A grunt left her mouth as she swung up, her leg swinging over the tree branch. Lexia rested for a second, panting, and watched as Caden let his claws slip through his fingers. He climbed the tree in seconds with the grace only a cat could posses.
“Are you sitting there all day?” he grinned at her from the little veranda in front of Caleb’s home.
“Oh shut up, I used to climb better than you not so long ago.”
“Used to!”
Lexia scowled at him and crawled along the branch. “You know I think I preferred you before you went all macho shifter.”
“Macho shifter?” he laughed.
“Give me a hand will you!” Lexia reached out her hand; Caden had to lean over the railing to reach her.
She took hold of his hand and smiled wickedly at him.
“Oh no you d...” he gasped as she squeezed his hand and pulled.
Caden yelped as he was pulled over the railings. He turned to lights and landed as a leopard. Laughing Lexia scrambled to her feet and over the railings as Caden hissed and growled at her. She opened the door and shut it behind her as the leopard landed back on the railings, his body rammed into the door.
“Serves you... Right! Go... take a walk... little pussy cat!” she said in between fits of giggles.
“What are you doing here?” Caleb growled.
Lexia immediately stopped laughing and held up her hands. “No strangling me, I just came to talk.”
Caleb looked at her and then slumped back into his chair. “Why would you want to talk to me?”
Walking over to him she said, “Well, for starters you owe me some info and I need to tell you what I am.”
“You’re a Hunter!” he spat.
“Easy on the hate... I’m a Hunter, yep, but I was born, not turned.”
He looked up at her then, interest in his eyes.
“So now you want to talk? Well, first things first... You ended up on your ass first, so tell me, why did you call Linc your alpha?”
Dropping his eyes again Caleb sighed, “I was Nathan’s second in command, he was my alpha, Lincoln was born to take his place.”
“So Linc’s parents were the alpha pair? But he was only six.”
“He was, I would have been alpha until he was ready...”
“But everyone left?”
“Yes, as soon as David left, they all followed.”
“David?”
“Lincoln’s grandfather.”
“Oh... But still, us being here doesn’t change the fact there is no pack to command, to protect.”
“No, but there could be.”
“Caleb, Linc can’t be alpha, he doesn’t want it, not yet anyway...” She sighed, dropping her eyes into her lap. “I could see it you know, him at the center, so strong, so loyal, but then he met me... He can never have that with me.”
“Every alpha needs a mate.”
Lexia lifted her head and looked at Caleb. “Yes but they need a good mate, someone who is good, and someone who can look after and protect those around them... I only bring pain to those around me.”
“What makes you say that? I made a mistake when I saw your eyes; anyone who spends time with you can see you’re good, that you love Linc.”
Looking away Lexia’s eyes unfocused as she thought back to the moment she met her mother. “I was born this way but up until recently, I never knew what I was. I never had this strength or eyes that turned gold... One night I was cornered by three vampires, I didn’t know what I was seeing at the time, I just knew they were going to kill me but something happened, something I didn’t understand and I killed them, all three of them ripped to pieces. That’s when I changed, when the gold ring appeared around my eyes, when more things started to seek me out and everyone that came along died at my hands... Until Linc, I never knew what he was at first. He’d come to me as a panther and as a man, all I knew was that I was drawn to him and that I couldn’t kill him, no matter how hard he tried.”
“What?” Caleb gasped.
“You shouldn’t feel bad for what you did Caleb because others have done far worse, but no one has hurt me as much as my mother. Lucy Hunter, the creator of the Hunter gene, my creator. I wasn’t a baby for her to love, I was one of her sick twisted experiments. I was born, but I wasn’t born half Hunter, I’m different, stronger, faster, and I can control the darkness within me... Most of the time.”
Lexia glanced at Caleb to find him intently watching her. “How did you get away? If she’s your mother, why did she not tell you what you are?”
