by Susan Lewis
‘Rules? You mean like love, honour and obey?’ For a moment she was shocked by what she’d said, but when she saw he was laughing she laughed too.
‘Definitely the last,’ he said. ‘And quit doing that,’ he said, pulling her up as she started to kiss his neck. ‘It’s driving me crazy.’
‘I know, I can feel it,’ she grinned.
His eyes were simmering with laughter, but as he looked at her the humour started slowly to retreat. ‘Jesus Christ,’ he murmured. ‘I so badly want to make love to you.’
As Louisa’s heart turned over, the breath caught in her throat. And then he was kissing her, crushing her to him, pushing his tongue deep into her mouth. She clung to him, curling her fingers through his hair as he laid her back in his arms, fanning his fingers over her neck, pressing his thumb along her jaw. Then his hand was on her leg, moving along her thigh. She raised it, opening herself to him, groaning into his open mouth as he touched her.
There was no denying that she was as ready for him as he was for her, but quite suddenly he stopped. ‘We can’t do this,’ he said gruffly.
‘Why?’
He looked down at her for some time before his eyes started to dance. ‘Are you taking contraception?’ he said.
Reluctantly she shook her head.
‘Then that’s the first reason,’ he said. ‘And the second,’ he added, pulling her up, ‘is that we’ve got to talk some more. I’m not having you make any decisions about going on seeing me without knowing what it’s going to entail. OK?’
‘OK? Then can we make love?’
‘We can make love,’ he laughed, ‘when we get ourselves some contraception.’
They both turned round as the automatic lights around the house and pool suddenly came on, not realizing how quickly dusk had come on them. Jake took a lighter from his pocket and lit the green spiral on the table to keep the mosquitos at bay while Louisa, still trembling slightly from the incredible force of her desire, took a soothing sip of wine.
He turned back and taking her arms from around her knees he pulled her onto his lap.
For a while they sat quietly, listening to the frogs and the crickets. He looked down at her, a certain irony in his eyes, but she could sense his inner struggle. ‘Shit, I still can’t believe I’m doing this,’ he said, pursing the corner of his lips and looking at her as though blaming her for getting to him the way she did. Then his eyes moved past her, out towards the potted palms around the pool. ‘The reason I told Danny that I wouldn’t see it as my problem if you were pregnant,’ he began, ‘is so that Danny wouldn’t know the way I feel about you. I don’t want her to know, I don’t want anyone to know. That’s rule number one. It’s not only safer for you that way, it’s safer for me too.’
‘But …’
‘No, these are unconditional rules, Louisa. You have to stick by them or you’re gonna find yourself in a whole lot of trouble I might not be able to get you out of. So don’t ask any questions, because I’ve told you already that I don’t want to talk about what’s going on. All I want is that what you and I have stays between us and goes no further.’
‘I was only going to say, what about Erik? He set it up for you to come here tonight.’
‘Erik’s not a problem. Erik is one of the few you can trust. The others are my crew. That’s it! No one else.’
‘What about Sarah?’
‘No one else.’
‘OK. But what about when we want to see each other? You know already how often Danny answers the phone.’
‘There are ways around that as we proved tonight. But for God’s sake don’t trust her. I don’t know what kind of game she’s playing, but she’s not doing herself or anyone else any favours by lying about sleeping with me. That’s why Erik’s taken her in hand.’
‘You mean he’s not as crazy about her as he seems? It’s all a front?’
‘The man is besotted with her as it happens, more fool him, but yes, it’s partly a front.’
‘What about Mario Morandi?’
‘Who?’
‘You mean you don’t know him?’
Jake looked at her askance. ‘Should I?’ he said carefully.
‘Oh, Jake, please don’t lie to me. Do you know him or don’t you?’
‘Why does it matter?’
‘That means you do know him. And it matters because Sarah’s out with him tonight. Who is he, Jake? He’s not an Italian, is he?’
‘He’s a producer who makes low-budget movies,’ Jake answered.
