Damon (Starkis Family #2)

by Cheryl Douglas

  “Like I said, I knew the truth would devastate my Eleni.”

  “So you asked me to come here because you want me to be the one to tell Eleni this story?” When he didn’t respond, I asked, “What makes you think she’ll believe it coming from me?”

  He nodded at a yellowed envelope on the dresser. “A letter from her mother to me. The truth is in there. She may not be able to translate all of it, but you can help her with that, yes?”

  I didn’t want to give Eleni a letter that would change her view of her mother from a victim to someone selfish enough to leave her only child with a harsh and domineering man. I reached for the envelope, knowing that was what he expected. Sticking it in the back pocket of my jeans, I decided I would figure out what to do with it later, when I had time to consider the ramifications. “Well, if that’s all…”

  I took a step toward the door before he said, “It’s not.”

  I should have known there was more. “What else?”

  “Did Eleni tell you why she left home?”

  “I assumed it was because the two of you couldn’t get along.” I knew that was an understatement, but I didn’t want to get into an argument with a man who was clearly in no position to fight back. “She wanted to build a new life for herself, and she has.” I wanted him to understand that he hadn’t destroyed her, that she’d not only survived but thrived without him in her life.

  “She left because I disowned her.”

  Any empathy I’d felt was edged out by anger. “Then that was your loss.”

  “I had my reasons.” He raised his chin as though he had a right to his indignation. “She made a mess of things. I warned her about getting involved with boys. I told her that they only wanted one thing, and I was right.”

  “I don’t follow.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the rest. That was Eleni’s past, her life story, and I should have been hearing it from her, if at all.

  “She got pregnant at fifteen.” He watched me carefully. “You didn’t know?”

  “No.” It was hard to breathe. I felt as if someone were squeezing my throat, making it difficult to take in any air. “What happened… to the baby?”

  “She had a miscarriage.”

  I swallowed, thinking about the hell she must have gone through being pregnant so young, terrified and all alone.

  “I blame myself.”

  I was shocked by his admission, but more so by the unshed tears in his eyes. “What did you do to her?” Rage bubbled up inside me as I imagined him hurting her, taking something so precious when she was too vulnerable to defend herself.

  “We were arguing. She was walking backward, obviously didn’t realize how close she was to the stairs…” His eyes glazed over as though the scene was playing out in his mind. “She fell. I tried to grab her, but it was too late. She tumbled all the way to the bottom.”

  “And lost the baby.” I sank into a chair, feeling weak and shaky.

  “Yes.” He released a shuddering breath. “I wanted to go with her to the hospital, but she wouldn’t let me, probably because I’d told her I wanted nothing more to do with her when she told me she was pregnant.”

  I closed my eyes, remembering all the talks we’d had about children and family. I couldn’t help but wonder how she’d felt about the baby she lost. Had she wanted to try to raise it, or had she planned to put it up for adoption? I had to know, but I didn’t know how I would ever find the courage to tell her I knew her deepest and darkest secrets, thanks to her father.

  “When I tried to see her, she told the doctors and nurses at the hospital she didn’t want me anywhere near her. Because of her fragile emotional state, the doctors agreed it would be best for me to keep my distance.” He paused long enough to collect himself. “Next thing I knew, she had left town on a bus and filed papers to be emancipated. I never saw or heard from her again.”

  “Wow.” I covered my mouth as I tried to process the story.

  “I just want her to know how sorry I am she had to go through that alone. I was a terrible father and not much of a man, but I did love her… and her mother.”

  Looking into his eyes, I actually believed he was sincere. I didn’t know if Eleni would, should I decide to pass his message on to her.

  “I know you want to go now, Damon,” George said, closing his eyes. “I think it is time for me to go too.” He swallowed several times. “Please tell my baby I love her.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Eleni

  I was on my way out the door the next morning when I almost ran straight into Damon’s muscular chest. I’d laid awake thinking about him for most of the night… the secrets he’d kept from me, the secrets I’d kept from him, and why neither of us could find the courage to be honest with the other.

