I Need You

by Mercy Amare

  Hopefully.

  “There’s only one more month until we leave for Tahiti,” Gabe says. “Then when you come back, we’ll be going to Berkeley. So you hardly have any time left in here.”

  “I know. But I’ll still be coming here to visit a lot,” I say, folding a pair of jeans to put in my bag. “I can only imagine how much my baby sister will grow from time to time that I see her. I’ll probably come home every other weekend for the first couple years.”

  “I’ll come with you.”

  “Of course.” I pull a tank top out of my drawer and put it in the bag. “You’ll want to see your mom and dad too.”

  “Plus, I’m sure Ty won’t mind having the dorm to himself. I can only imagine the line of girls that he’ll have over every night,” he says, rolling his eyes.

  “And you don’t want that?” I ask.

  “Why would you ask that? You know I only want you.”

  “I know. But you’re only eighteen. Do you really want to start college in a committed relationship? Don’t you want to sleep around? Have a little fun…”

  “I don’t particularly like one-night stands,” he says. “Sex is much better if it’s with somebody you really care about. Somebody that you love. And I love you; therefore, I only want you.”

  I grin at his words. “Good.”

  “What about you? Do you want to be single for college?” he asks.

  “I want to be with you.” Even though it took me far too long to figure it out.

  “Let’s not break up this time.”

  I laugh, thinking about the two times we’ve already broken up. The first time, it was Gabe who freaked out. He realized what a mistake it was only a few minutes later. The other time, it was me. I freaked out and ran right into the arms of my stalker. That was obviously a big mistake.

  “Just tell your mom not to talk to me about our future marriage, and I think we’ll be okay,” I say.

  “Already had that talk with her. I told her that we are definitely not getting married until after college,” he tells me.

  “What did she say?”

  “That I better not get you pregnant until we’re married.”

  “No chance in that,” I say. “I’m on the pill. I don’t plan on having a baby for a long, long time.”

  I think about all the times Brian said he wanted to marry me. He didn’t want to wait. Maybe it was because of our age difference. Maybe he was truly ready to be fully committed to me… Or maybe he wanted to marry me before he got caught for stalking me. Either way, I hated that I felt guilty, because I didn’t want to get married at eighteen. Or any age that ends in teen.

  “So, when Ty has girls over, you could come to my dorm. After all, I am getting a whole room to myself,” I say. “We wouldn’t have to worry about interruptions.”

  “I like the sound of that,” Gabe says. “You know, I was thinking… you obviously have a lot of bad memories in this room. Maybe we should make some good memories. At least in here we won’t have to worry about Toby interrupting us.”

  “I’m leaving in like thirty minutes.”

  He pouts. “Fine. We will just have to wait until you get back.”

  If I come back.

  “I can’t wait,” I tell him. “It’s been a while.”

  “Too long.”

  “I wish you could come with me.”

  “I do too,” he says. “But I need to be here. I want this to come to an end. Ty and I are going to end this thing. Besides, I know you’ll be safe. You’ll have Toby, Cole, and your dad. I’m not worried. And when you get back, hopefully this whole nightmare will be over.”

  “This has been going on for so long, it’s hard to imagine ever being free. I wonder how it will feel to not have to worry about dying,” I say, sighing at the thought. “I seriously can’t wait to go to Tahiti. Hopefully this will all be over by then. If so, it will be the best summer ever. I plan on spending lots of time in bed with you. And maybe some time on the beach with you. And in the hot tub. Maybe even the ocean.”

  He grins big at that. “Um, yes. I’m definitely okay with that. But if you don’t stop talking about sex, I am going to take what little time we have left to ravish your body.”

  My eyes widen. “Gabe!”

  “What?” he shrugs innocently. “You’re too hot. I can’t help it. I want you.”

  My stomach tightens at his words. “You aren’t making me want to leave.”

  “Good,” he says and gets off the bed. He kisses my neck, and then whispers in my ear. “I want you to think about nothing but this the whole time you’re gone.”

