Mouse: A Steel Paragons MC Novel (The Coast: Book 7)

by Hart, Eve R.

  “It’s not my place to say, Ingram. I’m sorry,” Chris said and it sounded like his heart was breaking as he told me those words.

  “Ky?” I said turning my attention to my brother and all but pleading for him to clue me into what was going on. “Is there something going on with the club or…” My words trailed off for a moment and then one word pushed its way out of my mouth in a harsh, scared whisper. “Mouse?”

  Ky grunted and pushed off of the couch.

  “Going to bed,” he said gruffly, then took wide steps out of the room with his fists clenched at his side.

  I knew it then, my brother’s posture and rigidness gave him away all too well.

  This was about Mouse. That was what they’d been whispering about when I came into the room. But was it because they knew something? Or were they just talking more about how he had just disappeared?

  Tears filled my eyes because I could feel it in my soul. They knew something. Or one of them did at least. Only, they weren’t going to tell me.

  “Please, Chris, please,” I pleaded as a couple of tears spilled out of my eyes. “Tell me that he is alright?”

  With his eyes closed, he let out a sad sigh then said, “Yes.”

  All the air left out of my lungs and I couldn’t seem to drag another breath in. While I was happy that he was safe and not dead, I was mad that he hadn’t even bothered to respond back to my messages or call me in days.

  So all I could think was that it had to do with me. That I’d done something wrong and he was now avoiding me.

  I got up on shaky legs and told Chris goodnight numbly, then I headed for my room.

  The room was dark but my thoughts were vivid bursts tearing through my mind and heart.

  Dawn came, and when I knew Chris had returned from his time out on the water, I got up. Chry was still asleep but I knew it wouldn’t be much longer before he woke. I caught Chris in the kitchen drinking water and since Ky wasn’t down here with him, I knew this was my chance.

  “Will you watch Chry for me for a little while, please?” I asked once he noticed I was there.

  He looked at me like he knew something was going on inside my head but he didn’t ask.

  “Yeah, no problem, Ingram,” he said and moved to wrap me up in a hug.

  “Thank you,” I said hugging him back tightly. “I will return shortly.”

  Then I was off to beat down Mouse’s door and get some answers. If he didn’t want this well, then he was going to have to tell me to my face.

  And that was exactly what I did once I drove to the compound.

  “Mouse,” I called out as the side of my balled up fist pounded against the cool door. “You open up this door right now.”

  I sounded like a crazy person and probably looked like one as well.

  “Mouse, you can’t just brush me off and ignore me like this! If you don’t want to do this then you need to tell me to my face. I think I deserve that much.”

  Pound.

  Pound.

  Pound.

  “You can’t treat people this way. I will not let myself be treated this way.”

  Pound.

  Pound.

  Pound.

  I had a good idea that he wasn’t even in there but I kept going. Maybe I simply needed to get it all out. The hurt, the anger, it had been building for days now.

  “Ingram.”

  My head whipped to the side and I found Iron standing there looking at me with a soft expression on his face.

  “Iron, I’m sorry. I do not wish to disturb your place but I need to talk to Mouse.”

  “He’s not here, Ingram. I’m sorry, honey,” he said and the sadness in his tone told me he meant his words.

  “Where is he? It’s been five days that I haven’t heard from him. Nearly a week. He… I finally gave into my heart and now he is ignoring me.” I hadn’t really meant to say that last part out loud, but there was no taking it back now.

  My chest rose and fell and it felt like I couldn’t breathe.

  “He told me he felt the same…” I said under my breath and felt like I’d somehow been made a fool of.

  I didn’t want to see it because I would have sworn that Mouse was not that type of person.

  Oh, no. Now I was crying.

  “Oh, sweetheart,” Iron said and though I didn’t know the man very well, he moved forward and wrapped me up in a comforting hug. “Look, I can’t tell you anything. Honestly, I don’t know much of what is going on. I just heard from him myself.”

  “But why? I need to know something. I’m going out of my mind wondering if something happened to him or if this is about me. I do not like feeling like this, Iron.”

  “This might not be the answer you want to hear, but maybe he needs a little time to figure some things out on his own.”

  I shook my head because he was right, it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. What I wanted was answers and not more of the confused, helpless feelings that I’d had over the last few days.

  “Ingram,” he said and pulled back so he could look at me. “Things will work themselves out. Go home and give it some time, okay?”

  “Okay,” I said and blindly nodded my head. His words were an odd mix of soft and commanding. It was almost like the last part was an order, or that was how my brain processed the tone anyway. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay, darlin’. I get it.”

  I left. I went home like he told me to. I wasn’t thrilled about letting it go, but it looked like I had no choice. Mouse had to show up again eventually, right?

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Mouse

  The door to the room opened and by the heavy steps that pounded their way in, I knew it wasn’t a nurse making rounds.

  I let out a heavy breath but didn’t make a move to turn and face the man.

  “Wasn’t good enough that I told you where I was?” I asked, the exhaustion clear in my raw voice.

  I’d been a coward the night before, choosing to send him a brief text letting him know where I was and why.

  I didn’t go into details. I didn’t tell him what had happened to Amber. All I said was that I had a daughter and that she needed to stay here a little while longer.

