by Lisa N. Paul
Just as the question came to his mind, the answer stumbled over to the table.
“You guys ready to go watch the fireworks?” Kyle ran his hands through his sex-rumpled hair and smiled devilishly.
“Where’s your girl?” Ashley snipped as she came out of the house and stopped to look Kyle up and down.
“Who? Shayla?” Kyle smiled as if remembering a fond moment.
“It was Shira, you fucking pig!” Landing a swift punch to Kyle’s arm, Ashley huffed before grabbing her purse and heading back inside. Ryan couldn’t hold in the chuckle. There wasn’t a thing sexier than a pissed off Ashley. No, it’s time to move on.
“Hey guys.” Kyle, Max and Danny gave Ryan their full attention. “Are any of you available after the show tonight? I thought we could grab a beer, you know?” That was their guy code for they needed to talk.
“I wish I could, son, but I promised Julie I’d finish painting the bathroom by the end of the weekend, and it’s the end of the weekend.” Danny’s gruff laugh made Ryan smile. “But after these two are done giving you their bad advice, let me know and I’ll happily straighten it out for you.”
“Thanks, Danny. What about you guys?” Ryan didn’t realize how much he had been counting on them until they both said they’d be happy to meet up later. Relief washed over him. They would help him figure things out, he just knew it.
RYAN LOVED BEING at Chopper’s bar. Whether he was drinking, playing pool, or just taking up space, being there made him feel grounded. It reminded him of a time when he was young and playing in the band, they’d played in bars like Chopper’s all the time. That was back when life was easy—when the only thing he needed to worry about was their next gig, and when he would finally get to kiss his best friend’s sister. God, he missed Leo. How different would life be if…
“Hey, man, you got us here, so let’s get us some drinks and talk.” Max clapped Ryan’s shoulder before walking up to the bar and placing their order.
“Dude, we need shots.” Kyle looked like he was slightly hung-over from his earlier drinking and Ryan considered advising him not to drink anymore, but, selfishly, he really wanted Kyle’s advice and he knew that if he harped on him about his drinking, Kyle would just up and leave. So he kept his mouth shut and walked over to a table.
“Women. They make everything fucking crazy,” Ryan mumbled the toast before letting the amber liquid glide down the back of his throat, blazing a trail of fiery frustration straight to his stomach.
“So it’s gonna be one of those talks, huh?” Kyle grimaced, as he poured each of them a beer from the pitcher Max had brought to the table along with the shots.
“I’ll go get us another round, and tell them to start a tab. I have a feeling we may be here a while.” Max smiled as he strutted back over to the bar.
Ryan looked at his friends. Despite their differences, both had become incredibly important to him over the last few years. He’d never thought he’d have a close friend after Leo, but here he was, sitting at a table with two of them.
“Spill, Ry.” Max returned and slid a shot in Ryan’s direction and waited for him to talk.
“You guys know that I’ve been waiting on Ashley for years, right?” Both men rolled their eyes and nodded their heads. Ryan smiled. “But, well, I think I realized tonight that I’m waiting for something that’s never gonna happen.”
Just saying the words out loud caused an ache in his gut so deep he was surprised he managed to hold himself upright. “So, I guess the reason I asked you guys here is…” He bit the inside of his lip, the sharp pain a reminder of why he was there in the first place. “I need your help moving on.” There, I said it, he thought as the acid rose up his throat.
“Christ, Ryan, drink this.” Max handed him a glass of clear liquid. He braced himself and took a large gulp only to spit it straight back out.
“That was water!” The clean clear substance was a complete shock to Ryan. Pausing only to wipe down the mess he’d made, he drank down the whole glass.
“Yeah, Ry,” Max laughed, “it’s water. We’re not all alcoholics.” His comment and his gaze shifted directly to Kyle, who chose that exact moment to check out the pair of scantily clad women playing pool. “You looked like you were about to puke so I didn’t think another shot would be helpful. Look, buddy, I can’t tell you how to ‘get the girl.’ Hell, I don’t ever wanna get the girl again.” Ryan didn’t believe that for a second. He saw the electricity that sparked every time Max and Janie were together. If Max wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening, so be it.