‘Consuela put us in touch with him,’ Louisa said, hoping it might provoke some sort of response.
He showed no surprise, just chewed thoughtfully on his bottom lip. ‘And you say they’re out together tonight?’
‘That’s right.’
To her surprise he started to laugh. ‘Then maybe, my darling, you can tell Sarah about me. But only Sarah.’
‘This is starting to feel like we’re ganging up against Danny. I know she has her faults, but she doesn’t mean any harm, Jake. I promise you, she doesn’t.’
‘And providing she knows nothing she won’t cause any. So just you leave her to Erik, because besotted as he might be, he knows exactly how to handle her.’ Again he laughed when he saw the sceptical look she gave him. ‘Erik’s been around the world,’ he reminded her, ‘he’s come across plenty of Danny Spencers in his time and as far as I can make out he’s gone off at the deep end for every one of them. He’s even married a couple of them, married to one right now, I believe, unless he’s forgotten to tell me the divorce has gone through. If it has then don’t be surprised if he ups and pops the question to Danny, myself I’m expecting it, though it won’t be anything to do with me. I’d never ask him to go that far, that’s his own choice. All I’m asking is he keeps her off my back because a woman like Danny can cause the kind of problems I don’t even want to think about. It was just luck that Erik was staying with Jean-Claude when he was and got to meet her, the falling in love bit he did all on his own, the rest he’s doing for me, to protect me and to protect her.’
‘You know I’m going out of my mind with curiosity here,’ Louisa groaned. ‘How does Jean-Claude fit into it all?’
‘He doesn’t. I don’t even know the man. He’s a friend of Erik’s from way back, nothing to do with me. Now rule number two. No more questions. You don’t need to know what’s going on, like I said, it’s better you don’t. You just do as I say and you’ll be OK.’
‘Does that mean I have something, or someone, to be afraid of?’
‘You might. I don’t know for sure, but I don’t want to take any chances. Christ, what am I saying here? If I thought you were in any real danger I’d stop this thing right here and now no matter how strongly I felt. But the minute I think there might be any danger then you’re out of here, do you hear me? You’re on the next plane back to London and you’re taking Sarah and Danny with you.’
‘Wouldn’t it be better if I knew what I was up against?’ she protested.
‘If I knew for sure there wouldn’t be any danger,’ he said. ‘All I know is that I’ve got to be out of my mind to go on seeing you, but I can’t give you up, not yet anyway. It’s been a long time since I had anything good in my life and you, Louisa Kramer, feel better than good. In fact a whole lot better than good. I just wish to God I knew why life had thrown you at me right now, because the way things are I’ve got nothing to offer you and I’ve got no right to do this to you, none at all. I just hope you’re not going to end up hating me, but I don’t guess I’d blame you if you did.’
‘That’s hard to imagine at this moment.’
‘I know. And that’s why we’ve got to have rule number three. I don’t want you to go fooling yourself that this is all going to turn out all right because it won’t. You’ve got to believe what I’m telling you now, that two months at the maximum is all we’ve got and then I’m out of here and out of your life. I won’t be coming back and I sure as hell can’t take you with me. I’ve got oth
er commitments, other priorities that will take over. There’s no getting away from them and if things turn out the way I hope, I won’t want to get away from them. And just so’s you understand how serious this is, there are people involved in this who just might not come out alive. That’s not the way I want it, but it’s the way it’s got to be.’
‘Is one of those people likely to be you?’ Louisa asked, feeling strangely as though she was drifting away from reality.
‘I don’t know.’
‘Can I ask one last question?’
‘You can ask, I’m not promising to answer.’
‘Is this all to do with drugs?’
‘No. It’s got nothing to do with drugs. I just wish it were that simple.’