“When I was a baby, my dad ran away with me. He raised me, he’s not even my biological father and he still risked his life to try and save mine.” She swiped at the tears that had started to run down her cheeks. “He’s dead, the Hunters killed him 3 months ago. My whole life has been one big lie, and now my mother wants me back.”
“Well, she can’t have you,” he said, the leopard flashing into his eyes.
Lexia laughed but it was a hollow dead laugh. “What is it with you shifters and your need to protect?”
“It’s who we are Lexia, and Lincoln may not see himself as my alpha but his father was. I would have died to protect Nathan and I’d do the same for Lincoln.”
“You are not joining this fight. I won’t have another person’s life being destroyed because of me.”
“You think I have a life here? Alone, waiting for my pack to come back to me? Living with the ghosts of the past, preserving my alpha’s home as if he is going to be back any minute?”
Lexia stood, angry and frustrated. “None of you see! You all want to save me but you just don’t see! I CAN’T BE SAVED! TO JOIN ME IS TO DIE.”
Lexia yelled in frustration, tension in her every muscle. Why can’t they just see? Why can’t they see the darkness within me?
“Do you know what my mother said to me when I met her? She called me Maura. When I was born, she called me Maura, and my dad changed my name to Lexia, man’s defender! What a joke, what a cruel, sick, joke. ‘I named you Maura for the darkness you will bring to this world!’ That’s what she said to me.”
She turned to face him, knowing her eyes had turned gold. “This is what I am Caleb, this face, these eyes, the eyes of a Hunter! It doesn’t matter if I call myself Lexia, if I hide behind the name, use it as a mask, it changes nothing. I try, I try so hard to fight what I am but in the end, my mother’s right, I am darkness. I can run from it, but it won’t change the inevitable, everyone I love, every person I touch, I bring them darkness. I don’t mean to, but I do. My dad was murdered because of me, they kidnapped my best friend, and she’s had her whole life turned upside down because of me. Caden has lost his home, his business, and then there is Lincoln, the man I love with every part of me, but it doesn’t matter how much I love him, it changes nothing. I can’t be the mate he really needs. Loving me has condemned him to a life on the run, to a fight he has no hope of winning. His mate has the same blood running through her veins as the people who killed his parents, destroyed his pack and his family. Do you not see now? I’m not good, I’m bad and I’ll only bring you pain and death.”
Caleb was silent for a while, watching Lexia as she trembled with such rage and hatred. Her words were so dark, so self loathing. How could she not see this was not her fault? Everything that had happened to her was beyond her control. She’d suffered such pain at the hands of others and yet she blamed herself.
“I don’t see it Lexia. All I see is a young woman, lost, confused and in need of saving. I don’t see darkness, I see light. I see a girl that has had so many bad things done to her and yet she hasn’t broken. I see strength, I see courage, I see Lexia.”
All the tension drained from her and her shoulders dropped in defeat, sad blue eyes looked at him with unshed tears in them. “You’ll die along with the rest of us then, I can’t see any other way out. I keep trying but I have no idea how to save us.”
She walked away from him and as her hand rested on his door handle he said, “
I see the way out.”
She never turned to look at him but her body froze and tensed.
“She needs to die... Lucy needs to die.”
“I suppose she does,” Lexia answered in a dead tone, her head bowed looking down, “but if I kill her, if I kill my own mother... Do you think I can come back from that? The place I’ll have to go to kill her... There is no coming back from that. Lexia will be dead leaving only darkness, only Maura behind.”
She opened the door, light spilling around her. “I never said you had to be the one to kill her.”
He saw the rage wash through her as if it was a visible thing. Lexia turned to look at him, her hands balled into tight fists, her eyes glowing gold.
“What is it with you cats and your eagerness to die?! Welcome to the club, Caleb, you have just signed your death warrant! If it was that easy she’d be dead already. You are a fool if you think this fight will be simple! When she dies... IT WILL BE BY MY HANDS!” she yelled as she stormed out of his house.
