Worth It All

by L. J. Swartz

  Shit this is gonna hurt, I think as he pulls his hand back. He hits the side of my face with the back of his hand. "Fuck," I yell as I fall to the floor from the force. My eye socket feels like it exploded into a million pieces. I reach up touching my face. "Great Sadie. Look what you did," David yells getting in my face. His eyes are glazed over. He doesn't look anything like my David. His breath reeks of liquor. "Get the fuck up," he yells spitting in my face. I've absolutely no clue what I did to piss him off. I'm not sticking around to find out. I was so excited for him to come home. To prove to me that he could go out with the guys for drinks and come home sober. I stand up giving myself a minute. I feel a bit light headed. I walk to the closet pulling out my suitcase. He takes it from my hand putting it back. "Sadie, you're not going anywhere quite pretending," he says calmly as he sits on the bed. He thinks he owns me. He thinks I don't have the guts to leave. "Come here. Let me see your face," he says like he's not the one who just hit me. I shake my head no. I don't want him to touch me. I can't even stand to look at him right now. "I'm leaving David," I hiss. This is not the first time, but the second that he has hit me. I should have never believed him when he told me it would never happen again. I wanted to believe it was a one time mistake. That he felt genuinely sorry. I was wrong. I grab my suitcase again laying it on the floor unzipping it. He stands taking a step toward me saying, "You can't leave. You have no where to go." He's so smug. I hate that about him. If he tries to hit me again, what am I gonna do? I look around to see if there's anything I can use against him. I stand shaking my head grabbing handfuls of socks and underwear from the dresser. I have a small pocket knife in there. I slide it into my pocket as I tell him, "I'll figure it out." I throw my under garments into the suitcase. I would rather sleep on a park bench than stay in this apartment with him one second longer. I pull shirts and sweaters off hangers throwing them in. He reaches down taking everything I packed from the suitcase throwing it to the bed. "David, stop it," I bark at him. He laughs as he sits on everything he threw to the bed. I walk pass him to get my things from the bathroom. He grabs my arm tightly saying, "You're not leaving Sadie. So quit this." I put my hand on my back pocket where I put the knife. He lets go of my arm then walks from the room slamming the door behind him. Wow, I deserve so much better than this. I throw everything back into the suitcase then grab the essentials from the bathroom. I pile my suitcase full. I can't get everything into it. I dump out his gym bag packing the rest into it. I open the bedroom door listening for a minute, nothing. I walk down the hall quietly into the living room. David's passed out on the couch. Thank god. I'm done fighting with him, forever. I throw my apartment key on the table then walk out the door. I walk to the elevators. Of course they're out of service again. I drag my bags down three flights of stairs then walk outside to hail a cab. I guess I'll be sleeping in a hotel tonight even though I hardly have any money. David paid for everything. I think he planned it that way. He thought if I became dependent on him, I wouldn't leave when he pulled shit like this. He was sadly mistaken.

  I pay for a room at the cheapest hotel I could think of. Nothing's cheap in New York. I'm down to $200 until I get paid from the new job I'm starting tomorrow as a hair stylist for a low budget film. I may regret taking that job now that I'm on my own. I'll be making peanuts which didn't matter when I was with David. I took the job trying to get my name in the film industry. I'll just have to see how it goes I guess. I ride the elevator up to my floor. At least they work here. I find my room easily enough and slide the key card through the slot. I drag my bags through the door letting out a sigh as I drop to the bed. I don't know how I'm gonna make this all work out. Without him, I probably would have had to go back home a long time ago. When we met I was a night shift waitress at a small diner barely making it. I had saved what I thought was a substantial amount of money before moving here, but with school fees and living expenses I ran out after 6 months. David asked me out after coming in every night for dinner for a month straight. I said yes. Within a week I was moving in with him. I thought he was a great guy. My hero even. I fell in love with him quickly then at his persistence ended up quitting my job. He paid for everything. Ensuring I finished school and became a licensed hair dresser. He can afford it. His parents are loaded. He makes really good money himself at his job as a high end clothing store manager. Now I'm alone in New York. The only friends I have I made through David. I'm pretty sure that means I don't have any. I get up and walk to the bathroom. A hot shower won't fix my problems, but it'll make me feel better for a few minutes. I turn the water on then strip down. I hear my phone ringing. David must have woke up and realized I'm gone. I'm sure by tomorrow I won't even have a phone since he pays for that too. I step under the hot water closing my eyes. I don't want to go back to him. I don't want to be that girl that takes abuse from her boyfriend, but how do I stay in New York without him? I wash then stand in the warmth for a long time. I get out and have to search through balled up clothing to find some comfy clothes. I lay out a few of my nicer pieces to wear tomorrow. I may have to steam them quickly in the morning. I wasn't exactly worried about keeping them wrinkle free when I packed them. I check my phone, five missed calls from David. I turn my phone off then crawl into bed.