Louisa looked at him for a moment, then laying her head on his shoulder she gazed absently down towards the woods where night was spreading its darkness as inexorably as the knowledge she was going to lose him was already spreading its dread in her heart. It felt so right being here in his arms, it was where she belonged, where he belonged too. There was no way of rationalizing those feelings, they were just there and deep down inside she knew they were right. And at that moment it didn’t matter that there was so much she didn’t know about him, she couldn’t imagine anything that would change the way she felt. Yes, there were a thousand more questions she wanted to ask, but she knew it wouldn’t do any good to try. If he wanted her to know he’d tell her, he’d be as frank and honest with her as he’d been about the impossibility of a future together. She just felt thankful that he’d agreed to let her speak to Sarah. She had the feeling she was going to need to do that quite a lot over the next few weeks. And who could say, maybe during that time he would feel that he could trust her enough to tell her what was really going on and then she could give him the support she longed to give as well as the release he so obviously craved. But for now all that mattered was that they were together, that they could sit here like this and hold each other, knowing that whatever the future held for either of them, that for this short time they had everything they wanted.
‘You OK?’ he whispered.
She nodded. ‘Just trying to take it all in. I wish I understood it better, but for now I’m willing to go along with the way it is.’
‘And the minute that changes, the minute you want out, you just tell me and we’ll call it quits,’ he said. ‘Now, what are the chances of a man getting something to eat around here?’
‘Every chance,’ she smiled, reluctantly unwinding herself from their embrace and getting up. ‘Shall we take a picnic out here, or shall we take it to bed?’
‘Uh-huh,’ he grinned. ‘No contraception, no nookie. We’ll take the picnic out here.’
‘There’s a late night pharmacie,’ she said, her brown eyes twinkling the challenge.
‘Still no. I’ve got to leave in an hour. Hey,’ he said, taking her hands when he saw how disappointed she looked. ‘There’ll be other times.’
‘Are you sure?’
He stood up and cupped his hands behind her neck.
‘I’m not sure whether I should be saying this,’ she said, looking sideways into the pool, ‘but I want you very much. Very, very much. But then I guess that must be pretty obvious by now.’
‘Yeah, it is,’ he smiled. ‘And I want you too. But I’d be a liar if I didn’t say that I’m worried about how much harder it might make it for us to say goodbye.’
‘It worries me too, but I guess I’m just not as sensible as you, nor as strong-willed.’
Knowing how close he was to giving in he turned her away from him and made light of it by saying. ‘But I’ll bet you’re as hungry, so come on, let’s get this picnic together, then perhaps I could take a look at these shots Sarah’s taken of the Valhalla. Erik tells me they’re a knockout.’
14
LATE THE FOLLOWING morning Louisa and Sarah were strolling through the covered market in the old town of Antibes laden down with fruit, salads and flowers. Their progress was slow through the dense crowds of sunburned, straw-hatted tourists and frenetic French housewives and the walk back to the car promised to be a long, unbearably hot one as it was parked way up on the ramparts.
‘I honestly don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about,’ Sarah was saying, dodging her way round a splendid bouquet of leeks that was bobbing past her. ‘I mean, I know I’d believe him if I were you. And the fact that he’s holding back on making love to you just confirms to me that you really do mean something to him. Otherwise he’d just screw you and leave.’
‘That’s what I keep telling myself,’ Louisa said, shaking her head politely while smiling at the jolly round Frenchman who was offering her several bunches of freesias. ‘And when I was with him it seemed to make sense, but now, in the cold light of day I just don’t know what to think.’
‘You just don’t have enough confidence in yourself, that’s your trouble,’ Sarah said, stopping at a stall to pick up a fan-shaped object that unfolded into a hat and jamming it on her head. ‘What do you think?’ she said, tottering sideways as a busy French housewife jostled past her.
Louisa burst out laughing. ‘Not really you,’ she said.
‘He called you this morning, didn’t he?’ Sarah said as they walked on. ‘Why would he bother to do that if he wasn’t crazy about you?’
‘I don’t know, but tell me, do you think I’m mad going ahead with this?’
‘Probably,’ Sarah responded cheerfully. They parted for a moment to let a wheelbarrow of oranges through. ‘So he’s sending this Marianne woman to pick you up whenever he wants to see you?’ she continued as they came back together.