Max continued, “I do, however, know how to move on. And if that’s what you want to do, I can help. To move forward, you need to—”
Kyle chose that moment to re-engage in the conversation, chipping in with, “Fuck everything that moves.”
“What?” Both Ryan and Max stared at Kyle.
“Don’t give me the innocent act, DeLucca.” Kyle poured himself another beer from the pitcher and took a long gulp before continuing. “You and your buddy Gage have cornered the market on Fuck and Release. Christ, I think the term F and R just might be in the Urban-fucking-Dictionary by now.”
Ryan watched as Kyle pointed a relatively unsteady finger firstly at Max and then at him. “Judge all you want, but neither one of you are better than me—I’m just not afraid to admit exactly who I am. Ryan, you wanna move on from Ashley, good! It’s about time. I love that girl—she’s a great bartender, a hot chick, and an awesome friend—but her head is fucked up, man. She’s goin’ down and taking you with her. She can’t shake her past.” Kyle’s eyes clouded over and Ryan saw the familiar sadness that only came out when Kyle was completely wasted. “If she can’t shake her past, then it’s gonna consume her. You’re my boy, Ryan, and you have to know you’re too damn good for that. Let. It. Go.”
Ryan was completely overwhelmed by the amount of insight Kyle had just offered. Never in all the time they had spent together had Kyle been that clear, and the funny thing was the man was shit-faced drunk. “Not to mention, fuckin’ other girls will piss her off,” he added. “You get her good and jealous and then stand back with your arms open and your pants down, she’ll be all over you like a hooker at a free clinic.”
“You couldn’t have stopped while you were ahead, could you?” Ryan laughed finishing of his last shot.
“Hopefully he’s too smashed to remember me admitting this, but he’s not totally wrong,” Max agreed. Ryan grinned at the comical look on Max’s face. “While I certainly wouldn’t go around throwing chicks in her face—because let’s face it, Ashley’s a tough woman, she might just kick your ass if you do—Kyle’s right in that the best way to forget about the past is to move on to something new.”
Max poured the remaining beer into the three glasses. “To women, the more the merrier.” The three men lifted their glasses and finished off their beers.
Single and Available
“LYLA DALTON, ARE you crazy?” Ashley’s heart raced from the two-mile run she’d just taken from her house to Lyla’s. If she was being honest with herself, which was something she tried to avoid, her heart had started pumping faster long before she ever tied the laces on her Nikes, and the steamy August air had nothing at all to do with it.
“Some might say so,” Lyla shrugged lazily, opening her door and inviting Ashley in.
“Ly, I can’t take this.” Ashley retrieved the folded paper from her pocket and held it out for Lyla to take, but her friend just crossed her arms over her chest and stared at her.
“Correct me if I’m wrong, Ashley, but that check isn’t made out to you, it’s made out to Leo’s Lights, isn’t it?” Ashley would have smiled at the mock confusion on Lyla’s face if she didn’t know for a fact that she was being purposely obtuse. “So, you aren’t taking anything. The money is going to a good cause and I, personally, love good causes.”
Lyla turned her back to Ashley and headed into her kitchen. “Want some water, you look…sweaty.”
�
�Yeah, I’ll have some,” Ashley accepted. “Lyla, that’s not the point, this is a shit ton of money…”
“Ashley,” Lyla said in a singsong voice, “it’s just a one.”
Laughing at the silly banter, Ashley responded, “With a lot of zeros after it. Seriously, you write a column in the paper, you can’t afford this. Write a check with less zeros and I will gladly accept it.” The warmth in Lyla’s blue eyes quickly turned to ice and Ashley tried to figure out what she had said to turn the playful discussion into such a painful one.
“Ash,” Lyla said quietly, her hands balled into fists and tucked at her sides, her eyes glued to the donation in Ashley’s outstretched hand. “I told you before, I won the lottery and I have a lot of money just waiting to be spent.”
Lyla’s words, although seemingly light-hearted, sounded like they were being forced out of a jaw that was wired shut. “Let me give this to you. Clearly your brother means a lot to you. If I had siblings, I’d want to help them.” Pangs of guilt tugged at Ashley’s insides when Lyla referred to Leo in the present tense. She knew she would eventually have to tell her close friends the truth about Leo, but she just wasn’t ready yet.
