary to keep him held together. He's so close to breaking; I can see it, the faint trembling on the surface.

  “I know you want kids too.” He stares out into the distance. “I can't give them to you, and I didn't want to make the same mistake I made with Kelly. You'll want kids from my blood, and Shawn is my blood.

  “I want you, Sarah.” He looks at me for the first time since we sat down. Really looks at me. And his expression is so earnest. But as quickly as we have that moment, he turns away again. “Shawn isn't like me. He's never going to get married. He doesn't want the same things I do, but he does want me to be happy. I made him agree that if I found someone again, that she would have to be willing to accept both of us. I don't mind sharing you with Shawn. Shawn's the only thing that's safe and stable in my life, and if he has you, then you'll be safe and stable too.”

  “Do you not realize how convoluted that sounds?” I quirk an eyebrow at him. “You're basically saying that you want me to sleep with Shawn because you're afraid I'll die otherwise.”

  “It's hard to explain. I just feel better knowing you're with both of us.” He shakes his head.

  “And how does Shawn feel about all of this?” Screw Shawn. How do I feel about all of this? I can't believe I'm actually interested in their warped relationship. It's just so wrong that it's fascinating to me.

  Tristan smiles. “Shawn likes you a lot. He thinks you're a wonderful girl. That you're perfect for me.”

  “What about him? You've essentially made this into a poly relationship between us. Is he just going to have sex with me? I mean, I'm not even ready to have kids yet.”

  “Yeah, about that,” he pauses, searching for words. “Can't we all just be together?” He looks at me, posing an honest question.

  My heart fills with a deep sadness. Now I'm the one looking away. “You know, Tristan, I never really wanted him. It was always you.”

  “I know, but would you have stayed if I had told you the truth?”

  I stare down at the cold concrete, imagining what my life would have been like with Tristan if none of this trickery had ever happened. Things would have been perfect up until the point that I found out he couldn't have kids. It's true that I want kids of my own, that I want to know what it feels like to have a baby inside of me. Not now, of course, but later on down the road. Maybe Tristan and I wouldn't have even stayed together that long. Who knows? But if we did . . .

  First and foremost, I would have been pissed at him for not telling me. I would have felt like I wasted my time with a man who couldn't ultimately give me what I need in life. My heart would have broken anyway. And if I would have forced myself to stay in a relationship with him despite his shortcomings, resentment would have followed. Yes, things would have ended eventually.

  “So this is how it has to be if we're going to stay together? You, me, and Shawn?” My eyes move back up to his face.

  He meets my gaze. “If you love me, you also have to love him.”

  I sigh deeply, “I'll have to think about this. It's a lot to digest in one sitting.”

  “I know. I'm glad I got it all out though. This was eating me alive.” He glances up at the trees.

  “If I do agree to this, I want no more deception. No more manipulation. No more hiding things or lies. You tell me everything. Both of you.”

  He nods. “Everything.”

  “I need to get home.” I stand up, feeling like my head might explode from all of this new knowledge. What he's asking of me is so bizarre. It's hard for me to process it.

  “I could give you a lift on the bike.” He points to his motorcycle with a smirk, getting up to walk me towards the parking lot.

  “I think I'll pass.” I give him a sarcastic look.

  “I know. I was just teasing.” He walks beside me, so close that our shoulders are almost touching.

  We get to his bike, and I pause to say my goodbyes. “Well, I guess I'll text you sometime then.”

  “Do it soon, please. I hate being kept waiting.” He brushes a strand of hair behind my ear, causing a shiver to run down my spine. That electricity is still there. Despite everything, I still have feelings for him.

  “I don't know how long it's going to take me.” I shake my head, feeling weak.

  “Can I kiss you? Please.” When I don't respond, he leans in. Our lips meet in the sweetest most chaste kiss. My heart throbs with pain as I realize this might be our last kiss. That all depends on the decision I make. I close my eyes, savoring the taste of his lips, not wanting the kiss to end. When he pulls away, I know I must look like a lovesick fool, standing there with my eyes closed, with my mouth slightly parted as if I'm trying to breath in his essence. “I love you, Sarah Palmer.”

  I lick my lips and walk away from him. I can't say anything. I can't think enough to form words. I jus
t need to get away. Get away so that I can make sense of all of this—so that I'm not intoxicated by his presence.

  CHAPTER THREE

  I lay in bed thinking about my options. There are really only two. Be with both Tristan and Shawn, or stay single and hope something better eventually comes along. Something better would probably eventually come along, but the truth of the matter is that I love Tristan, and I like Shawn a lot. Tristan is romantic and caring. Shawn is aggressive and exciting. They're both well off, and being with them could change my life. It already has.

  I groan and curse the heavens for sending these two men into my life. Is this a test? If it is, I've already failed. I gave in to temptation and lust. There's probably a spot in hell reserved for me now.

  The truth of the matter though, is that I know what I want. It isn't a question of what I want, it's a question of whether or not it's right. On a deep psychological and moral level though, I know the answer. This isn't right. It's twisted and goes against everything I believe in and thought I wanted.

  I can't make up my mind. I don't want to have to decide. I wish this never happened to me.

  ***

  Days pass. Both Tristan and Shawn text me, but I don't text them back. My mind has fallen into this weird place where I can't make a decision. I won't force myself to make it. I'll just hurt until this goes away, and maybe in that action, I have made a decision. I want this, but I won't pursue it.

  I go to work, come home, sleep, rinse, repeat. Ethel tries to talk to me, but I shut her out. That only enrages her. Things are returning to normal. Miserable. Normal.