Lexia strode out of Caleb’s aerie. She was mad, so mad her whole body was trembling. She just wished they would see the truth; there was no easy way out of this, she could kill her mother but would that really end this fight? She had no doubt her mother was behind every evil act but how did she hide from the government? How did she fund her plans and where did she keep finding more Hunters? She wished the solution were that simple. Even if she never came back from killing her own mother, she’d do it if it meant saving the lives of innocent people, saving the lives of the people she loved.
Lincoln had joined Caden below the aerie and both were asking her what was wrong. No doubt they’d heard her shouting; she was in no mood for their sympathy and pity. In her haste to get away and be alone she leapt over the railings. Her hand landed on the top rail as she pushed her feet up and over. The second the wind whipped up her hair and she began to drop to the floor, she realized her mistake. She was so used to jumping from heights, living with cats as if she was one, but she wasn’t back up to full strength yet and as the ground met her feet she pitched forward face first into the ground, the impact knocking all the air out of her.
“Lexi! Lexia!” Caden and Lincoln gasped at once, rushing to her.
Groaning, Lexia lifted her head from the ground and spit the soil out of her mouth. She felt warm hands help her up and immediately felt the rush of her anger take hold again.
“GET OFF!” she yelled, forcing her worn, bruised body to get up off the floor.
“Lex?” Lincoln said her name in confusion, his hands stretched out to her but not closing the distance.
“Are you hurt, Lexi?” Caden asked.
Lexi... Sweet Lexi.
That name only caused more anger to swirl through her. She turned to Caden, the look on her face making him take a step back, “Am I hurt? I hurt fucking everywhere, Doc!” Her voice was like a dagger.
“Lexi, please calm down, let me help you.”
“Stop with the fucking, Lexi! I’m not sweet, Caden and I don’t need help!” She looked to them both, their faces confused and hurt and it only made her angrier. “When are you both going to work out I’m not worth saving! I’M NOT WORTH DYING FOR!”
A little voice in her head asked her what she was doing. Why was she being so crazy angry? But she couldn’t stop it; the emotions whirling around inside of her were like a physical thing. She could picture them, so dark, churning, and growing, slowly taking over her, encasing her heart, her soul until she was nothing more than blackness and she couldn’t control them. She’d let them take control and now Lexia felt like she was being buried, suffocated with all these dark emotions.
“LOOK AT ME! THIS IS WHAT I AM, I’M NOTHING BUT EVIL!” she shouted, looking straight at Lincoln.
“NO,” he answered, half growl, half command. He stepped towards her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “You are good, nothing but good, and you are mine!”
Lexia screamed in frustration; she felt like she was splitting in two as she fought to take control of her body but the raging storm inside of her didn’t calm before she lashed out, flinging Lincoln away from her.
The second his feet left the ground Lexia gasped as she realized what she had done. She felt like her body didn’t belong to her anymore. Lincoln shifted mid-air but he never righted himself in time and smashed into a tree. Lexia watched horrified as her panther fell to the floor and didn’t get back up. She turned and ran, her body aching now the power had left her, but she didn’t care. She needed to get away from them before she hurt them even more, before she did more unthinkable things.
Her legs gave out and she collapsed to her knees, sweat coated her body and her chest heaved up and down with each rasp of air. Lexia lifted a trembling hand and pushed the hair from her face. She could feel herself cracking at the seams. The hard aching lump in her throat desperately tried to make its way out but she refused to cry, to feel self pity; she didn’t deserve to cry, she didn’t deserve pity. She’d hurt the one person she loved more than life itself, she’d lost control of the dark power that lived within her and she hated herself for it.
But as always he came for her. No matter what she did Lincoln always came for her. The black panther slipped through the undergrowth, stopping inches from Lexia.
She lifted her head and looked into his sad gold eyes, centimeters from hers. “Pretty panther, I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice cracking.