  “Hey.” He glanced at the oversized handbag slung over my shoulder. “Were you on your way out?”

  “I just needed some fresh air and a latté.” But I needed to talk to him more. I stepped back, dropping my purse in the small foyer. “But that can wait. Come on in.”

  “Thanks.” He closed the door then hovered in the small space, as though he wasn’t sure he was truly welcome. “Andra told me you stopped by yesterday.”

  I grabbed the diamond stud in my ear. “I came by to pick up my earring. Andra found it on your bedside table—”

  “I know that you know about Dalia. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you myself. I was just scared. I didn’t know how you’d react, and I didn’t want to lose you.” He raised a broad shoulder. “But since you’ve already checked out of my life, I suppose I have nothing left to lose, do I?”

  I hated that he looked so sad, and I suspected I was the reason. He shouldn’t have to choose between me and a daughter he’d clearly grown to love, and I wanted him to know that. I gestured to the small living area. “Come in. We have a lot to talk about.”

  “Yes, we do.”

  His ominous tone made me question the reason for his visit. I assumed he wanted to explain to me about Dalia and apologize for not telling me about her sooner, but his pensive expression made me question whether there was more to it.

  “Can I get you something to drink?” I asked, hovering while he chose to sit on the sofa.

  “No, I’m good, thanks.” He patted the seat beside him. “Just sit down, Eleni. Please.” His tone was so grave, as though he’d been dreading this conversation and was trying to force himself to go through it.

  “You don’t have to explain,” I blurted, hoping I could head him off at the pass. If he was going to tell me he didn’t want me anymore, that his daughter had to be his top priority, I wanted to beat him to it. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel guilty because he felt indebted to me. “I know Dalia is your first priority now. I’m sure you don’t have time for a relationship anymore.” I gestured wildly between us before running a shaky hand through my hair. “You know, even if we could work things out.”

  He studied me closely. “Is that what you want, to work things out?”

  That was why I’d visited his apartment yesterday, but a lot had changed since then. I now understood that someone else depended on him—a little girl who needed him a lot more than I did. At least I told myself I didn’t need him, but that was a lie. I needed him more than I’d ever allowed myself to need anyone.

  Sitting on the chair instead of on the sofa next to him, I said, “I’m confused. I’m not sure what this means for us.”

  He nodded. “Fair enough.” He drew a deep breath before meeting my eyes. “We can talk about that later. Right now, there’s a more pressing matter we need to discuss.”

  More pressing than his daughter and the future of our relationship? Was he serious? “What’s that?”

  “Eleni, your father passed away yesterday.”

  I stared at him blankly, trying to process his words. “What did you say?”

  He reached for my hand. “You heard me, sweetheart. Your dad died yesterday.”

  “No.” I shook my head, thinking about a
ll the times he’d reached out to me in recent weeks. “He can’t be dead.”

  “He is, baby.” He inched closer until his knees touched mine. “I’m so sorry. I know you weren’t close, but still, he was your father.”

  I didn’t need him to remind me of that! “How do you know this? You don’t even know him!” I withdrew my hands and inched back on the chair. “There must be some mistake. If you read some obituary in the paper, it could be another—”

  “Eleni, I saw him yesterday.” He sighed. “I wanted to tell you about it, to give you a chance to see him for yourself if you wanted to, but when I called the hospice shortly after my visit, they told me he’d passed away.”

  “What?” I felt as if I couldn’t catch my breath as beads of sweat broke out on my forehead.

  “He called me and asked me to come to the hospice where he’d been staying.”

  “Why would he call you?” I demanded, feeling panicky as my heart raced. “He doesn’t even know you.”

  “No, but he knew we were close. He saw photos of us together, in newspapers and online.”

