by Laura Ward
I removed myself from Jon’s embrace and took a step closer to my now shaking brother.
“Dean, listen to me. I’m eighteen. I’m an adult. Jon and I were just having fun. Nothing serious.” I spoke slowly, but forcefully.
Dean held out a hand palm up. “Did you two have sex?”
Jon stepped forward. “That’s none of your goddamned business.”
Dean leaped toward him, and I got in between them, one hand on each of their chests. “Stop it, guys,” I yelled.
“Answer me. Did you fuck my little sister, Jon?” Not waiting for him to answer he looked at me. “And you, my sweet Daisy. Did you lie to me all along? When I asked you if there was something going on, you claimed you were just friends. Tell me you didn’t lie to me. Tell me you didn’t let this fucker convince you that you were in love and you slept with him.”
Jon growled, and I pressed harder on his chest. “Dean, that’s enough. And Jon’s one hundred percent correct—this is none of your business. I’m not a fool, remember. Jon didn’t convince me that this was love, because we both know that isn’t what’s happening here. This relationship fits a very specific purpose. We made a deal to help each other before we left home. So, yes I slept with him. He was my first, and we were careful, so it’s not like I’m a slut. But I know this is going nowhere. Jon didn’t trick me. He just gave me what I needed.”
Both men stepped away from me and each other. I looked at Dean. His hands were curled into fists, and his breathing was getting faster.
“You took her virginity?” Dean screamed again and lunged at Jon, who was staring at the ground. Unable to brace for impact, Dean’s fist hit Jon’s jaw making a jarring sound. Jon went down to the ground, his hand cradling his face. “That one was for messing with Grace and me. I owed you that.” Dean stood over Jon, his legs spread, chest heaving. “And this one is for messing with Daisy, you stupid fuck.” With that Dean reared his fist back and connected right at Jon’s cheekbone.
“No! Stop!” I screamed as Jon roared in pain.
But then Jon was up, leaping to his feet and toward Dean.
“Bring it on,” Dean yelled, but just as I was about to scream again, two sets of arms grabbed each of the men.
Damian held Dean’s arms behind his back and Devin did the same to Jon. I Ioved those two, but they were no match for either Jon or Dean.
One voice, though, brought everyone to a screaming halt.
“Flower?” Dad asked, a slight tremble in his tone. “What’s going on?”
I wiped the tears from my face as a sour taste filled my mouth. My stomach rolled in waves, and I feared I might throw up on my shoes. Standing off to the side, looking scared in their robes and slippers, were my mom, Delilah, and Dianna. The only thing to be thankful for at that moment was that Grace and Finn were sleeping at her parents’ house. I couldn’t stand to think about more witnesses to my humiliation.
“Daisy-girl. I asked you a question,” Dad stated, his arms crossed over his chest, wearing his robe and slippers. His eyes traveled to the blanket where moonlight reflected just perfectly on the silver metallic condom wrapper for all my family to see.
Kill. Me. Now.
“Sir?” Jon shrugged off Devin and took a step closer to my father.
Dad looked at Jon with narrowed eyes. “Yes, son? You got something to say?”
Jon’s Adam apple bobbed as he swallowed. “Daisy and I have been in a physical relationship for a while.”
“Fuck,” I heard Devin whisper. He walked to stand next to my dad. Damian glared at Jon and took the other side.
“What does that mean? A physical relationship?” Dad asked, scarily calm.
Jon’s right eye was swelling shut, and his jaw was already turning purple. He was hurt and yet he wanted to shield me from having to say this in front of my family.
“We, uh, well, we started out just as friends, and then as we spent more time together, we—” Jon fumbled for his words.
I jumped in. “Dad, we had sex. We’ve been having sex for the last three months. We’ve been careful every time, and I’m an adult, so there is nothing to discuss here.”
My father looked down at the ground, and when he raised his face, he made Dean’s angry look seem more like a frustrated puppy. Veins throbbed on his temples, his face so red it was more like purple, and the edges of his lips were white as he pressed them together.