  Gabe grabs me and pulls me against him hard, pretty much guaranteeing that I won’t think about anybody besides him the whole time I’m gone. Now I can’t wait to get back.

  7 p.m.

  Private jets.

  Dad doesn’t get home from work until almost seven, and then we head straight to the airport. We are taking his private jet, which is so weird for me. Even after all this time, I still find all the luxury overwhelming. There are so many people in the world that are hungry, and my dad owns his own jet.

  His pilot is waiting on us when we get there, and as soon as we get buckled up and the plane is loaded, we take off. I sit beside Toby, who has a huge smile on his face.

  “What do you think of the plane, little sis?” he asks.

  It is my first time in this plane. I’ve been on other private jets, but never in my dad’s.

  “It’s… very nice,” I answer. Or at least I think it is. It’s the nicest one I’ve ever been in, but I don’t really have a lot to compare it to. “So does one ever get used to this?”

  Toby shrugs. “I don’t know. I’d like to say I’m not used to it, but I get everything I want or need. I haven’t heard the word no in a long time. I suppose I don’t know how spoiled I am.”

  “That’s not true. I tell you no all the time,” I say, sticking my tongue out at him.

  “Whatever,” he says, reclining his seat. “Are you ready for tomorrow night?”

  “I don’t think I will ever be ready. I’m mostly nervous. I just hope that Ty and Gabe are able to find something,” I tell him. “I will be so relieved when this is over. I’ve almost forgot what it was like to be able to breathe easy.”

  “I know what you mean,” Toby says. “Ever since you told Gabe and me that night, I have been so worried for you.”

  “I haven’t just been worried for me. I’ve been worried for you, Dad, Veronica, the baby, Gabe, Ty, and everybody else close to me…” I blink away the tears that are starting to form. “I just want everybody I love to be safe. I want to go off to college and start a normal life.”

  “What do you think a normal life is like?”

  “Okay, well, maybe my life won’t be completely normal. I’m still Mark Evers’s daughter. Nothing will ever change that, not that I’d want to change it,” I say. “I mean, I love my family.”

  “Aw,” Toby says. “I love you too. You’re my favorite sister.”

  I laugh. “Yeah, until the baby is born. Then she will be your favorite.”

  “No way. You’ll always be my favorite, because I’m staying with you when I come up to party at Berkeley on the weekends.”

  “No. You can stay with Ty. And Gabe will stay with me.”

  Toby wrinkles his nose in disgust. “You and Gabe are going to be really disgusting to be around again, aren’t you?”

  “No way,” I tell him. “We might cuddle and kiss in front of you, but that’s it. Anything more and I will lock the door.”

  “And nothing on my bed, right?”

  “Right,” I confirm. “I promise not to use your bed anymore. That was a complete lapse in judgment on my part.”

  “I’m glad you two are back together.”

  “Me too.”

  “Dad will never say it, but I think he’s glad too,” Toby says. “I mean, Gabe basically saved your life at the party. No telling what Brian would’ve done to you.”

  “I
can’t believe he kept looking, even after we broke up.”

  “Gabe never stopped looking.”

  “Never? Seriously?” I ask.

  “Seriously. I spent a lot of time with him after you broke up. He and I looked together. I might have approved of you and Brian being together, but I was always Team Gabe.” Toby pauses, shaking his head. “Brian really had me fooled. I’d like to think that if I had spent more time with him that I would’ve picked up on it, but truthfully, I don’t think I would have. I mean, I trust your judge of character.”

  “Obviously, I’m over-trusting.”

  “No way. I think it’s good that you trust people. You shouldn’t let what happened with Brian take that away from you. And not even what happened with Ty. Aside from Gabe, you’ve had some pretty bad luck when it comes to guys,” he says.

  “I really lucked out with Gabe,” I say, sighing. “I hate how I treated him.”

  “He kind of deserved it. He did lie a lot about the Lily thing,” he says. “I think you needed to break up. Now you can really build your relationship on honesty and trust. If I’m being truthful, I don’t think he deserves you, though I don’t think anybody ever will.”