  I wasn’t surprised. It seemed the whole world assumed the billionaire bachelor and I were a couple. “I’m sorry he called you. He shouldn’t have done that. It’s not fair to drag you into our family drama.” Except there was no family left. My father was gone, and I was truly alone in the world. Of course, I’d been alone for years, but I think a part of me had always been comforted by the knowledge that someone out there in the world shared my DNA.

  “I’m glad he called. He helped me to understand some things.”

  My stomach clenched when I thought of the stories my father could have told the man I loved. I didn’t want Damon to know the truth about me. I knew if he did, he’d judge me. He wouldn’t want to, but he would. How could he not? I’d been a stupid, reckless, promiscuous teen who’d gotten knocked up by a boy who’d bailed as soon as he heard the news.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about the baby?” he asked softy.

  A sob escaped me, and I covered my mouth before tears spilled down my cheeks. “I can’t believe he told you about that.” I hated my father for betraying me. He could have taken that secret to the grave with him instead.

  “I’d like you to tell me the story, Eleni.”

  I could tell it was hard for him to ask, so even though I wanted to say no, I forced myself to recall the memories I’d buried so deep they rarely saw the light of day. “I wasn’t that far along. It was about three weeks into summer vacation, and Mia had gone to visit her aunt in Montana, so I couldn’t even tell her.” I’d never felt so alone.

  “How did you find out you were pregnant?””

  “I did a test.” I swallowed, clasping my hands to keep them from shaking. “I had to take a bus to a neighboring town because ours was so small. I didn’t want my father to know.”

  He gripped my joined hands and brought them to his lips. “Take your time, sweetheart.”

  I appreciated that he understood how hard this was for me. Yet he also seemed to understand how important it was for me to get the words out for the first time. “I took the test in the bathroom of a fast food restaurant. I didn’t want to risk doing it at home and having to dispose of it somewhere my father wouldn’t find it. I couldn’t believe it when I saw the results.” The tears were probably leaving mascara tracks on my cheeks, but I didn’t care. I was in a trance, transported back to that day when my whole life had changed. “I mean, I knew I was late, that’s why I took the test, but I honestly never thought it would be positive.”

  “You weren’t using birth control?”

  “We used a condom, but I wasn’t on the pill.” Ever since, I’d used an almost foolproof method of protection—the implant. It was a surefire way to avoid pregnancy for at least three years. Knowing the failure rate was less than half a percent was the only reason I’d agreed to make love to Damon without additional protection.

  I shuddered, and he tugged on my hands until he’d pulled me into his lap. He brushed his lips across my temple. “What about the kid who got you pregnant?”

  “He wasn’t my first.” I didn’t know why I felt the need to share that detail. Maybe I wanted him to see me for who I was: someone who’d gotten exactly what she deserved for being so naïve and careless.

  Instead of judging me, he traced circles on my back while kissing the shoulder bared by my halter dress.

  “Jake was the first person I called when I found out,” I said, referring to my boyfriend at the time.

  “How did he react?”

  I was so ashamed to tell Damon the truth, but he deserved to know. This was about baring my soul, and I’d already determined that by the time he walked out of my life today, he would have seen me at my worst. “He said it was probably some other guy’s and he wanted no part of it.”

  “Dumbass kid,” Damon murmured, tightening his grip on my waist.

  “It was his,” I said, needing to erase any doubt from Damon’s mind. “Jake wasn’t my first, but he had been my boyfriend for four months. I didn’t cheat on him.”

  His eyes met mine, caressing my face. I knew he wanted to ask how long I’d been sexually active if I’d been with Jake for four months and he wasn’t my first, but he was too considerate to ask. I was grateful. I was so ashamed of the girl I’d been back then. She’d given of herself so freely because she’d wanted to feel as though she belonged to someone.

  “When I got home that day, I was numb. My father was sitting in his recliner, watching the evening news, when I came home. He said I’d missed dinner and demanded to know where I’d been. He hated Jake, told me to stop seeing him or else. He said Jake was going to get me into trouble, ruin my life.”