  I spent an entire hour doing my makeup so that the bruise David left on my cheek isn't noticeable. I steam my charcoal grey ankle length jeans, black blouse, and bright blue blazer to wear. I pair it with my nude patent leather pumps. The only good thing I learned from David is how to dress well. He insisted I look a certain way. He bought me a pretty nice wardrobe. I look in the mirror. My blue eyes look even brighter with the jacket I'm wearing. I pin my dark brown hair half up giving my bangs a little poof. I look like a hair stylist I suppose. If I do well on this film, I can hopefully land a job on a bigger movie. My nerves are starting to get the best of me. I think I need a pep talk. I pull my cell phone from my pocket. "Hey Sadie. How are you baby," my mom asks sweetly. Tears spring to my eyes immediately. I want to tell her horrible. I want to tell her about David. Tell her that I don't know what I'm gonna do. "Oh great just a little nervous," I tell her calmly. "Oh hun this is such a big day. I'm so proud of you," she tells me. I wonder if she'd be as proud knowing I left David last night? My parents think David is a great catch. They're hoping we'll get married. Not happening for obvious reasons. I don't know if they will even believe me when I tell them he hit me. He has a way of making people see him how he wants them to. "Thanks mom," I say trying to sound positive. "You got this baby. You don't need to be nervous," she tells me. She sounds so happy. I have to do this. Everyone told me I'd never make it in New York. I can't go back now proving them right. "Thanks Mom. I just needed to hear it. I love you," I tell her as I blink back tears. "Oh Sadie, I love you too baby. Call me later. Let me know how it goes. Tell David hi," she tells me. "Ok will do, bye," I say then hang up. I can't tell her about David yet. I need a plan first. I pack my bags then close the door behind me. I don't have enough money to stay here again. I sigh as I walk to the elevators. Do I have anyone I can call that would let me crash with them for a couple weeks? Not anyone who wouldn't tell David. I turn my key card in thanking the desk girl before exiting the hotel. I hail a cab cringing as I get in. Here goes even more money. The cab pulls into the parking lot of the address I gave him. He turns to me saying, "That'll be 25.50." I smile as I give him the money. I get out then pull my bags from the trunk. I get loaded up then make my way across the large parking lot toward a row of trailers. I must look like a bag lady with my suitcase, hair kit, and David's gym bag. I should have re thought the high heels. A hot black car drives by me slowly parking in a space almost directly in front of me. It's a really nice car. Probably the director or something. The actors doing this film certainly aren't gonna
be anyone well known. The driver door opens. A boot clad foot followed by a long denim clad leg steps out. My eyes trail up and a down a very tall, very impressive body as he emerges from the vehicle. His hair is sexy messy. It's either intentional, or he just doesn't care. He has on a tight black t-shirt. His jeans are dark and tucked into his boots. He turns sideways removing a black pair of aviators from his eyes. He turns to me smiling saying, "Hey." He throws the glasses into the car then shuts the door. God almighty his voice is hot, deep, but not threatening. Oh I bet his hair was intentionally messed up by someone running their hands through it, pulling, tugging. Whoa Sadie, down girl. I lock in on his eyes. They're the most unique shade of light green I've ever seen. He has a strong jawline. His nose is bent just a bit like maybe it was broken at one point. I can't speak, so I just smile. He's trouble. That's what you call a man like him. He turns walking in the direction of the trailers. I follow feeling a bit awkward. He stops then turns around asking, "Are you following me?" His tone's completely playful. I smile saying, "I uh am the hair stylist for the movie they're filming." He gets a huge smile on his face then says, "That's awesome. I'm working here too. I know where you're trailer is. Can I show you?" He has this totally sweet way about him not the cocky attitude I expected from his appearance. I nod. He holds his hand out to me. I hesitate a second looking around. I slide my hand into his. Heat spreads through my body to very specific areas. I pull away immediately. That was crazy. He looks at me with a sexy smile on his lips saying, "I don't bite. Hard." Oh man I really hope he does. "I was gonna help you with your bags actually, but if you wanna hold my hand gorgeous, I'm ok with that too," he says with a smirk. Duh. I roll my eyes then hand him the gym bag saying, "Thank you." He smiles as he slings it over his shoulder then holds his hand out to me. I shake my head as I slide my hand into his again. I almost moan as heat spreads through my entire body again. It's exquisite. Doesn't he feel it too? He looks cool as a cucumber. I need a cold shower. He leads me to the row of