by Lisa N. Paul
“She’s good, boy, pay attention,” Danny advised, before he laced his fingers through his wife’s and led her out to Lyla’s backyard.
Was he standing too close to Ashley? All this time he’d been trying to stay in her focus, but did she even see him anymore? His thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell.
“Look what I found lurking around.” Ashley walked through the door with Kyle and hugged Lyla, handing over a tray of cookies as Max and Kyle each kissed Lyla on the cheek.
“I feel so loved,” she teased.
“We brought booze,” Kyle shouted. The lack of focus in his eyes had the appearance of someone who had already started drinking before coming to the party.
“Is Janie here yet?” Max asked.
“I see you’re going for the subtle approach, huh Max,” Ryan laughed.
“Yes, and her douchey boyfriend can’t make it today. I’m torn up about it. Can you tell?” His smile nearly split his face.
Ashley called out from the deck. “Hey, guys, Janie’s outside filling water balloons. Get your asses out here—boys against girls.” After the blowout with her mother, she probably needed some good clean fun to take her mind off things, he thought to himself.
“Oh, Princess, you are going down.” The sexual undertone in Ryan’s comment was unintentional but when Ashley’s eyes lowered from his face to his shorts, he felt his cock stir.
He felt his cock grow rock hard when she seductively licked her lips and replied, “You wish, Ryan, you wish.”
Splat, Splat!! Ashley’s thoughts were rudely interrupted when colorful, thin latex exploded in her lap.
“What the fuck!” She looked up, the shock quickly evaporating when her eyes locked on a very proud Ryan Baker grinning like a fool.
“Don’t worry, Ash, I’ve got you covered.” Janie dragged over a tub overflowing with water-filled balloons and Ashley started heaving them at Ryan. One after the other, the balloons hit him like heat-seeking missiles, splashing water in his hair, his face, and his chest. Soon he was drenched and everyone was laughing at the scene.
“It’s like watching Frogger,” Max roared.
“Holy…shit!”
The sound of awe in Lyla’s voice pulled Ashley’s attention away from Max’s hysterics to whatever Lyla and Janie were gawking at. “Look at his fucking body.”
Lyla, who Ashley had learned could maintain a poker face like no other, was blatantly staring at Ryan. He’d peeled of his wet t-shirt and laid it on the back of a chair to dry. “I wanna name every one of his abs,” Lyla murmured in a lusty voice.
“Down, girl!” Janie flicked Lyla in the arm, earning her a mean stare and a playful pinch from her best friend. “Ly, that boy is spoken for.” Janie’s words instantly pulled Ashley back into the conversation.
“Um, I didn’t realize Ryan was dating someone…” Ashley swallowed hard, praying with everything she had that she could keep hold of the pretzels that weighed heavy in her stomach.
Lyla and Janie giggled. “Come on, Ash, cut us a break,” Janie and Lyla said in tandem. “We’ve been hanging out with you guys for a couple of months now. There is no way that there isn’t something going on between the two of you.”
“Between me and him?” It felt like every nerve in her body was exposed, every button pushed, every memory brought to the surface. Ashley hated when people asked about her and Ryan because it killed her to deny the love she’d once felt for him. Almost as much as it did to deny the love she still felt… but, she had no other choice.
She looked over to where the rest of the group had congregated, with drinks in hand, as if this was entertainment for them. Why do they enjoy watching my head spin and my heart break?
“There is nothing—I repeat, nothing—going on between Ryan Baker and myself! We are just friends, who happen to both live and work together. Period. End of story. Got it?” She pulled her hair back into a low ponytail and turned her back to her friends before loudly stating, “Christ, I need a drink!”
She didn’t need to look at Janie and Lyla to know that their mouths were agape. The heat from their stares burned a hole in her back, but she refused to turn around. She needed tequila, and she needed it now. When she heard Ryan addressing the group, she knew one shot wouldn’t be enough.
“She loves me, she just isn’t ready to admit it yet, right, Princess?” While his joke was exactly what was needed to break the tension, Ashley knew it would be more like three shots before she could show her face in the backyard.