He pushed his head into hers, rubbed his warm soft fur against her and she broke. Lexia clung on to her panther, burying her fingers into his fur and sobbed, huge great sobs that shook her body and stole her breath. She clung to him as all the heartache poured from her body in tears. Burying her head deeper into his velvet soft coat, she wrapped her arms tighter around his strong lean frame.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she cried when the sobs lessoned, “I feel so out of control, I never wanted to hurt you, I’m so sorry, my pretty panther, please forgive me.”
He turned to lights in her arms and her fingers gripped skin instead of fur. She lifted her head to look into his golden brown eyes, warm and welcoming, eyes that made her feel like she was home.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered again.
His hands cupped her face, his skin callused and rough but his hold ever so gentle.
“There is nothing to forgive, my little wild cat... Always shouldering the blame, always trying to protect everyone but yourself.”
“I pushed you away, I hurt you. I lost control,” she whispered, tears still running freely down her face.
“Lexia we can’t always be in control of our emotions. Sometimes things happen that are just too awful to move past. I know you are frightened and you can’t see a way out of this but we are in this together, we will survive this together.”
“I don’t want to destroy anyone else’s lives. I’ve already ruined yours and Caden’s, I won’t drag Caleb into this, too.”
“Lex, stop! None of this is your fault and every one of us chose this. I love you, Lex, I will do anything to keep you safe.”
“I know you do... And loving me is what will destroy you.”
“No! Don’t ever think that, loving you is the best thing that has ever happened to me!” he growled.
“How can you say that? This place, this is where you belong, in your family home as alpha, with friends and family around you but you can never have that with me. I can’t give you a family, I can’t be an alpha’s mate... The only thing I can give you is death.”
“Oh my sweet, beautiful broken girl, you don’t see it at all, do you? You don’t see what you have given me? Yes, this place is my home, it’s where I belong. I was born to be alpha but it wasn’t you that changed my path. I joined this fight a long time ago. You didn’t change my destiny, the Hunters did when they killed my parents. The moment they died I stopped being a child and started a life of vengeance. The second I was old enough to leave I did and I wandered, searching, killing, looking for the one thing that would ease t
he pain inside of me, and then I met you. Only it wasn’t your death that was meant to heal my pain, it was your heart. You have shown me how to live again, how to laugh and love and if I die tomorrow I will die knowing what it is to love and to be loved. I will die knowing true happiness.”
“I’m just so frightened, Linc. This thing inside of me, this power, it’s so dark and I worry I won’t be able to control it forever.”
“Come here, baby,” he said pulling her close, crushing her body against his muscled chest. “Do you know what I think? I think what is inside of you was meant only for you. It’s your willpower and your heart that makes you so different from the rest. Yes, this power is a burden, a burden you will struggle with at times, but it is a burden only you can shoulder, only you can control, and you will always come back. Just remember, you’re not alone, we’ll figure this out together. You’re my mate. We are linked in a way you will probably never understand but you will never be alone, I’ll always be there inside of you. Even on your darkest days I will always be there and I will always love you. We’ll get through this together and when this war is over we will come back here and I’ll take my place as alpha, like I was always meant to, with you by my side and we’ll start a new pack, a new family.”
Lexia pressed her face against his chest, safe, wrapped in the protection of his strong arms, the heat of his body seeping into her, warming her aching heart. She sat there cradled in his lap and wondered what to say to Lincoln. How did she tell him what he meant to her? How did she tell him that his words soothed the turmoil inside of her and that loving him gave her a reason to fight, to live.
“I love you,” she whispered against his skin.
“I love you, too,” Lincoln answered, lifting her from the ground and carrying her.
“What are you doing?” she asked, pulling her head back to look at him.
“Carrying you back to the house, Caden is making food.” Lexia laughed at the cheeky smile on his lips.
“I can walk, you know.”
“Yes, I know but I want to carry you.”
Whispers of Darkness (The Deadwood Hunter Series) Page 15