trailers then stops opening the door of the third one from the end. "This is you," he says letting go of my hand. "Thank you, uh," I say hesitantly. He never told me his name. He looks at me as if to ask, are you joking, then says, "Vance." He looks completely amused. Maybe even a bit relieved. "Thank you Vance. I'm Sadie," I say holding my hand out. He takes it in his hand saying, "I look forward to seeing you around Sadie." He pulls my hand to his lips placing a kiss to my finger tips. His lips are soft, but firm. I swallow hard. He sits my bag on the top step then saunters off. Maybe this delicious man can be my sexy rebound. I step up into the trailer dragging my bags with me. I look around. There's a tiny couch, a small kitchenette, stool, and two vanities one on each end. I walk to one of them and start unloading my things. They told me they would provide me with everything I would need. I'm glad I brought my own stuff, since the only supplies I can find are one comb, one brush, a hand mirror, and like 10 bottles of hot pink washable hair color. The door opens. A pretty petite blonde walks in. She has on black skinny jeans, a red V-neck under a black leather coat, and grey leather pumps. Her makeup is flawless. "Hi, I'm Rian," she says with a smile walking to me. She extends her hand to me. I shake her hand saying, "Hey I'm Sadie." She walks over to the other vanity then starts pulling all kinds of makeup items from her large handbag. "Isn't this exciting. We're working on a movie," she says happily. I smile nodding then decide to say, "Yeah it's pretty cool. It's my first movie." I'm a bit shy when I first meet someone. Most people take it as bitchy. I've been trying to work on it. "Mine too. So have you heard that they got a big name actor to do this movie? It's all hush, hush since it's so low budget. I heard he loved the script and is doing it for next to nothing," she gushes like it's a dirty little secret. I shrug as I tell her, "I really don't know anything about this movie." She smiles then leans in all conspiratorial saying, "My mom got me this job. She's a make up artist for a tv show. She heard about it through a "reliable source", so I shouldn't even know about it." I smile then turn back to organizing my things. I don't have time to care about celebrities. I have bigger issues like needing a place to live. A man with a clip board, wearing a headset comes in. He's definitely wearing makeup. He's dressed like he should be on a runway. "Hey ladies we're going to be sending Makayla in soon. Here are your scripts. You'll have 30 minutes to get her ready," he says handing us each a script then walks out the door. Well isn't that nice. Now Rian and I will be working on her at the same time probably getting in each others way. "Here we go," Rian says with a huge smile on here face. "Yeah here we go," I say with no enthusiasm at all. I'm beginning to wonder about my decision making skills.

  The door opens about 20 minutes later. A red head with emerald green eyes and a tiny frame walks in. She's pretty in a girl next door kind of way. She has on a pink floral sun dress. You can tell she's anything but the sweet persona she's trying to project. She exudes a certain bitchiness. She smiles at us both waving saying, "Hi I'm Makayla." Rian steps up to her extending her hand saying, "I'm Rian your make up artist." I wave saying, "Sadie your hair stylist." She smiles asking, "Where do you want me?" She's being sugary sweet. It's enough to make me nauseous. I grab the only stool sitting it in the middle of the room. She nods then sits down. Rian grabs a tray on wheels, loads it up with a bunch of make up items, and gets to work. The script says she's supposed to have her hair up completely, but that she has to look like she was working hard. I grab my teasing comb and get to work. After 20 minutes of teasing, tugging, and pulling. Makayla's hair is up on top of her head in a cute yet messy bun. Rian did her make up so that she looks natural, but completely flawless. She thanks us both then exits the trailer. "That wasn't so bad," Rian says walking back to her station. A few extras get sent in. We're just to make sure they look presentable. A few swipes of a comb and some powder then we're done with them. Clip board man comes in a few minutes later huffing loudly then asks, "Where's Vance?" My head snaps up. Vance is the hot guy who led me to the trailer this morning. Sounds like somebodies in trouble. I smile to myself. I like his kind of trouble. "Wait who," Rian asks. Clip board looks pissed as he tells her, "Vance was supposed to be in here getting hair and make up. Is he done already?" So Vance is an actor by the sound of it. "Holy fuck. Vance Matthews is the secret actor," Rian blurts with a shocked expression. She composes herself quickly saying, "We haven't seen him, sorry." She looks like she's about to explode with excitement. He points to her saying, "If anyone leaks that he's in this movie, you will be fired." He gives me a stern look then exits the trailer slamming the