“Whoa there, chickie, save some for the rest of us.” She turned around to see Julie, Janie and Lyla standing behind her, each holding their own shot glass. They smiled kindly at her and held out their glasses.
“Look, girl, Janie and I didn’t mean to pry.” Lyla donned an oddly unnatural and forced grin on her face.
“Shut up, Ly, yes we did. We’ve been dying to know about you two since the start. And just FYI, look at that ridiculous smile.” Janie pointed to the silly smirk still on Lyla’s face. “Remember that look, it’s her tell. That girl can’t lie for shit.”
“Fuck you, Janie!” Lyla spewed without a trace of anger in her tone or her crystal blue eyes. “Anyway, what I’m saying is, you want your space, take it. Okay?” Lyla gestured between herself and Janie. “We get it, and we’ll give that to you. Now that’s the end of the story.” Lyla handed Ashley, Julie and Janie a shot glass before opening a different bottle for herself. Let’s take these shots, cept’ I don’t shoot straight tequila.” Lyla poured herself a vodka.
“To friends,” she lifted her small glass. “I love you near. I love you far. But if I need space, and you can’t give me that,” she giggled, “then get the fuck out of my face!”
“That was a good one, Ly. You really should write these down.” Ashley didn’t see the wink Janie sent Lyla at the suggestion. Julie’s face was pinched, “Lyla, even after all these years of owning a bar, I still hate the taste of straight tequila. Next time, pour two vodkas, okay?” The women laughed as they watched Julie suck on extra lemon wedges.
“Let’s bring this food outside so that Danny and the guys can barbecue.” Julie lowered her voice trying to imitate her husband. “It’ll make them feel like men.” The ladies laughed as they carried the food outside to the grill.
Burnt Cookies
“PRINCESS, WHAT ARE you doing? We’re already late, let’s go.” Ryan popped his head into the kitchen and couldn’t hold back his reaction. It started with a twitch in his abdomen which quickly rose up through his chest, but once it got to his throat there was no way he could contain his laughter.
“It’s not funny, Ryan!” He loved when Ashley’s cheeks sported a pink blush. Between her reddened face, her little white tank top that was molded just right to her fantastic body, and the newly died blue streaks in her hair, she looked perfect for the Fourth of July festivities at Danny and Julie’s house. Every flat surface in the kitchen was covered in a mist of white powder, including Ashley herself.
“What happened, babe?”
“I refuse to answer if you’re going to stand there and laugh at me,” she said, but the clatter of pans landing in the sink and the sight of blackened discs being dumped in the trashcan answered Ryan’s question.
“Ash.”
She looked at him with her arms crossed over her chest as his eyes glittered with amusement mixed with a bit of something else, although his voice was gentle and warm as he continued. “You tried to bake cookies, didn’t you?” Her following silence was admission enough.
“Princess, that was so thoughtful. I’m sure Julie would have appreciated the gesture, really, babe.” He tried to maintain a serious face, but it wasn’t easy containing the grin that threatened to break across his lips. He loved their banter.
“Uh, thanks Ry.” He couldn’t believe she was falling for his mature act. After all these years, she should know better, geeze.
“No problem. And Princess, for future reference, do you know what Julie would appreciate m
ore?” Ryan finally revealed his wide smile in its entirety before he answered. “She’d appreciate it if you never tried to bake for her again. Seriously, you can’t bake for shit. What were you thinking?” His laughter bounced off the walls of the small house as he ran out of the kitchen but he learned he wasn’t quick enough when a burnt cookie hit him in the head.
“Ryan Baker, you are such an asshole!” Maybe, he thought to himself, chuckling. But hearing Ashley giggle out loud he knew once and for all that there was nothing sweeter than the sound of true laugher coming out of her mouth.
By the time they arrived, the party was in full swing. Ryan went directly over to Danny, who was manning the grill, and Ashley delivered her store bought cookies to Julie.