He took a step toward Jon, but faced me. “There’s nothing to discuss here? THERE’S NOTHING TO DISCUSS HERE?” Dad bellowed so loud that I swore the ground shook beneath my feet. “You’re saying to me, that you and a young man I consider a son—” Dad glared over at Jon and Jon hung his head in shame, “had relations in my home? A home your mother and I invited him into, to protect him and care for him, all the while he was sleeping with my daughter, and that is not something to discuss? Not to mention the age difference between you two.”
“Sir,” Jon started, but Dad shook his head slowly.
“No. You’re done speaking tonight. I’m not. You took advantage of my little girl. You took advantage of our kindness. Now you need to get the hell out of my house.” Dad pointed toward our home on the other side of the woods.
“No, wait. Let me explain! Jon, don’t leave like this!” I cried out, grasping for Jon’s hand, but he pulled away.
Jon looked at each person in the family, one by one, all except for me. “Dean,” he said, adjusting his jaw before he could finish. “I won’t bother you all tomorrow or on your wedding day. I get that you don’t want me there.”
I whipped my head around to Dean and saw the stricken look on his face, as if it just occurred to him that Jon and my actions would most likely end their friendship forever.
Silence surrounded us, and my heart raced as I tried to figure out how to fix the mess I caused.
“Jon,” Dad gestured toward the house with his thumb. “Time to go.”
“No! I’m going with him then.” I tried to run, but Dean wrapped his arms around me, holding me in place.
“You wanna act like a child right now or the adult you claim to be?” Dean’s voice was firm in my ear, and I settled down as Jon walked past the group, still not willing to meet my eye, leaving through the woods.
Dad looked over his shoulder, following Mom’s path toward him. They clasped hands and walked up to me.
“Never, in all of your eighteen years have I been more disappointed in you. What you decided to do wantonly in our home, where your little sister still lives, is wrong. And you lied, Daisy. You kept a relationship from your family.” Dad’s voice and face had softened, but he was still furious.
“Daisy, how could you not tell me about this?” Mom asked, her voice cracking.
“You asked for this year to show us that you were mature enough and independent enough to go to culinary school in New York.” His eyes turned hard, and with that, my stomach dropped to the floor. “Tonight proves you are anything but.”
With that they turned, walking slowly back to the house.
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I watched them go. Wiping them away, I faced my brother. “Dean, I’m so sorry.” Other than Jon, the person I felt worst about hurting in this mess was Dean. I hadn’t been honest with him about what was going on with one of his closest friends.
“I don’t blame you, Daisy. You’re innocent in this. Jon was the one who knew better,” Dean said.
“Hold on a minute.” I held my hands up in front of me to try and stop him and get him to listen. “This is my fault. Jon fought me for so long. Don’t blame him. Blame me.”
But Dean just turned his back on me and walked to the house.
“It’ll be okay Daisy.” Devin kissed the top of my head and jogged to catch up with Dean.
Damian wrapped his arms around me in a hug. “I wish you would have talked to me,” he whispered in my ear. “We’re Irish twins, remember? I knew something was going on. Just didn’t know it got this far.”
I sniffled and squeezed him ba
ck.
“I promise you, everything will be okay in the end. I know it.” He held me close, and I nodded into his chest.
He let me go and took off in a slow run back to the house with the others. I turned back to the lake, focusing on the moon that just an hour ago looked romantic and filled me with promise. Now it looked hollow. Or maybe that was my heart?
Hollow.
I crumpled onto the grass, wrapping my arms around my legs and cried, big body wracking sobs. I felt the warmth of two arms on either side of me, two heads resting on each shoulder. When I was able to breathe again, and my tears slowed, they each took one of my hands in their own.
“Don’t worry about corrupting me, sis. I’m well aware of how the whole sex thing works.” Delilah teased with a squeeze of her hand. “Besides, Jon’s hot as shit. I say good for you.”