  Of course, that wouldn’t have been good enough for him. It was Iron. The Prez. The man that had to make sure all of us were alright at the end of the day.

  “How the hell did you get in here, anyway?” I asked because I knew they didn’t just let anyone into this wing of the hospital. In fact, I knew I had to approve anyone for a visit. A sharp laugh cut up my throat as it forced its way out. “Never mind.”

  I was sure Iron had no problem charming his way in. I’d seen it before.

  He remained silent as he walked over to us. Sparrow’s eyes shifted in the direction of the big man looming over her now.

  “She’s beautiful,” he said after a long moment.

  She was. Big eyes. Dark blonde hair. Cutest little nose I’d ever seen. Tiniest fingers I’d ever touched.

  What the hell did you say back to something like that? Thanks didn’t seem like the right thing at all.

  “Where’s the mother? Amber, I’m guessing?” he asked when I said nothing back.

  “Yeah. She’s gone.” I paused, the words feeling like acid in my mouth. “Dead.”

  “Damn,” he blew out and I could tell he wasn’t faking the tinge of shock and sadness there. “You didn’t know?”

  “Nope.” I shook my head, still unable to meet his eyes. “Didn’t know until I got the call to come here. She was gone not long after I did.”

  He walked over to the couch along the wall and flopped down, arms crossed over his chest and legs spread wide. I was ready for him to tear me a new one. I deserved it. I should have told him what was going on from the get-go.

  “I’m pissed, Mouse. I’m not gonna lie about that,” he said and I could feel his eyes on me. “You got a problem, you come to us. You come to me.”

  I felt like a scolded child as I hung my
head.

  “You don’t go running off leavin’ me a fuckin’ text saying you’re taking some personal time,” he went on. “I got brothers asking me where the fuck you are. I got a table that is clueless why they are a man down. I got a fuckin’ girl coming into the compound and bar lookin’ for your ass. And I gotta say, she looked damn wrecked that she couldn’t find you. Crying in my arms just a few hours ago because she thinks you disappeared on her.”

  Ingram.

  Shit.

  I rubbed my chest feeling a sharp pain strike through me like lightning.

  “Now that’s outta the way,” he said and then sucked in a big breath, “we’re going to talk. Think it’s long overdue. And my guess is that you aren’t gonna run right now.”

  I lifted my head and looked at him. His face held a tiny smirk as his arms dropped away from his chest which told me he was relaxing a little. But I wasn’t fooled, I knew there was some more shit coming.

  I said nothing because it was clear there was no way I was getting out of this.

  “The letters,” he said and I cringed. Why did he have to start with those? “That how shit started?”

  “Prez…” I let out a heavy exhale.

  “Or was it before, because if it was, I gotta say then, I regret stopping Ky from kicking your ass further.”

  “No, it wasn’t like that.”

  “Good.”

  “I just wanted to protect her back then. She came here and, fuck, I don’t know. She was so scared.” I thought that I should shut up because it sounded like I had felt something back then.

  “It’s okay to feel that way. I get it. I wanted to hug the hell out of that poor girl back then too. So then tell me what happened.”

  “She wrote me. I didn’t write her back for like a year. Hell, I didn’t even open her letters for months, at first. I don’t know why. I don’t think I ever will. I wasn’t going to write her back but they kept coming and I started to feel really shitty for not sending her anything.”

  I paused, my eyes going to the floor for a moment. I swallowed thickly as I remembered the night it really hit me.

  “Then she came back… and she wasn’t a girl anymore. And I kind of just woke up or something the moment I saw her.”

  “Ky didn’t know any of this?” he asked but I had a feeling he already knew the answer. And I knew he was disappointed.

  “No. I get that I should have gone to him right away, but I was trying to ignore it. She’s his sister. I got that it wasn’t right.”

  His lips pressed into a thin line and his head did a slow nod.

  “She got to you?”

  “She did,” I said not even trying to deny it. “She stole my fucking heart.”

  “So why is she comin’ around like she doesn’t have a clue what the hell is goin’ on?”

  “I don’t have a good answer for that. Not really. I’m freakin’ out here. I have a kid and I didn’t even know that Amber was pregnant.” I took a breath because the anger was threatening to come back. “She was going to give her up for adoption and never tell me. Fuck. And here I am, thrown into this thing and scared as hell that Sparrow isn’t going to be alright.”

  “Sparrow,” he repeated my girl’s name with a smile. “I like it.”

  “And how am I supposed to tell the woman that I’m head-over-heels for that I now have a child with another woman? A woman that is dead now. A woman that I spent a year with but didn’t even feel half of what I feel for Ingram. It’s all so messed up. Ingram has enough going on with trying to raise Chry, she doesn’t need all of this too. I couldn’t ever ask her to raise a kid that wasn’t hers. This… it’s going to destroy her.”

  “Let me ask you something,” he said and made sure he had my attention before he went on. “Before this, did you see yourself spendin’ your life with Ingram?”

  “Yeah, actually.”

  “And in that vision, what did it look like?”