Ashley absently rubbed her sternum with her thumb as Lyla continued. “So, just take the money and let it do some good, please.”
Raw pain flashed through Lyla’s eyes seconds before her ever-present shield came down, covering every stitch of vulnerability that had been exposed. “Besides, if you don’t take it, I’m giving it to the Kyle Marx’s Drinking Fund.” She shrugged before returning the pitcher of water to her refrigerator.
“Well, we certainly can’t have that.” Ashley smiled. “Thanks, Lyla. I can’t begin to tell you the good this money will do.”
After a few more minutes, she left Lyla’s house and ran the two miles back home. With the evidence of Lyla’s generosity tucked in her pocket, thoughts of her brother floated around in her head. “Look at all the good you’re doing, big brother.” Luckily, by the time she reached her front door, no one would be able to tell the difference between her sweat and her tears.
Ryan’s deep laugh was the first thing Ashley heard when she entered their house. She took the stairs two at a time to show him the check for the charity.
“Hey, Ry, you’re finally awake. It’s about time—” Ashley stood frozen in the hallway as she watched the beautiful, blonde-haired woman slip on her shoes. Ryan stood there shirtless, his gym shorts resting low on his hips and his bare feet kissing the hardwood floor.
“Oh, hey, Ash, this is Michelle. Michelle, this is my friend Ashley.” Ashley flinched as though cold water had just been thrown in her face. When had Ryan brought this woman home? She’d worked with Max and Kyle last night but Ryan had gone out. He must have picked her up last night. Oh my God, Ryan had slept with someone. Never once in all their time living together had he brought someone home, and now…he had.
“Wow.” The word slipped from her lips before she could catch it.
“Wow what, Ash?” Ryan ran his thumb over the very smiley woman’s shoulder.
“Um, nothing, I just need to get some Gatorade. It was nice to meet you, Michelle.” She raced back down the stairs and headed right to the kitchen. What the fuck? Well, she told herself, it’s probably better this way.
Just maybe, if she said it enough times, she’d eventually believe it.
IT WAS THURSDAY night and Ashley sipped at her drink while watching Max flirt with Janie, when she noticed Ryan shake his head out of the corner of her eye. “What’s up with you?” She asked. She was on the opposite side of the bar for the time being, drinking a cocktail instead of slinging them. Danny had asked Ryan to text her on her night off to see if she would come and fill in for Max. Both Danny and Ryan had a feeling the thing between Max and Janie was about to boil over, and as much as Danny had wanted to let Max leave, Danny’s on Main on a Thursday night needed three bartenders.
Ryan nodded in Max and Janie and Lyla’s direction. “Those two are cute, that’s all. And Lyla, God love her, she’s been trying to make that happen for weeks. I’m not sure who’s more frustrated—them or her.” He laughed at his own joke and moved away to take orders and pour drinks.
Ashley leaned over and looked to the other end of the bar at her friends and then back at Ryan as he talked to the guys and flirted with the ladies. Every time she saw him smile, little butterflies started flapping their wings in her belly. This had been happening for several months, but it had gotten worse since he’d started dating. Yeah right, dating. More like whittling his bedpost, but whatever. Bitter much, Ashley?
“Hey, Princess, talking to yourself, now? Spending a lot of time with Lyla, you’re starting to pick up her habits?” Ryan stood right in front of her, his biceps bulging in his black uniform t-shirt, his brown and gold-flecked eyes dancing with amusement—probably at her embarrassment.
“No,” she snapped. “I don’t have any bad habits, Ryan. And you may want to stop spending too much time talking to me, or your bar flies might get the wrong idea.” She gave him her most sugary-sweet smile before taking another sip of her margarita.
“No, they won’t,” he said shrugging his shoulders aloofly. “They all know that I’m single and available.” With a crooked grin and a wink, he left her speechless and returned his attention to the customers. She swore she heard Kyle chuckle but when she looked at him he was busy entertaining the bar bunnies with his sexy looks and bar charms.