  Damon rubbed my tears away with the pad of his thumb when I curled into his chest and wrapped my arms around his neck. “You don’t have to—”

  “Yes, I do.” I forced air into my lungs, wondering how it was even possible to breathe around the ache in my chest. Between reliving the past and learning of my father’s death, the pain had left me weary. “I couldn’t even look at him. I tried to run up the stairs without answering him, but my father wasn’t the kind of man I could ignore.”

  Damon patiently waited, without pressuring me for details I wasn’t ready to reveal, until I was ready to resume. The steady beat of his heart reminded me that life went on. Not my baby’s. Not my father’s. But mine still could. If I could get past this.

  “He chased me up the stairs.”

  “Did he hurt you?” Damon asked quietly, stroking my hair.

  “No.” I shook my head and choked back a sob. “He was never physically abusive. He was just mean. He said cruel and hateful things. But that day, he grabbed me when I tried to close and lock my bedroom door.”

  After a beat of silence, Damon asked, “What happened next?”

  “He hauled me out of my room, demanding to know where I’d been. He started making all kinds of crazy accusations. Finally, he said I was going to get knocked up if I wasn’t careful.

  “I broke down and told him it was too late as I made a dash for the stairs. I thought he’d be in shock, wouldn’t have time to react. But he grabbed my arm and demanded I repeat what I’d told him. I tried to shake him loose. I was backing toward the stairs. I didn’t realize how close I’d gotten…

  “He was screaming at me that I’d ruined my life and he wanted nothing more to do with me. He said he wouldn’t take care of me or my bastard child. That’s when I—”

  “Fell,” Damon whispered. “I know. He told me.”

  I wondered how my father had recalled that day. Had he had any remorse? Had he cared that that day had changed the course of my life? Had he ever wished for the grandchild that had been taken from him that day or the daughter he’d never seen again? I’d never know now. It was too late for me to ask him those questions, too late for him to answer.

  “He called an ambulance.” My voice was faint, barely above a whisper. “I had a miscarriage.” I knew Dam
on was waiting for me to continue, so I added, “I couldn’t have anything more to do with my father after that, so I stayed with a friend until Mia came home. We’d been talking about modeling, and I pleaded with her to come to New York with me. She wasn’t sure she wanted to until I told her I was going with or without her.” I’d often felt guilty for forcing my best friend into a life she may not have been ready for just so I could escape my own demons. I thought of what must be running through his mind after hearing that I’d gotten pregnant at fifteen. “I know what you’re thinking, that the miscarriage may have been for the best, but—”

  “Shh.” He kissed my lips tenderly. “I would never say that. Did you ever tell Mia about what happened?”

  “No.” I gripped the shoulders of his black BOSS T-shirt, wondering if it would be enough to make him stay. “I was too ashamed.”

  “You had nothing to be ashamed of, angel.”

  I loved that he wasn’t trying to make me feel guilty for the mess I’d made of my life, but I knew the truth. I’d trusted the wrong boy, been reckless, antagonized my father… all of those events had led to my baby’s death. I was responsible. I was to blame. That was why I could never put another child at risk. I didn’t deserve to have a family, and I certainly didn’t deserve to be happy.

  “You’re wrong, Damon. So wrong.”

  ***

  Damon

  I hated to watch her torture herself for what had clearly been an accident, but I knew nothing I could say or do would change her long-held beliefs. The story she’d just told me was at the heart of her commitment issues, and I had to get to the bottom of it and figure out what that scared girl had been thinking when she was lying in a hospital bed all alone, waiting to find out whether her baby had survived.

  I tried to find the strength to ask the question I knew I had to. “Sweetheart, I know you didn’t have a lot of time to adjust to the idea of being pregnant, but do you think you would have kept the baby or put him or her up for adoption?”

  “I prayed…” Her voice broke before she sank her teeth into her lower lip. “Like I hadn’t prayed since he kicked my mama out.”