I giggle-sobbed. There was no other way to describe it, the emotions so mixed.
“You know what?” Dianna asked. “I love you more tonight than I ever have before.” Her voice was steady and strong, and my own heart strengthened in return.
“Why?” I whispered into the night sky.
“Because tonight you showed all of us that you let your fears and insecurities go and you started to live. Don’t you stop doing that.” Dianna stroked my hair. “Promise me right now, that you won’t give into fear again. You’ve come too far. It’s time to live.”
I closed my eyes and absorbed her words. And with the strength of my two sisters by my side, by the light of the full moon, I promised myself that this was just the start.
The life I had been dreaming of was right in front of me. I just had to be brave enough to reach for it.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Jon
I HAD NOWHERE to go. With the way Ricky raced out of the bar, I knew he was with his girl. I was kicked out of Daisy and Dean’s home, and my own mother didn’t want me at her place. I drove through town, heading toward my mom’s apartment complex. I wouldn’t knock on her door. I wouldn’t give her the pleasure of turning me away. And while I knew I could always get a hotel room for the night, I’d been accepted to BU for fuck’s sake. More than ever, I needed to be focused on saving every penny I could.
Pulling into the lot, I turned off the headlights and cut the engine. My head fell back against the seat. Fuck, it was going to be a long cold night, and my face ached where it had met Dean’s fist. I should be thanking God that I didn’t get pulled over by a cop, driving aimlessly around town at two o’clock in the morning with one eye swollen shut. While we drank way more alcohol than was safe to be behind a wheel, my adrenaline and emotions burned any buzz I had clear away before I drove.
I closed my other eye, reliving the scene at the lake. Many hurtful things were said, but only one mattered. Daisy told them that all we had was physical. That all our time together meant nothing to her.
So, that was that. The second woman in my life who didn’t love me.
I blew out a long breath. This was why I vowed to never be in a relationship. And then my non-relationship relationship went and socked me right in the gut.
Knock, Knock
I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound coming from the window next to me. There was very sparse light shining in from the streetlamps, but I could see enough to know who it was. I rolled the window down slowly.
“Hey, Mom.”
The smell of her cigarettes permeated the air. She took a long drag from the cigarette in her hand and blew smoke out the side of her mouth in a long stream.
“What’re you doing out here in your truck? It’s the middle of the night, Jon.” Her voice raspy, most likely from the burn of the cigarettes and the lack of sleep.
I rested my arm on the car window and drumming my fingers on the wheel of the car. “I could ask the same of you. Why’re you up so late?”
She shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep. Come on inside. I want to talk to you about a few things.”
My stomach somersaulted. I didn’t want any more fights tonight. I didn’t want to hear that I fucked up. That I wasn’t wanted.
I already knew those things. Always had.
“Nah, I’m good here. I’ll sleep in the truck tonight and be out first thing in the morning.”
She rolled her eyes and blew out another long strand of smoke. “Always so fuckin’ stubborn. Get your ass in the house. It’s cold, and it’s late, and I’m not in the mood to argue.” She dropped her cigarette, rubbing the end out with her slipper-clad foot. “Move it. Now.”
The wind picked up, reminding me that I’d most likely freeze my nuts off in my truck if I stayed out here for the rest of the night.
Fuck it. How much worse could my night possibly get?
“Fine.” I rolled up my window and grabbed my duffel bag from the seat next to me. Mom opened my car door and waited for me to exit, slamming it shut behind me.
We walked into her apartment building in silence. With the fluorescent light of the hallway, she got a good look at my face.
“What the hell happened to you?” She raised her hand to touch my cheek, but I moved backward, out of her reach.
“Nothing. Just messing around with the boys. Got a little carried away.” That was believable. Tonight wasn’t the first time one of us got pissed at the other and used our fists to make that feeling known.
She squinted, studying my injuries before sighing and opening the door to her unit. I followed her in, dropping my duffel in the corner.