“Look how sweet they are together.” Ashley gestured to Max and Janie who were lying together on a yellow blanket spread out on the grass. Deep in conversation, each wore a relaxed smile. It was the first time she’d seen them together and she could see there were some serious sparks between the two. Whether any thing would come from it was anyone’s guess.
“I’ve never seen him look so happy,” Julie mused.
“Do you think he realizes the affect she has on him yet, or do you think he’s blind to it? I’d hate to see him lose someone like her—she’s pretty special, you know?”
Julie turned her gaze from Max and Janie and stared directly at Ashley. “Yes, Ashley, I’m surrounded by pretty special women and so I have it on good authority that it’s not just the men who are blind to things that make them happy.” Julie placed a loving stroke on Ashley’s arm before returning to the house to retrieve more food. Ashley glanced over at her friends on the grass once more. She hoped Max didn’t let his past screw things up with Janie. The irony of the situation was, sadly, completely lost on her.
Heading over to Danny and handing him a cold beer, Ashley felt Ryan’s gaze on her a moment before she noticed Kyle practically weaving up the slate path that led from the street to the back yard with a woman clinging to his side. Ryan laughed and shook his head in amusement. “Danny, look at that girl with Kyle. She looks at him like he single-handedly hung the moon. What the hell does he do to these poor girls?”
“Hey guys, this is Sheena,” Kyle said, introducing the petite, scarlet haired, young woman as he approached the group, noticeably off-kilter.
“Um, actually, my name is Shira.” Her cheeks were nearly as red as her hair when she sheepishly corrected his mistake. “Sheena, Shira—same difference.” Ashley didn’t think it was possible for a woman’s face to get any redder without bursting into flames but poor Shira’s face did.
“Kyle, you dipshit, that’s not how you talk about a lady.” Ashley couldn’t believe that the poor girl had to deal with this level of embarrassment. Kyle had been drinking more than usual lately but this behavior was inexcusable. She was flabbergasted as she watched the woman place her small hands sweetly on Kyle’s arm and whisper something in his ear. Kyle went pie-eyed as the dimple in his right cheek winked.
“’Scuse us for a bit,” he announced loudly, sliding his arm around Shira. “We’re gonna go get our fuck on. Be back soon…but not too soon,” he chuckled.
Winking at Ryan and Max, who had left the grass to witness the spectacle, Kyle escorted Shira around the side of the house and out of sight. Ashley looked around, taking in the silent stares and awkwardness that blanketed her friends.
“Seriously? No one’s gonna say it?” Lyla started to weave through the group, talking to no one in particular “Fine, I will. That was some fucked up shit!” Ashley watched Lyla’s blue eyes dance with amusement. “No, really, let me see if I’ve got this right. He brings a girl here to meet his friends. He doesn’t even know her name. She clearly has the good sense to be embarrassed, unless of course she was suffering from sunburn…yeah, maybe it was sunburn.” Lyla paced while everyone listed to her recant the story. “She shows a modicum of backbone by telling him he got her name wrong. He basically tells her he doesn’t give a shit. She giggles, whispers some sort of trailer trash voodoo in his ear, and then he announces that they’re gonna go fuck? Really? Did that just happen?”
It sounded insane, comical even, but Ashley wasn’t laughing. Inside, her heart was hurting for Kyle. Over the six years they had known each other they had shared some drunken nights and some cocktail confessions. She had only been granted bits and pieces of his past, but she knew enough to be able to deduct on her own that there was a ton of pain behind his “Fuck You” persona. Kyle was headed on a downward spiral and she wanted to help but didn’t know how. Shaking off the guilt she decided to enjoy the party, but vowed to discuss whatever was going on with Kyle with Danny and Julie in the morning.
As the sun began to set in the sky, and the party was getting ready to move venues, everyone congregated around the table. The copious amounts of food and drink had everyone in a mellow mood. Janie sat between Lyla and Max. Julie was sitting on Danny’s lap. Ryan looked around at his friends and wondered how he got so lucky in life and if it could possibly get better than this. Catching sight of Ashley, who was sitting beside him and laughing loudly at something Lyla has said, he knew that, yes, it could get better. The woman next to him could make his life complete. He was just out of ideas on how to make that happen. His thoughts were interrupted by Danny’s announcement.