  “Thanks, big brother.”

  He grins big. “Aw, you called me big brother.”

  “My big brother by three months,” I clarify.

  “It doesn’t matter. Three months, or three minutes… I’m still older.”

  “I’m sad that our little sister won’t grow up with us around,” I say. “She’s going to be so spoiled, being an old child.”

  “Especially because she’s a girl,” Toby says, laughing. “I hope she’s a girly girl. My mom is going to buy her so many dresses.”

  I think about my own closet full of dresses. Most of the dresses still have the tags on them. It’s not that they’re not pretty, I just prefer wearing jeans most of the time. I only wear dresses when I absolutely have to… like tomorrow night.

  “I have a feeling she isn’t going to wear anything that’s not pink for the first few years of her life,” I say, and then shudder at the thought. I like pink, but it’s definitely not my favorite color. If I had to wear it every day then I would get sick of it for sure.

  “I’m really excited for her to be born.”

  “Me too.” As long as she’s safe. Which she will be. She has to be. I will find some way to get Mike Newman behind bars before then. I have to.

  9 p.m.

  Malibu.

  Dad offers to get Toby and me our own room, but I tell him I’d rather stay with Toby.

  “Are you still afraid of sleeping alone?” Dad asks. “Even here in Los Angeles?”

  “I would just feel better if he was in there.” What I don’t say is especially here in L.A. Mike Newman is here. I mean, I don’t know if he’s here tonight, but he will be here tomorrow for sure. I’m scared of him showing up in my hotel room. I’m scared of him standing over my bed, like Brian did. But most of all, I’m scared of dying.

  Death is a very scary thing. I’m not sure what comes after life… maybe Heaven? But then again, who says I’m good enough to get there? I’ve hardly ever been to church, and the only times I’ve ever prayed have been for really selfish things. Maybe I’ll go to Hell, if there is such a place. All I know is that I don’t want to die right now. When I die, I want to be old and gray. I want to have lived a full life and I want to go peacefully in my sleep… not because some selfish prick murders me out of spite.

  We all have rooms on the top floor of the hotel. Dad and Veronica go in their room, and Toby and I go to ours. The bellboy drops our luggage off, and we scope out the room.

  It’s huge — not like any other hotel I’ve seen. There is a main sitting area with a TV and a couch. Also a mini fridge is filled full of drinks — sodas, water, juice. Off to each side, there are two doors that lead to separate rooms. At least Toby will be close if I need him.

  Off of the main room is a balcony. Toby and I walk through the double glass doors and stand outside.

  The weather in Malibu is really nice, and the smell of salt water is fresh in the air. Our balcony overlooks the ocean. There are a few people on the beach, but for the most part it’s pretty quiet.

  “Dad certainly likes to go all out,” I tell Toby.

  He snorts. “He never does anything small. Ever.”

  “I remember when I first moved here and he gave me my car… I freaked out. I was scared to drive it. All I ever drove in St. Louis was my mom’s slightly used SUV. I had never driven such a nice car, and I was scared that I would wreck it.”

  “If you wrecked it, he would just buy you a new one,” Toby says. “In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he bought you a new one for graduation. Maybe an SUV or something, so it’ll be easy to drive back and forth between Berkeley and Mountain View.”

  “What’s wrong with my car now?”

  “Nothing. It’s just… small. How are you going to fit all your luggage in it? And Gabe’s.”

  “Right.” I frown. “Well, we can always take Gabe’s car. He has plenty of room.”

  Toby shakes his head, disapprovingly. “You really think your dad is going to let you depend on Gabe for that?”

  “Probably not, but still. I hate that he’s spending all of this money on me. It makes me feel guilty… like he should spend the money on something or somebody else. I mean, my car works just fine.”

  “You know how he is.”

  Yeah, I do.

  “I mean, he has the money. Why not let him spend it on you?” Toby asks. “You know it makes him happy to buy you things. I’d say that’s a good problem to have. My real dad was only happy when he was insanely drunk and hitting me or my mom.”