door behind him. "OH MY GOD," Rian yells jumping up and down. I look at her like she's one french fry short of a happy meal asking, "What?" Her eyes widen as she asks, "Do you have any idea how big of a deal it is that Vance Matthews is doing this film?" I shrug shaking my head no. His name sounds familiar though come to think of it. It hits me a second later. I was talking to a famous actor this morning. Had I known that, I probably would have passed out. "He is THE most sought after actor since his movie, Bleed My Heart. It came out last year. There was this whole tragic accident that happened with his girlfriend while it was being filmed. He won all kinds of awards for his performance. He hasn't worked on anything since. How did you not hear about it at all," she asks me in disbelief. A year ago I had just moved here, and was concentrating on school and work. "I don't do that whole celebrity stalking thing," I tell her. She huffs saying, "It was all over the news." I shrug saying, "Well I guess I missed it." The door opens. Speak of the devil. Rian looks like she may pass out. "Hey I'm Vance," he says to her holding his hand out. "Uh I know who you are. I'm Rian," she says sliding her hand into his. I would be willing to bet she'll be fucking him by the end of the week if the way she's eye fucking him, is any indication. "Sadie," he says acknowledging me with a nod. I smile. She shoots me a funny look then tells him to sit on the stool. I grab my color cape and the hot pink hair color since the script says he's playing this badass rocker with pink hair. It's to be "rumpled". I'll rumple it for him. I walk to him tripping on the cape in f
ront of him. He grabs my hips steadying me. I feel my face flush. I would feel embarrassed if I didn't feel like I'm about to explode from the inside out. Heat shoots through my body. My heart's racing so fast I can hardly breath. "Are you ok," he asks sounding genuinely concerned. I consider faking a broken foot just so he keeps touching me. It feels too delicious. I want more. So much more of this man. I look to his face. Our eyes lock. I feel like I'm being pulled to him, like magnets. "Yeah I'm fine. Sorry about that," I tell him stepping back so that his hands drop from my waist. I take a deep breath. He nods then sits up straight on the stool. I cape him up then remove the cap from the hair color as I step up in front of him. His eyes shoot to my hand. He stands up asking, "Whoa what the fuck is that?" I look at him like he's crazy. "Didn't you read the script? It says you have pink hair," I tell him smirking at his obvious surprise. "I didn't actually, no," he tells me with a slight attitude. I'm not a director, but even I know it's crazy he hasn't read the script. "You didn't read the script," Rian blurts in disbelief. He looks to her shaking his head no. I clear my throat. He looks back at me. "It's temporary. It'll wash out," I explain. I can't help the smile on my face. He visibly relaxes then sits down. I step in front of him spraying the tips of his hair. It didn't give specifics on how much of his hair is pink. I lean forward blowing on it to help it dry. I swear I hear him groan. That would be insane though, right? I do it again then rub some pomade onto my hands running it through his hair. I step back taking a good look at him. His eyes lock on mine. They're almost black now. He looks lethal in a, I'm gonna to make you scream my name, kind of way. I take a deep breath looking back to his hair. It looks good. He looks good. "Uh ok Rian. He's all yours," I say stepping away. He grabs my hand asking, "Do you have a boyfriend?" I'm practically panting from his touch. I look to Rian. Her eyes are huge globes as shock spreads across her face. I want to say no, but I don't. I shake my head yes. I don't know for SURE what's happening with David. He's a good guy basically. He just gets mean when he drinks. He nods letting me go. Rian steps up in front of him brushing some powder foundation on his face then lines his eyes with black eyeliner. She removes my cape from his neck telling him he's free to go. I didn't notice it as much before, but he's really tall. I love tall men. I was to taken with the heat to notice much else before. He turns locking eyes with me. I almost murmur wow, but hold it in. He's totally rocking the eyeliner and pink hair. Then again. I doubt he looks bad in anything. He winks at me before exiting the trailer. Rian walks to me with my cape in her hand saying, "HOLY FUCKBALLS he likes you." She hands me my cape looking at me expectantly. "No he doesn't. I have a boyfriend so..." I trail off knowing I don't really have a boyfriend anymore. She raises an eye brow at me asking, "Is your boyfriend a famous fucking actor?" I shake my head no. "Well then I'd be dumping him and making myself available to that hot piece of rich yumminess that just left this trailer," she says then walks back to her station. I can't help myself I laugh out loud saying, "I'll take that into consideration." She turns to me grinning from ear to ear.