She finished her drink and got ready to begin her shift. If nothing else, tonight was going to be entertaining.
“Ashley, goddamn it! Seriously, did you see him?” The look on Lyla’s face was priceless. Ashley had known Sebastian Gage for years. He and Max were best friends and therefore he came into Danny’s almost once a week. The man was pure and unadulterated sex. He oozed sexy from every pore and there wasn’t a woman—or a man, for that matter—who didn’t feel the vibe when he was in the room. That being said, Ashley had never, ever, seen Gage approach a woman. Ever. Usually, he sat at his corner booth, almost shrouded in darkness, and the women went to him. The fact that he’d pursued Lyla was almost as shocking to Ashley as it was to Lyla.
“That’s Max’s friend. You’ve probably seen him here before.” She placed a glass of ice water in front of Lyla, gestured to her cheeks, and gave a devilish smile. “You look like you could use this.” She then watched as her friend tried to make sense of the burning lust that was rushing through her body. Yep, this is gonna get interesting, she thought to herself.
“What’s got you smiling so big, Princess?” Ryan asked. It was so rare that he saw her happy anymore. It tore him up that the Ashley he once knew was all but gone. Sure, she was still caring, generous and giving, but she no longer turned any of that kindness toward herself.
She, like in Shel Silverstein’s children’s book, “The Giving Tree,” had given so much of herself away, that there wasn’t much left but a stump on which to rest. It was like she saw no worth in her person unless she was giving to others, and that broke his heart. Between chairing Leo’s Lights, volunteering at the local soup kitchen, and working at Danny’s, she practically worked herself to sleep each night.
They used to be best friends, tell each other everything. She’d been an open book to him, and he to her. However, now the only way he knew how she was feeling was by the color of the streaks in her hair, and even that had been a guessing game until he’d finally figured it out. It was his special inside secret into Ashley’s mind and he doubted anyone else had even noticed the correlation.
He’d been relieved when Janie and Lyla started coming around six months before because she’d finally started hanging out with friends again. It hurt that she wouldn’t accept him back into the place he used to be, but at least she was starting to let someone in. Finally he’d started to see a glimpse of happiness in the beautiful hazel eyes that had once held so much love, and for that he was grateful.
“Did you see Gage approach Lyla just a few minutes ago?�
�� She didn’t wait for him to answer before she continued excitedly, “Ryan, that man just rocked her world. I’ve never seen anything like it! It was like the world stood still when the two of them connected.”
Yeah, he thought to himself sadly, I know just the feeling. He gave himself a moment to let her excitement penetrate his soul before getting back to serving drinks and moving on.
You Hurt Me First
PLEASE BRING HOME flowers for Lyla - A
Ashley heard the front door click shut as she hit “send” and knew she should have texted Ryan the message earlier—as in before he came home—but she was so frustrated with him. He hadn’t come home last night after work. She’d had to watch while he chatted up some little bobble-head of a woman all night, including the part where the little tart giggled at his jokes while she planted her boobs all over the bar. Then she’d kept watching, unable to tear her eyes away, as he left the bar with the twit and never came back.
So when he’d come home this morning, she’d made sure to have her earbuds in as she passed him in the hallway on her way to the gym. When she got back, she’d showered and gone straight to the soup kitchen. According to the Post-it note she’d read when she got back, he was at the gym.
Her head told her she was being a bitch—that he had wanted her for years but she’d turned away from him time and time again. She truly believed she wasn’t entitled to happiness after what she’d done to her brother, but her heart…God, her heart ached every time she saw him look at another woman. It splintered every time she thought about his lips on another woman’s lips, and it cracked when she thought of him making love to another woman’s body. She knew she was becoming bitter, but it didn’t stop her from tapping out that text.
“Nice try, Ash,” Ryan bellowed from downstairs, the playfulness evident in his voice.
“Oh, you’re home.” Her tone was buoyant with fake brightness as she bounced down the steps.
“Cut the crap, Princess, you didn’t send that text until you heard the door open,” he chuckled, his smile near splitting his face in two. Ugh. When he smiled like that, she couldn’t help but melt. And that pissed her off.