“So listen, before we head over to the park to watch the fireworks, we should discuss the final details for the fundraiser.” Danny’s voice had taken on its patriarchal tone, making it clear to everyone around the table that this was a topic to be discussed seriously.
“What fundraiser?” Janie asked, her face full of excitement.
“Ashley, why don’t you explain,” Julie stated quietly, imploring Ashley to fill Janie and Lyla in on the details, but, Danny must not have caught the subtle hint because he started to describe the event until Julie put her hand over his mouth to stop him.
Ryan’s gut clenched. They hadn’t had to explain this story in more than four years—in fact, if not for this event, Ryan was pretty sure Ashley would never have spoken of her brother out loud. He subtly moved his hand under the table and rested it over hers. When she gave a slight nod of her head, he laced their fingers together and gave it a squeeze.
“We hold a fundraiser in August each year called Leo’s Lights,” Ryan felt Ashley’s leg begin to tremble as she started her explanation. Holding tight to her hand, he was uncertain if he was giving comfort or seeking it.
Ashley took a breath before continuing. “Ryan writes songs for some pretty big labels in the music industry so each year he manages to score some sort of music memorabilia. Actually, how he does it is still a mystery to me. Anyway, we auction off the donated item and all of the money we make goes to helping local kids get the musical training they otherwise couldn’t afford. This will be our fifth auction and each year so far we’ve raised enough money to provide kids of all ages with instruments and musical instruction. In a couple of cases we’ve donated the extra tuition needed to help the kids who’d earned musical scholarships to college, but still wouldn’t have been able to afford it if not for a little extra help.” She shrugged her shoulders and her voice got smaller as she said, “I’m really proud of what Leo’s Lights has accomplished.” Ryan was in awe of Ashley for speaking up and explaining the situation to Janie and Lyla, but the way she swallowed deeply and failed to make eye contact with anyone told him that she was only just clinging to her control. He tugged gently at her hand and she brought her gaze to his. No words passed between them but the slight nod that Ashley gave him let him know that she appreciated his support. All these years and she saw him only as support. Does she even see me as a man? Or am I just her friend? Exhaling he decided it may finally be time to move on. How the hell do I do that?
“If you don’t mind me asking, Ashley,” Janie leaned forward in her chair, her voice laced with compassion, her eyes full of questions, “who’s Leo? You have that beautiful tattoo of his name on your bicep but, well,
Lyla and I never wanted to pry.”
Ashley felt Ryan squeeze her hand a little harder under the table. She knew that squeeze. She knew he was offering his protection, his support. She also knew that he’d answer the question himself, just to protect her from further pain. Insurmountable guilt slammed into her. She didn’t deserve his protection. What she deserved was to feel every ounce of pain her brother had felt the night he’d tried to come to her rescue. Ashley flicked his hand off her lap. No, I need to suffer on my own. She squared her shoulders and replied, “Leo is my brother. I run this program each year for him.” She stood up and ran her hands over her shorts, as if wiping away the bad memories along with the conversation. “It’s getting dark, gang. Let’s go get our place on the lawn. I don’t want to miss any of the show.” She reached over the table, grabbed an almost empty plate of chips and salsa and turned to take the tray into the house.
Her rejection and dismissal cut deep. For over six years, Ryan had allowed her to remind him of his betrayal. For over six years he had shouldered the blame for his wrong doing, as well as the things that had been out of his control. He looked down to his stomach where the knife had been twisted and realized he no longer bled. Yes, his love for Ashley did—and probably would always—run deeper than any love he had ever known, but it was killing him inside to continue this one-sided affair. He knew somewhere inside she still loved him, but after all these years he was just too damn tired to keep digging. It’s time for me to move on, he thought. But how?