  “I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I hate that your dad was that way.”

  He shrugs. “Nothing you can do about it. He’s dead now. Maybe it’s for the best…”

  “Still, losing a parent…” I frown, thinking about my mom. I wonder in the ache in my chest will ever go away.

  “Whatever,” he says. “At least now my mom is safe from him. That’s what counts. And she’s happy. When she was with him, I don’t think I ever saw her smile. Your dad makes her insanely happy. Those few months that they split up were pretty hard on her. I’m glad she decided to forgive him.”

  “Dad worked the whole time,” I tell Toby. “I hardly ever saw him. If it wasn’t for Olivia and… Brian… I would’ve been all alone.”

  “I would’ve been there for you,” he says. “With them two… it felt like you had moved on from me. Like you didn’t really need me.”

  “I always need you, Toby. You’re my brother, no matter what happens.”

  He grins. “We should go swimming.”

  I look at him. “Um, I don’t think so. It’s too cold. Plus, I bet the ocean feels like ice right now.”

  “There’s an indoor pool.”

  I grin at him. “Okay, let’s go.”

  We both head off to our own rooms to get dressed. I pull out my bikini and cover-up and quickly slip them on. I put on flip-flops and when I walk out to the main area, Toby is waiting for me.

  “Do you think Gabe and Ty are finding anything?” I ask Toby as we get on the elevator.

  “I sure hope so,” he answers. “I really hope that Mike is gone today and tomorrow so they’ll have more time. I need them to find what he’s hiding.”

  “If he’s hiding it at his house…” I let my voice trail off, and imagine some random storage unit with pictures of me hung up everywhere. Plans of revenge strung out over the walls, and probably weapons hanging around. The thought makes my stomach tighten.

  “If not, we will do everything we can to find out,” he tells me. “Especially Gabe. It’s crazy how much that boy loves you.”

  “I don’t understand it. I’m not… worthy of that kind of love… of him.”

  “You can’t think like that, Kihanna,” Toby says, scolding me. “You are worthy. One mistake doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes
you human.”

  “I know.” I sigh. “I’m just so ready for my future to start. The future without Mike Newman torturing me for fun in his spare time.”

  “I’m ready too — for you to be safe.”

  “I just… keep imagining this future in my head. You know, me, you, Toby, and Gabe off at college. Maybe we will all even get an apartment to share.”

  Toby laughs. “You, your ex-boyfriend, your current boyfriend, and me?”

  “What? Ty is important to me as a friend,” I tell him. “He doesn’t have anybody else.”

  “I could see it,” he says, going along with my fantasy. “We’d have to get a huge apartment. Maybe we could even rent a house. Ty and I could throw some epic parties.”

  I smile. “Exactly!”

  The elevator comes to a stop and we walk toward the pool.

  “Kihanna, the thing I love the most about you is how extreme you love people,” Toby tells me. “Even Ty, your ex-boyfriend who cheated on you. It blows my mind.”

  “How could I not love Ty? After all he’s been through in his life, he’s still one of the nicest, most caring people I know,” I say. “Ty deserves a much better life than he’s been given. I’m just glad he is staying with us. And hopefully soon, he won’t have to see his dad ever again… unless he wants to.”

  “I doubt Ty will visit his dad in prison,” he says. “Not after what he’s done to you.”

  When we get to the pool, there aren’t very many people in there. A teenage girl and boy, and there is a couple sitting real close to each other in the hot tub. Seeing them together makes me miss Gabe even more.

  Toby does a cannonball into the water, and I take off my cover-up before jumping in with him.

  All thoughts of Mike Newman, stalkers, and the future are forgotten… for the moment at least.

  Saturday, May 5

  9 a.m.

  In the air.

  Last night, we ended up staying at the pool until around midnight. We had a lot of fun with the other two teenagers swimming — Brad and Michelle. They were a brother and sister visiting from Idaho. They were very, very nice people. I hope we run into them again before we leave.