‘That’s what he said,’ Louisa answered.
‘Mmm.’ Sarah pondered for a moment. ‘Who is she exactly?’
‘She works for him as some kind of runaround as far as I can make out. Funny isn’t it,’ she went on, ‘that Morandi denied knowing Jake when Jake admitted that they did know each other.’
‘My guess is that he needs permission from Jake before he says anything,’ Sarah answered, taking an apple from the bag and biting into it. ‘Did Jake tell you anything else about him?’
‘Just that he produces low-budget films. He didn’t say anything about how they were linked to each other.’ She cast Sarah a sideways glance. ‘You really like him, don’t you?’
‘He’s OK,’ Sarah answered breezily, but Louisa wasn’t fooled. ‘He’s not Italian,’ Sarah added.
‘Well we know that,’ Louisa laughed.
‘No, I mean he admitted he’s not. He’s from Buckinghamshire. His real name’s Trevor.’
The laughter bubbled from Louisa’s lips before she could stop it.
‘I told him I prefer Morandi,’ Sarah grinned. ‘So we’re sticking with it.’
‘So did he tell you why he’s masquerading as an Italian?’
‘Nope,’ Sarah said, squinting as they stepped out into the sunlight and lifting her sunglasses from their chain. ‘I did ask, but he’s such a terrible liar I know I still haven’t got the truth yet.’ She sighed wearily. ‘As amateur sleuths we’re not doing too well, are we? I mean we haven’t found out anything of any consequence. Did you ask Jake about Consuela at all last night?’
‘No, I didn’t. Did you ask Morandi?’
‘Yep, but he was as closed about that as he was about Jake. I’m curious about Aphrodite though. He says they’ve been having an affair for the past few months and that he’s been trying to break it off for a while, but she won’t let him. I told him to fire her, but he says he can’t do it. Well, he’s such a sensitive soul I don’t suppose that really surprises me, but I got the impression that when he said “can’t” he really meant can’t. Do you think we could stop here and have a drink?’ she said, flopping down at an empty table outside a café.
‘So how do you feel about continuing to see him if he’s still involved with her?’ Louisa said, sitting down too and putting the shopping on the chair next to her.
Sarah shrugged.
‘Just so long as she doesn’t spray me with any more wine then I’m game,’ she said. ‘Do you think we stand any chance of getting anything out of Erik?’
‘No. And if we tried he’d probably tell Jake and I don’t much relish the thought of what Jake might say if he thought I was going behind his back trying to find things out. What are you going to have to drink?’
‘A large orange juice and soda, it might help my hangover.’
‘How much did you have to drink last night?’
‘Not as much as Morandi, but enough. It was quite pathetic actually. There we both were knocking it back like there was no tomorrow just to give ourselves Dutch courage for when we got home and when we got there all he did was shake my hand and get back in the car. I’ve never felt quite so resistible.’
‘Didn’t you invite him in?’
‘Yes, but he said he didn’t want to appear presumptuous on our first date. He has too much respect for me to have anyone thinking that he might be taking advantage of me.’
‘Would you have gone for it if he had come in?’ Louisa laughed.
‘I’m not sure. I mean I was all bravado on the doorstep, but I reckon once we were inside I’d have come over all frigid or something. However, alcohol loosened my tongue enough to tell him that I had a few problems in that area to which he replied that he didn’t in any way want to rush me and that we would, when I felt ready, try to work through the problems together. Isn’t that sweet?’
‘Delightful. You seem to have found yourself a real old-fashioned gentleman in Trev.’
‘Oh God, don’t call him that,’ Sarah laughed and groaned. ‘Isn’t it just the most dreadful name?’
‘It doesn’t have quite the same ring as Morandi, no,’ Louisa grinned, turning to the waiter to give him their order.
‘Now, tell me again what Jake said about my shots of the Valhalla,’ Sarah said excitedly. ‘Did he really want to buy them?’
‘That’s what he said.’
‘I’d happily give them to him, you know.’