  “Amazing,” I breathed out thinking of what a future with Ingram and Chry would look like. “A perfect woman by my side and a little boy to look up to me. What’s not to love about that life?”

  “And that little boy, you see him as yours? You want to take care of him as if you’re his dad?”

  “Yeah,” I said dumbfounded. How else would I take care of him? I kind of already thought of him that way if I wanted to dig deep and admit it.

  “So you can see past the fact that Chry doesn’t share your blood?”

  “I don’t even think of it really.” That was the truth.

  Where was he going with all of this?

  “Let me get this straight,” he said and rubbed his finger over his beard right below his bottom lip. “You can see some other man’s kid as your own because you love him and his mom, but Ingram isn’t strong enough to do the same? Her heart isn’t as big as yours?”

  His words hit me like a sledgehammer to the chest.

  “Damn,” I breathed out. I was looking at it all wrong. Ingram was incredible and I had no doubt that if she loved me like I loved her, then she would automatically love Sparrow too. I was a fucking idiot.

  The doctor chose that moment to come in and talk to me. Iron hung around and listened to everything that was going on. Which was good because I had a feeling I was going to need all the help that I could get.

  The doc had some great news to share and I was glad Iron was there.

  Five days in this place. Five days of being stressed out and unsure of what was really going to happen. Five days of being alone, basically. All the while, waiting to see what the next day would bring.

  But we wouldn’t be here for the sixth day.

  Sparrow was eating well and had gained enough weight that the doc felt confident it was time she could leave.

  I actually hugged the poor guy.

  In a few short hours, we would be home.

  “Uh, Iron,” I said after the doctor left the room.

  “I got you,” he said with an easiness in his tone. “I’ll take your bike back to the compound. SUV is out in the parking lot out front and already has a car seat in it. Just worry about gettin’ that little angel home to the compound and I’ll make sure the rest is taken care of.”

  “Thank you,” I said and there might have been tears in my eyes.

  He patted me on the back as a way of comfort.

  We switched keys and he turned to leave.

  “Laurel gave me some clothes to bring to you. Guess it was some stuff she picked up for her and B-ry’s kid but she said you need it more. I didn’t tell everyone, but I felt the table needed to know what was going on. B-ry wanted to help so of course, he told his old lady.” He pointed to the bag he’d left on the table next to the door. “Damn, this chapter is going to be flooded with kids if you guys keep it up.”

  He didn’t sound all that unhappy about it and I couldn’t help but to let out a tired laugh.

  “Thank you,” I told him. I wasn’t mad. I really had no right to be and I was grateful for the help. Fuck knew I needed it, that was for sure.

  “Call me for anythin’. I fuckin’ mean it, Mouse. Don’t ever pull this shit again,” he said firmly.

  I nodded feeling like I had disappointed him in so many ways.

  Then he was gone.

  Now we got to play the waiting game.

  And finally, three hours later, I was putting Sparrow in the SUV. Took me a good fifteen minutes to find the damn thing and my heart was racing the entire time because I hated leaving Sparrow alone. It didn’t matter that I knew she’d be fine with the nurses watching over her, it still made me feel itchy.

  Back at the compound, it took a little while to get settled in my room. There were things everywhere. A pen-type thing that looked like it might double as a bed and changing table or something was sitting next to the bed. I’d have to find the instructions later and figure out what each part of it was. Luckily, it was already set up and good to go. I shook it a few times just to make sure. There were boxes of diapers on the flo
or as well as a stack of clothes and blankets sitting on the edge of my bed. As I touched the soft fabric, I figured they had been washed too. There was also the same kind of formula that I had been using in the hospital and I wondered if Iron had run out and gotten that on the way back to the compound. The man was sly like that.

  Tears filled my eyes as I took it all in.

  I flopped down on the edge of my bed feeling completely wiped out. Sparrow had fallen asleep on the drive over here and she didn’t look like she’d be waking up any time soon. I debated on trying to get a little nap in, but found myself reaching for my phone instead.

  How the hell did I even explain this to Ingram? How was I going to get her to forgive me?

  I couldn’t blame her for being mad. Hell, I wouldn’t even blame her if she never talked to me again. This was the second time I fucked up. If she did let me back in, I knew for sure there would never be a third because I’d rather give my life than fuck up again.

  I should have called. She deserved that much. But not only did I send her a text, I asked her to come to me.

  Big dick move right there.

  I felt bad about it but I couldn’t wait any longer to talk to her and I wasn’t ready to drag Sparrow back out. And I really didn’t want to drive with her all the way to the beach.

  I hoped Ingram didn’t hate me too much.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Ingram

  My phone chimed with a sound that was only for one person.

  Mouse had sent me a text message.

  I stared at my phone sitting on the table next to the bed for a good five minutes before reaching for it. I wasn’t sure how I felt. There were quite a lot of emotions slamming into me at the same time, that was for sure.

  Hurt.

  Sad.

  Relieved.

  And there was even a little anger in there.

  What had taken him so long to get back to me?

  Finally, I unlocked my phone and read what he had to say.

  I know I’m sorry isn’t going to cut it. I know I don’t deserve to ask anything from you but will you please come to my room at the compound. There are a lot of things I have to tell you. And I really need you right now.