“Want anything to drink or eat?” She stood in the kitchen, rubbing her upper arms with her hands.
“Nah, I’m good.” I sat on the sofa, legs splayed wide.
“Here,” she handed me an ice pack. “Alternate that on your eye and cheek.”
“Thanks,” I muttered and winced when the cold hit my tender skin. “So,” I looked around the apartment. Nothing changed. No new furniture. No new pictures. No evidence of Mom’s new man or a new life made better by my absence. “Where’s your boyfriend?”
“Boyfriend?” she asked, with a tilt of her head, a questioning look on her face.
“Yeah, the one I saw you with on Thanksgiving. You two looked pretty cozy.” I moved forward, bracing my elbows on my knees.
“Oh, right,” she nodded, walking over to the recliner and sitting down opposite me. “We broke up after Christmas.” She looked bored at the thought of him, as if yet another man walking out of her life meant nothing to her. I knew the exact opposite was true.
“That so?” I asked. “I guess this time you can’t blame me for it, huh?” My laugh was short and hard, cruel almost. My chest constricted and my throat burned. So much of my past was tied up in that last question.
“What are you talking about, Jon?” Mom sat back in the chair, her hand over the base of her neck, looking both defensive and bewildered.
My eyes bulged, and I sat back, too, resting my ankle on my opposite knee, ready for the face off. “You’re kidding me, right?” When she kept her fixed stare on me, I continued. “Growing up, you blamed me for all your breakups. Look, the guys said so themselves. I get it. But after they left, you made sure I knew that you agreed with them.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “You think I blame you for my failed relationships? Seriously?”
This time I kept quiet, head cocked to the side, looking her right in the face.
“Okay.” She stood up and paced the floor in front of her. “I can see why you would think that. But it isn’t true. It wasn’t your fault. I just suck at relationships.”
“Well, you weren’t exactly winning at motherhood either, you know.” I was being a dick, but at this point, I had no fucks left to give.
She looked away, studying her feet before she nodded. “That’s fair. But I tried. I wanted to be a good mom to you.”
“Maybe you did, Mom. But you made me feel like a guest in my own home. Not them. What do you think it does to a kid when night after night he hears his mom fucking guys in the next room? And God forbid he gets s
cared or has a nightmare. Strange men shouting at him… berating him… beating on him. And you did nothing. Never said a word to stop them. Why?”
Tears rolled slowly down her face, her hand pressed against her mouth. “I’m sorry,” she said after a few minutes. “I messed up. I was lonely.” She grabbed a tissue and wiped her eyes. “Your biological father and I were never in a serious relationship. Never married. But when I got pregnant with you, I was sure he would come around.” She huffed out a breath. “In fact, the opposite occurred. He ran the other way. And not because of you. Because of me. I wasn’t good enough for him.” She sniffled and blew her nose into another tissue.
“I kept thinking that if I was more fun, prettier, a better catch, a better date, that I would find love. But each one found me not good enough. When they had an issue with you, it was a relief in some ways. I could blame someone else for my failings.”
She shook her head slowly. “I know. So incredibly wrong.” She took a few deep breaths before continuing. “When you left for college, and I kept dating, that’s when I knew it for sure. Being a single mom wasn’t holding me back. It was all that I had. But by then the damage was done. You hated me.”
“Mom,” I started, but she held up a finger.
“You don’t need to forgive me. But I do want to apologize. When you left the last time, I thought for sure you would come right back. I was too stubborn to call you and ask you to come back. I learned you were living with the Goldsmiths, so you didn’t need a loser mom like me. Not when you’re part of the ideal, all-American family.”
“Mom,” I said again, but she stood up and walked to the couch, kneeling in front of me.
“Jon, I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. I’ve been a terrible mom, but I swear to God, I’ve always loved you.” Her voice cracked as she cried. “And you’ve always been a great son. I want a chance to know you as an adult. Maybe to try and be a decent mom to you now, or maybe even friends one day.”
